Urgent for two people's sketches or cross talk scripts, very funny, everyone likes it! ! !

K: Thank you. Come to such a person.

Zhang: There are quite a few people.

Guo: I feel gratified for Mr. Zhang.

Zhang: Why are you happy for me?

Guo: These people are coming for you.

Zhang: This is for all of us!

Guo: Hmm! It depends on you!

Zhang: Why are you looking at me?

Guo: I haven't been here for a few days! He has recovered well recently.

Zhang: The recovery is OK.

Guo: I'm in good health, I look good and I'm in good spirits.

Zhang: This period has made great progress.

Guo: Isn't it? This is our blessing! Isn't it? I haven't come for a long time. I have been exercising recently.

Zhang: Yes, I have to practice.

Guo: Take a walk in the morning. I heard that I took three disciples and an adopted son to climb the mountain that day.

Zhang: The three of them should support me.

Guo: What's it called, Gao Feng? His adopted son is Gao Feng, and all my brothers have climbed mountains. Those guys, like thieves, how fast! Cheng Cheng climbed up and the old man got up last.

Zhang: Well, it's time.

Guo: But the first one came down.

Zhang: Yo, what was that?

Guo: I didn't stand firm!

Zhang: Did you fall?

Guo: Therefore, you should pay attention to safety when you are old.

Zhang: I can't climb any more.

Guo: I hope you come here often. Even if you don't say it, you should sit backstage and tell everyone. All right.

Zhang: I miss the audience, too.

Guo: Why are you all here? We are very happy. We are happy to listen to cross talk. It's good to play this game.

Zhang: Right.

Guo: Isn't it? Don't frown all the time, and neither do you.

Zhang: What should I do?

Guo: I'm glad to say that, even if I'm a little tired.

Zhang: Being happy is also a day.

Guo: As soon as I got home, wow! Big deal.

Zhang: Is there any happy event?

Guo: My wife gave birth to a big fat boy. Seven or eight pounds!

Zhang: no, wait a minute, you can't have seven or two! I don't have that much strength

Guo: Get a doctor! The wish is good. Don't be like me. Everyone here counts. Don't be like me.

Zhang: What's the matter with you?

Guo: Alas. ...

Zhang: How is his temper? What's the matter with you?

Guo: My heart is not a taste.

Zhang: A little sad?

Guo: Oh, everyone looks very happy. Why don't you want to come to my house?

Zhang: Then you have to overcome it yourself.

Guo: Inside and outside, I feel sad all the time.

Zhang: What's the matter?

Guo: Children are not sensible. Although I am young, I still have two sons. There is nothing serious to do all day. Where's the eldest son? He gets into trouble outside every day.

Zhang: Look.

Guo: Today is Xing's birthday at home. He went to make things difficult for others. (Xu Deliang star Zhao Wen just had a big birthday)

(Xu Deliang with a sledgehammer, with a figure)

Guo: You didn't take any medicine, did you? It's okay. Go ahead.

(Xu Deliang puts his body down)

Guo: I don't know whose bad apprentice this is.

Zhang: Did my apprentice recruit you?

Guo: As soon as he heard this, he was booed. My second son. ...

Zhang: Your second son.

Guo: The second son is angry, too. I said you buy a pack of cigarettes, go out with the poor who sell cigarettes, and kneel down. You said my heart was full of bad tastes.

Zhang: That's not your second son. (looking at Xing) Hit him!

(Xing takes a machete)

Guo: Go ahead, go ahead. It's okay. We're talking about Xu Deliang, not you.

(Xu Deliang)

Guo: Are you finished?

(less than two people)

Guo: You said this thing. ...

Zhang: A little too much.

Guo: Gao Feng, are these all good people?

Zhang: Did we invite you to make you angry?

Guo: No, I feel bad! Not the smell.

Zhang: You said yours.

Guo: You said everyone drove home to live in a villa. How can they come to my house in such pain?

Zhang: You are not too miserable.

Guo: I'm over 30, and I've never even been a president.

Zhang: If you think so, you will be miserable.

Guo: Hey, when will it be my turn? I still rent a house.

Zhang: You are looking forward to it. When you are president, you will be rich.

Guo: Oh, sesame cakes are also cloud characters? I rented a room, a painting and four rooms a while ago. I live here, one opposite, two left and right. The landlord is an old lady, and living here is messy.

Zhang: It's very complicated.

Guo: It's so complicated! None of the people who live in this house across the hall are good people.

Zhang: What are you doing?

