When the gardenia flowers bloom

Author: Ang Shengrong

One noon in early summer.

Finally, I was admitted to Room 420 of the Obstetrics and Gynecology Hospital in a small town in the south of the Yangtze River. There is a cluster of gardenias in a glass vase placed by an unknown person on the windowsill. There are several buds dotted among the green leaves. The green outer edge is wrapped with snow-white flower buds, like a jade carving, exuding a faint fragrance.

Suddenly I remembered Liu Yuxi's poem, "The flowers of Shu have all gone, and the peach blossoms have now bloomed. The color is suspicious and the Qiong tree is leaning against it, and the fragrance is like the jade capital..."

I like it Gardenia.

(1) Ward

Curling up on the temporary hospital bed under the window, looking at the half-open door, I knew that this bed was hard-won and I asked many people for help. . The ward runs east-west, with two beds lined up on either side of the east window. Turn your head slightly to the left. The left side is close to the bed after a caesarean section last night. The pregnant woman is sleeping, and the baby is in the crib on one side, making a sticky sound. She is holding the crib with one hand. The old woman lying with her head tilted next to the bed was sleeping soundly without being affected at all; the quilts on the other bed were piled up in a mess. It was a young pregnant woman who had been admitted to the hospital early. She heard that proper exercise is beneficial to childbirth, so she went for a walk; on the right She gave birth to a baby girl in bed. She lives in the countryside and sees no one except her husband.

The ward was filled with the smell of alcohol and potions, mixed with the occasional crying of children, and the caregivers who tirelessly pulled on their slippers and busied themselves around. Relatives and friends came to express their congratulations, and there were electric fans. Joining in the fun, they rowed in circles and tried their best to blow the wind, bang, bang, bang.

Sultry, irritable, dark and overcast days. There was a faint rumble of thunder in the distance, and I was really looking forward to a hearty rainstorm to wash away this dull atmosphere.

Outside the window, dark clouds cover the sky, like a big net, catching everything and preventing fish that slip through the net from escaping. I also want to escape, tear through this net, and escape to the horizon, to a place where there are no people, no emotions, no money and status, no worldly prejudices, and no complicated worries. However, for now, I can only lie here, follow the doctor's orders, and do some examinations at the right time. The nurse will come at intervals to listen to the fetal movement, take the temperature, and measure the blood pressure, and wait quietly until the disease is done. I don’t have the joy, excitement, anxiety, and shyness of being a first-time mother. As an elderly pregnant woman, I am still a little scared. When nature comes, I can only let it take its course. Accompanied by the muffled thunder in the distance and nonsensical thoughts, looking at the busy man, I felt a sense of tranquility and dreaminess, which also gave rise to a sense of lethargy. In a daze, it seems like yesterday.

The gardenias on the windowsill are wilting, as if they are about to fall asleep.

(2) Rural · Urban

In the early 1990s, with only the family’s savings and a few thousand yuan scraped together, I went to a small town in the south of the Yangtze River to seek refuge with relatives. Policies) to enter the city through household registration, a rural girl puts on nylon socks and leather shoes, eats food in the workplace canteen, and receives a salary of hundreds or ten yuan at the end of the month. She suddenly becomes an urbanite who makes rural people dream of eating commercial grain and non-agricultural household registration. .

Deeply still stuck in the past lifestyle, leaving only enough money every month to cover living expenses, and saving the rest. In order to save money on food for dinner, I often exchanged food with my coworkers that no one wanted to eat. Working late at night is just for a free late-night overtime meal. I save money penny by penny in an almost harsh way, hoping to use my meager income to relieve the worries of my parents in rural areas. Despite being busy, I couldn't hide my deep nostalgia, and I couldn't get rid of my personal inferiority and sensitivity. The feeling of "being a stranger in a foreign land" became an eternal memory of that time.

