Essay on property water fee collection

Chang 'an county magistrate's original essay "Recruitment Scam" helps you see through various recruitment scams!

Facing the severe employment situation of 20 10, satirize the cheating in enterprise recruitment!

There is a big poster on the boss's desk with a picture of a South China tiger in the background, which reads: Ma Shimei is only for women. Are you ambitious? Do you want to be the "master"? Do you want to be a boss Mars International is the platform, space and Jiangnan for you to reach the peak of your life! The internationally renowned beauty technology group is looking for a number of planning designers, requiring a full-time bachelor degree or above. There are two medals here, "the highest beauty award" and "the model unit of honesty".

Cai: Ma Dong, no way. Our product, Martensite Whitening, has been found unqualified by the industry and commerce, and is being publicized on the Internet.

M: What the hell? Don't worry, don't panic. Also, what Ma Dong, how many times have I said, call him chairman in front of people and uncle in the office! I don't know. I thought the toilet was leaking again.

Cai: Uncle, what shall we do?

M: Change the name, redesign the packaging, and the promotion will be held soon. (Look at the poster) Just call it Tiger Whitening Essence!

Cai: How to promote sales?

Man: What about the person you recruited?

Cai: I had an interview this afternoon, and I was in the top 500.

M: Then give him some blank sheets of paper and ask him to write a planning plan with more than 3,000 words.

(Fan Shang)

Fan: It's too difficult to find a job now. Some time ago, I submitted more than 180 resumes online, and only received eight interview calls. Three of them still showed up uninvited. They all claim to be international financial groups, issuing credit cards, selling insurance and illegally speculating in foreign exchange. Not at all recently. I thought my mobile phone was broken and called my number several times a day. The economic crisis has come, and the ranks of swindlers and thieves have also expanded. Also beware of those who cheat money through recruitment, and those who collect money will not go. Watch your bag, watch your money, and don't run away with your mobile phone!

Thank you for applying for the advertising planning position of Mars Enterprise International Group. Please come to the International Building18th floor for an interview at 2 o'clock this afternoon.

Fan: This short message was sent in time. I called yesterday.

Cai: Hello, Mars International.

Fan: Hello, I'm here for an interview.

Cai: Well, we have an exam. Please do it first. After the answer, the following is an article that the media interviewed our chairman. You should read it carefully. Then our chairman will interview in person.

(After reading the thick newspaper clippings)

Cai: Have you finished reading it? This way, please.

M: I read your plan, but I really didn't expect it.

Fan: Unexpectedly? I didn't think it was good or bad.

M: I have made my point clear to you. Am I still the boss?

M: Let me introduce the company first. Mars Group, headquartered in Los Angeles, USA, entered China on 1998, and established Mars future lab Company in 2002, which is dedicated to life science, genetic engineering and health and beauty research. Our strategy is to establish five branches in the United States and Japan in 3-5 years, and 65,438+05 branches and 88 core franchisees in China in 3-5 years to provide professional services to users all over the world. In such a rapid development process, talent is our greatest desire, and I always believe that the most precious minute is the one devoted to employees. Buffett said that life is like a snowball, and it is important to find a long slope. I believe Mars International is the longest slope on your young people's road to success.

Fan: Climbing the mountain.

M: This is the medal of honor for the integrity of our company. In the whole province. . .

Fan: Wait a minute, I'm sorry, Madam President. Is there something wrong with the "test" of the integrity test unit? It should be a sign of expression.

Really? Oh, maybe like you, there is a probation period after you come. The brand just bought it. No, it's only been here for a few days. What are your strengths?

Fan: Planning.

Do you know 4 trillion RMB? There are so many zeros behind 4, how many zeros can you plan for us?

Fan: These are all major national projects, so I don't think so.

Ma: Mars International's sales will exceed 800 million this year, and our goal is to enter the world's top 500 in five years! As a business leader, I made the list, but I haven't made it for many years.

Fan: Forbes?

M: That's it. The company has entered the countdown to listing! To America, Spartak, this is a photo of our 2000-day countdown celebration.

Fan: Nasdaq?

M: Yes, enter Nasdaq.

Fan: Wait a minute. How many years is 2000 days?

M: Forget it. We want people all over the world to know that Mars International is going public. (takes out a broken gong) Look, all the gongs for opening the market are ready.

Fan: Does it look familiar? Monkeys. Monkeys?

