Specific methods to achieve "win-win"

2022-2-16 (Wednesday? Sunny) day19 Liu Shuhan

Thoughts on reading "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Chapter 7"

Picture 7-1 illustrates how these five aspects are related to each other.

A win-win situation allows both parties to learn from each other, influence each other and maximize their own benefits. To achieve mutual benefit, you must have enough courage and a good mind to be kind to others, especially when dealing with those who benefit yourself at the expense of others. Cultivating this aspect requires extraordinary insight and a proactive spirit, and is based on security, life direction, wisdom and strength.

The principle of win-win is the basis of all interpersonal interactions, including five independent aspects: "win-win morality" is the foundation, and then a "win-win relationship" is established, from which a "win-win agreement" is derived, which requires " "Win-win system (structure)" as a nurturing environment is accomplished through a win-win "win-win process" because we cannot achieve a win-win goal by means of win/lose or lose/win.

Now, let's study these five aspects in turn.

Win-win morality has three basic characteristics.

Integrity: We define integrity as our own value. Habits 1, 2, and 3 educate us to develop and maintain the character of integrity. If we have clear values ??in our daily lives, proactively arrange activities based on them, and keep our commitments, we can gradually develop self-awareness and independent will.

It’s impossible to “win” if we don’t understand what “winning” really means and how it aligns with our inner values. Without the foundation of integrity, win-win is just an ineffective superficial effort.

Maturity: This is a balance between being bold and considerate. "Maturity is the ability to express one's own emotions and beliefs while being considerate of the thoughts and feelings of others." This is the conclusion reached by Professor Hrand Saxenian after many years of research.

If you carefully study the psychological tests used for recruitment, promotion, and training, you will find that whether they are about personal will/empathy balance, confidence/respect for others balance, or The purpose of caring about people/caring about task balance is to examine maturity; and those training terms or comments on communication analysis and management methods also measure a person's ability to balance between being bold and being considerate.

This ability is the essence of interpersonal communication, management and leadership skills, and is the in-depth expression of output/capacity balance. The purpose of daring to act is to get the golden egg, and being considerate can protect the long-term interests of its shareholders. The fundamental task of leadership is to improve the living standards and quality of life of all shareholders.

Many people look at the problem in an either/or way, thinking that a gentle person must not be strong enough, but only by emphasizing both gentleness and strength can a win-win situation be achieved. The effect of this kind of strength is even twice as strong as that of others. That toughness of a win/lose model. The win-win model requires you to be not only gentle but also brave, not only considerate but also confident, not only considerate and sensitive, but also brave and fearless. Doing this and finding a balance between daring to act and being considerate is true maturity. This is the basis for a win-win situation. (See Figure 7-2)

If I am courageous but not considerate of others, my communication pattern is win/lose - I am tough and selfish, brave enough to stand up for my own beliefs, but indifferent to others.

If my heart is not mature enough and my emotions are a little fragile, in order to make up for these shortcomings, I may have to rely on status, power, certificates, qualifications and relationships to gain strength.

If I am considerate but not courageous, my interaction pattern is win/lose. I put your thoughts and wishes first in everything, but I am shy about expressing and realizing my own thoughts and wishes.

Dare to act and be considerate are necessary conditions for a win-win situation, and the balance between them is an important sign of maturity. If I am mature enough, I will be willing to listen, communicate well and stand up for myself.

Contentment: Believe that resources are sufficient and everyone has a share.

Most people are worried about the scarcity of resources and think that the world is like a big pie that not everyone can eat. If someone else takes away an extra piece, you will suffer. Life is like a zero-sum game. No wonder the saying goes: "It's easy to be in trouble, but it's hard to be rich." Not being able to see good things in others, and even being jealous of the achievements of close relatives and friends, are all caused by the "Scarcity Mentality".

People with this kind of mentality even hope that people with whom they have a stake will suffer constant misfortunes and are exhausted from coping and unable to compete with peace of mind. They always compare themselves with others and believe that other people's success is equal to their own failure. Even if they show false approval on the surface, they are jealous in their hearts. Only possession can make them affirm themselves. They also want to be surrounded by people who obey orders, and different opinions are regarded as rebellion and heresy.

In contrast, an abundance mentality (Abundance Mentality) comes from strong personal values ??and security. Because we believe that there are enough resources in the world for everyone to share, we are not afraid to compete with others for fame and wealth, thereby opening up unlimited possibilities, giving full play to creativity, and providing a broad space for choice.

Success in the public sphere does not mean dominating others, but benefiting all participants through successful and effective interactions. Everyone works together, discusses together, and realizes an ideal that cannot be accomplished alone. This kind of success requires Based on a contentment mindset.

An honest, mature, and contented person uses little or no skills in interpersonal communication.

On the basis of win-win ethics, we can establish and maintain win-win relationships. The essence of win-win is credit, that is, emotional account. Without credit, the best we can do is compromise; without credit, we cannot be open and honest, learn from each other, communicate with each other, and be creative.

But if the emotional account has sufficient savings, credit will no longer be a problem. The existing investment allows us to know and respect each other, and we can concentrate on the problem itself, rather than our personality or position.

Because we trust each other, we can be honest with each other, regardless of whether we agree or disagree. No matter what point of view is expressed by either party, the other party will listen attentively and strive to understand each other (Habit 5) and then jointly find a third way. This collaborative solution benefits both parties.

