Stop arguing, I can't stop laughing.

Introduction: Before going to bed, my daughter wants to eat an apple. I coaxed her into saying, "There are bugs in the apple. You can eat them tomorrow when mom washes them off." Daughter: "Mom, please let me eat quickly. The apples will be eaten up by bugs tomorrow. "

1, in biology class, the teacher said to his classmates: The biggest difference between humans and animals is that humans can walk upright and free their hands. Now I ask my classmates to answer why human beings should free their hands. Xiaogang replied: I liberated my hands to work. Xiaohong said: I freed my hands to use tools. At this moment, Xiao Ming said: What you said is all nonsense. How can humans wipe their bottoms if they don't free their hands to go to the toilet?

A thief found a big house in the suburbs, so he was going to steal. Before leaving, the thief's master repeatedly told the thief: after entering, you must tiptoe, so that you won't make a sound and won't be discovered by others! As a result, the thief searched for a long time in this big house and found nothing valuable. After coming back, the thief's owner asked, didn't you get anything? The thief replied helplessly, there is still a little gain, that is, learning to dance ballet!

Today, my sister-in-law told me a showdown: "Brother-in-law, I like you for a long time. I know you like me too. How dare you divorce my sister and wander around with me? " Before she finished, I dragged her into the bedroom, pointed to the wedding photo at the bedside: "Look how much I love your sister", and then dragged her into the study, pointing to the awards of "City Sanda Champion" and "City Taekwondo Champion" posted on the wall: "Your sister is so excellent, how can I leave her?"

4. Someone has a girlfriend. Very beautiful. One day, I showed my girlfriend's photo to my friend. He said: Is my girlfriend beautiful? My friend looked at him triumphantly and said, if I describe her as a bird, she is like a swan. If I can describe her as a vegetable, she is a good cabbage. If I can describe her as a flower, I can only say that she is a flower. Nima .

As soon as my niece saw me, she immediately brought a washbasin and said enthusiastically, "Uncle, give me some money!" I smiled and said, "It's okay to give you money, but what are you doing with a basin?" My niece replied, "I remember the last time we went to the market, a man took a bowl and you gave it to him 10 yuan. I'll take a pot this time, can I have more? "

6. The kitten proudly said to the puppy, "I want to be noble and you want to be humble!" " "oh? Why? " "Because this is also the skill that human beings learn from us, learning so elegantly from me and learning from you, hehe! Hey! " "oh? For example? " "Catwalk and dog planing.

Teacher: Bao Xiao, why didn't you come to class the day before yesterday? Bao Xiao: I'm hurt! Teacher: Really? Where did you get hurt? Bao Xiao: Heart! Teacher. . .

8. I went to play hot water with my classmates during school hours, and the thermos squeaked on the way back to the dormitory. I said, "It's not good to blow it up." This guy whooshed the thermos bottle out. Bang, it really blew up. The buddy said with a lingering fear, "Fortunately, I threw it quickly and didn't blow me up."

I met my goddess and had the cheek to invite her to dinner. I asked, would you like to have dinner with me? I treat you to pork! The goddess glanced at me: shameless! I was overjoyed: we are really connected! I don't like pig's head meat and pig's face meat either!

10, it's very hot today, and I'm forced to say, "Let's go out for a run." I said, "You are stupid to run in such hot weather." He actually said, "It's windy to run."

1 1. On the bus, a man sat in the seat in front of me and a woman sat on the man's lap. They were very affectionate, hugging and kissing. I really don't like it. It's immoral and selfish! I couldn't help but scold her righteously: I said, sister, why do you have to sit on someone else's lap in such a hot day? Too much! Bend down ... and sit on my lap. ...

12, class flower, who had a crush on her for a long time, was drunk at the class reunion last night. I dropped him off at home. On the way, she hugged my waist tightly from behind and said to me drunkenly, "I'm cold. Can you roll up the window glass?" . . "My mood is really complicated. I ride a borrowed bike. . .

13, Dad: Did you let all the birds in Grandpa Zhang's cage go? Son: Yes! The teacher said that we should take good care of small animals. I think they are pitiful enough! Dad: Have pity on me too! I have to pay back my salary this month!

