Kneeling for funny sketches on campus with more than 10 people.

Characters: Zi Tuan, Liang Wang, Niu Zhangzi, Gong Zi, Ge Li, January (female), Xiang Yuzhong, Wei Yu, and the backstage voice.

The first section:

Division: Report ... Your Majesty, this is not good. Zhao sent 100,000 troops through here, ready to invade our country!

Liang Wang: A hundred thousand troops! ? Everybody don't panic. Do you think we are afraid of them because there are many people? General Niu, find me the fastest horse. I have to leave early!

Niu Zizhang: Your Majesty, I think we should surrender!

Liang Wang: Surrender! ! This is my style!

Niu Zizhang: Yes!

Liang Wang: Then surrender!

Childe: Father, we have to give up without a fight!

Liang Wang: Well, it's up to you. If you can't win, surrender!

Niu Zizhang: Your Majesty, then our Liangcheng will suffer heavy losses!

Liang Wang: Didn't Mohism send someone to help?

Group: Report to ... Your Majesty, Mohist Greer asks for an audience.

Liang Wang: Xuan

Grouping: Ge Xuan is separated from the audience

Playing "March of Athletes", Liang Wang and Ge Li shook hands cordially and took photos for them in groups.

Julia child reports live.

Childe: Today, Chinese leader Liang Wang cordially met with Ge Li, a representative of Mohism in our city. The two sides held consultations on the recent pork price increase and signed a decision not to eat pork during the pork price increase. Please check the report sent back from our website.

Liang Wang: Zhao is surrounded. What can I do to withdraw?

Ge Li: As long as the king is willing to hand over the military power of the whole city to Ge Li, Ge Li has his own retreat.

Liang Wang: You have the military power of the whole city? ! Bullshit!

Greer: Yes!

Liang Wang: (covering her nose) You were really relieved when you said it!

Ge Li: I am a great adult, and I am honest.

Liang Wang: Well said! All right! I will hand over the relieving power to your regiment, and your archery battalion will listen to Mr. Gree from now on.

Subgroup: Yes!

Liang Wang: Yi Yue, your ... Prostitute Corps. ...

January: Your Majesty, it's Ji Jun!

Liang Wang: Yes! Also under the command of Ge Li

January: Yes!

Ge Li: Xie Wang!

Subgroup: Your Majesty, no! Zhao Jun is coming!

Section 2:

The alley is flooded: (Proudly stabbing the micro-detailed ass with a sword) What is this place?

Details: Report back to General, this is my slave's ass.

Xiang Yan: Nonsense, I ask you what this place is!

Details: Back to General, this is Liangcheng!

The driveway is flooded: good! Attack immediately!

Greer: Bold, who's here?

The alley was flooded: General Zhao's alley was flooded! You didn't ask?

Gree: Gree of Mohism.

Ryan Drowning: I have learned your wonderful plan (fuel).

Greer: With you? I can kick you out with a slap, please enlighten me! (fuel)

Childe: Audience friends! The siege has begun! Players from both sides are ready!

Geli and the alley were flooded, and a footboard was lifted to play "cockfighting". Suddenly the sub-group took the shovel lane and flooded the back.

Childe: Shovel in the back, the referee blew the whistle!

Blow the whistle in January, take out a red card and send him down the lane to drown. (wearing the "fake A" sign)

Childe: Red card! Red card! Red card! Ge Li has done meritorious service! Ge Li has done meritorious service! Don't give the driveway any chance to be flooded. The messenger of the great Mohist school! He inherited the glorious tradition of Mohism. Mozi, Mo Shaocong and cuttlefish are all possessed by souls at the moment. He represents the long history and tradition of Mohism. At this moment, he is not fighting alone. He's not alone!

The driveway is flooded: Why? He shoveled me! Black whistle!

January: Can't you see that my whistle is black?

Childe: A player is injured!

The driveway is flooded: get me down!

Detailed: Yes!

I dragged my legs in the flooded alley and climbed off the stage with my hands in the flooded alley.

