Classic joke

1. "Grandpa, how can I go to America?" "Then who knows ... ask the village chief!"

Speak louder and you won't need electricity!

Don't leave after the party, go to dinner-whoever goes pays.

I am a rich man. Today, backstage, I drove here and they all came on foot. The old gentlemen in Tianjin began to leave on Tuesday. But my car has had some problems recently, and the speed is a bit slow. At first, I thought the carburetor was dirty. I won't know until I check. I dropped my pedal. ...

There are always more than 1000 traditional cross talks left by the old gentleman. After years of continuous efforts by our actors, there are now more than 400 pieces left.

6. Listening to cross talk shows that you are patriotic. There is a child near our home who can speak seven or eight foreign languages, such as English, Japanese, Korean, Yugoslav, North Slavic and West Slavic ... Can he sit with Eight-Nation Alliance and scold him anyway? Tell him you listen to cross talk. "Don't go! I don't understand! " Ignoring the law, I would have killed him! I can't understand cross talk in foreign languages!

7. The house we live in is full of holes. It is fatal when it rains: it rains outside the rain house, and it rains outside the rain house. Sometimes it rains so hard that the whole family goes out to take shelter from the rain.

8. If you are willing to die, I am willing to bury.

9. Do you want to hear, do you want to hear, or do you want to hear? I will never insist.

10. This guy robbed the bank and drove on the North Third Ring Road. 5: 30 in the afternoon! When the police arrived, the traffic jam was very serious.

1 1. Your shameless appearance is like my charm.

12. Huh? You don't know me? I am an artist! I have been an artist for over a week.

13. Degang Guo: Brother, I hope that the world will be peaceful, and the people of the world will live and work in peace and contentment without war, ok?

God thought about it. Let's tell the truth about this difficulty. I'm not that capable. Really, really, I won't tell you anything else. Can you change it? Let's discuss something else.

I brought a photo of someone else when I touched him. Brother, look at this. This is my other disciples. They look cold and can't find anyone. Please make him more beautiful.

God: (thinking) Let's talk about world peace (tearing up photos).

Degang Guo: Hey, why did you tear up the photo, huh? I don't agree. I don't agree. Why tear it? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

14. I have money at home and drive a 13 Cadillac. You can tell by the sound that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, "chug chug", oh, triple jump.

At first, half of Beijing was smoking black smoke, and the traffic police shouted at you, "Elder Sun, take your magic."

15. From today on, I will never eat lobster again.

16. Grenade is very expensive. If there are six grenades for one dollar, I'll throw you a hundred dollars first.

17. The young man looks like an actor. ...

18. All right! This plane, like Dafa, has a rocking glass! ..... sitting on a big hat, Li Xia didn't give the newspaper ... Tianjin didn't make a big hat, but they all went to the United States ... and flew to the United States for half a year, adding more than 40,000 oil.

19. Guo: What should I do? I'm so rich. I don't know how to spend it Hey? ! Yu Qian, why don't I take care of you?

Will you take care of me? !

Guo: Ah ... no ... No matter how rich we are, we must choose our looks!

20. Shouxing: Jade Emperor Jade Emperor! ~ something has come up.

Jade Emperor: What happened to the birthday girl?

Shouxing: Do you have a hammer and nails? Let me use it. My sika deer bit the railing.

Jade Emperor: Shouxing, what did I tell you? It doesn't matter if you ride that deer, you have to feed it! ~

2 1. Degang Guo: As soon as I arrived, I took a good job and built a chimney more than 70 meters high!

Yu Qian: Not bad!

Degang Guo: Get up early and get the job done. People come to check and accept, but they won't give us money anyway!

Yu Qian: Is the quality not good?

Degang Guo: I started to turn the drawings upside down, and people asked me to repair the well!

22. Guo: Hey ~ ~! There was an opportunity to make money before me, but I didn't cherish it. The opportunity passed and I regretted it. If God gives me another chance, I want to say to the village chief: I am willing to go. If I have to put a limit on that salary, I hope it is: 400 yuan.

23. It was very cold, so I sent you a coat. The post office said it was too heavy, so I hinged the buttons and put them in my pocket.

24.20 people, men and women, are standing in front of the White House, and their bags are all ready ―― reporters! I have to be careful what I say. I don't want to be caught by them and embarrass China people. Next, the gang came over: "Master, would you like a plate?" Sell! What do you think the White House Cultural Bureau does for food?

25. "The story told today is not far from now. If there are old people at home, you can go back and ask-during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period ... "

Flight 26.90 14, Xizhimen to Daxing Huangcun, fare 5 yuan, please board. How interesting you say this is. The flight attendants will shout when they stand there. Let's go, let's go. There are big seats, there are big seats. Be sure to have a big seat!

When XXX was born, his father was ill. After returning to China, his mother is the hardest. Here is the husband and there are the children. We should take care of them. Feed the medicine here, feed the medicine there, feed the milk, feed the medicine. Feed medicine, breast-feed His father is too strong, and the child has taken the wrong medicine.