Sufficient emotional savings and an awareness of win-win models are ideal ways to produce synergistic effects (Habit 6). This kind of relationship will not make the problem blur or weaken, nor will the differences of opinions disappear, but it can remove those negative factors that distract energy, such as excessive attention to differences in personality and position, thereby creating a win-win situation that is conducive to achieving a win-win situation. A positive collaborative atmosphere to understand and solve problems.

After the relationship is established, an agreement is needed to explain the definition and direction of a win-win situation. This kind of agreement is sometimes called a "performance agreement" or a "cooperation agreement". It turns vertical exchanges into horizontal exchanges and subordination. Relationships turned into partnerships, and superior supervision turned into self-supervision.

In a win-win agreement, the following five elements should be clearly defined:

Expected results: Confirm goals and time limits, regardless of method.

Guidelines: Identify the principles, guidelines and behavioral limits for achieving goals.

Available resources: including human, financial, technical or organizational resources.

Task assessment: Establish performance evaluation criteria and time.

Reward and punishment system: Determine rewards and punishments based on task assessment.

These five elements give win-win agreements their significance, and understanding and recognizing them gives people something to rely on when measuring their own performance.

A few years ago, I was involved in a consulting project for a large financial institution. The company, which has dozens of branches, wanted us to evaluate the company's management training program and make recommendations for improvements.

This is a large-scale training program with an annual budget of up to $750,000. The specific content includes recruiting employees from college graduates, and then having them intern in twelve departments within six months, one department at a time. The purpose of the two-week internship is to give them a comprehensive understanding of the entire company's operations. After six months of training, they will be assigned to branches as assistant managers.

The company's original training program focused on methods rather than end results. Therefore, we suggest that they first conduct a pilot training program based on another model, and let the trainees themselves control the specific training process (it can be called "trainee-controlled training"). This is a win-win agreement that begins with identifying training objectives and standards against which managers can judge trainee performance. Managers must also clearly define guidelines, available resources, task assessment, and reward and punishment systems. Of course, for this particular training program, the final reward is promotion to assistant manager, where they continue to receive on-the-job training and receive a significant increase in salary.

The premise of a win-win performance agreement is a paradigm shift, focusing on results rather than methods, but most people value methods over results. When talking about Habit 3, I mentioned that I used directive authorization to ask my wife, Sandra, to take photos of my son who was water skiing. This is an example. Win-win agreements focus on results, unleashing individual potential, maximizing collaborative effects, and paying equal attention to output and capacity.

People can self-assess using win-win criteria. While traditional assessment methods are inconvenient and wasteful of effort, win-win agreements allow people to self-assess based on criteria they have participated in developing beforehand. As long as the method is appropriate, the results are reliable. Even if the person using the win-win performance agreement is a seven-year-old boy, he can judge how well he is doing at cleaning up his yard.

Management philosopher and consultant Peter Drucker suggested that managers and employees express the key points of a performance agreement in the form of a "letter to the manager." Start with a thorough discussion of expected results, guidelines, and available resources to ensure they are consistent with the organization's overall goals, then write a "letter to the manager" and propose a time for the next performance plan and discussion.

Win-win can only exist in an organization with a sound system. If you promote win-win but reward win/lose model, the result is doomed to failure.

Generally speaking, you get what you encourage. If you want to achieve the set goals, you should establish a supporting reward system. However, if this system runs counter to the goals, it will naturally not be able to achieve your wishes, just like the manager who advocates cooperation but uses a "trip to Bermuda" to motivate employees.

Win-Win Process

A win/lose approach cannot lead to a win-win outcome. You can't always ask others: "Whether you like it or not, you must aim for a win-win situation." The problem is how to find a win-win solution.

Roger Fisher and William Ury, professors at Harvard Law School, suggested in their book "Toward Political Consciousness" that during negotiations Adhere to "principles" rather than "positions". Although they do not use the term "win-win," the spirit of their advocacy coincides with this book.

They believe that the key to principled negotiation is to distinguish between people and problems, to focus on interests rather than positions, and to create methods that can benefit both parties without violating some of the things both parties agree on. principles or standards.

I recommend that different people and organizations take the following four steps to complete the win-win process:

First, look at the problem from the other person's perspective. Really understand the other person’s thoughts, needs and concerns, sometimes even better than the other person.

Second, identify the main issues and concerns (not positions).

Again, determine the results that everyone can accept.

Finally, find various possible paths to achieve this result.

1. Think about the next opportunity you will need to use communication to reach agreement or obtain a solution.

Make sure you maintain a balance between being can-do and being empathetic.

2. Make a list of the obstacles that often prevent you from using win-win thinking. Remove obstacles that fall within your circle of influence.

3. Choose a relationship in which you want to achieve the most win-win outcome. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and write down what they think of the corresponding solution. Then list the results that are beneficial to you from your own perspective. Communicate with the other party and ask him/her if he/she is willing to negotiate until a mutually beneficial outcome is reached.

4. Think of the three most important relationships in your life. Try to find evidence in the emotional accounts of each relationship that allow you to achieve emotional balance. Write down the specific ways you draw emotion from these relationships.

5. Think deeply about the way you do things. Is it a win-win for both parties or one party loses? Will this way of doing things affect your interactions with others? Do you know what are the main factors that influence this way of doing things? Weigh whether these ways of doing things would be beneficial in your current situation.

6. Try to find a role model who uses win-win thinking. Does he/she insist on benefiting both parties, even in difficult situations? Determine now to observe this role model more closely and learn from him or her.