A humorous and concise self-introduction

Name: Named by parents

Age: Not too young

Height: very tall

Weight: medium

Residence: Home

Phone: On me

E-mail: A friend helped me apply

Working hours: 8 hours

Position applied for: One

Education: High school diploma if graduated

Language ability: Yes

Interests: Many

Birthday: It’s not here yet!

Experience: I stepped on dog poop when I first came here, Shit!

Previous positions: I served as a picket in primary school!

Married but not married: Parents are married

Future expectations: Find a good job again

Hopeful treatment: I hope everyone will love me. I am a mature man

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But I look young

I have a burly body and give people the feeling of a big brother

I have a successful career and am a boss

Go to I carry my laptop everywhere

The car I ride in is roomier than a Lincoln

My cultural taste has been shaped by many years of education at Peking University

I am free. I study ancient Chinese history, especially Qing history

I also keep up with the trend of the times

I often watch American movies

Especially those that explore life Social ethics films

I like to speculate on the psychological activities of movie characters

I am tired of often dealing with the upper class society

So I often understand the lower situation

I am very concerned about the details of ordinary people's lives

I am concerned about the level of prosperity of ordinary people

I pay attention to adjusting the inequality of wealth

Cause strong response from society

I heard that someone wanted to interview me

I have done too many interviews like this before

So I went somewhere to hide and relax

It was a good time to cultivate myself.

You know, people at my level will definitely not take the train

But because I am so famous, the whole country knows me

Still Being asked to do an interview

I also took care of my food and housing

Free fitness

After I came back, I often went online

My thoughts on the ideal partner The requirements are not high

When you come here I will eat a lot of ice cream for you

I also want to build a family with you

I will never be right You are tough

I want to watch the stars with you at night

Come on, my dear, you will be very satisfied when you see me for the first time!

This description just happened to be the life partner you dreamed of, so we met on the same day.

After meeting, I discovered that what he said was different from reality. But when I asked him why he was lying, he took out his self-introduction and explained it to me sentence by sentence, and I discovered the truth. . . . . .

(Please read below)

Annotated version:

I am a mature man----------------------- ----57 years old

But I look younger-----------------------my face is full of acne

He has a burly body and gives people the feeling of a big brother--------------Wu Song's eldest brother

I have a successful career and am a boss-------- ---------------The owner of the cold drink stall

Carrying a notebook wherever he goes------------------ --It's a notebook for recording sales of cold drinks

The car I ride in is roomier than a Lincoln------------------Bus*** car

Years of education at Peking University have shaped my cultural taste—I once sold cold drinks next to Weiming Lake

In my free time, I studied ancient Chinese history, especially Qing history. ----------I love watching "Huanzhugege"

I also keep up with the trend of the times------------------ --Know which cold drinks are best-selling this year

Watch American movies often---------------------------American porn movies

Especially the kind of social ethics film that explores life----incest porn film

I like to speculate on the psychological activities of movie characters---- ------------I often fantasize that I am the protagonist of porn movies

I am tired of often dealing with the upper class society--------There are many presidents of Peking University He told me this time:

"It is forbidden to set up stalls by the lake!"

So I always understand the situation----------------- -------Had no choice but to set up stalls in residential areas

I am very concerned about the details of ordinary people's lives--------------Look at whose doors and windows are not closed

Care about the affluence of the people------------------------After entering the house, look at what valuable things are there

I pay attention Adjusting the inequality between rich and poor---------------Take valuable things back to your own home

Cause strong response from society- -----------------------Residents in the community are both angry and frightened about the serial thefts

I heard that someone Want to interview me--------------------------The police are coming to arrest me for questioning

I have done this kind of interview before Too many------------------I was caught many times

So I went to hide somewhere for peace---------- ------------------Escape

Just in time for self-cultivation-------------Repair the wounds caused when you jumped out of the window and recuperate. A few sex partners

You know, people at my level will definitely not take the train--ride a tricycle to Tianjin

But because I am so famous, people all over the country Everyone knows that I----I went on the Ministry of Public Security's "National Fugitive Hunt" Internet

I was still invited to do an interview------------------ -------Finally caught

Still in charge of food and shelter---------------------------- ---Three years in prison

Free fitness---------------------------------- Re-education through labor

After I came back, I often went online--------------------------Continue to look for 419

The requirements for an ideal partner are not high -------------------as long as they are taller than me

You

When I come here, I will eat a lot of ice cream for you------------- I can't sell it that day, it will melt soon

I also want to build a family with you--- ------------------You have to help me build a shack

I will never be tough on you---------- ---------------Impotent for many years

I want to watch the stars with you at night------------------ ----The shack has no roof

Come on, my dear, you will be very satisfied when you see me for the first time! ----I don’t want to look at it a second time

Tenth place Wei Xiaobao’s “The Deer and the Cauldron”

Interesting index: 8

Practical index: 7.5

"My surname is Wu, and I work as a eunuch in the palace. Everyone calls me 'my husband'."