Guo: A woman, completely beautiful, goes to work at night and comes back in the morning. Do miss's. I hate this!

Zhang: Stay away from such people.

Guo: Why don't you eat? Clean and white. Why degenerate?

Zhang: That's right.

Guo: I'll go to the old lady. I said you would have bad luck. Do you know that you recruited her to live with you? She is from Mississippi, and now she has bird flu. ...

Zhang: You are confused about this. That chicken, not this chicken.

Guo: Oh! Do you think you can understand this if you don't ask the old man? Don't hide anything from others.

Zhang: This is scientific knowledge.

Guo: I don't like this man. I hate it. The old lady was frightened when I told her. She went into the room and said, "Move, move, move." She was blown away.

Zhang: That's right.

Guo: I am very happy now. Serve you right! Who told you to ask me for money! I don't like this!

Zhang: (wiping Guo's mouth) Disinfect. Bird flu has infected him. Didn't I tell you to stay away from live chickens?

Guo: I hate famine. About home is not a good person.

Zhang: What are the left and right rooms for?

Guo: Here is the blacksmith and here is the carpenter.

Zhang: These are technicians.

Guo: What a technician! Who still uses chimneys after all these years? He takes some tin at home all day, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle.

Zhang: This is the change of Xihe drum.

Guo: There is a carpenter living here. He keeps smashing materials in the house all day. Wow! It bothers me! I can't stand holding this Jin Ping Mei!

Zhang: Don't read it if you don't understand it.

Guo: I'll go to the old lady.

Zhang: What should I tell you this time?

Guo: Old lady, you will have bad luck again. These two, arms dealers!

Zhang: Why?

Guo: A blacksmith and a carpenter are secretly making grenades. The blacksmith does it and the carpenter gives it to him!

Zhang: Are you in pain?

Guo: Then I'll go out. When they came back, the two of them were packing in the yard. Make me happy: Hey, what's the matter? Why did I come to you two? ~ ~ (backward) Go, move, stop! ~~

Zhang: This person is not good. Look at him!

Guo: Look, we haven't lived enough. What a hurry! ~ ~ (backward) Hi! I don't know which bastard made a mistake! ~~

Zhang: Yes!

Guo: Don't scold the street if you have something to say. ~ ~ (backward) move, go! ~ ~ ~ Look at the fuss. Do you want me to find you a car? ~ ~ ~ (backward) Don't bother! ~~

Zhang: Why?

Guo: ~ ~ (backwards) I moved to his house and he moved to mine. ~~

Zhang: Summer planting has caused you trouble.

Guo: I move as soon as I see it. There are no good people in this hospital! There is a saying in the dragon robe that once a traitor! Like me, I am a well-rounded person. Can I live with them?

Zhang: What about you?

Guo: Move! Outside Xuanwu Gate, Tanzi Hutong.

Zhang: I found a room.

Guo: Oh, great! Small courtyard is very pattern, single house, only one thousand yuan a month.

Zhang: Oh, that's not expensive!

Guo: Is there such a room in Beijing these days?

Zhang: No, no!

Guo: It's all the same to eat and drink for free!

Zhang: Yes!

Guo: The landlord's surname is male, and the third master is male.

Zhang: Braised Third Master in Tanzi Hutong.

Guo: You can make this hutong clear. I'm glad to live here. Well, I have my own house and I don't associate with anyone. So something happened!

Zhang: What happened here?

Guo: When I got up that morning, there used to be a fish seller in the alley. We buy fish here and play there. Master braise in soy sauce is here.

Zhang: Here comes the landlord.

K: With crutches. Dude. Why did you go to your house? We have to say hello.

Zhang: Yes, say hello.

Guo: Grandpa, where are you going? ~ ~ No.7 Hospital, it's time to collect the house payment! ~~

Zhang: Oh, the hospital will charge for the room.

Guo: Come on, let me sit here for a while! ~ ~ No, let's talk about it first! ~ ~ first place ...

Zhang: What does this mean?

Guo: 1 is my house payment.

Zhang: Oh, people won't come until the first day of New Year's Day.

Guo: What's the matter these days, man? It's nothing. Won't you go in and sit down? Drink a glass of water, there is light on your face

Zhang: That's what you should say.

Guo: Come on! My wife and I helped the old man to the head of the room. Make tea and sit here. I said sit down for a while and I'll be back in ten minutes! Turn around and go out and do something

Zhang: What are you going to do?