When I was a child, I had the joy of carrying small schoolbags to school with my brothers and sisters. After the rural areas were divided into households, my grandfather refused to herd the cows in his old age, so I, who was only in the second grade, had to drop out of school and dry up quietly. There were tears in the corners of her eyes like all the girls in the village. She put down her schoolbag and took the cow rope and walked into the fields. The fate of rural girls was closely connected with the land early on. There were chickens crowing all the time to help her father push the cart to the farm more than ten miles away. There is the helplessness of selling rice bran in the market town to earn the price difference to support the family; there is the hard work of harvesting and planting crops with parents under the stars; there is also the joy of quietly running to see the gardenias blooming in front of the house. The deepest impression left on my childhood is the endless work and things to do. There are too many uncertain factors in life. I have no ability to change anything, and I don’t expect to change anything. When a girl grows up, she can only marry a good family, raise a husband and raise children, and can only follow the track determined by the general environment of the times. Go down.

The distribution of farmland to each household in rural areas has greatly stimulated farmers' enthusiasm for labor. However, some groups who are alone, widowed, weak and sick have undoubtedly made the situation worse, and people pay more attention to personal (family) benefits. My parents also tried their best to help me keep up with the pace of social changes. They sent me to a "sewing training class" in the town during their winter leisure time. After I gained some basic skills, I learned tailoring techniques from my distant relatives and spent a "huge amount of money" to buy a "Flying Man". brand sewing machine. Unfortunately, I learned about 70% to 80% of the craftsmanship, but it was abandoned due to recruiting workers into the city. This sewing machine was brought to the small town and placed in the attic. Every time I see it, I can think of what I have lost and what I have today. precious!

(3) Marriage and Love

Girls should get married. My family and friends started to worry about my marriage, after all, I was already in my twenties. The blind dates include teachers, doctors, and workers. Most of them live in the city and have good conditions, but they feel that they are out of reach. The elders use the experience and experience of past people to measure the criteria for choosing a spouse. It makes sense now that I think about it. I was young at the time and had a girlish longing. I thought that at least I would find someone who was good to me and educated, even if I was poor, I would admit it. This caused "This rural girl is quite high-spirited" is a bad impression.

After being kicked hard in the lower abdomen, the little guy began to act dishonest. He opened his eyes slightly, moved his body, stretched his lower limbs, and glanced at the half-open door. A man came in with a water bottle. I lazily closed my eyes again.

He, my husband. At the cotton spinning factory that we worked at around that time, I was a general worker in the workshop, and he was a technical secondary school student who had just graduated from the Textile School in Jiangbei Provincial City and was assigned to work, but in my opinion, he was an intellectual who was looked up to. He is of medium height, unsociable, taciturn, conscientious, and a bit stubborn. Through contact, I learned that his family was in the suburbs of the city, and his family was of average status. He had an older sister and a younger sister, and he was an only son. He studied well and graduated from junior high school and was admitted to a technical secondary school in the provincial capital. I am a foreigner, and I don’t understand the local dialect and spoken language. I have a strong accent in Jiangbei. I usually go about my work silently during work and holidays. I didn’t expect him to find an opportunity to talk to me, whether intentionally or unintentionally, because he goes to school in Jiangbei. I had a little understanding of the customs and customs of my hometown, chatted and communicated with him, and gradually felt better about being far away from my parents. As time went by, there was an unnamed feeling. This was the so-called love between a man and a woman. One day, he said he loved me. I was so frightened that I tossed and turned for several nights and couldn't sleep. Finally, I asked my elders for advice. Maybe the situation was sudden, or the conditions were too different from their inner standards. The result was predictable.

I stick to my choice. I sincerely thank my relatives for this matter. They just want me to find a good husband and live a life without worries about food and clothing.

When the marriage was being discussed, my brother, who was on vacation out of town, was entrusted by his parents to go to an old house on the outskirts of a small town to fulfill the custom of the woman coming to the man to look after the house. A warehouse in the factory was set aside for us to use as a wedding room. We simply pulled a curtain in the middle and divided it into two parts. The outside room has a gas stove, a retractable wooden table, and a wooden sofa chair that was discarded from the factory office. This is the living room that doubles as the kitchen, and the inner room is the bedroom. Life after marriage was difficult but also very happy. There were three or two families nearby who were in a similar situation to ours. Some moved in and out in the past few years. The relationship between the neighbors was very harmonious.

