[urgent] Who can tell me where there is a sketch script about security?

time: modern times.

location: at the gate of forest park.

Character: Zhao Mushan: sketch actor.

security guard a.

security guard B.

(The curtain rises, the security guard puts on his armor and looks back behind him.

security guard a: I'm still a full-time employee of a state-owned unit. It's still half an hour before I get off work, so I'm the only one left at the ticket gate. They all went to pack their things and get ready to go home. But I, the security guard of the appointment system, dare to leave? Deduct the money when you leave!

(Zhao Mushan is from the other side and wants to enter the door.

security guard a: tickets, please!

Zhao mushan: huh? Are you asking me? Everyone who went in front of my ticket has already paid it.

security guard a: tickets, please!

Zhao Mushan: Oh, the ticket gate is empty, and it's getting dark. If someone is needed, can I ask, did someone pay my ticket just now?

security guard a: did someone pay your ticket? If someone pays your ticket, someone must marry me! I'm telling you, such a good thing can only happen in dreams. I've dreamed about it several times.

Zhao mushan: I'm telling the truth.

security guard a: I didn't tell a lie either.

Zhao Mushan: I said I did buy the ticket, which was held by CSI and Fan Wei.

security guard a: then take it out! Then call them out. I don't think so. Tell you, every day at the gate of our forest park, there are many people like you who want to get in. Why didn't they succeed? It's because I have a pair of eyes, and all kinds of monsters can't escape from my palm.

Zhao mushan: hey, who are you talking about? Open your eyes wide and see, am I the kind of person who can't afford a ticket? Will it? Isn't it just a hundred million small security guards?

security guard: what happened to the security guard? Security guards keep one party safe and do their duty. I want to see who you are today. What's the big deal? Cowhide is nothing. (Looking around Zhao Mushan carefully) Oh, this old lady's face is a bit like that amused Zhao Mushan.

Zhao Mushan: What do you mean, a bit like it? Take a closer look!

Bao anjia: His legs are a little lame, too, like Zhao Mushan.

Zhao Mushan: What do you mean, a bit like it? Take a closer look.

Bao anjia: There is such a strange thing in the world. This silly buddy looks a bit like Zhao Mushan. I heard that a Gansu native who looks like Li Qi made a lot of money in advertising. Dude, you're so lucky. Your parents gave you a face like Zhao Mushan. You can pretend to be Zhao Mushan to earn money, maybe you can be on TV and have a TV addiction.

Zhao mushan: what is impersonation? I am Zhao Mushan, known as the sketch king, a famous comedian, and even Americans have invited me to cooperate in filming!

security guard a: the Americans are looking for you? It's the garbage collector in America. These days, everyone says that they are related to foreigners and that they are stars. No matter how bright your star is, we use electric batons now, which is useless to us.

Zhao Mushan: I'm really Zhao Mushan.

security guard a: you are Zhao mushan. who am I?

Zhao mushan: (looking around the security guard. ) The face is a bit like Guo Xilin.

security guard a: look carefully again!

Zhao Mushan: He has the same figure.

security guard a: take a closer look!

security guard a: take a closer look. Sing: "Oh, one two three four five six seven" ...

Zhao Mushan: Do all Shaanxi people look like this? One by one is like Guo Xilin, a born film, video and song star!

security guard a: to tell you the truth, if you are Zhao mushan, I am Guo Xilin. Zhao Mushan, please take out your ID card to prove your identity.

Zhao mushan: didn't I just tell you? Csi couple Fan Wei and I went out to travel and climb the mountain together. They were afraid that I would take off my clothes and drop something when it was hot, so they packed it in my travel bag and asked Fan Wei to carry it on her back.

security guard a: no wow! Zhao Mushan, please show me your work permit.

Zhao Mushan: The work permit is also in the travel bag.

Bao anjia: Still no wow! Zhao Mushan, please take out your tickets.

Zhao Mushan: Didn't I tell you everything? Fan Wei carried all these things on his back.

security guard a: you don't have any. We invite you to visit the forest park, but you can't get the tickets. Why should I let you in?

Zhao mushan: hi! Isn't Fan Wei my apprentice? He bought the tickets, and I saw a side station at the door, so I let them go in first, and went to the toilet by myself, so I got separated from them.

security guard a: without tickets, why do you want to go in?

Zhao mushan: I'm famous for my sketches. When I went there, everyone knew me and no one ever stopped me.

security guard a: I'm telling you, I can't let you in without a ticket. Go and buy a ticket!

Zhao Mushan: (touching his pocket) Oh, my God, they even put my wallet in my travel bag. It seems that this person has lost a lot today.

security guard a: if I am cheated by your face like Zhao mushan today, my people are really lost.

(two people change the scene)

Zhao Mushan: Brother, do you think this will work? I'll sign your name, Zhao Mushan's name, fifty! Then, you asked me to go up the mountain, and I found Mr. and Mrs. CSI and Fan Wei, and I bought another ticket and ten tickets ... < P > Security guard A: You sign me again, and I'll sign your name, one hundred tickets. To tell you the truth, people say that I look like Guo Xilin. I have been practicing the word Guo Xilin for three years, and my hands still itch. But you can't go into the mountain without a ticket.

Zhao Mushan: Gee, it's strange that some people don't want the autographs of stars. (Scratching their heads and thinking) Well, I'll give you a performance of Grass alone. (Imitating the old lady, singing) "Today, I will give you a performance of a piece of grass,' There is no fragrance of flowers, no height of trees ...'"

