How to educate children

Wu Zhihong's Why Home Hurts People is definitely worth recommending. It is a book that is very suitable for people who are about to become parents. There are also many articles about education on Mr. Hong's blog/Wu Zixu. Sun Ruixue's Grasping the Sensitive Period of Children and Love and Freedom are both very good books. There are also Poisoned Parents and Don't Control Me with Love, written by foreign authors. You can have a look at it sometime. However, everyone's education methods are different, but I personally don't agree with the concept of "not losing at the starting line". Children still focus on cultivating hobbies, and instilling too much knowledge can easily disgust children.

I read an article before and share it with you:

China's parents hid ten knives.

There are ten knives hidden in China's parents' bodies, and parents often use them unconsciously, which makes the child's natural innocence disappear step by step.

The first knife: cut off democracy and plant the seeds of power.

China's democratic reform should be said to have made great progress. For thousands of years, the people of China have become accustomed to living under the dictatorship of the emperor. In the traditional China family, parents are emperors. They were forced to decide what their children should do without compromise.

Nothing can be done. Children may not kneel now, but have we achieved the most basic democracy in family life? For example, have parents ever asked their children for advice on matters involving their interests? When there is a dispute within the family, will you solve the problem in a democratic way?

Parents are always used to making decisions in the name of "everything is for your own good", using simple and rude methods instead of children. And this kind of behavior is a knife, cutting away the democratic consciousness in the child's heart and making him feel that power can overcome everything.

The second knife: cut off love and plant selfish seeds.

When you and your brothers and sisters are heartbroken about how to raise your elderly parents and have a big fight with your brothers and sisters about how to divide your parents' inheritance, have you noticed that there are a pair of frightened eyes watching your performance in doubt?

When you saw a thief breaking into a neighbor's door and pulling his son away in a hurry, did you find that his other hand was a fist?

When your daughter told you that the faucet in the community garden was broken, did you pick up the tools to repair it or call the property right away, or told her to mind her own business?

You pretended not to see the old man who couldn't stand on the bus. When the child wanted to get up and give up his seat, you stopped him with your eyes.

Your performance is part of the subtle family education for your children. Every move you make, in his young mind, cuts off the love for children and plants the seeds of selfishness.

The third knife: cut off honesty and plant the seeds of lying.

Once a child knows how to lie, he can avoid being beaten or scolded, or let the physical pain come as late as possible, and he may gradually become an expert in lying.

Children are forced to lie. If telling the truth can benefit, who is willing to risk lying?

Many children have a puzzle-why do adults lie and children don't? When the child thinks about this problem, it shows that he has found that adults often lie.

We often explain to our children that our lies are "good". But for children, whether it is good or bad, it is a lie!

The fourth knife: cut off the adventure and plant the seeds of mediocrity.

The child who wants to swim in the river does not teach him how to ensure his safety in the water, but simply refuses-the reason is of course dangerous.

It is also safe and not allowed for children to climb mountains.

Children are in their teens, so they dare not go to the canteen to buy a bottle of soy sauce alone, because the street is dangerous.

I won't peel the apple myself, because the knife is dangerous.

Twenty-year-olds can't cook with fire because gas is dangerous.

Yes! Now the society is a bit chaotic. It is dangerous to go out, but not safe at home. But how can they grow up if we hold them all the time? A child who cannot experience any danger must be mediocre. Danger is everywhere, and hiding can't solve the problem The key is to teach children how to identify dangers and deal with crises!

The fifth knife: cut off discipline and plant illegal seeds.

Children who cross the street by themselves rarely run red lights. Children will also ride bicycles on bicycle lanes in an appropriate way. When children are in kindergarten, they recite the formula "stop at the red light and go at the green light". But when they go shopping with their parents, they are always dragged by adults not to take crosswalks, underpasses or footbridges, but to cross the railing and cross the road.