Guo: There's a local building materials store opposite the Hutongkou. The manager's surname is Wen, and his nickname is Lao Nian. He is from Shanxi.

Zhang: Boss Wen.

Guo: He opened a small coal mine in Datong, Shanxi earlier. Fortunately, something happened.

Zhang: Lucky? Shit, something happened.

Guo: Something has come up. /kloc-more than 0/00 workers came here to open such a shop. We are good friends and business partners.

Zhang: Oh, you are ok with him.

Guo: Push the door and come in: Old, old! ~ ~ (backward) Mr. Guo, you're here. What's the matter? ~ ~ All right, you give me the two thousand dollars and get me two thousand.

Zhang: Oh?

Guo: ~ ~ (backwards) Take two thousand yuan ~ ~ Give me the money to count. ~ ~ (backwards) Oh, I sent it to you yesterday. You are too busy. Two thousand dollars ... ~ ~

Zhang: When will this 2000 yuan be counted?

Guo: Piece by piece. Bring back a big bag and give it to my daughter-in-law. It's all done! Take out the whole, 1000 yuan: here you are, man.

Zhang: Why?

Guo: What's the need for those three days? It's getting colder and colder, so it's a family to walk less.

Zhang: Did you pay the room rate in advance?

Guo: We can't control others. If we talk about ours, you are welcome. Put it in your pocket. I said don't go, it's past eleven, eat this! Usually I don't have time, but I can't meet my father today! Have two drinks! Stewed rice, soft, no yellow croaker at home? Cook two yellow croaker, take tofu, stir-fry two vegetarian dishes, and cut ham into plates. Don't drink white wine. Burn some yellow wine, cut some shredded ginger and some plum. Guys, let's talk!

Zhang: You are my good friend.

Guo: How about it?

Zhang: Make friends with people like you.

Guo: There is no such estimate that the whole world is looking for me.

Zhang: Less.

Guo: Yes, they are sitting opposite each other, eating and drinking. I have finished eating. The old man put down his chopsticks. Degang, I have to go. I have to go to several families. If they are late, they will go to work. Come on, I'll mix him up and put him here, my daughter-in-law will put him there, the children will run and jump in front, and three people will send the old man out like an emperor.

Zhang: Good friends!

Guo: It's okay if you don't send it! Sent to the yard, he looked back.

Zhang: What's the matter?

Guo: Look at that again. My eyebrows are standing on end. Guo, go! Grandson! You are so inhuman!

Zhang: Wait a minute. What happened?

Guo: Mr. Zhang, I am a respectable person.

Zhang: Yes.

Guo: This sentence speaks for me. I was out of breath for a long time. You heard me as soon as I came in. ...

Zhang: I heard.

Guo: What have I done to him?

Zhang: Yellow croaker rice.

Guo: I am in a hurry to pay the house. Yellow rice wine, it's polite to sit here and eat and drink. Is there a message for him?

Zhang: Not a word!

Guo: Do you think I should ask him if I am a prostitute or if I am gambling? What did I do? What did I hide? You really swept me off my feet at 1: 30. I didn't say anything!

Zhang: He has to say it!

Guo: Otherwise, I can't breathe in my heart!

Zhang: That's right! Ask!

Guo: My brain is about to explode! Third master, we can't be funny! What have I done to you? Am I a prostitute or a gambler?

Zhang: Yes, let him talk!

Guo: The old man said: What? Gambling with prostitutes? I don't care if I shoot you! Let me ask you a question!

Zhang: What?

Guo: Where are the tiles in my room?

Zhang: Just a moment, please.

Guo: I'm so angry. ...

Zhang: Don't be angry. Where are the tiles in his room?

Guo: Oh, I'm so angry ... I saw Venus in front of me.

Zhang: Are you still angry? Where are the tiles in his room?

Guo: Why do you say that?

Zhang: If you don't tell me, the old man won't do it!

Guo: Yes, let me ask you something. Do you use condoms in your house? You're not going to nail all the tiles with a nail, are you?

Zhang: You are being unreasonable! You live there. You must maintain that room!

Guo: What did I do to the old man? Eat and drink, and I'll pay him back for his room!

Zhang: If you live in someone else's house, you should pay.

Guo: Where did I get the house payment?

Zhang: Isn't this a building materials store?

Guo: Yes! Didn't I ask that last name?

Zhang: Are you all right?

Guo: Nonsense! If you don't give it to him, what's the business?

Zhang: Hello! I see, you took down his tiles and sold them!

Guo: I'm so angry. ...