Section 3:

Childe: retreat! The war is over! Liang Cheng won and eliminated Zhao .. They didn't fall in front of the army in the flooded lane, big Liangcheng, big Liangcheng! Happy birthday to Geli on any birthday! Long live Mohism! ! !

Ge Li put out a memorial sculpture, and her son, troupe and January all looked cute. They slowly walked up to Ge Li and sang "For Who" in chorus (lyrics: Mud covered my trouser legs, sweat soaked my back, I don't know who you are, but I know who you are, who you are, when you will return to my comrades-in-arms, for whom you are, and my brothers and sisters don't cry. ...

In the song, Yi Yue recited: The motherland will not forget, the people will not forget, and your heroic deeds will always inspire us. ...

Son, son, in January, his right hand crossed his chest, his left hand was behind his back, and he was chanting: Forward.

January: Mr. Gree, this is a basket of eggs from all over the city.

Subgroup: Mr. Geli, this is the second basket of eggs given to you by the people of the city.

Childe: Mr. Ge Li, this is the first gift from the people of the whole city. ...

Greer: (Interrupts) The third basket of eggs.

Childe: No, who said it was an egg again!

Greer: What's that?

Son: Duck eggs.

Ge Li: I appreciate the wishes of the people, but we Mohists never accept gifts.

Three people: (singing and dancing) Mohist school will not accept gifts this year, no gifts, no gifts! Gifts will only be accepted in cash, and cash will be accepted.

Ge Li: (sneers) Cash! Is this what you think of as Mohist spirit? ! Do you think the Mohist faith in love and non-aggression, peace and friendship can be measured by money? (turning gently) How much is this?

January: Mr. Gree, it's not money, it's an important person. I'm willing to commit myself. I won the lead of the March 8th Red Flag Bearer!

The fourth quarter:

Niu Zizhang: Your Majesty, now Gree has won the hearts of the people. We must get rid of him, otherwise your reputation will be endangered!

Liang Wang: What! Family planning is the basic national policy of our country, and he dares to harm it!

Niu Zhangzi: (in Liang Wang's ear, loudly) Kill him!

Liang Wang: I see!

Buff Zhang: (in the ear, loudly) Keep your voice down, don't let him hear you!

(into Zhang's ear, loudly) All right, let's keep it down.

Childe: Father, why did you kill General Greer?

Niu Zhangzi: Separation incites people to revolt.

Childe: Niu Zhangzi! I think you are up to something! I really want to spit a piece of shit in your face!

Liang Wang: Wang Er doesn't have to say anything. Today, we will let Gree and Niu Zhangzi compete here! The winner was awarded the title of general, and the loser was executed on the spot.

Niu Zizhang and Ge Li stand together. The background music is the sound effect of Lucky 52.

Liang Wang: Niu Zhangzi, please listen to the question. Excuse me, are there any trees on Changbai Mountain?

Niu Zizhang: Yes!

Liang Wang: Correct answer! Add ten points! (High-five with Buff Zhang) Listen to the question, Ge Li. How many trees are there in Changbai Mountain?

Gretel: Well ... Your Majesty, Gretel can't count.

Liang Wang: Wrong answer!

Childe: Father, General Niu may not be able to answer this question!

Liang Wang: Niu, how many trees are there in Changbai Mountain?

Bull: Report to your Majesty, there are many!

Liang Wang: Correct answer! Add another ten points. Then ask Niu Zhangzi, is there an audience under the stage?

Niu Zizhang: Yes!

Liang Wang: Correct answer! Add ten points! Gree! How many people are in the audience?

Ge Li: (happily) A lot!

Liang Wang: Please name them separately.

Ge Li: This. ...

Liang Wang: Somebody! Lageli came down to see the banquet.

Niu Zizhang: Your Majesty, this is too cheap for him!

Liang Wang: OK, then change him into a promise!

Niu Zizhang: Yes!

Greer: Your Majesty, I demand death.

Liang Wang: (thinking) Well, I promise you, somebody, please pull him down and watch his promise and watch him die!

Childe: Father, let me kill this despicable guy myself!

Childe drew his sword and stabbed Geli.

Childe: (to Greer) Threaten me! Just say don't come here, or you'll kill me!