14, teacher: Xiao Ming, where is your critical letter? Xiaoming: We are late. Didn't I hand in a copy? Teacher: I don't want that letter criticizing you for being late this time. Didn't you copy the critical letter you handed in? Write another criticism letter to review the criticism letter of copying others. Xiao Ming: Ah!

15, drinking with a buddy, drinking and talking about a leader. Say good leadership, buddy little silence, said four words "that's my dad". At this time, the devil did something and asked like a god, "Dear Dad?" The buddy drank a little too much, hesitated for a while and said, "I think so." I have been playing for twenty years. " . . "

16, teacher: "Students, who knows the story of Cinderella?" Xiaoming: "A black man and a white man gave birth to a daughter, Cinderella!" " Teacher: What are you talking about! Xiao Ming: According to science, black and white is gray! "teacher:" get out! "

17, my son graduated from college and went home with a laptop. Dad smiled and asked, "Did you graduate?" Son: "Hmm." Dad: "It seems wrong!" Son: "What's the matter? Shall I show you my diploma? " Dad: "Do you have a girlfriend after graduation?"

18, the husband begged his wife: "Wife, give more pocket money!" His wife glared at him and said, "Give me a reason to increase my pocket money!" " "The husband lowered his head and said," The civil servants got a raise! "The wife scolded:" What does the salary increase of civil servants have to do with you? "The husband said loudly," it doesn't matter. I am also a civil servant. I am your husband. I do housework. I am a member of society. This is called a civil servant! "

19, female: Honey, will you marry me? Man: No ... Woman: Why? Man: You are so ugly ... I have no money to give you plastic surgery. Woman: Can you have plastic surgery before marrying me? Man: No ... Woman: Why? M: Even if you can be a complete person in this situation, you will definitely lose all your money and be heavily in debt. After marrying you, I still have no money to pay you back …

20. "Husband, everyone else has designer bags, but I don't. Can't you buy a brand-name bag for the woman you love? " "It's no problem to buy a bag. The problem is that I haven't found the woman I love yet."

2 1, "I was just asked why I didn't study hard at a young age, which is really interesting." "What did you say?" "I didn't answer, I just tore up the ticket."

22. Hello, where are you from? B: Shandong, what about you? I come from Yunnan. Can you drive an excavator? B: Do you know the Six Pulse Excalibur?

23. In the morning, I asked my buddy if he still remembered your first love. He lit a cigarette silently, looked up at the sky at a 45-degree angle and told me a love-hate story. I listened to him quietly, and then told him that you remember your fucking first love so clearly, but you don't remember the money you borrowed from Lao Tzu last month!

24. A buddy is lovelorn. I comforted him: I said, "Don't be sad. When you are rich, you will meet better. I have been there before. " Buddy: "You lie!" Me: "Why did I lie to you? I am your good buddy! " Buddy: "I mean, you've never had money." What kind of experience are you? " Me. . .

25. Passing by the square, I saw a man, a woman and two primary school students sitting on the side of the road with schoolbags on their backs and a bunch of snacks in front of them. The little boy doesn't eat it, but feeds it to the little girl. Suddenly the little boy said to the little girl, "monitor, I ask you to be the team leader." The little girl could not speak with her mouth full, but nodded.

26. Notice posted by the property: Dear residents, good news, good news. In order to thank the residents, this community specially held two days of free fitness and weight loss activities. (So everyone has to climb the stairs these two days. It's the first time I saw that the elevator was broken and could not be used. That announcement that everyone is going to climb the stairs is shameless.

27. A: A good teacher makes a good apprentice! B: Yes, in fact, we are all apprentices! Captain: Then what am I? B: You, looking for trouble-good man! Captain: What happened to him? Students who study painting are certainly lecherous! What about you? I know, I know, he's a gangster if he doesn't take the usual path! ……

28. My wife is an office worker. She either works all day or works overtime. Yesterday, a friend asked her, "Do you have many paid holidays?" She said angrily, "I don't have any holidays at all except once a month!" "

29. The teacher said in class: "To be a man, you should learn from a pit, and don't fall down twice in the same place; If you fall in one place again and again, what can you do in the future? " "Touch porcelain ~" Xiao Ming answered.