Ma: For the applicant, let him make a design draft according to the planning scheme, that is to say, check whether his ideas are correct. Is it a mule or a horse? Pull it out for a walk.

M: Test your observation ability. If, if, you have huge property and you can't explain it clearly, what do you say?

Fan: What else? Real estate speculation.

M: Test your reaction ability. If the Shenzhou-8 spacecraft is parked outside the window now, will you go in? If it could go anywhere, where would you ask it to take you?

Fan: Of course! Where are you going? Los Angeles?

M: Mars International is very famous in Los Angeles. When you leave the airport, tell the taxi driver to go straight to Mafu.

Let's test your judgment again. When you come up by elevator, there is a diamond at the door of every elevator from the first floor to the tenth floor. These diamonds come in different sizes. The elevator doors on each floor will open once, and diamonds can only be brought once. How can I get the biggest one?

Fan: If you think it's big, take it quickly. What if the elevator is broken? What if the power goes out?

M: When you answer questions in the interview, you must pause for 2 seconds to make sure you understand what I mean.

Cai: What do you mean by your last two questions?

M: Nothing interesting. I let him go back in a daze.

M: Do you have any questions?

Fan: How much is the company's annual leave?

M: Annual leave? Chinese New Year holiday? Of course.

Cai: He said paid annual leave.

M: paid? No job? I have never received such a leave application from an employee. Don't you know that our city works on Saturday?

Fan: How was the contract signed?

M: Once a year, with a probation period of six months.

Fan: According to the law, the probation period of a one-year contract cannot exceed two months.

Cai: According to the new labor law, the probation period of a three-year contract can only be six months.

M: You can sign for three or ten years. The probation period is six months.

Cai: After signing for ten years, there will be no fixed-term contract.

M: Huh? Is there a fixed time limit? What kind of law is this?

M: Three years, then. He'll be bored and leave at the end of the first year.

Cai: What if he still finds it interesting?

M: If he still finds it interesting, then I think you are boring.

How is your imagination?

Fan: I had a strange dream last night: Chinese New Year is coming, and I had a cow killed. After the killing, the butcher asked me to take some meat and leave. I refused, took a lot of meat, sat there and ate several plates of beef hotpot, and finally left some for him.

M: I may be a butcher. What is your salary requirement?

Fan: More than 3,000.

M: In our position, the annual salary is100000, and the converted monthly salary must be above 4000. Let's call it a day. You're finished. Go back and listen. It's the New Year, so it's hard to find a job and the expenses are indispensable. Anyone who makes money through recruitment should be careful. Anyone who picks you up by car, asks an assistant to pick you up, or asks someone to bring a laptop to an interview, should be careful that the money and things in their mobile phones are robbed and cheated.

Fan: Thanks for reminding me. Goodbye.

(Xia Fan) (Shen Shang)

Shen: Chairman, what's the difference between this treatment and what you said at the beginning?

M: Why is it different?

Shen: At that time, I asked you if your salary was paid on time, and you said "of course". I asked you if you were strict in attendance, and you said, "It depends, sometimes you can be flexible." .

You must be mistaken. You asked me if I was strict in attendance, and I said yes. You asked me if my salary was paid on time. I said it depends, sometimes it can be flexible.

Shen: I asked you if you have a car sticker or a meal sticker, that is, a meal subsidy or a transportation subsidy. You replied: "Of course, it must be taller than peers!" I asked you to hear that the company worked overtime, and you replied, "Impossible. Who told you that? "

You must remember wrong again. Did you ask my company to work overtime? I told you, "Needless to say, it must be higher than my peers!" You asked me if I had subsidies for meals and transportation, and my answer was "impossible". Who told you that? "

(sinking)

(Phone rings)

Cai: Grandpa, the property management said that if you don't pay the rent and utilities, you will pull the switch and move the table. What should I do?

Man: What should we do? Pack your things. I am tired of living in this place. Give them the table. Move in the afternoon.

Cai: What if someone asks?

Ma: Tell them to go to the nursing home to express their condolences to the widowed elderly, send warm. Just bring some bedding fruit.

Cai: What if we find property in the future?

Don't worry. I signed a contract with Master Ma! Not Ma Dashuai! I learned it from the farmer who patted the tiger.

M: Let's go.

Venue: Male dormitory.

Time: evening.

Characters: eldest brother, second child, third child, counselor (male or female).

Props: four tables and four chairs.