A lovely daughter was also born, and she spent a carefree childhood in this simple home until the factory was restructured and closed down, and the land was expropriated for development. I must also be grateful to the factory that allowed rural girls to realize their dreams of working as workers in the city. Although they were laid off, without compensation for the demolition of the warehouse, they would not be able to buy commercial housing and build a real "home" of their own. The memory became blurred and I fell into a deep sleep.

(4) Thunder

The nurse did a routine check, slowly woke up, looked at the young pregnant woman near the bed and smiled. It was getting dark outside, and there seemed to be lightning flashes in the deep sky outside the window. When it was time for dinner, the people who were staying with the bed picked up their lunch boxes in twos and twos and went to the corridor to prepare meals. The room was brightly lit and extremely lively, and each family tried their best to bring all kinds of delicacies. The air was filled with the smell of crucian carp and old hen soup. Most of the meals provided by the hospital were eaten by the attendants, and each family tried their best. Special services were provided for pregnant women. At this time, my lover came sideways from the door, carrying the rice, and then took out the stewed chicken soup from under the bed, leaned on the pillow, and took a few mouthfuls of rice. After drinking some soup, he took care of the rest.

After dinner, my wife walked around the courtyard with me. The street lights flickered among the leaves, and a cool breeze blew through, carrying the fragrance of gardenias. I like the smell, it instantly refreshes me. When I was a child, there were three or two gardenias in front and behind the house in my hometown. The green leaves were set against the white flowers, and they looked beautiful and lovely. Clusters are picked, and the big buds are worn on the head or in the chest with a hairpin. In the busiest season, the poor life is made more beautiful by the fragrance of flowers.

Tired. I sat down on the stone bench next to the sidewalk and rubbed my sore waist. The dark clouds in the southern sky were as dark as the mountains, but a few black clouds were drifting above my head, and the outer edges were torn into pieces of mist by the wind. I could occasionally see it. The blue sky was covered up again in an instant and became chaotic. The little guy felt a pain in his stomach. He punched and kicked him. He quickly rubbed his stomach and comforted him. He thought of his daughter who was preparing for the college entrance examination. "Go back and settle Xiaoya down for a while." I'll go back by myself," I said. He left, looking at his back with indescribable mixed emotions.

More than ten years ago, we held hands and walked through flowers and under the moon, and we were in love. When the company was restructured at the beginning, without exception, he became a laid-off worker. He became a salesperson. I learned the welding skills and worked in a private company to support my family. I tried my best to raise my daughter, honor my parents-in-law, and protect him at all times. The "only one" in my life.

I will omit some descriptions of the plot here. I no longer want to recall the time when he missed me. At that time, my heaven collapsed and my earth collapsed. I wanted to cry. Tears! The town is too small, and the storm spread quickly. The day after the old father came to the town, a "divorce judgment" was issued announcing his departure when the civil court mediation failed.

Click! There was a thunder. No more thinking, it was time to go back to the ward.

(5) The scars that cannot disappear

The wind was strong, and dark clouds were approaching. I stood up slowly, holding my hands up. He leaned back and moved toward the ward. He turned around and looked at the gardenia trees on the roadside under the lights, feeling a little sad that they would not be damaged during the thunderstorm.

As the night progressed, The ward became quiet, and the accompanying family member rented a simple bed and lay down. After settling down her daughter, her lover came and fell asleep at the foot of the bed. The bed on the left was empty, and the young pregnant woman had already entered the delivery room. Listening. My water broke and I was about to have a caesarean section. I couldn’t help but touch an unclear scar on my forehead and eyebrow. My mother told me that when I first learned how to crawl underground, my grandparents favored sons over daughters and only wanted to take care of my older brother, not me. In the spring of that year, my father was transferred to the river bank to build water conservancy projects. My mother could only carry me to work. When I was tired, she would put me in the big wooden basin she brought and crawl around at will.

Once, for some unknown reason, the wooden basin turned over while I was playing, and the rim of the basin was pushed onto my forehead, leaving a big hole. My mother was so frightened that she started crying with me. Fortunately, the barefoot doctor from the neighboring village bandaged it in time, and the wound was healed. It's nothing serious, but it leaves a permanent scar. My mother no longer dared to put me on the basin, so she could only use a belt to carry me on her back or wrap it around her chest. Then I touched the scar on my left wrist. It was left after I locked the door and cut my wrist with a fruit knife after a quarrel with my lover. How stupid!

