When I worked in an electronics factory working on LCD screens and wanted to apply for a team leader position, I had to take a written test. The question asked was: What are my future work plans and i

When I worked in an electronics factory working on LCD screens and wanted to apply for a team leader position, I had to take a written test. The question asked was: What are my future work plans and ideas if I become the team leader? How to fill in...

1. Why did you apply for this job.

Answer: I was a lost mule before, but now I have found an organization.

2. How did you know that we were recruiting for this position?

Answer: In addition to having a body like a mule, a qualified employee must also have a sense of smell like a hunting dog.

3. Why should we hire you?

Answer: I eat less and poop more.

4. What do you think is your greatest advantage?

Answer: Hard like a mule, as hardy as a worker bee, and as loyal as a hunting dog.

5. What do you think is your biggest weakness?

Answer: Except for working, he is an idiot.

6. What is your favorite college course?

Answer: "Animal Husbandry" and "Flattery Science". "Animal Husbandry" made me realize what productivity is, and "Flattery" made me understand what production relations are, which benefited me a lot.

7. What can you bring to our company?

Answer: Setting an example makes all employees feel that they are the happiest people in the world - the whole world envy me.

8. What are your salary expectations?

Answer: I am a cow type - I eat grass and get milk.

9. In addition to salary, what other benefits attract you the most?

Answer: Work overtime! ――I will be in a hurry with whoever raises money from me!

10. What do you think about working overtime?

Answer: Working overtime can prolong life. Working overtime is good for health. If I don’t work overtime, I will vomit, have diarrhea, feel dizzy and have cramps. Working overtime can help me lose weight (beauty). Working overtime can relieve traffic pressure. Working overtime is good for family planning. (Conducive to world peace)

11. How do you win customers?

Answer: A’s mouth can turn straw into gold bars; B’s face is as thick as a city wall; C’s heart is as black as the bottom of a pot; D’s hands are as spicy as mustard.

12. What do you think of loyalty?

Answer: I am the boss’s dog, guarding the door of the company. I will bite whoever he asks me to bite, and I will bite as many times as I want.

13. What is one sentence that best sums up yourself?

Answer: Don’t treat me like a human being!

14. What do you know about our company?

Answer: It’s basically perfect, except for a small flaw in management: I once pretended to be a salesman for your company and made more than 100,000 yuan, but no one found out.

15. Talent! Apart from that, what criminal record do you have?

Answer: Eating, drinking, whoring, gambling, cheating, kidnapping, stealing, kicking in widows’ doors, digging out ancestors’ graves, basically all is gone.

16. Scarce talents! So what achievements have you had in the workplace?

Answer: I once sold a roast duck that had been smelly for a month to an old man, then sold him a batch of fake medicine, and also sold him a coffin. Finally, when he died He also gave me a large inheritance - sorry!

17. Classic case! It can be written into the "MBA" lesson plan. Who is your idol?

Answer: In the past, we were CEO He (Arsenic), CEO Zhou (Papi), Boss Huang (Shiren), Boss Nan (Batian), and Boss Ge (Langtai), and now we are CEO X.

18. What is your greatest ideal?

Answer: Return to slave society and find yourself.

19. What is your motto?

Answer: Only workaholics can survive.

20. How do you feel about reporting to your young boss?

Answer: That is my blessing - I am a grandson. They are young, but they can grow up in seniority.

21. Can you do your past work better?

Answer: Yes, I think I have been challenging myself. I used to work fourteen hours a day, but now my goal is to work eighteen hours a day.

22. Overall, what qualities do you think a qualified employee should possess?

Answer: A mule-like body and patience, a dog-like sense of smell and loyalty, a wolf-like enterprising spirit, and a snail-like appetite.

23. How do you deal with work that requires you to contribute your body?

Answer: Hee! Why don't you tell people about such a good job earlier! I am still in the transition stage from "Lenovo" to "Pentium" - 100% "canned goods". What? You don't understand "canned goods", hey, they are the kind that are unopened, cold on the outside, and fanatical on the inside. Anyway, idleness is idleness. There is a famous saying: "A knife will become rusty if it is not sharpened, and a brain will not fall behind if it is not sharpened."

24. How is your physical condition? Do you have any history of disease?

Answer: It depends on who you compare with. Compared with a mule, it is better, but compared with a dinosaur, it may be slightly worse. There are no other problems at all - let me ask you boldly: Is workaholism considered a disease?

25. As an interviewee, please give us a score.

Answer (shy and coy): You are a fish, a wild goose, a shy flower, a closed moon, a beautiful country, more beautiful than a noble concubine, more charming than a concubine, slimmer than Diao Chan, more fragrant than Xishi, more beautiful than Zhaojun - the disadvantage is that you have to look back. If the rate is too high, it can easily cause traffic hazards. (To the female examiner)