Zhang: Don't be angry! The old man is angry. Don't be angry.

Guo: He stood in the yard and scolded me! I am an honest man. ...

Zhang: Are you honest?

Guo: I have never said dirty words since I was a child! My hands are shaking, my hands are numb! I don't even know if I can feel this arm. I'll swing it and give him a mouth!

Zhang: Hit the old man?

Guo: I still can't feel it. Bang! Bang! I'm tired. ...

Zhang: How do people in their seventies fight? You are so evil!

Guo: How can I slap him? Let me try my hand! I broke my collar. Boom!

Zhang: How about it?

Guo: The old man is out. The child came over with a cane, cut!

Zhang: Is this your child?

Guo: I pouted. My daughter-in-law came, took off the old man's shoes, swish, swish, and threw them into the house.

Zhang: Look at this family.

Guo: This family has a good wife, but the husband will not change suddenly! Be reasonable, unreasonable and bully others.

Zhang: Evaluate your family in four words.

Guo: Which four words?

Zhang: Thieves and prostitutes!

Guo: Hey?

Zhang: You are being unreasonable!

Guo: How bad! I am so angry! I stepped on the old man's head and took out a thousand dollars in my pocket first. This is mine! If you take this bag out again, there will be one or eight hundred.

Zhang: How about this one?

Guo: This is your fine! You will be punished for your mistakes, you know? When the collar came out, he went to the gate and kicked it out. The old man was lying on the ground with blood all over his face. Point with your hand: stew three, stew three!

Zhang: Hmm!

Guo: I'll give you three days, not counting today. From tomorrow on, for three days in a row, come to our house to buy things and apologize. Just like that, or it will set fire to your turtle nest!

Zhang: You, you are mistaken!

Guo: What did I miss? I'm afraid of this?

Zhang: I can't spare you!

Guo: To tell the truth, I didn't expect this old man to be so shameless.

Zhang: What's the matter?

Guo: This kind of thing happens to most people, and we must never mention it again.

Zhang: There is no such thing!

Guo: He doesn't show his face!

Zhang: Who doesn't show his face?

Guo: You make people laugh when you say it! A decent man should swallow his teeth into his stomach and break his arms. Being a man with his tail between his legs is over!

Zhang: Don't worry, there is no such person.

Guo: Oh, this old man is shameless! Go home and say, what do you think of this?

Zhang: You hit someone. Can everyone stop talking?

Guo: On the other hand, it's okay to have someone at home. Your family is about to become a monk!

Zhang: Why did I lose my family?

Guo: Don't you only have seven sons? Don't you only have six children? Thirteen adopted sons and twenty-five nephews, are they all human? Can you compete with me?

Zhang: What's the matter with you?

Guo: It's a soldier!

Zhang: What troops do you have?

Guo: Him?

Zhang: Ouch!

Guo: Huh?

Zhang: Oh, that's too thin!

Guo: These are people who practice martial arts! Why did you say you were going to tell others this? These children in your family are crazy! Especially his eldest son.

Zhang: What happened to the eldest son?

Guo: Armed Police Corps.

Zhang: OK!

Guo: I stood up as soon as I heard it: Go find him! You said that if there is this stupid family, there is this xx child.

Zhang: Is it xx?

Guo: Go find him! Big mouth, right? Big uncle is sensible.

Zhang: What did your uncle say?

Guo: Not to be taunted!

Zhang: What's not to be taunted?

Guo: People can speak cross talk!

Zhang: What do you care about cross talk?

Guo: He can talk about one person, two people, and I have met three people! Even if Degang Guo doesn't work, can Zhang Can be meek enough to be with Degang Guo?

Zhang: What's the big deal?

Guo: Yes, I'm getting old. What about Zhang Wenshun's son?

Zhang: What happened to his son?

Guo: People are taking a bath in the bathhouse! Don't wait for others to come to us, buy something to show them!

Zhang: Look, there is this thing!

Guo: Thanks to this wise man! A family of forty boys, look at me.

Zhang: Did you buy anything?

Guo: I was sitting in my room, drinking. According to Zhang's figures, the old man's money looks real. Well, my daughter-in-law came in: stop drinking!

Zhang: What's the matter?

Guo: Come on! I said: nothing! Let me see! Get up, walk out, look through the door ... oh!

Zhang: How about it?

Guo: More than forty people have come! Holding the old man on his head, the old man was covered with blood and shivering as he walked. These people still have gifts.

Zhang: What gift?

K: Scissors, kitchen knives, screwdrivers, axes, stool legs and heating pots are all available.