Greer: Don't come here, or you will kill me!

Childe: I'm not asking you to kill yourself, but pretending to kill me!

Greer: Oh, don't come here, or I'll pretend to kill him!

Childe: No, don't pretend to kill me, you really want to kill me!

Greer: Oh! (Stabbing into the chest of the son) I really want to kill him!

Childe: You ... don't want you to really kill me, but pretend to kill me!

Ge Li: Oh, (pulls out a knife) I was pretending to kill him!

Childe: You ... don't pretend to kill me, but really kill me!

Greer: Oh! (another stab into childe's chest) I really want to kill him!

Childe: You ... don't really kill me, you pretend to kill me!

Ge Li: (pushes away her son) Your grandmother is a bear! Whether to kill you or not!

Childe: (sighs to the sky) Oh, my God! You killed me! Just kill me.

The voice just fell! Thunder rolled and thundered, and a knife fell from the sky, killing his son.

Childe: (dying groans) Oh, my God! I told you to pretend to kill me, not kill me! (death)

An old voice fell from the sky: your grandmother is a bear! Whether to kill you or not!

Liang Wang: Wang Er! My prince! How can you die without your old father! Oh, my god Kill me if you want!

Thunder rolled and thundered. ...

Liang Wang: (horrified) God! I'm kidding! (Bowing) Sorry, sorry!

An old voice fell from the sky: your grandmother is a bear! (The thunder died down)

Liang Wang: What about Gerry? ! I'll cut him to pieces!

Niu Zhangzi: I report to your majesty that Ge Li has escaped!

Liang Wang: Waste! A bunch of losers! Oh, my god Punish these losers for me!

Zi Tuan, Niu Zhangzi and January knelt down and wailed: Oh, my God! Don't believe him, he's joking!

Liang Wang: Come after me!

Niu Zizhang: Yes!

Section 5:

Yi Yue looked up and did not move.

Liang Wang: Yi Yue, what are you doing?

January: (singing) I'm looking up! How many are there on the moon? ...

Liang Wang: Stop singing! Sing again and I'll cut your throat! Niuzizhang

Niu Zhangzi: The end is coming!

Liang Wang: Help me cut her throat!

Niu Zizhang: Yes!

January quickly covered her throat, and Buff cut her waist with a knife.

Yi Yue: Hello! Give some professionalism! The king told you to cut my throat.

Niu Zizhang: (Gather around Yi and say loudly) Shh! Keep your voice down, I don't know where my throat is!

Yi Yue: (pointing to Zhang's throat) This place is the throat!

Niu Zizhang: Oh! (with a knife rest around his neck) Is this it? I see. Wait, how do you cut it?

January: You are so stupid! Come on, I'll teach you. (Holding a knife holder around his neck) Get ready!

They cut it off at the same time.

Liang Wang: General Niu, did you cut it?

Niu Zizhang: (Ask) I'm ... bankrupt ... bankrupt. Are you broke ... broke?

January: break ... break ...

Niu Zhangzi: Oh (to Liang Wang) ... Broken ... broken!

Two people fell at the same time.

Section 6:

Ryan flooded: haha, look where you fled this time!

Liang Wang: (horrified) The driveway is flooded! I haven't seen you for a few days, and I'm pretty handsome, too.

The driveway is flooded: take it down.

Detail: Yes.

Subgroup: Let's rush out.

Ge Li: No, let them have a taste of hidden weapons. Tangmen in Sichuan is a must! (Pull out a big gear from the back)

Subgroup: The hidden weapons are too obvious!

Greer: Nonsense, not obvious. Where can I find it after throwing it out? You have no idea how expensive it is to hide weapons now! (aiming at the flooded alley) Look at the hidden weapons!

The driveway is flooded: look out! There are weapons hidden there!

Micro-detailed: huh? (In a panic, the thrown "hidden weapon" hit the gear and gloomily flooded the driveway) You liar!

Xiang Yan: Brother! Don't blame me, I didn't expect such a big hidden weapon! (Holding a knife rest around Liang Wang's neck, facing the sub-group) Don't come here, or I'll kill him!