Boss: (walks onto the stage) Judges, teachers and classmates, I miss you so much! What? Who am I? I am. . . . I won't tell you, but careful friends will know who I am from the sentence I miss you so much! In 2008, Zhao Benshan's The Apprentice became an instant hit! ! ! Ah! ! ! ! This time I'm Feng Gong (pause). . . It's time for your big disciple to show his face! Ha ha! The 2008 Olympic year has passed, and the 2009 Year of the Ox has arrived! Here, I pay tribute (bow) to your old age, and wish you all the best in being single and finding a partner in the new year; If you succeed in your studies, you will get out of the misery as soon as possible. . . .

(I walked into the dormitory and saw that there was no sigh. )

Boss: Hey. . . Where did everyone go? Not loyal enough. . . (Go to the seat and play with your mobile phone)

(The second child comes out)

Second child: Hello, everyone! In our dormitory, I am under one person and above two! What? Do not believe! (with an angry face) Well, I'll introduce you to our dormitory owner (expression of admiration). He is loyal enough. When a brother is in trouble, all he needs is a word, blood and sacrifice. My second son, as a strategist, (proud expression) made suggestions without me, and my third son (smirking). He has nothing to say. The whole MuYuTou listened to him, and my four sons (helpless expression). Hey. . . (Decadent expression) Just now. . Hey. . . . . (Walking into the dormitory and seeing the boss) Boss, where are you?

Boss: Strategist, you're back! Where have you been? Why don't you join us for dinner?

Second child: (change the subject quickly) Boss, where are the others?

Boss: I told Lao San to go to the supermarket. Today is the first day of our make-up exam. . . . Celebrate. .

Second child: Oh! Yes! Today is the first day of the exam. . How is the boss? . . How was your review during a winter vacation? How was your advanced math exam today?

Boss: Still reviewing? I have no time to play during the winter vacation. I plan to review after the New Year, and then I will go out to Shenyang. His sketches are very interesting. . . (Bowing his head, ashamed) I forgot to review! Advanced Mathematics, English, Engineering Drawing! ! Oh, my God! Lawyer, you must help me! Today, I took the advanced mathematics exam. I feel it. . . (surprised) What? Did you take the advanced math exam today?

Second child: (fainting) Hey. . . In the university, there is a universal realm:

First-class realm; What? Will you take the advanced math exam tomorrow?

Superman: What? I'm going to take an advanced math exam next class.

Fairy realm: what? Did you take the advanced math exam today?

Buddha realm: what? Do we study advanced mathematics?

You are the legendary fairy realm! ! ! Oh, my god ! (Grabbing tortured clothes) Help me! ! !

Boss: Good strategist Ben Daxian guides this lost lamb. . . . (looking up at the outside of the cloud nine)

Old three: (As soon as I entered the door, I saw the boss and the second child respectfully) The boss is good, and the second child is good.

Second child: (glaring loudly) Call the strategist. . . . (gnashing her teeth)

Third: (smiling) A good strategist. . I got the smaller one. .

Second child: (arrogant) If you call it wrong in the future, you will be dealt with by military law. . By the way, how was the advanced math exam today?

Old three: (surprised) What? Have we learned too much math?

Sophomore: (looking at each other) Buddha? Help me! (one person pulls the old trinity arm)

Third: (with a blank face) Buddha? Me? No way! ! ! (Looking at the boss carefully, rubbing his eyes and looking again, he said in surprise) Boss, am I dazzled? How can I see the boss wearing another dress? (pulling the second child) Counselor, do you think I am dizzy?

Second child: (surprised) Boss, how do you get dressed? I didn't see you change your clothes last winter.

Boss: (Proud) This. . . Where is the coat? . If you want to buy it, you have to buy two sides. If one side is dirty, change it to the other side, and if you wear it outside, the other side will be clean.

Third: Why?

Boss: Clean the sweater, will you?

Old three: Is that a sweater that gets dirty quickly?

Boss: It doesn't matter if the sweater is dirty. You can't tell it when you put it on anyway.

Second child: Oh! ! ! I see! That's it, until the inside, the outside and the sweater are extremely dirty?

Boss: At that time? . . . . . . . . Ha ha. . . . . . . . . . . Spring has come.

Two or three: (worship) admire! Boss! I took you there! ! !

Boss: (seriously talking to the second child) Well, the make-up exam is over, and you know my secret. What's the point (patting the shoulder of the second child)? You might as well say it. Let me help you. . .