Classical vocabulary of 2008 Spring Festival Evening sketch

You have Alzheimer's disease! Dream Home (Cai Ming, Wang Ping, Guo Da)

The left hand is water.

Holding out your right hand is to shut up.

Tilting your left foot is rubbing your leg.

Lift your right foot and lick it. Remember, there is no such thing as a ghost!

We have government background, don't be afraid!

The key is to be afraid of your mother!

Whoever grabs the Olympic torchbearer with you, your father and I will take him away!

Thank the government for giving me this opportunity to turn over a new leaf!

I will confess!

I practice with my wife, practice her and practice me!

Song Dandan: You have to understand my orders. If I extend my left hand, you will get water. If I reach out my right hand, you will shut up. If I stretch my left leg, you will rub my leg. If I stretch out my right leg, you will kiss me.

Zhao Benshan: Cloud, it's not good to have so many people.

Song Dandan: What are you thinking? Look carefully. Which leg is this?

Zhao Benshan: Ah, the left leg. Yun, let me discuss something with you. There will be so many reporters behind, don't let me rub your leg, give me some face.

Song Dandan: Why not cherish this opportunity? In the future, you can't touch my legs.

Zhao Benshan: Why did you get lost?

Song Dandan: After I became a torchbearer, this leg is not an ordinary leg, but an Olympic torchbearer's leg.

Zhao Benshan: That's ham.

Liu Liu: Announced votes: Black soil is higher than white clouds.

Zhao Benshan: Haha, public opinion.

Liu Liu: How do you say "tea" in English?

Song Dandan: Tea.

Liu Liu: How about "green tea"?

Zhao Benshan: Green tea.

Liu Liu: What do you read one after another?

Song Dandan: Read Guang.

Liu Liu: What is the word "wood" in it?

Zhao Benshan: Read Bed.

Liu Liu: How about adding two pieces of wood?

Zhao Benshan: Double bed. Ten pieces of wood or kang!

Liu: Keep listening. The questions raised by netizens need to be answered by two old people first. Please listen carefully. What sports are annoying?

(Song Dandan gets up and answers)

Song: Football!

Liu: What sports look more worrying?

Song: China Football!

Song: Thanks to Tieling TV, Liaoning TV and possibly CCTV in the future. Thanks to my family, my friends, my fans and those loyal "mice". Without you, there would be no Ms. Baiyun today. Today, on this grand occasion, I want to reveal a secret that has been hidden for many years. I am premature. When I came into this world, the first thing I said was not my mother, but my father. I have been attached to fire since I was a child. When I was three years old, I played with fire and caused a huge fire at home. I accidentally put a brazier when I was six or seven years old, and now I still have marks on my hips. When I was a teenager, I got on the train and was introduced by a cook to a black soil that burned me all my life. From then on, I lived a miserable life. I often ask myself why I came to the earth with low salary and why I have an indissoluble bond with fire. Today, I finally understand that I was born for the Olympic torchbearers. This is what my mother said to me yesterday.

Zhao: Hey hey, your mother has been dead for more than 30 years!

Song: I dreamed it. What! My mother said to me, Yun, you are born of fire, you are the fire of life, and the Olympic torchbearer must be you!

Zhao: Why didn't your mother say you came by rocket?

Song: Why, my mother also said that if anyone dares to compete with you for the position of torchbearer, your father and I will take him away!

Liu: Now this competition has reached a white-hot stage. Let's say something next

Zhao: It's a dead hand. I don't argue. I will give this opportunity to my wife.

(Song Dandan points to Zhao Benshan)

Song: Give it up!

Zhao: If you don't give up, you will die!

Liu: Oh, that's right. At present, online voting shows that aunt's votes are very close to uncle's. Oh, it has surpassed uncle now.

Song: Look at my popularity.

-Torchbearers (Zhao Benshan, Song Dandan, Liu Liu)

It's not that you drive too fast, but that you fly too low (period)

It is not easy for migrant workers to earn money, and it is even harder to pay. (Wang) According to

The handcuffs are at the door, just waiting for you to reach out. (Zhou Tao)

Give a bride price before marriage and manage your finances after marriage. (Huang Hong)

Huang Hong: Every happy event always smiles. The old couple happily take wedding photos and put on wedding dresses, which means that the new quilt cover is wrapped in the old quilt cover. Let's have a look. Nowadays, photography technology is simply too high. You said my daughter-in-law looks like a fat girl, and the photos she took were as dull as Dong Qing's.

Huang Hong: Hello, is this the lock company? This is 1 10, no, upstairs, 1 10 room. I want to unlock the lock. Community service is really convenient now. It's more convenient to find a lock-picking company, move and be a thief. You don't have to do it yourself. Two phone calls and it's all done.

Lin Yongjian: Brother, unlock it? Please show me your ID card, real estate license, household registration book and other valid documents.

Huang Hong: (pointing to the wedding photo) See if this is me?

Lin Yongjian: Yes.

Huang Hong: Is this my wife?

Lin Yongjian: Not necessarily.

Huang Hong: This is not my wife. Can we hug and take pictures? Can it be this close?

Lin Yongjian: Dude, it's boring. On the Internet, your head is attached to me, my ass is attached to you, Bush and Yang Guifei kiss, Qin Shihuang sleeps with Britney Spears.

……

(Huang Hong asks property manager Gong Hanlin to come up)

Huang Hong: I wanted to surprise my daughter-in-law, but the money was locked in the box. The person who unlocked the lock didn't believe that I was the owner of the house. Please come and prove my identity.

Gong Hanlin: No problem. Please show me your ID card, real estate license, household registration book and other valid documents.

Huang Hong: You don't know me? Then you say hello to me every day. Hi. (pointing to the wedding photo) Can't we live together?

Gong Hanlin: Nowadays, couples don't necessarily live together, and people who live together don't necessarily live together.

……

When Huang Hong was angry, he broke open the box with a hammer.

Huang Hong: Look at my ID card, marriage certificate, real estate certificate, one-child certificate, sterilization certificate, gas certificate, bicycle certificate, tricycle certificate, motorcycle certificate, automobile driver's license, post certificate, post training certificate and medical insurance certificate. ...

Lin Yongjian: Brother, I'll unlock the lock for you.

Huang Hong: It's too late. The car hit the wall. You know it's a turn. When the stock goes up, you know you bought it. When you make a mistake and are sentenced, you will know that you have to repent. You don't know you have to pour it out until your nose is in your mouth!

Unlock (Huang Hong, Lin Yongjian, Gong Hanlin)

Guo: I saw a man jump and disappear, and a man jumped and disappeared, so I jumped.

Zhou Tao: You don't know that you can't swim.

Guo: I won't know until I go down.

People in the news, Guo and Zhou Tao.