Zituan: Let him go, or you will blame me for being rude! I'll beat you to death!

As soon as the voice fell, Ziqun was knocked down by a punch in the alley.

Subgroup: (staggers to his feet) You wait. When my head is not so dizzy, don't blame me for being rude! I will kick you to death!

As soon as the voice fell, the group was kicked down by the alley.

ZiTuan: (more wobbly) You wait, as long as I don't faint, I'll kill you with one knife!

The words sound just fell and the knife was pulled out in the flooded alley. ...

Subgroup: Wait! (immediately falls to the ground) I'm dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.

Ge Li: Don't you dare come back when the alley is flooded!

Lane flooding: (flick hair) with softness, so confident!

Greer: I remember the stripper Mrs. Lev once said: Today is today! Tomorrow is tomorrow. ..

Ryan flooded: Please speak Chinese, my English has not passed Band 4!

Greer: What! I haven't passed Band 4 yet! Then you dare to attack the city!

Ryan flooded: Cut the crap and act!

Ge Li: (fuels) Please advise.

The background music was loud and mysterious. The two of them, Feng Xu, rode in the wind and circled solemnly. Suddenly, they frantically threw themselves together to fight, biting their ears, scratching their hair and spitting ... It was embarrassing. Finally, they left their hands over their ears in the flooded alley and were defeated by the screams in the flooded alley.

The alley was flooded: Brother's martial arts are really good and unfathomable, so he is willing to lose.

Greer: Agreed! (A group of masters feels like it)

The driveway is flooded: go

Greer: Wait, I'll take you. (Singing) I'll send you thousands of miles away. In black and white, you are silent. Silent times may be wrong. You love each other too far.

Troupe: (singing) You sent me away from the end of the world, are you still there? Where is the sound of the piano? Life and death are hard to guess. I have to wait all my life.

Parting in the lane, drowning in the lane, hand in hand, affectionate.

Voice behind the scenes: Where are you two from?

Gree and Ryan floods: Brokeback Mountain. When the school began to call the roll, a class teacher was ingenious and said to the students, "I'll read the student number, so you can give your own names and get to know each other, okay?" "No.0065438 +0!" A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my name is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai." "No.002!" "Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang. "Who gave you this name?" "It's my dad. He sells pliers. " The teacher quickly took a sip of water. "No.003!" "Report teacher, my name is Qu (pronounced" ou "), and my name is Qu Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that when she gave birth to me, a computer game exploded. " The teacher felt a little uncomfortable. "No.004!" "Teacher, Mei Conscience!" "How do you call names? ! ""no! Teacher, I mean my last name is Mei, and my name is Mei Conscience. My father wants me to have a conscience before I take this name. " The teacher took a pill. 005! ""Teacher, my name is Gou, and my name is Gou Ignore. " "Your dad is a steamed stuffed bun shop? ！” "Teacher, you are so smart! "The teacher has been a little shaken." 006! ""My name is Kuai (read fast and pronounce the third time. ) This is called goods. " "Don't tell me your father runs a warehouse." "Teacher, you are too old-fashioned. My father is a pimp. "Blood oozed from the teacher's mouth." 007! ""go to hell, teacher! " "What? what did you say ? /Excuse me? ！” "I mean, my name is Ni, and I'm going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? " "Interesting, interesting. "The teacher is about to cry." 008! ""Teacher, let's talk about it next time. " "Why do you want to say it next time, you say it now!" "no! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. "The teacher has already felt dizzy." 009! ""Teacher, my last name is Gao. " "My name is Wu, and my name is Kate." "My name is Mao, called Mao Rongrong. "The teacher was bleeding and fell to the ground. Chang 'an County ordered the original cooperation sketch "Recruitment Scam" to help you see through various recruitment scams!

Facing the severe employment situation of 20 10, satirize the cheating in enterprise recruitment!

There is a big poster on the boss's desk with a picture of a South China tiger in the background, which reads: Ma Shimei is only for women. Are you ambitious? Do you want to be the "master"? Do you want to be a boss Mars International is the platform, space and Jiangnan for you to reach the peak of your life! The internationally renowned beauty technology group is looking for a number of planning designers, requiring a full-time bachelor degree or above. There are two medals here, "the highest beauty award" and "the model unit of honesty".