The fetus in the belly started to stir, caressing the lower abdomen. When I gave birth to my daughter, I didn’t understand anything. I only remembered the pain and surprise. This little life has become a big girl in the blink of an eye. . Doctors, nurses, and people familiar with the disease all advise older women to have a caesarean section, otherwise it is dangerous! I don’t want to be stabbed like this, and I don’t want to leave another scar on my body. I really don’t want to. In the daze, there were a few thunders and a gust of wind that made the camphor leaves outside the window rustle. The door opened, and the young mother with a hanging bottle in the next bed was pushed back, her face pale. A large group of people hurriedly moved the baby to the bed. The original high bulge of the belly was gone. The baby was in the intensive care unit. There was a burst of greetings and greetings, and the baby returned to quiet mode in an instant.

(6) Fantasies can also come true

It was very late at night, several thunder explosions, a burst of colic, and abnormal moaning woke up my lover. I called the nurse and the doctor to check. After that, I was immediately pushed into the operating room. With a "bang" sound, the door was closed. I was isolated from the outside world and I was alone. I had no choice but to bear all the pain. I had no other choice, just accept my fate!

Half-reclined, half-reclined on the operating table, the clock in front of me was spinning slowly and slowly. It was around 2 o'clock in the morning, and the little life in my belly began to turn upside down again. The doctor checked various physiological symptoms, and the nurse Listening to the fetal movements, they were not in a hurry and all indicators were normal. I was suffering, my thoughts were confused, and I suddenly thought of him outside the door, and my lover should be outside the door. As mentioned before, there was once unforgettable love, and there was also deep hatred. It wasn't long after he left our mother and I. He always returned to his former home every once in a while on various pretexts to see his daughter or help with homework. The broken vase was repaired under the influence of his daughter's emotional glue. After learning from the pain, he came back. Unexpectedly, I also brought this little guy who was struggling. From the bottom of my heart, I hope that he will be a son who will become an educated, responsible and upright man in the future. In fact, this is just a fantasy of mine, I hope it can come true!

The abdominal pain was getting worse. The nurse gave me an injection under the guidance of the doctor. It should be oxytocin. Time seemed to have stopped. His lower body was being torn apart like a knife and an axe. He fainted for a while, and his soul was floating out of his body. He could faintly hear the doctor shouting, "Try harder, harder, it's almost out." "It's a boy." Later, later I couldn't hear or see anything, it was empty, dreamlike, and my body was flying lightly.

(7) When the gardenia flowers bloom

In the early morning, the warm sunshine slanted on the left side of the face, and I felt a teardrop hanging in the corner of my eye, which should be crystal clear. The sky outside the window is so blue and the clouds are so white. The sounds of chirping birds came from the canopy of several camphor trees, and the leaves were green and shining, creating a brand new, clean and bright world. There should have been thunder and lightning and strong winds last night, and the rain should have been pouring down. I wonder if the gardenias in the yard are well?

The right armpit moved slightly. It should be my child. Yes, the sentence I heard most clearly last night was "It's a boy." I tried to move my body upwards and looked down to see the swaddled baby, pink. The fat little face moved slightly, wiping away the tears from the corners of his eyes, wiping away all the pain, everything was worth it! I want to take him back to his hometown in Jiangbei to see his grandpa and grandma. I want to watch him carry his schoolbag to school like a boy in the countryside and slowly grow up happily. Like my parents, I am willing to give him all my love and everything, even if the end result is - standing in the village with a cane day and night, looking forward to my son's return.

The gardenias are already blooming on the windowsill. They are not very big. The pure flowers are plain and simple. The gardenias are beside me, blooming quietly. I look at her, and she is also there. Looking at me, her elegance spreads in the sunshine, becoming more and more brilliant. The gardenias in my hometown in Jiangbei must also be blooming beautifully and cutely!

The peaches on the window sill are blooming, and they are still fragrant even though the soil is abandoned.

I suddenly miss the gardenia in front of my old family, and we will always be together to comfort my parents.

With a cry, the child wakes up, when the gardenia flowers bloom.

The most memorable place is Chaozhou