30. Xiao Wang: "I just want to cover my female colleague's eyes from behind and let her guess who I am!" " Policeman: Let her guess who you are! Don't you cover her eyes and breasts? "Xiao Wang:" I can't be short! "

Editor's note: Female: "Why do you want me?" Man: "Be my girlfriend! Be my girlfriend and I'll give you a Porsche. " Woman: "if you think I promised to be your girlfriend for money, don't you think it's sad!" " How about this? Let's get married! "

A sentence that is too beautiful to stop.

1. We laughed and said that we stayed in the same place in time, but in fact we were already swept away silently by the torrent.

Some people will be engraved in their memories forever, even if they forget his voice, his smile and his face, but the feeling when they think of him will never change.

3. Every year goes by day, one autumn after another, one generation urges the next generation to get together and leave, one is happy and one is sad, one is lying on the couch, and one is looking for a group of acquaintances in life and dreaming alone. He will know each other for a while, play for a while and sing for a while.

4. Those who say they will never part have already been scattered all over the world.

I can't touch your tenderness, but I get your sad eyes.

6. It's raining. I'm standing in the Woods. I can't tell whether it's tears or rain on my face, so I listen to our memories quietly.

7. I'd rather we didn't care about each other, and I hope we never forget each other.

8. The rivers and lakes in the dream are full of flowers, people come and go, and they are prosperous.

I don't want you to cry. If you want to cry, I will accompany you to cry the last tear.

10. Once all the happiness disappears, can we go back to the past?

1 1. I don't know what the pressure has brought me, but I don't know if I can survive if I add the pressure of love.

12. As many smiles as there are on my face, there are many stories behind me.

13. No matter how far apart we are, we won't make you feel lonely.

14. Tears exist to prove that everything is not an illusion. I really want to make everything I think come true.

15. Some things are fake and we can't see them. Some things are real, but we can't get them.

16. If silence can replace my weakness, I would rather be so weak.

17. There is a forgotten corner in the world, and my heart will always be persistent.

18. Love is so complicated, and injury is also a kind of happiness. You'll understand after more experience.

19. When the sky is clear and the sea changes, there will always be stormy waves in Wan Li, so sometimes happiness will slip away no matter how tightly you hold it.

20. Love is as simple as that. You have me and I have you. I want to give up everything, but I find it more difficult than anything.

2 1. One is always on a strange road, watching strange scenery and listening to familiar songs, and then thinking of our days in a casual moment. A familiar face, a familiar look.

22. Time makes deep things deeper and shallow things shallower and shallower. If you look down, you will be hurt less. Time has changed, love will fade and break up. Don't wait for someone who shouldn't wait, and don't be heartbroken. It really takes a long time to understand the people and things you really miss.

23. I used to think that such love at first sight would be the most beautiful encounter in my life; I used to think that such a promise would be the most eternal scenery in my dull years; I used to think that such a soul mate would be my pursuit with no regrets. But I don't know, sometimes prosperous, sometimes lonely, but I can't read a trace of lingering in my heart, and I can't understand a trace of deep affection in my heart.

24. Always born in a casual year. Look back at the other side. Even if it is found that the situation is longer.

25. I always wonder whether my memory lives at the end of the strip and whether my ring dies at the end of the strip.

26. Have you always been like this, quietly staring at the sunset and the sadness of homelessness?

27. I always hide in the depths of dreams and seasons, listening to flowers and singing nightmares at night, singing prosperity and singing away all my memories.

28. I just want to be an audience, because I don't want to be contaminated with too many worldly noises.

29. I miss what you no longer miss.

30. I am on the other side of the river, and the watchman has come back. There is no hope of coming back.

3 1. Live a safe life. I know.

32. The solemnity of moonlight, the soul of music, everything is just an illusion and fleeting.

33. No matter how lonely, those figures will never be forgotten.

A copywriter who can't stop staying up late during the holiday.