Cai: Ma Dong, no way. Our product, Martensite Whitening, has been found unqualified by the industry and commerce, and is being publicized on the Internet.

M: What the hell? Don't worry, don't panic. Also, what Ma Dong, how many times have I said, call him chairman in front of people and uncle in the office! I don't know. I thought the toilet was leaking again.

Cai: Uncle, what shall we do?

M: Change the name, redesign the packaging, and the promotion will be held soon. (Look at the poster) Just call it Tiger Whitening Essence!

Cai: How to promote sales?

Man: What about the person you recruited?

Cai: I had an interview this afternoon, and I was in the top 500.

M: Then give him some blank sheets of paper and ask him to write a planning plan with more than 3,000 words.

(Fan Shang)

Fan: It's too difficult to find a job now. Some time ago, I submitted more than 180 resumes online, and only received eight interview calls. Three of them still showed up uninvited. They all claim to be international financial groups, issuing credit cards, selling insurance and illegally speculating in foreign exchange. Not at all recently. I thought my mobile phone was broken and called my number several times a day. The economic crisis has come, and the ranks of swindlers and thieves have also expanded. Also beware of those who cheat money through recruitment, and those who collect money will not go. Watch your bag, watch your money, and don't run away with your mobile phone!

Thank you for applying for the advertising planning position of Mars Enterprise International Group. Please come to the International Building18th floor for an interview at 2 o'clock this afternoon.

Fan: This short message was sent in time. I called yesterday.

Cai: Hello, Mars International.

Fan: Hello, I'm here for an interview.

Cai: Well, we have an exam. Please do it first. After the answer, the following is an article that the media interviewed our chairman. You should read it carefully. Then our chairman will interview in person.

(After reading the thick newspaper clippings)

Cai: Have you finished reading it? This way, please.

M: I read your plan, but I really didn't expect it.

Fan: Unexpectedly? I didn't think it was good or bad.

M: I have made my point clear to you. Am I still the boss?

M: Let me introduce the company first. Mars Group, headquartered in Los Angeles, USA, entered China on 1998, and established Mars future lab Company in 2002, which is dedicated to life science, genetic engineering and health and beauty research. Our strategy is to establish five branches in the United States and Japan in 3-5 years, and 65,438+05 branches and 88 core franchisees in China in 3-5 years to provide professional services to users all over the world. In such a rapid development process, talent is our greatest desire, and I always believe that the most valuable minute is the one devoted to employees. Buffett said that life is like a snowball, and it is important to find a long slope. I believe Mars International is the longest slope on your young people's road to success.

Fan: Climbing the mountain.

M: This is the medal of honor for the integrity of our company. In the whole province. . .

Fan: Wait a minute, I'm sorry, Madam President. Is there something wrong with the "test" of the integrity test unit? It should be a sign of expression.

Really? Oh, maybe like you, there is a probation period after you come. The brand just bought it. No, it's only been here for a few days. What are your strengths?

Fan: Planning.

Do you know 4 trillion RMB? There are so many zeros behind 4, how many zeros can you plan for us?

Fan: These are all major national projects, so I don't think so.

Ma: Mars International's sales will exceed 800 million this year, and our goal is to enter the world's top 500 in five years! As a business leader, I made the list, but I haven't made it for many years.

Fan: Forbes?

M: That's it. The company has entered the countdown to listing! To America, Spartak, this is a photo of our 2000-day countdown celebration.

Fan: Nasdaq?

M: Yes, enter Nasdaq.

Fan: Wait a minute. How many years is 2000 days?

M: Forget it. We want people all over the world to know that Mars International is going public. (takes out a broken gong) Look, all the gongs for opening the market are ready.

Fan: Does it look familiar? Monkeys. Monkeys?

Ma: The candidate for design, let him make a design draft according to the planning scheme, that is, check whether his ideas are correct. Is it a mule or a horse? Pull it out for a walk.

