What kind of philosophical thinking mode does a psychological counselor need?

[Other Life, Wan Li Road, thousands of books] 2018165438+10.20, read the diary for 1000 consecutive days, the 395th day.

I have taught philosophy for many years and often chew the principles of philosophy in rumination. I deeply feel that philosophy is a subject worth studying and studying. If profound philosophical principles can be applied to life, it will add infinite strength to a person.

I wrote a series of articles in this field in the first half of the year.

Recently, I have received four or five visitors almost every week. In the process of communicating with visitors, many times, I will not use one psychological counseling skill after another, but will gradually reduce the questions of visitors to a philosophical level to communicate with them. Let them see the essence through the phenomenon and come out from the details and trivialities. Therefore, there is less pain caused by bad thinking and less rumination habit caused by confusion and obsession with details.

0 1? Uncle can't sleep at night because of drug abuse.

The visitor is a beautiful white, lively and cheerful girl. Smile as sweet as honey. I can see at a glance that she is a baby who grew up in a honey pot of love. So, when she sat down, frowned and even cried, I was still a little uncomfortable.

As it turns out, my judgment is really accurate: she grew up really happy. Both parents are highly educated-a doctor and a master. Civil servants. Deep feelings, a family of three happy. Grandparents have loved her since childhood.

She came to me, not for her small family, but for the trouble her uncle brought her. My uncle has a good and well-paid job, but he has gone astray because he has made bad friends and is not strict with himself. Once my uncle and his friends played in a ballroom after drinking, as if they had put drugs in their tea, and fell into a vicious circle of drug abuse. I have been to rehab several times in recent years, and I always relapse after I come out.

This time, I was arrested in a drug rehabilitation center. But according to other relatives, my uncle will come out soon. She is so worried about it that she can't sleep at night.

I asked her why she was so afraid of her uncle coming out.

She said that she saw a Hong Kong movie recently, in which a drug addict happened to be arrested, his hands and feet were cut off, and his wife, children and even his mother were arrested and beaten because he had no money to take drugs by usury. She heard that her uncle also borrowed usury, and when his uncle was in a drug rehabilitation center, the gang called her elderly grandparents to force them to pay back the money.

So she is afraid that these people will not only force her grandparents to pay back the money, but also hurt them and even her parents.

Of course, I calmed her mood first and expressed my understanding. She also used Socrates questioning method to help her analyze the problem step by step.

I asked her, what is your uncle like on weekdays? She said that her uncle is actually quite good on weekdays. Is to go astray. In fact, he wants to correct himself.

After hearing what she said, I only whispered a few words: your uncle may not think what you think. Actually, he just ate something wrong. Without knowing it, he mistakenly ate drugs as food. After all, in our life, everyone may eat something wrong. This is not a heinous crime. This is not a matter of killing conscience and morality.

Hearing me say that my uncle just ate something wrong, the visitor suddenly breathed a sigh of relief. She repeated several times: Teacher, what you said is very reasonable. My uncle just ate something wrong. I don't have to be so scared.

Finally, she seems to have unloaded thousands of burdens in her heart, and walked out of the consulting room with a relaxed expression and a smile on her face.

A mother who is distressed by the sex of her second child.

A second-born mother came to me for advice through a friend's recommendation. The baby in her belly has been three months, but it has been very painful recently. Because she's afraid it's a girl. She said that her family is in the countryside, and her parents-in-law are also farmers, which is particularly patriarchal. Her first child is a girl. If the second child is a girl, she estimates that her parents-in-law and husband will be ugly, and she and her children will have a hard time in the future. So she worries day and night, so that she is always anxious.

I understand her situation. Naturally, I will empathize with her and empathize with her. But in the end, I told one thing: whether it's male or female, as long as it's healthy, isn't that enough? Gender does not prevent it from being human. Especially in modern society, the stage of distinguishing people's abilities by strength has long passed, but any healthy person can still complete his mission. It has little to do with gender.

Well, as long as it is healthy, whether it is a boy or a girl. She seems to have a relative understanding.

The parents of a gay boy

If your child is old enough to fall in love but brings you a same sex, and declares that he only loves the same sex. How do you feel? What will you say and do?

Most people will say, then I can't stand it, it's going to explode. He (she) will definitely ask the doctor to correct his (her) sexual orientation.

However, some psychologists have done research, and it is almost impossible and futile for homosexuals to correct themselves as heterosexuals.

What shall we do? In case such a thing happens, how shall I get over it?

I met such a pair of parents.

I deeply understand their struggle and pain. After all, there is only one baby son, but the son announced that he would marry his boyfriend. Whether they agree or not.

It's a big mistake, it's a sin in a previous life! Mother feels that the sky is falling, that life is hopeless, and life is worse than death.

His father tried every means to persuade him, even threatening to sever the relationship between father and son. However, the son is firm and unwavering.

In desperation, they found me online.

I know them well, too. Put yourself in the other's shoes. I know how deep and how heavy this pain is. If I grow up and bring back a girl who claims to be her lover!

However, life has to go on.

I slowly communicated with my distressed mother step by step: What is the purpose of raising children?

