How to establish a new neighborhood relationship in urban communities

Don't let the neighborhood become the "most familiar stranger"

A good neighbour is better than a brother in the next village. This well-known old saying is being challenged. When high-rise buildings of reinforced concrete stand between cities, when citizens who are used to family houses and unit life move into new houses, they find that the close neighborhood mutual assistance relationship in the past has begun to alienate, replaced by "strangers" between neighbors, or even "old and dead." The house is getting better and better, but the relationship is getting farther and farther. Is this the inevitable price of urbanization or an accidental encounter? In the face of this urban disease, how should we prescribe the right medicine?

Adjacent to you and me, drifting away.

With the acceleration of the pace of life and the increase of work pressure, the distance between people is getting farther and farther. Even among neighbors, they became familiar strangers. It is difficult to say a warm greeting when they meet occasionally, which makes them extremely stingy. Brick houses have been demolished, and high-rise reinforced concrete buildings have sprung up. With the city getting higher and bigger, "a distant relative is not as good as a close neighbor" seems to have gradually left us, and the neighborhood relationship is also changing.

"Looking back at the complex of life 10 years ago, it seems that everyone lives in his own small grid now. The house is bigger and the building is taller, but the neighborhood affection is weaker. " Mr. Li Xiaobo, who lives in Wangjiazhuang, has moved twice, and he is deeply touched by this.

Li Xiaobo is in his fifties, and he is from Lanzhou. 10 years ago, he lived in a bungalow near Jiaojiawan. As long as someone is at home, the door will not be locked. As soon as the neighbors pass by, they will probe in to say hello if they are not busy. There will be simple stone benches and benches in the yard, and several people can sit in the yard and talk for three to five hours. There is really no one in the yard. If you wander around the alley, you can always find acquaintances to chat with.

For that warm time, many residents shared the same feelings as Li Xiaobo, that is, although the living conditions were poor at that time, neighbors moved frequently and had close ties. There is a kind of warmth, which permeates the parents' short-lived and secular fireworks. However, with the housing reform and housing marketization since the 1990s, the living types of urban residents are diversified, which has improved people's quality of life to some extent. Li Xiaobo moved into the neighborhood near Wangjiazhuang in 2008. It is a well-equipped and beautiful community, but there is a great lack of communication between neighbors. Not to mention the whole community, even the neighbors of a unit may not know each other. Close the door, every family is an independent little world.

"In the past, neighbors were very familiar with each other. When they met, they greeted each other and lived in a new community, surrounded by strangers. They naturally have a sense of self-protection in their hearts and don't want others to know their family affairs. " When Li Xiaobo first moved into the new community, he tried to establish a good relationship with his neighbors on the stairs for the first time, but before two sentences were finished, the neighbors "had something" and turned away. Since then, Li Xiaobo's communication with its neighbors has also become "stiff".

There is no doubt that after living in commercial housing, neighborhood relations are constantly "degenerating", and the phenomenon of "coughing is endless, and old age and death are not related" can be seen everywhere. Without proper rescue measures, neighbors are likely to eventually become "the nearest distance, the farthest feelings."

"The neighbor's phone? I didn't. " In Yantan Park, many citizens shook their heads when answering reporters' questions and said they didn't know their neighbors' phone numbers.

"I don't have a neighbor's phone number. Usually, we seldom visit each other. Don't talk about the phone. I don't even know their names. " In Yantan Park, Ms. Hu told reporters that the pace of life is getting faster and faster now. She goes to work during the day and is busy at home at night. So she doesn't have time to sit and talk with her neighbors, and she doesn't even know her name.

In the park, a group of old people get together and talk and laugh. On this topic, Wang Qiming, 68, told reporters that at his age, many people he knew either moved away or died. And now the apartment, the floor is too high, he has no energy to go upstairs and downstairs to visit. Uncle Sun, who is chatting, said: "Now, the relationship between neighbors is not as close as before. Basically, every family has installed security doors. When I got home, every family was closed and there was no time for the neighbors to get together. Therefore, I prefer to find playmates in some public places such as parks and squares. "

For this phenomenon, sociologist He Ming told reporters that neighborhood relationship is a kind of interpersonal relationship based on regional relationship. However, with the acceleration of people's life rhythm and urban changes, the neighborhood relationship is drifting away, and "neighborhood culture" has become the cultural memory of most people. To solve this problem, we can rely on grassroots communities to organize more activities to strengthen the relationship between neighbors. At the same time, community members can also set up various interest groups according to different hobbies, deepen the understanding between neighbors through the same topics and hobbies, strengthen ties through a series of activities and friendships, shorten the distance between them, and form an atmosphere of mutual assistance.

Heart for heart, living in a tall building is also warm.

When it comes to the indifference of neighborhood relations, Ma Xiaohu, a psychological counselor, has a deep understanding. He said that the most obvious place occurred in two public areas of the community: one is the corridor of the community, and people rarely say hello when passing by; The other is in the elevator room, which was originally a neighbor of the same building, but everyone was silent.

Several times, he also tried to give people a smile and nod in the elevator, but they gave him a blank look, as if to say, "This man is sick, and I don't know you. Why are you smiling at me? " Certainly not in good faith. "This misunderstanding virtually increased somewhat embarrassed. After a long time, naturally no one will take the initiative to say hello.