M: Test your observation ability. If, if, you have huge property and you can't explain it clearly, what do you say?

Fan: What else? Real estate speculation.

M: Test your reaction ability. If the Shenzhou-8 spacecraft is parked outside the window now, will you go in? If it could go anywhere, where would you ask it to take you?

Fan: Of course! Where are you going? Los Angeles?

M: Mars International is very famous in Los Angeles. When you leave the airport, tell the taxi driver to go straight to Mafu.

Let's test your judgment again. When you come up by elevator, there is a diamond at the door of every elevator from the first floor to the tenth floor. This diamond comes in different sizes. The elevator doors on each floor will open once, and diamonds can only be brought once. How can I get the biggest one?

Fan: If you think it's big, take it quickly. What if the elevator is broken? What if the power goes out?

M: When you answer questions in the interview, you must pause for 2 seconds to make sure you understand what I mean.

Cai: What do you mean by your last two questions?

M: Nothing interesting. I let him go back in a daze.

M: Do you have any questions?

Fan: How much is the company's annual leave?

M: Annual leave? Chinese New Year holiday? Of course.

Cai: He said paid annual leave.

M: paid? No job? I have never received such a leave application from an employee. Don't you know that our city works on Saturday?

Fan: How was the contract signed?

M: Once a year, with a probation period of six months.

Fan: According to the law, the probation period of a one-year contract cannot exceed two months.

Cai: According to the new labor law, the probation period of a three-year contract can only be six months.

M: You can sign for three or ten years. The probation period is six months.

Cai: After signing for ten years, there will be no fixed-term contract.

M: Huh? Is there a fixed time limit? What kind of law is this?

M: Three years, then. He'll be bored and leave at the end of the first year.

Cai: What if he still finds it interesting?

M: If he still finds it interesting, then I think you are boring.

How is your imagination?

Fan: I had a strange dream last night: Chinese New Year is coming, and I had a cow killed. After the killing, the butcher asked me to take some meat and leave. I refused, took a lot of meat, sat there and ate several plates of beef hotpot, and finally left some for him.

M: I may be a butcher. What is your salary requirement?

Fan: More than 3,000.

M: In our position, the annual salary is100000, and the converted monthly salary must be above 4000. Let's call it a day. You're finished. Go back and listen. It's the New Year, so it's hard to find a job and the expenses are indispensable. Anyone who makes money through recruitment should be careful. Anyone who picks you up by car, asks an assistant to pick you up, or asks someone to bring a laptop to an interview, should be careful that the money and things in their mobile phones are robbed and cheated.

Fan: Thanks for reminding me. Goodbye.

(Xia Fan) (Shen Shang)

Shen: Chairman, what's the difference between this treatment and what you said at the beginning?

M: Why is it different?

Shen: At that time, I asked you if your salary was paid on time, and you said "of course". I asked you if you were strict in attendance, and you said, "It depends, sometimes you can be flexible." .

You must be mistaken. You asked me if I was strict in attendance, and I said yes. You asked me if my salary was paid on time. I said it depends, sometimes it can be flexible.

Shen: I asked you if you have a car sticker or a meal sticker, that is, a meal subsidy or a transportation subsidy. You replied: "Of course, it must be taller than peers!" I asked you to hear that the company worked overtime, and you replied, "Impossible. Who told you that? "

You must remember wrong again. Did you ask my company to work overtime? I told you, "Needless to say, it must be higher than my peers!" You asked me if I had subsidies for meals and transportation, and my answer was "impossible". Who told you that? "

(sinking)

(Phone rings)

Cai: Grandpa, the property management said that if you don't pay the rent and utilities, you will pull the switch and move the table. What should I do?

Man: What should we do? Pack your things. I am tired of living in this place. Give them the table. Move in the afternoon.

Cai: What if someone asks?

Ma: Tell them to go to the nursing home to express their condolences to the widowed elderly, send warm. Just bring some bedding fruit.

Cai: What if we find property in the future?

Don't worry. I signed a contract with Master Ma! Not Ma Dashuai! I learned it from the farmer who patted the tiger.

M: Let's go.