Raising children to prevent old age is still the purpose, but it seems not the main purpose in modern society.

We raise children, and we love them, because we want them to be happy and grateful, and one day they can repay our love and make us happier.

So, what do you think happiness is? I asked my mother.

Happiness means having someone we love, facing the storm with us and sharing the joys and sorrows in life.

Oh? So, as long as the other person is a person who can make children happy, care about your children, and face the ups and downs of life with your children, isn't it good?

As for whether this person who accompanies, loves and spends his life with children is a man or a woman, is it the root of the problem?

"It would be great if there were three unfilial acts," said the visitor. If so, they have no children, and a family without children is incomplete.

Is incomplete necessarily unhappy?

If our goal is only to make children happy all their lives, then he feels happy with men. As for whether children are important or not, should we take children's happiness as the starting point? After all, the child's feelings are his own, and we can't replace him to feel.

In fact, in the final analysis, according to the viewpoint of happiness psychology, the ultimate goal of everyone's life is to seek happiness. Intimacy is the most important source of our happiness. This intimate relationship can be with our parents, our children and other family members, and of course our loved ones. In other words, as long as we can establish close relationships with people, we can almost feel happier. As for gender and age, as long as the parties can accept it, it is not the most important factor.

At this point in the conversation, the mother seems less excited than at first.

Parents who have puppy love for their children.

This consultation was conducted on the phone, although I am not used to this kind of consultation.

The caller is the mother of a senior three child. My daughter is about to take the college entrance examination, but at this juncture, she has fallen in love with the last boy. She's really anxious. First, she is afraid that her children's grades will drop. Her daughter has been doing well in school. If you can't get into a good school because of your falling grades in love, your daughter's future will be ruined. Second, I am afraid that my daughter will suffer. According to her, if mine were a son, I wouldn't be so worried. Even if you are pregnant, it is not a big deal to spend some money to let the other person have an abortion.

As a consultant, you always need to be value neutral. You don't need to make any value judgments, and you can't do this.

I continued to listen patiently and carefully to my anxious mother. Then, when she finally calmed down a little, I began to communicate with her out of turn.

..... the process is omitted.

Finally, we discussed the essence of love: seeking intimacy.

Since children can establish intimate relationships with the same sex, we always encourage them to do so. Then, when children seek intimate relationships with the opposite sex, can we also think that they are all intimate relationships, but there are differences in gender? As we all know, it is normal and acceptable for children to seek intimacy. Therefore, it seems natural to establish intimate relationships with the opposite sex during adolescence. If you are afraid that this intimate relationship will make your child suffer (that is, fear that your daughter will get pregnant and harm the child's health), then we just need to calm down and guide the child, how to protect ourselves, and how to prevent the passion brought by adolescent hormones from surging out of control.

The tourists' mood seems to have finally eased. Through our communication, she no longer thinks that her daughter is rebellious, shameless and openly opposed to them, but seems to realize that her daughter is just seeking intimacy. There is no essential difference between this and the intimate relationship between the daughter and the same sex. So it is also understandable and acceptable.

……

The cases mentioned above are all about raising some phenomena to a slightly higher essence to talk to visitors. They are not complicated, but sometimes they can try to let visitors see different things and see the essential things through phenomena. So sometimes it is such a change of concept that tourists suddenly have a feeling of clearing the fog and making themselves less entangled. Is it painful?

This kind of consultation actually comes from philosophical thinking.

As we all know, there is a fundamental concept in philosophy called "existence". The highest problem of philosophy is "the relationship between thinking and existence". However, how did the concept of existence come from? When I give students a philosophy class, I will draw a picture like this:

Take the dark horse as an example: we see a group of dark horses, and we generalize them to a higher level, which can be summarized as "horses"; Horses become "animals" when they are promoted to the next level; Animals are summarized as "creatures"; To sum up, biology seems to be "organic matter"; When organic matter is generalized upwards, it becomes "existence".

You see, this is how we grasp the essence layer by layer through phenomena and finally grasp the concept of "existence" at the highest level.

So, what's the point of generalizing specific things and events?

As we all know, to see things clearly, Anne must look at them from a height to understand the essence of things. For example, if you look at Changsha City on the first floor, you can only see a very narrow area, and you may draw various conclusions: Changsha is dirty/clean; Very neat/messy; Orderly/unordered ... but if you look at me on the plane, you can take me as a whole and grasp it as a whole, and your understanding will be more accurate.

In fact, this is not only the need of psychological counseling, but also the need of daily life. For example, my students who love philosophy go to the library to read philosophy books instead of listening to law classes in the classroom. The leader said that the student should be strictly disciplined, but I kept smiling and saying: it doesn't matter whether he reads a law book or a philosophy book, as long as he is studying; It doesn't matter whether he listens to the teacher's class or reads books, as long as he is studying.

If we always think like this, we are more likely to feel equal all our lives, aren't we? Black people and white people are all human beings; The poor and the rich are human beings; Emperor beggars are all human beings; Beautiful people and unattractive people are human beings. ...

This is actually philosophical thinking. If we always look at problems like this, we may become more and more tolerant, more generous and more organized in our lives.

Of course, it will get happier and happier!