The excuse of adults is that I am busy and in a hurry. I don't know if this knife makes children realize that "rules" can be disobeyed, and their own interests outweigh the seriousness of rules. Many people have got on the bus, and there are children on the bus. There are no traffic rules in my mind and no traffic signs in my eyes. You have to see the police uncle to restrain yourself.

This teaches children that the rule of man is greater than the rule of law, and we can trample on laws and regulations for our own interests without the eyes of the executors of laws and regulations.

Who is born the most guilty? Don't they all start from taking advantage of small things and step by step on the illegal road?

The sixth knife: cut off the good and plant the seeds of evil.

The ancients said: don't do evil, don't do good.

We don't want to take our children to donate clothes to the disaster area because we have paid taxes, which is the government's business.

We don't want to give alms to beggars on street corners because they are dirty.

When a child wants to donate money to a classmate who is sick and can't afford the tuition, do you ask him if it is required by the school? Also ask the school to set a minimum donation? You are chipping away the good nature of the child bit by bit.

People give you too much change when you buy things, so you should drag the child away quickly.

Your colleague offended you, and you instructed the children to unplug the bicycle secretly.

There are few green onions when cooking at home. Instead of borrowing from neighbors, let your children "take" some in the corridor. You sow the seeds of evil on the children bit by bit.

The seventh knife: cut nature and plant the seeds of destruction.

When playing in the park, take the children to climb branches and pick flowers. When you leave, the children will take the garbage away. You said you didn't have to worry about the cleaners. In order to make the children happy, feed the monkeys in the cage regardless of the forbidden sign on the railing. You throw bottles after drinking and cigarette butts after smoking.

Children's nature is to love nature and animals. We killed the fish she liked in front of the child and the chickens and ducks she thought were cute. Let the sad children never want to eat these animals again.

When we convince our children, we use the logic of "everything is for my use". Tell children that all living things can be killed for the survival of mankind!

Eighth knife: cut off innovation and plant the seeds of machinery.

Our poor children, under the double destruction of school and parents, have no idea what innovation is.

When a child asks more why, we may be too lazy to answer because of work fatigue, or perfunctory because his questions are beyond our knowledge, or you may be worried about mahjong.

And our usual trick is-this will be understood when you grow up! You don't need to master this, just remember it! I won't take this exam! No, why! Wait, wait, wait. You think you're smart. I don't know that children have gradually become test animals, and their brains are mechanized and they can't think.

China's greatest sorrow at present is that it has knowledge but no property rights. This is the result of decades of exam-oriented education. In fact, exam-oriented education is largely the result of parents' coercion. When we choose a school for our children, isn't the primary consideration still its enrollment rate? We don't care what our children have learned, as long as they can go to Tsinghua Peking University!

The ninth knife: cut off appreciation and plant the seeds of jealousy.

When children are young, they always openly appreciate a person or a thing and express their love without consideration.

When children tell their parents how good a classmate is, parents always compare their children's shortcomings with those they admire, or see how smart and hardworking they are! Where are you so lazy? Or learn from him and win glory for your parents! This critical comparison can easily dampen children's enthusiasm and greatly affect their self-esteem.

When children don't know how to be young, they will say that I am better than him. However, once and for all, if you can't surpass the object you admire and are laughed at by your parents, your child's good appreciation mentality will turn into bad jealousy. Jealousy, a great public hazard in life, has been learned by our naive children!

Tenth knife: cut off the competition and plant the seeds of hatred.

Competition is the driving force of social development. A society without competition naturally loses its upward momentum. Everyone lives in this highly competitive environment. Humans themselves are superior in the competition of animals, so people are born with a sense of competition. It is normal for a loser to learn to hold the winner's hand and congratulate him sincerely.

We may all be overtaken by our colleagues at work and defeated by our opponents in business. Back home, we don't objectively analyze the reasons for the failure and strive for the next victory. What we do is to find objective reasons and insult our competitors. Don't think that your children are too young to understand these adult things. He has learned from you to hate those who surpass him. Learned to add sleeping pills to the cup of the classmate who scored first in the exam!