Although this sentence was said when taking advantage of Fang Yi, it is Wei Xiaobao's legendary and contradictory one. Portrait of a life: Since he is a eunuch, how can he talk about his husband? Even if there is one, it is still empty.

Wei Xiaobao has a rich life experience. He is a eunuch, a prince, a Zen master, an incense master, and a white dragon envoy. He is also the disciple of Hai Dafu, Kangxi, Chen Jinnan, Hong Antong, Jiu Nan and others. Mediating in the palace, mixing in the three religions and nine streams, and traveling at home and abroad, Wei Xiaobao was really at home and at ease! His legendary experience is simply a textbook for learning and living in interpersonal communication!

This sentence is similar to what Yang Guo said to Guo Jing in "The Legend of the Condor Heroes": "My surname is Ni and my name is Laozi."

Fang Yi quickly came to his senses and replied, "I know your surname is Hu, your first name is Hu, and you have eight different words!", so the practicality index was low and ranked tenth.

This is the most narrow self-introduction!

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Ninth place Zhu Ziliu’s “The Legend of the Condor Heroes”

Interesting index: 8

Practical index: 8

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“It’s not difficult, it’s not difficult. I have a poem here that talks about my origins. Type four words and you can take a guess. "

"The Six Classics have been stored in my chest for a long time, and a sword has been sharpened in my hand for ten years..." "There is a branch horizontally on the apricot flower head. I am afraid that the secret will be revealed. Don't reveal it." A bit tired is as big as a bucket, but half of the bed is covered with nothing. After finishing his name and waiting to be crowned, do you know his true face? "

Zhu Ziliu, one of the four great guards of Yuqiao, Woodcutter, Gengdu, boasted of being knowledgeable and talented, but he came up with such a shabby lantern riddle. As an introduction to his identity, Huang Rong did not expect that Huang Rong was so thoughtful that he blurted out: :

“Below the character ‘六’, there is a ‘一’ and a ‘十’, which is a ‘Xin’ character. The word "Xing" is added with a horizontal line and the word "口" at the bottom, which is the word "WE". Half of the word "bed" plus "大" plus a little bit, it's the word "like". "Wan" hangs the crown, which is the character "Yuan". Xin Wei was the number one scholar, disrespectful, it turned out to be Xin Weike's number one scholar. ”

I didn’t expect MM Huang to be a master of “SMS Puzzle” and “Swan Puzzle”!

This is the most obscure self-introduction!

The eighth place: Zhang San's "Xia Ke Xing"

Interesting index: 8.5

Practical index: 8

The fat man coughed and said: "My name is Zhang San. He is a bit older than the fourth brother Li. Little brother, you have no name, how can you sworn sworn friends with us? "

This fat man with a round face and big ears, wearing a bronze silk robe, smiling and amiable" is indeed cunning. He gave his name as "Zhang San Li Si", which is a general name that everyone can call, but he actually questioned him. Shi Potian had no name and no surname. He showed no sincerity when he swore an oath. On the contrary, it was Shi Potian's sincere oath that made the two envoys of rewarding good and punishing evil slightly apologetic.

Finally, the two gradually changed from being hostile and wary towards Shi Potian to no longer wary, and then truly became close friends, and staged a touching scene of drinking Laba porridge together on Xia Ke Island. This did not hide the fact that the two were masters of the world. His due style and magnanimity!

This is the most hypocritical self-introduction!

The seventh place contains a different "Dragon"

Interesting index: 8.5

Practical index: 8.5

"Well, this Are you the leader of the Beggar Clan? Brother Bao BuTong, you must have heard of my name."

Bao BuTong is definitely a "god man" who specializes in speaking out against others. , it is said that "as for the inferior, he is handsome but not handsome, generally handsome, but extremely ugly, and can be called handsome and ugly". Arrogance and exaggeration are his unmistakable characteristics, although he likes to climb on the wires. Tengji talked nonsense, but he was absolutely unambiguous on major matters. In the end, he died in vain at the hands of the young master who had raised and assisted him since childhood, which made people sigh with regret.