A copy of a holiday that can't stop staying up late (I) 1. Last night, I followed the play until midnight. You can brush it again tonight. I'm so happy. This play is so good that I haven't paid so much attention to it for a long time.

No wonder I want to be reborn in modern times, because I love watching TV too much. If I lived in ancient times, I would be bored to death.

The last time I stayed up late to watch a drama was a few years ago ... the hostess set it up very well, and I took revenge on the spot! Japanese, the protagonist's aura is too obvious ...?

4. Stay up late, because I am chasing the drama; Getting up early is because of the need for a better life.

5. How to follow the drama at home? At present, I have finished chasing several plays from the 1970s at home. My parents' love is really good I was lying under my parents' bed, chasing a play.

6. I don't know how many days I have been lying in bed for the first time. I stayed up late day after day, chatting with the drama.

7. Big windmill, blowing leisurely, the scenery here is really beautiful, the sky is beautiful, the land is beautiful, and there are a group of happy friends! Children's channel!

8. express the mood of chasing drama in one sentence: eager to wear.

9. Among the dramas pursued these days, Good Times is a TV series with positive values, love and marriage. I like all the characters in it. I prefer the role of Hugh, a good man with good character, integrity and professionalism, but I don't want to follow the drama anymore.

10. I miss the days when the university was lying in the dormitory chasing dramas. Does everyone have to grow up before life becomes bitter?

1 1. Night shift is really the most comfortable. Now it's time to catch up with the drama ~

12. I really hate Xiao Qukun more and more! I always look on my high horse. I always do the right thing, regardless of other people's feelings. Plus, she hooked up with Dr. Zhao and gave her three words: scheming bitch.

13. I really miss the carefree life in college! Don't miss class, buy a cup of milk tea, buy a bunch of fruits and order takeout. It's a day of chasing plays and playing games!

14. I was chasing Hunan Satellite TV. I haven't watched live TV for a year or two now.

15. for me, I just stayed up late ... it's good to catch up with the play.

16. I chased the drama until midnight last night. I really don't want to look too good. I'm fascinated by Ron Xuan Yue. It's too crisp and stuffy.

17. I thought it was fun to chase the drama for a while, and my eyes were full of tears when I rushed to copy it.

Copywriting (Part II) 18. Ok, I'll wait! I'll see when the ending comes out, or I'll go back to the pit to continue the play.

19. It's so boring that I can only pack plays at home.

20. The final result of staying up late to catch up with the drama is that I get up in the morning and now I am confused, walking is floating, and my skull is dizzy.

2 1. The most correct decision today is to get on the expressway at 8: 30 in the morning, so that you can sleep late in the afternoon and catch up with the drama in bed at night!

22. I am very happy to stay up all night chasing plays. I didn't shut my mouth all night. It's so sweet, the more you look at it, the better it looks.

23. Hear Your Voice and Pinocchio, both of Lee Jong Suk's plays are very popular! I watched it more than once. Two very good movies. Even after the queen mother, you can't give up. You can enjoy the drama.

It's been raining these days, so it's very suitable for staying at home to play, cook and sleep.

25. This TV series is so well compiled and the plot is so fascinating. I am a drama chaser in the capital.

26. I hereby swear that I will never follow the drama again at night. I have expected the feeling that it will not explode from tomorrow morning.

27. It's the most anticipated time of the day: lying under the covers and chasing plays.

28. Incredibly, a few days ago, I was complaining that my dad watched a TV series with narration, but I started to follow the drama because I brushed it for a few days.

29. Every day, my routine is to chase after the drama. Only TV can make me feel that life is still meaningful.

30. I like the healing time when I go home every day, cooking alone or ordering takeout to watch movies.

3 1. I have been staying at home for the last few days. Lie in bed every day to catch up with the drama, chat with my parents, play with Doudou for a while and recite it simply.

32. I went to bed at 6 o'clock the day before yesterday and got up at 1 1 to go to work. Yesterday afternoon, I didn't want to do it, and I didn't want to do it in a hurry ... I used to think this way of working was my dream ... but now I feel ... yawning ... my eyes keep looking in other directions. Is catching up again another yawn?