Bao An Jia: Forget it, you can give me a performance of "Grass". Let me give you a performance of "Change the Program". (Singing) "Oh-,one two three four five six seven ..." < p Brother, tell you, CSI recently wrote a TV series called Liu Xiaogen. If you cut me some slack today, I will recommend you to play a security guard in the play.

security guard a: are Liu laogen's two sons called Liu xiaogen?

Zhao Mushan: Didn't he just get married on TV? Family planning work was not done well, so two more sons were born ...

Bao An Jia: Just make it up. Can a man who is almost seventy give birth to a son? I tell you, today you just weave flowers, and you can't enter this door without tickets!

Zhao Mushan: I didn't make it up. It's true.

security guard a: no, no! Then call it blowing! I'll tell you again, the real need needs to be proved. Csi has written a TV series. Take out the script. Can you take it out? Put it in the travel bag again! Can you take it out? It's in the travel bag again. You want to shoot the TV series "Liu Xiaogen", you take out the approval of the Radio and Television Bureau and let us have a look. It's an eye addiction. I know, your approval is in that travel bag again ... I tell you that all liars have the same feature: first, write you a blank check that can only be realized in an infinite future, and exchange this lie that you can go to heaven after death for immediate real benefits! I won't be fooled by you! I told you to scream, you see that baby won't hit you, go and play with that baby.

Zhao mushan: hi, what's the matter today? The last time I was a judge of the Golden Eagle Star in Hubei TV Station, so many handsome guys and so many Indian girls crowded for my autograph, calling me Uncle Mushan ... < P > Bao An A: That's because people went to Hubei TV Station for the Golden Eagle Star, leaving Hubei TV Station and Golden Eagle Star. If you say you are Zhao Mushan again, the devil cares about you!

Zhao Mushan: CCTV, what a big scene it was. I, Lao Zhao, performed there. I've played the Spring Festival Gala at least a dozen times. Why doesn't this Shaanxi person know me?

security guard a: that's when people go to CCTV and the spring festival gala. Believe it or not, if you don't want to go, you will be replaced by Zhang Mushan and Wang Mushan. Everyone will look at it equally and like it equally!

Zhao Mushan: So according to you, Lao Zhao is worthless in your eyes? Ten years of artistic creation has been in vain?

security guard a: it's not like that either. Zhao Mushan is only liked by many people. What everyone likes is Zhao Mushan's ten minutes of absorbed creation when he plays a sketch. If he can't create excellent sketches in the future, it will be like a hen stopping laying eggs and being treated like a rooster. Even Zhao Mushan didn't perform several good sketches, so people have to respect him all their lives and treat him as a god forever. What's more, you can't even prove whether you are Zhao Mushan now.

Zhao mushan: if someone from this remote mountain and forest can make a phone call, I will definitely call CCTV and ask them to prove it to you.

security guard a: save it. Even if there is a telephone and a cell phone signal, you can't enter the forest park without buying a ticket with the words Zhao Mushan. Besides, look at you like that, you are far from Zhao Mushan.

Zhao mushan: I, Lao Zhao, lost a lot today. The handsome sketch king was regarded as a bum who wanted to sneak into the forest park by a small security guard like Guo Xilin. I'm not going in, okay? I'm not going shopping, okay?

security guard a: stop! Stop right there.

Zhao mushan: why? I'm not going in. Isn't that enough?

security guard a: no. According to your performance just now and what you are doing now, I have reason to think that you can't cheat and take the opportunity to slip away.

Zhao mushan: if I can't go, I won't go. (crouching aside)

Security guard A: Get up, you get up.

Zhao Mushan: What's the matter? Cann't you squat and rest?

security guard a: no, if you squat like this, our leader will think that someone is squatting at the gate of the park and taking a shit. He must be criticizing me for being irresponsible! Get up, you get up.

(Zhao mushan stands up. )

security guard a: you can't stand behind me like this stealthily.

Zhao Mushan: What's the matter?

security guard a: you stand like a terrorist. It was either an attempt to set fire or an explosion. You stand in the front.

(Zhao Mushan walks in front of the security guard. )

security guard a: look at you standing in front of me like this, planted like a telephone pole. Those tourists thought that the workers were playing an attitude and quarreling with their dear tourists!

Zhao mushan: what do you want me to do to make myself comfortable? You say it! Go ahead.

security guard a: get down! (Zhao Mushan squats down)

Security guard A: Put your head in your hands. (Zhao Mushan holds her head)

Security guard A: Take off the belt.

Zhao Mushan: You think I'm a prisoner! What crime have I committed?

security guard a: a crime? I didn't say that. If you think you're guilty, tell me honestly before it's too late. Be lenient in confession and strict in resistance!

(Fan Wei's voice behind the scenes: Brother Mushan, where are you? )

Zhao Mushan: I'm at the gate of the park. Please hand out my travel bag quickly!

(Voice behind the scenes: You answer it! Zhao Mushan carried a big bag from behind the scenes. )

Zhao Mushan: (While unzipping his bag, he talks to himself) This is his ID card, this is his work permit, and this is his membership card of the Dramatists Association. Hey, where's the money? Where's the wallet?

(Security guard B gets on, and changes his baton and cuff with Party A, and Party A wants to get off. )

Zhao Mushan: Oh, my god, I finally found it. Here are the tickets and here is the wallet. Now look, I'm the kind of person who mixes tickets. Am I really Zhao Mushan?

security guard a: (answers at the bottom) I'm sorry, I'm off duty, and my business is not in my charge. (2)

(Voice behind the scenes: You can continue the discussion with my brother about what we discussed just now. )

Zhao Mushan: (packing my travel bag, trying to catch up) You've been bothering me for a long time, and now you don't care. No, I have to see if I'm a liar today, and if I'm really Zhao Mushan. (catch up. )