Zhang: These are all for you.

Guo: As soon as I entered the alley, I: Sun Tzu, come out!

Zhang: Just a guess!

Guo: Oh? You are very polite to me. I am soft-hearted. My heart becomes soft. ...

Zhang: How about it?

Guo: My legs are weak.

Zhang: It's so scary!

Guo: What should I do?

Zhang: What should I do? You run!

Guo: Wrong! All wet! At this time, many heroic images appeared in my mind!

Zhang: What heroic image?

Guo: There was a Ouyang Hai who stopped the frightened horse coming from Mercedes. Why can't I?

Zhang: Oh.

Guo: There was a Dong Cunrui who died when he bombed the bunker.

Zhang: Yes!

Guo: Another hero who pointed his chest at the enemy's gun! This man's name is Jia Jiguang! My chest is broken!

Zhang: Wait a minute! Although this man owes this ... It's not him, his name is Huang Jiguang!

Guo: Fake Huang Jiguang?

Zhang: What fake Huang Jiguang? Nothing happened to Jia Jiguang!

Guo: There is also a heroine! Great, I died under the Japanese hay cutter!

Zhang: What's this?

Guo: Ah! Poof ... that blood!

Zhang: Just a moment, please. No matter what the storyteller says, it won't be like this. His name is Liu Hulan!

Guo: Oh, Liu Hulan! I'm still wondering why I said the biography of Yue Fei when I died. The heroine Liu Hulan! Wearing an orchid jacket and ear-length short hair, the mowers came, not afraid to go forward, swish swish. ...

Zhang: How about it?

Guo: I love it.

Zhang: There is no such thing!

Guo: What am I afraid of with these heroes protecting me?

Zhang: What about you?

Guo: I can't run! Let's go!

Zhang: That's just like running!

Guo: You can't leave the front door. Take the back door! There is a small wall behind. When you get on the wall, you'll be fine. Go down and drink! Great!

Zhang: I ran away!

Guo: There are four squats. I knew you had to do this! Tie it up! Tie it up! Give me the fuse! How evil! Tie me up with lead wire! It's tied. Tie it tightly with clip scissors. Just like zongzi.

Zhang: Who told you to hit the old man?

Guo: Bring it to the front. People from one street and two lanes came out. Neighbors are standing here. The old man let me down so much that he said it again! Shameless ... how do I hit him, how do I kick him, how do I stand out, how does my daughter-in-law throw shoes ... will you be confused when you say this?

Zhang: Are you all confused?

Guo: I'm not interested in this, okay? Guys, tell me about me. I listen to them, okay, make a stick, open your mouth, and I will curse!

Zhang: How did you scold him?

Guo: Oh, my God. ...

Zhang: Hello! That's not swearing. Scold the street and scold the ancestors!

Guo: Yes! You are my ancestor ... I am not afraid of this, no matter how big I am, I dare to shout!

Zhang: Hello!

Guo: thEre is an old er in the community. Let's divide it up: stop fighting, stop fighting, stop fighting. Third master, the thing is, you said he hit you and kicked you, but I didn't see it. Now that you have defeated him, I can see that. You see, who is not wrong? I'm telling you, do me a favor, brother. Let it go. Your room is easy to rent, it's two thousand yuan a month, so let him go, don't hit him, don't scold him. Nawa, forget it if you can get it back. Brother, give your brother face ... I'm angry. Is this human talk?

Zhang: Every sentence is human.

Guo: He doesn't object to me. ...

Zhang: Can others ask you for help?

Guo: I said to myself, OK! Honestly, you just happen to. A day earlier, I would have hit him first. He totally wronged me! This king is not alone.

Zhang: Why?

Guo: The lamp on the telephone pole in the alley is gone. He came to our house to look for it. Do you think this is a person?

Zhang: It's your fault.

Guo: I said look, look, look in the front and back yards, look, look for boxes and cabinets, and find out what to do. Find them all. Don't move that basket. ...

Zhang: It's in the basket.

Guo: No, you know. We are a person who dares to face the sun!

Zhang: Dare to face the sun?

Guo: It's over. The old man asked me, what's the matter? I have an idea. What do you say you do?

Zhang: What should I do?

Guo: I said to my heart, it's all right if you let me talk! If you won't let me talk, let me talk. It's called killing a hundred birds with one bird, and you can't even breathe after it.

Zhang: How can I put it?

Guo: As long as dads don't fight, who cares?

Zhang: That's it!