Watch Luo Zhenyu teach you how to marry yourself.

Recently, I watched Luo Pang's hardcore knowledge talk show "Knowledge is Power". I have to say that Luo Pang propped up the whole venue, and the advertisement was inserted without a sense of peace. The updated two episodes have benefited me a lot. I'll resume the first episode first. Let's start with marriage.

In the face of marriage, there are two ways in front of you, one is to get married and the other is not to get married. How would you choose?

ROM fat man said:

So, although it is acceptable not to get married now, choosing to get married will make your life more beautiful. Why not?

Many people will hesitate to choose and consider it in many ways. Even if you choose to get married, you will hesitate to marry anyone and don't know who to choose.

However, the word hesitation is not a good word. It makes you look rich on the surface, because you have many choices, but over time, you will find that many choices become impossible to choose, and finally you may be forced to choose, or only have one choice.

This is actually a normal phenomenon, because modern marriage is very different from traditional marriage. However, in the face of choice, don't waste too much time hesitating, try bravely and take the first step, and you will gain a different and wonderful life.

Traditional marriage is the first thing that men and women consider when they grow up. At that time, the essence of marriage was a man's promise to protect women and raise children (it has not been completely lost until now). So don't think too much about getting married at that time. As long as you are suitable and beautiful, you can quickly decide your parents' life, according to the matchmaker.

Modern marriage is the last thing that men and women consider when they grow up. Everyone wants to work steadily first, struggle for a few years first, and finally get married and have children.

For modern women, this marriage partner is really difficult to choose, because if you need a driver, just drop it; If you need to eat, take it out; Need to change light bulbs, property door-to-door service ... and they are independent, independent, thoughtful and knowledgeable. Do they need to marry a man and let him support themselves? The answer is of course no!

So now more and more women choose to be single, because she feels that she doesn't need a man at all.

Then why are we getting married? Luo Pang used a word: coevolution. When I first heard this word, I felt so biological that I almost forgot that we humans are also one of the species on the earth.

What is coevolution?

Simply put, it is to get better together. Luo Pang used two examples to explain this view.

One is the example of wheat. Wheat was a weed a long time ago, but in order to survive, it chose to serve human beings, evolved with human beings, and finally became the most successful plant species in the history of the earth. Now the world wheat planting area has reached 2.25 million square kilometers.

Another example is our good friend, the dog. At first, the dog was actually a weak wolf, and its competitiveness in nature was weak, but it also chose to serve human beings. It is not close to human beings, but protects them. He eats whatever man gives him. Among mammals, dogs are the most successful.

Therefore, modern marriage is an invitation for co-evolution: Do you want to be the best you can be with me?

What should we do in the face of various contradictions and diversified needs in marriage? Is there any good way?

Luo Pang said that knowledge gives you the answers to all the questions in life. So he searched all kinds of materials, and finally one knowledge inspired him a lot, that is impromptu drama.

Improvised drama is a performance without a script. On the stage, the actors of impromptu drama interact with the audience in a diversified way. The actor guides the audience to "create" the proposition, and the actor and the audience "cooperate" to process an unpolished sketch on the simple stage.

Isn't this similar to our life? Without the script, you don't know what will happen in the next second. Everyone is trying to create a plot and promote its development.

Improvised drama has two basic ideas:

One is that you can't say no, no matter what scene you encounter, you should put your creativity into it to promote the development of the plot.

We can also implement this principle in our life and marriage. No matter what happens, don't deny yourself and others, but give full play to your creativity and let life develop in a better direction.

For example, a couple, the man likes climbing mountains, and the woman doesn't like climbing mountains at all. One day, the man invited the woman to climb the mountain together, following the principle of no, and the woman could answer, "Husband, I really want to know what the scenery is like to climb to the top of the mountain. Can you take a picture for me? " This was taken especially for me. I'll wait for you at the coffee shop at the foot of the mountain. When you come down, talk about the scenery you saw along the way ... "(Example from Luo Pang)

This answer did not refuse the request to climb the mountain. At the same time, it creatively describes a scene in which a man will think of a woman when climbing a mountain, take photos of her, and then chat together after going down the mountain to speak freely.

Sometimes don't refuse in a hurry, think about whether there is another beautiful possibility.

The second is Yes And (yes, And). Accept each other's state first, and then put yourself in it to create a better future.

Many people's mental models are like this: I am so good to you, why can't you?

If we start to follow the principle of "yes, and", the situation will be different.

Jing Yao and Li Li are husband and wife. Lili is beautiful and capable. She is an entrepreneur and very busy. Jing Yao is a lawyer and often goes out to socialize. One night, Jing Yao hoped that Lily could accompany him to socialize and make himself more dignified. But Lili happens to have a lot of things to do. What should we do?

Lily didn't refuse directly, saying, honey, I'll drive to pick you up tonight. "

What message does this sentence convey?

First, I'll drive to pick you up, so you can drink it.

Second, you can brag at the party in the evening. I won't expose you. You can always emphasize that my wife will pick me up today.

Third, I showed up when I came to pick you up, so everyone knows that you have a beautiful and capable wife. (The above content comes from Luo Pang)

Accepting each other's status quo first and then creatively putting yourself in, this mental model is worth using in all interpersonal relationships, not just marriage, which can help us create more possibilities.

I once said to my friend, "I'm definitely not going to get married. Too much trouble. "

I also said, "I don't want to have children even if I get married." It hurts too much. "

My mother asked me about getting married, and I said, "Mom, come and urge me to get married after I am 25 years old. I intend to get married after the age of 25. "

However, when you meet him, the person who makes you imagine a happy life in the future, the person with whom you are willing to be better, everything changes. ...

I hope you can meet your own him, and I hope your life will be happier and happier! ?