33. The biggest hobby of chasing plays is watching plays with the barrage open, but now I can't stand being disgusted by some barrage of ode to joy.

There is nothing suitable to do today. It's too cold. Only suitable for sleeping in bed. After waking up, I will continue to lie in bed and catch up with the drama. It's too cold.

A copy that can't stop after staying up all night on holiday (Chapter III) 35. It feels good to lie in bed and chase such a drama.

36. The most terrible thing in life is to live in regret, such as staying up late to catch a movie.

37. It's so happy to stay up all night chasing plays. It seems that being a salted fish is also very happy.

38. The so-called 1 1 day holiday means traveling, meeting old friends and watching the sunrise in the Yarlung Zangbo Grand Canyon! But the body honest early dead, chasing Weibo in bed.

39. The last time I posted this, I followed the drama for a month, and the focus of each episode was on Feng Jing. However, what I like best in the original work is Yunxiu, and I was once dissatisfied with Feng Jing. Only in the TV series did I feel Feng Jing's persistence in love and dreams, and felt that this man was alive. The corrupt character of the producer, the director's prejudice, the difference of actors' interpretation and the chaotic emotional line of the screenwriter have turned what could have been a beautiful upheaval into garbage.

40. Stay up late to catch a play, sleep late, eat and drink, stay indoors, and be with your family is also precious. I hope that the epidemic will subside as soon as possible and everyone will be healthy and safe!

4 1. I stayed up late last night to catch up with the drama, and I was in a daze all day today.

42. I've been chasing a drama recently, and I haven't seen anyone at 4: 30. I cried in the middle of the night and my eyes were swollen.

43. Every night, I follow the drama and my father helps me with my homework. I am particularly satisfied with this division of labor.

44. No matter how good the TV series is, don't follow it. I watch TV carefully. You can sleep until three in the morning after the night shift.

45. It seems that it is time to go to bed. I hope tomorrow is also a happy day. Good night

46. I'm tired of chasing dramas! ! The trailer made me cry.

47. Chasing drama, attracted by the plot, can't stop, regardless of time and place, affecting work and study.

48. I also want to do my favorite job in this city after graduation, just like my sister. I have my own house, with a bed, a piano, a wardrobe and a dresser. I wake up every morning, take a bath and cook a delicious hometown meal. Go home from work every night to practice piano, sing and play games. In this room of less than 70 square meters, there are traces of her struggle. Go to sleep. I will go back to school tomorrow and my sister will go to work.

49. Real warriors are greedy when they are fat, chasing dramas when they are sleepy, and returning to idolization when they are poor.

50. On Thursday night, some people in the dormitory drank wine, some ate crayfish, some followed a drama, some watched a talent show and some did yoga. Thursday is really great.

The doctors and patients couldn't stop laughing.

1, the emergency doctor just finished the rescue and didn't go back to the office to eat the cold box lunch until after noon. Without swallowing a mouthful of rice, a parent leaned in front of the doctor and opened his diaper: Doctor, do you think there is something wrong with our child's stool?

2. The ophthalmologist is doing vision correction surgery for the patient. After the first eye was finished, the patient was afraid that his body was shaking and the operation could not continue. The doctor comforted the patient: Don't be afraid, there is only one eye left now.

As a result, the patient trembled even more.

The doctor told the patient earnestly: If you want to live a long life, you really should give up smoking.

Patient: It's too late to quit now.

Doctor: How come! It's never too late to quit smoking!

Patient: Well, then there is no need to worry.

The doctor said that you have to pee at 3: 30 in the afternoon before you can do color ultrasound. I am obedient, and I can't hold it any longer. . . Why are you telling me in front of more than 20 people? You want to suffocate me! ! !

I went to see a doctor when I was sick. The doctor prescribed several medicines for me, but I was too bitter to take them.

The doctor persuaded: How can I refuse to accept it?

Then I still refuse to accept my stubbornness. I didn't expect him to hit me on the head with a brick: why the fuck did you hit me!

The doctor sneered, hehe, bricks cure all diseases.