28. Dead vines and old trees faint crows, small bridges and flowing water. The old road is thin, the sun sets, heartbroken people ... in the hospital, ... don't go to the hospital if their intestines are broken! ..... I am the first master of tampering with Tang poetry and Song poetry.

29. Law-abiding and depressed, strong beam and singing every night, riding a mule to harm others, being honest and fair and starving. Building bridges and roads is blind, killing and setting fires. I went to the Western Heaven to ask my Buddha, and the Buddha said, No way!

30. "The foot of my bed is shining with such bright light. Is it already frosted?"? , looked up and found it was moonlight, (pa! My name is Degang Guo. There are many people here. I am very happy. Thank you for coming. Don't go after the party. Go eat. Whoever goes will pay. Listen to cross talk for twenty, and make a noise of sixteen thousand. Laugh and add money. "

3 1. "We fell in love with cross talk on TV. Why? Say it! The director arranged applause. Once on stage,' Today', wow-,'We', wow-,'For everyone', wow-,'Say a photo', wow-,'Sound', wow-,(Cheerful: a word and a drum! )' bad', wow-clap if it's bad! ?

32. "I am a rich man. Today, backstage, I drove here and they all came on foot. Those old gentlemen in Tianjin went out on Tuesday. But my car has had some problems recently, and the speed is a bit slow. At first, I thought the carburetor was dirty. I won't know until I check. Is the pedal off ... "

33. "Then who can eat? Everyone looks like pancakes all day. It is also ok to roll steamed bread with rice. That thing is solid porcelain. Sometimes when I come backstage, I slip two pounds of cake to drink ... "

34. "Alas, there is something wrong with your mouth."

35. Rogues can do martial arts, but they can't stop it! Scientists know martial arts, and no one can stop them!

36. It's killing me!

37. How can I describe his appearance to you? Have you ever seen baked sweet potatoes? Just baked. It's too hot in your hand. I accidentally failed to hold it and fell to the ground. What about over there? A child came running, wearing spikes, and stepped on this sweet potato. . His face is like this sweet potato.

38. I want to fight against the three customs.

39. You are vulgar-but I like it.

On this day, I came to the railway station with prejudice, and all the tickets were sold out. Beth walked up to a policeman and asked, "Do you know where the ticket scalper is?" When the policeman heard the music, he said, "I'm still looking!" " "

4 1. I want to commit suicide and plan to jump off a building. I have studied this kind of jump. The second floor is different from the twentieth floor. The second floor is "pa" and "ah", and the twentieth floor is "ah ~ ~ ~" and "pa".

Hearing the news of your father's death, the neighbors cried: "such a good man, he died late!" "

43. After midnight, two gentlemen took to the street naked, so Jing Li still wears glasses-if you put on a mask again, it will be three points.

44. How beautiful these two nurses are: 1.7 meters tall, with sideburns and beards, and wide palms to protect their hearts.

45. Yu Qian's father-father Wang.

46. Li Jing has a cousin who can tiptoe under Li Xia in high heels. She looks poor. Her picture is posted on the door to ward off evil spirits and on the bed for contraception.

47. Have you seen the B club with a crayon tattooed on it?

48. Don't I know you yet? You get drunk when you touch wine, and you get lost when you see the world. When you get rich, you will begin to forget the words. You only have one advantage. As soon as you see your aunt, you will become digital.

49. Everyone in "Single Knife Club" knows that Liu Guan and Zhang Taoyuan became sworn three times, and the two brothers and sisters knocked their heads on the ground like brothers, and then protected the Tang Priest to go to the Western Heaven for Buddhist scriptures. There is this story in A Dream of Red Mansions.

50. Crosstalk is all made up, and this paragraph is true.

5 1. We all drove back to Beijing. Mr. Yu is taller than us. He watched us drive, watched us, and rode back by bike.

52. The old man has been sweating all over these days, and the smell under his armpit is cumin.

My situation is different from yours-I have a father.

54. Degang Guo: Your father's name is written on it. Qin Feng Deng Assistant Minister Yu Taigong (taboo) into the pot.

Yu Qian: My dad told the fish to go into the pot. What's his name?

Degang Guo: Whatever you say, Yu ... Yu Shaoqian, write it down.

55. You hit the monk after reading the scriptures.

56. Degang Guo: Ask a layman in Jushilin to write a spell for your father.

Yu Qian: Right.

Degang Guo: Can ordinary people invite you? Jushilin's came, Kutokuhayashi's, Zhilin's, McDonald's and Quanjude's also came.

57. Degang Guo: I'm sorry to see your father like this. I grew up with the old man, grew up in front of him and watched me grow up. Now he is so ill, can I feel it in my heart?

Yu Qian: Exactly.

Degang Guo: Alas ... (pointing) Old man, you ... you have today.

58. Degang Guo: On one occasion, there was a gravel case, and the body was dismembered, which was terrible. The detective asked Yu Qian, "What do you think is going on?" Yu Qian thought for a moment and said, "I think this is suicide."

Yu Qian: Ah, suicide?

Degang Guo: The detective liked Yu Qian very much. He pointed to the body and said, "If only he were you."

59. There are three characters "Tongguan" written on the rostrum.