The last few humorous jokes

You can't have too many jokes, and you don't know how to cherish them. Here I bring you some last humorous jokes, I hope you will like them.

The last few humorous jokes

1. I was drunk last night. When I left ktv, I finally shouted "beijing beijing". I got on the taxi and fell asleep humming "Beijing, Beijing". Master woke me up in the morning and said, Beijing has arrived! When I woke up, alas, the meter showed 12 185 yuan. ? I asked the master how he came to Beijing, and he said how many times he asked you, and you kept saying beijing beijing-

I'm really scared to think of it. Fortunately, I didn't sing Qinghai-Tibet Plateau at that time!

It's the end of the year, drink carefully and sing carefully!

2. My daughter-in-law and I took the bus and accidentally stepped on someone, so we quickly said we were sorry. The man glared at me and shouted, Can you afford such expensive shoes?

I quickly reached into my trouser pocket, ready to pay in front of him. Being rich is willful.

At this time, my daughter-in-law hugged me and cried, saying, didn't you promise not to kill anyone in the future? Why are you still carrying a gun?

At that time, everyone in the car was dumbfounded. The man immediately knelt down and said, Brother, I was wrong.

It's awesome to have such a daughter-in-law. If you have money, you can be willful. If you have a gun, it's hard to have a good wife.

3. An old man hit Tai Ji Chuan in the park, which was very powerful.

A young man looked envious: Uncle is so good at kung fu. How did you practice it?

The old man said: ancestral kung fu! I stand still and try to hit me with your best strength! ?

So the young man punched the old man hard, and the result was 56 thousand! When you are not at home, remember three words:

First, curiosity kills the cat!

Second, you won't die if you don't die!

Third, it's not that the old people are getting worse now, but that the former hooligans are getting old!

The so-called: heroes don't ask the source, hooligans don't ask the age! Hmm. How interesting

4. An old man said, "That day, Huashan talked about swords. First, he broke my seventy-two empty fists with his selfless palm; Then I hit the dragon with eighteen palms instead, but it didn't prevent him from reaching out the index finger and middle finger of his right hand. In fact, the six-pulse Excalibur Shang Yang Jian and Zhong Chong Jian are better than me. It can be seen that the martial arts in the world contain each other, and the martial arts are mysterious! "

The boy was dazzled by this and was about to ask when the old lady scolded him: Damn, playing with rocks, scissors and cloth is so awesome!

Mom called me today and asked me: Son, will you live alone on August 15th this year?

I said, mom, will you stop it? Do you know how many people are chasing me? I have done it myself, and I do it in batches every day!

My mother said, son, this is what my mother wants from you. You are ugly, you want to be beautiful, and you can play when no one is chasing you!

6. If you say that a female college student goes to a nightclub to accompany wine at night, it doesn't sound good, but if you say that a nightclub girl insists on going to college during the day, it will be full of positive energy.

So when you speak, the order is particularly important.

The young monk asked the master, master, can I smoke while chanting? The master replied angrily: No.

The young monk asked again, what about chanting when I smoke? Master was very happy to hear that.

I want to sleep with you. It's a hooligan. I want to get up with you. It's Xu Zhimo. The order is really important.

7. Reporter: Grandpa, your legs and feet are so flexible and your spirit is so strong. What's the secret of staying young?

Grandpa: Get up early, stay up late, and have three meals a day on time!

Reporter: Ah? Grandpa, what do you do?

Grandpa: I'm a conductor!

Reporter: How old are you this year?

Grandpa took a deep breath of his cigarette and looked at the sky: it's almost 30!

A humorous joke, the most humorous joke of the year.

1. The customer service phone of China Eastern Airlines is always busy for half an hour in the middle of the night, so I am anxious to change it. Suddenly I had a brainwave and chose English service, and the phone was connected instantly. I asked calmly? Can you speak Chinese, and the other person will be silent for three seconds before answering? What did you say?/Sorry? . So we have been communicating in friendly Chinese. Meng mayonnaise

2. There was a sudden power failure in the morning. My mother asked me to go to the property to see if there was any arrears in the home appliance card. I lay in bed, took out my cell phone and turned on wifi. The list is empty. . . ? Mom ~ have you stopped at the community? Turn over and go back to sleep.

I was waiting for someone by the roadside when I suddenly saw a lovely girl running towards me and asked me timidly: Excuse me, are you Gu Lei?

I paused, that girl is my kind.

I thought about it and answered: I can!

Then, my sister was amused by me!

Later she became my girlfriend. We are now in the seventh year and have a lovely baby. Later, I learned that that day, Gu Lei was his brother. She borrowed books from him, but I beat her to it. Sorry, Mr. Gu!

I was waiting for my roommate in front of the library, and suddenly I saw a little brother in front who was very handsome and my favorite type, but I was embarrassed to strike up a conversation.

Suddenly, I had a brainwave. I play dumb and ask, are you Gu Lei? (Gu Lei is one of my senior brothers, just pick a name (_,))

Who knows that the opposite side is silent for a moment, reply to me: I can!

I was amused.

Then he became my male ticket.

Seven years later

I'm so fucking witty.

5. I am the fire chief. Recently, there are many fires in spring, and there are frequent fire investigations, so I have a hoarse voice and always cough. I bought two pears yesterday to clear away dryness and moisten my lungs. This is the background.

Taking two pears to work, I met my bitch colleague from love rat. I hate him at ordinary times and always take advantage of others.

He asked shyly, why do you want to buy pears?

I replied: moisten the lungs.

He asked: Why buy two? The implication is to ask him if he wants to give him one.

I replied without changing color: one moistens the left lung and the other moistens the right lung.

Love rat bitch's grimace of a grin instantly converges and leaves.

I remained as indifferent as facial paralysis throughout the question and answer process.

6. Childhood

I got 18 in math.

I changed it to 78 myself first.

Then change it to 98.

When I got home, my dad said that your Guawa scored 78 points and thought I couldn't pass the exam.

Go out to play with eggs

I just went out to play.

7. Go to the haunted house with your classmates! I lost myself, just when I was afraid, I took out my mobile phone and clicked "Today is a good day" ~

So all the staff playing with ghosts laughed along the way!

Jokes about cold weather, humorous quotations about cold weather

The cold wave is coming, and people in Guangdong, Guangxi and Yunnan say that 1 degree is so cold!

Beijingers laughed: Our temperature is below zero 17 degrees.

Heilongjiang people also smiled: our temperature is MINUS 33 degrees.

Hulunbeier people laughed when they heard it: our temperature is MINUS 43 degrees.

People in Guangdong, Guangxi and Yunnan sneer: I said indoors. . . Indoor! !

Ordinary cities rely on heating, literary cities rely on air conditioning, and people in Guangdong, Guangxi and Yunnan have always relied on their own integrity.

Heating basically depends on shaking!

Traffic basically depends on walking!

Communication basically depends on yelling!

Entertainment basically depends on hands!