"I think this is caused by the vigilance of modern urbanites." Ma Xiaohu said that everyone has the instinct to protect themselves. When the human body feels unsafe in a relatively unfamiliar environment, it will show caution, silence and even avoidance. "When we used to live in a tube-shaped apartment, there were many families living on the first floor. Everyone put pots and pans, oil, salt, sauce and vinegar in the aisle, and you can come to my house if you need anything. Now, where is such a thing? " Speaking of living in a tube-shaped apartment, Ma Xiaohu said with nostalgia.

He said that it is very convenient to buy things downstairs in the community now, and even some merchants take the initiative to deliver goods to their doors in order to attract business. If you need anything, just call and you can get it. There is no need to knock on the neighbor's door. Besides, if you knock on the door next door, you may not get help.

"I'm a stranger, I don't care." All along, in order to close the neighborhood relationship, various street communities in our city have also carried out various activities. "Neighborhood Festival", "Neighborhood Contact Card" and so on are all paving the way for neighborhood relations. "In the past,' distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors' has gradually become that people don't know what their neighbors look like, and neighborhood relations have become indifferent. Many people don't have the group relationship of' neighbors' in their lives. This has not only aroused the general concern of residents, but also attracted the attention of community workers. " The relevant person in charge of Wangjiazhuang Community said.

"Director Wang, why don't we have dinner here today?" "Director Wang" is a nickname for Wang Shuying by residents of Yuzhong Street community. Because she is the "initiator" of several residents in the community, in this "gathering point", residents can have dinner and chat, so that everyone can feel the warmth of the big family.

Yesterday, Wang Shuying, a retired worker who lives in Yuzhong Street, was busy at home. Several sisters of similar age get together, some knit sweaters, some embroider, and some discuss how to make a beautiful crochet. "We often get together to chat with Director Wang. At noon, we will cook at her house and simply fry a few dishes for everyone to eat together, like the feeling of returning to live in a bungalow. " Resident Liu Fengying said.

"I hope we can always do this and go and see each other if we have nothing to do." Aunt Sun, a resident of the community, is over 60 years old this year. When she first moved into the community, she was still very happy because she came to Lanzhou from Jiangxi and did business in Lanzhou all the year round. She is also very happy to settle in Lanzhou. But before long, she felt "empty". "I used to live in the small yard of my hometown, surrounded by old neighbors, and the door at home was closed all year round. Neighbors have been coming to chat and talk. Now living in a new building, there is almost no communication between neighbors, and life has become a bit lonely. "

The defamiliarization of neighborhood relations seems to have become the norm in modern cities. According to the statistics of some communities, "living alone" and "no one to communicate" are the two problems that residents reflect the most. "We also found during the visit that many residents will spontaneously change the state of such a strange neighborhood." The community workers all said. Some retired workers set up "non-governmental organizations" spontaneously, and several residents who can talk often "get together" to cook in the sun, talk about their families and discuss all kinds of hand-knitting, which not only enriches their spare time, but also enhances their neighborhood feelings.

Living in the same building, we get together informally to communicate and take care of each other's lives. Residents and comrades with the same hobbies can also "form gangs" and become a "small organization". "If we take this form as inspiration and guide residents to spontaneously establish a' gathering point', it may make residents return to the traditional model of' distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors'. Aunt Yue in Gathering Point said with a smile: "Now the scale here is getting bigger and bigger. We usually go dancing and practice swords together, and life is enriched at once. "

Qi Xin, a residential community, works together to build a harmonious neighborhood.

Zhang Jianming, director of the Residential Property Service Center of the Railway Bureau, made a survey. In today's residential areas, the groups most eager for neighborhood help are children and the elderly. "I used to live in a quadrangle, and the children were all east and west gates. I made an appointment to play together and go to school together, and the relationship was very harmonious; Now, this phenomenon is rare. " Zhang Jianming said that in their community, for example, there are currently more than 500 owners, and almost every family has elderly people. This kind of people have more spare time, but lack of daily entertainment, and easily feel lonely.

In the corridors of the community, Zhang Jianming often sees lonely old people. He went over to chat with each other. During the conversation, Zhang Jianming strongly felt the loneliness of the elderly. "Some of them are from the countryside. They are used to the lively life in the neighborhood. Now they live in a single-family city and suddenly they don't adapt. " Zhang Jianming also felt a lot after hearing this. As a middle-aged group, it seems that the demand for neighborhood relations is slightly weak. "Because of the fast pace of work now, the competitive pressure is great." Zhang Jianming said that middle-aged people are busy with work, and when they come home from work, they feel more tired. Such a tense life squeezes out a lot of communication time between people, and people's desire for communication is also reduced, and it is inevitable that the feelings between neighbors will fade.

To this end, some street communities in our city use "harmony cards", "contact cards" and "wish cards" to promote neighborhood relations. The communities in Gaolan Road Street promote the "Community Harmony Card" within their jurisdiction. "Community residents have' harmony cards' at home. On the front of each' Harmony Card', the names, house numbers and contact numbers of many families upstairs and downstairs 10 are written. There are services set off by red hearts on the back, as well as the telephone numbers of community directors, community police and community health service stations. "