This person is not here, but the voice of "No! No!" is still in my ears.

This is the most arrogant self-introduction!

Sixth place Qiu Qianzhang's "The Legend of the Condor Heroes"

Interesting index: 8

Practical index: 9

"My last name is "Qiu, his name is Qian Ren."

This ridiculous elder brother pretended to be his second brother, and even pretended to say, "I haven't been around in the world for more than 20 years. I'm just afraid of others." I’ve forgotten it a long time ago!” He is so thick-skinned that he is thicker than a city wall!

The tyrannical third sister is even more unreasonable. She thinks that "the eldest brother sometimes borrows the name of the second brother for convenience when he is out walking. They have the same appearance and are brothers, so I borrow the name." What’s the big deal?”

I was puzzled: we are three brothers and sisters who live together, how come there is such a big gap in their lives?

This is the most shameless self-introduction!

Fifth place Blue Phoenix "Swordsman"

Interesting index: 8.5

Practical index: 9

"I am Yunnan The members of the Five Immortals Sect are not subordinate to Leader Lan."

The sanctimonious Yue Buqun did not understand that "except for Lan Fenghuang himself, who among the Five Immortals Sect is not a subordinate of Lan Fenghuang. "Down?"

Lan Fenghuang fought hard to win, and with the help of the Six Immortals of Peach Valley, Yue Buqun was squeezed so hard that the hypocrite almost lost his face!

Lan Fenghuang does not appear much in the book, but his straightforward and enthusiastic nature made me full of longing for visiting Miao Village. I hope the reality will not be too different, ha!

This is the funniest self-introduction!

The fourth place is Gai Yiming's "Yuanyang Knife"

Interesting index: 9

Practical index: 9

"Just below is Catch the toad with eight steps, race Zhuan Zhu, walk on the snow without leaving a trace, fly on water with one leg, and cover the seven provinces with double thorns to make a sound!"

What impressed me the most about this novel is this "Big Brother" who can't move at all times! He is a living treasure who knows things like a god and speaks with reason. He is mentally retarded but does not lose his loyalty. He does not blame himself for his low kung fu, but blames "these fools for being so ignorant. They have heard that the famous reputation of our Taiyue Four Heroes has not receded. Then Is there any way?"

When Xiao Zhonghui pretended to kill their eldest brother Xiaoyaozi, he actually stopped being timid and "walked up to Xiaoyaozi and stood straight, waiting for him to be killed. "The girl killed my eldest brother," he said. The three brothers did not want to be alone, so they asked the girl to kill him together. "Whoever frowns is not considered a hero!"

He is a "good man". So much desire!

This is the funniest self-introduction!

Third place Ding Dian's "The Secret of the City"

Interesting index: 9

Practical index: 9.5

"My surname is Ding. An illiterate Ding is a Ding with three graves and five canons.

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Ignorant Ding and Sanfenwudian, two completely opposite words, are actually used on the same person!

Dingdian itself is also such a contradictory unity. He has extraordinary martial arts skills and extraordinary love. He is willing to go to jail for the one he loves, which is very admirable!

This extraordinary introduction shows the clues of his shocking life.

This is the most contrasting self-introduction!

Second place Gongsun Lue's "The Legend of the Condor Heroes"

Interesting Index: 9.5

Practical index: 9.5

"My father's surname is Gongsun..." "My father once named his only daughter Green Calyx. ”

Girl Gongsun, who is “elegant and refined, with a refreshing air of her own”, has a beautiful name, a beautiful person, and an even more beautiful heart. She has no worldly atmosphere at all, and she introduces herself in a unique way, but in a roundabout way. , the image of a pure and lovely little girl immediately appeared in front of him!

Why is Jin Yong so cruel? He also has feelings for Yang Guo: Guo Fu finally found a home, Cheng Lu Shang was able to live in seclusion, why was Gongsun Lu'e so unlucky!

This is the most playful self-introduction!

First place: "The Deer and the Cauldron" by Chen Jinnan

Interesting Index: 0

Practical Index: 1000000

“My real name is Chen Yonghua, forever, the flower of China! ”

There are no ornaments, nothing exaggerated, just simplicity and dignity!

This sentence is a glorious portrayal of Chen Jinnan’s life, and it deserves to be ranked first!

May every Chinese person remember this sentence: Forever, the beauty of China!

This is the most touching self-introduction! Take a look, there are a lot of recruitment information for fresh graduates and self-introduction materials for various job interviews. You can take a look. I believe these can help you!