In graduation season, the most important thing is "choice"

Recently, I started looking for a job. Several friends are asking me the same question: Where will I go to work after graduation?

every graduate will face this problem. Seriously, I don't have an answer.

But that doesn't mean I'm not making a choice.

A few days ago, there was an announcement about the introduction of talents in Longyan City, Fujian Province. The content of the announcement was roughly as follows:

The reserve cadres introduced by Longyan City promised to serve in Longyan for more than 7 years. 985 master's one-time settling-in fee is 3W, and monthly subsidy is 3 yuan; Dr. 985 and the excellent Dr. 211 received a one-time settlement fee of 4w and a monthly subsidy of 4,. < P > When the news came out, everyone felt deeply and went to Longyan to reach the peak of their lives.

whether we can meet the requirements of the recruiting unit is not to be said for the time being. But it seems that none of our classmates are going to apply. Why not go? There are various reasons.

the most frequently heard answer is: it's too far from home. But I can't help asking, for most of my friends, isn't it farther from home? Aren't their provincial capitals closer to home? Why do we always stay close and seek further?

After further questioning, the answers I heard became specific: the interpersonal relationship in a small city like Longyan is too complicated, promotion depends on "being a man", the development prospects are limited, and life is endless.

does this answer sound familiar to any friends? That's what we said when we described our hometown, that small town. In our imagination, Longyan is not too far away from home, on the contrary, it is too close to home, and it is too close to the environment where we grew up.

when we think of Longyan, we think of the environment where we grew up. In that environment, we usually enter the social circle of our parents as children. We stay behind our parents and get in touch with that environment through them. In that place, you will always be the son or daughter of so-and-so, and no one will care who you really are until you are financially independent.

for a person who has not graduated, we are still unable to change this situation. Therefore, we will not choose to go to a city similar to our hometown. I never believe that we choose not to go home after graduation because we love big cities more. We are just more afraid of returning to our parents' infancy and becoming the giant baby who is too well protected.

This may just be a war of self-identity. I mean, maybe.

What the "Longyan" incident reminded me is actually another deeper problem:

Most of us make choices by "emotions"!

I really don't know anything about Longyan. Just because it is similar to my growing environment in my imagination, I have a kind of resistance and exclude it from my choice.

Our brains always make quick judgments according to "emotional likes and dislikes". This is an instinct given to us by evolution. Millions of years ago, people who were still in the middle of the food chain were very fragile, so they must learn to "avoid danger" at the first time. And this instinct has been passed on to each of us modern people.

but this kind of quick decision-making can't stand any rational scrutiny. Because I know that if I have enough time to collect enough information, once I find the conditions conducive to my own development, I will probably choose to go to Longyan.

So, I came to a conclusion: Longyan seems to be a place that I didn't like, but in fact, it was largely because I didn't understand it, and I didn't have enough knowledge and information.

The most frustrating situation is that you know what you are doing is an irrational decision, and you know that there is probably a pit ahead, but you can't help it. Because we are always forced to make choices. My junior year is coming to an end, and I wonder whether I want to take the postgraduate entrance examination or not. When the autumn recruitment begins, I wonder what I want to do. There is no way for us to collect more information in a short time, innovate our cognition and make more rational choices. At this time, we usually rely on "simple likes and dislikes" to make choices. Just like the Taiwanese drama "Tea" said: We are all just writing down the only answer on the examination paper of life in a hurry.

I didn't mean to lead this discussion to a dead end. I just tried to remind myself and friends who read this article that some seemingly unquestionable choices, which seem to be judgments made by following the heart, are probably traps, traps buried by emotions.

So, in the process of finding a job recently, I will be cautious about some of my subconscious reactions, especially those seemingly self-evident decisions. I keep asking myself: Do I have to go to the Internet? Does it have to be in the north, Guangzhou and Shenzhen? Do you have to find a job that doesn't work overtime? ..... Do you have to do something?

In fact, after repeated questioning, the result is often negative. Most seemingly unquestionable decisions really can't stand any questioning.

this is already the case. How to make a good choice with limited knowledge and information is a problem I want to solve.

We don't necessarily need to answer the test paper of life in a hurry. Because many situations are not as terrible as they seem. Autumn recruit didn't get the offer, so you can come back in spring recruit. If you don't get into graduate school, you can take it again next year. The first job is not good, you can change it completely. Those who always say that one exam determines one's life and the first job determines one's career can't stand scrutiny at all. This view tries to tell you that you will never grow up again for more than 6 years after graduation and death.

The reason why we want to do every step well is largely due to "parents' expectation" and "peer pressure". But paradoxically, since childhood, we seem to have been against our parents' wishes. Therefore, the so-called parents' expectation is actually a lie, and we don't care at all. And "peer pressure" is the sequela of this educational model of "entrance examination". Our lives are never synchronized with each other. Life is not a competition, it is just a lonely trip for you.

I dare not say that I have learned to be calm, but I have been learning how to be more calm.

how to be more calm?

We often talk about this sentence, but have we ever wondered what this Heart really means? According to my observation, in practice, Heart is regarded as "emotion, impulse and intuition" by us.

the two most important meanings of heart are "important part" and "feelings/emotions". In other words, the so-called heart is the combination of core (key point) and emotion, and the integration of rational part and emotional part.

the heart/heart that combines rationality and sensibility is also called "values".

values, without context, can easily become abstract. When we put it in the context of "choice", it has a clear meaning:

Values mean, when choosing, what is the most important and what is more important to you?

The most important thing is different for people at different stages of life and facing different situations. As far as finding a job is concerned, some people think that the city is the most important, some people think that the industry is the most important, and some people think that the salary is the most important.

Let's leave aside whether these important factors are really conducive to our choice. But at least to be sure, these are our truest thoughts at this moment. After all, only by facing your true heart frankly can you have enough confidence and courage to bear the consequences after your choice.

However, there should not be too many conditions in the Selection List. If there are too many conditions, we will have fewer choices.

give an example. When looking for a job, it is often said that more money, less work, and being close to home. But from the perspective of probability theory, there are few jobs that meet the three conditions at the same time. But if we only choose two factors, the scope of our choice will become larger. And if we only choose the most important one, our choice will become wider, and correspondingly, we will be more able to find our satisfactory job.

Some people may think that I am pouring chicken soup: lower my requirements and expectations, and then get happiness.

There is actually a misunderstanding in this understanding: reducing the number of conditions does not mean lowering your own requirements and expectations. The real situation is just the opposite. If we cut off the unimportant conditions and concentrate our attention and time on the most important conditions, we will have a wider range of choices on the basis of pertinence, so that we are more likely to get a good choice. For example, you originally wanted to be in the world's top 5, and you wanted to earn more than 1, yuan a month. Finally, in order to meet two conditions, I joined a company that you didn't like very much. Later, you gave up the condition that your monthly salary exceeded 1, yuan, and as a result, your choice became wider, and you finally found a company that you really liked and recognized.

of course, I don't try to judge which conditions should be adhered to and which should be abandoned. After all, everyone has different values, and it is these values that define what kind of person we should be. At present, we can only make decisions according to our current values.

However, with the constant change of cognition, our values will undergo constant deepening, adjustment and even change. This means that our "choice list" needs to be constantly taken out.

For example, in the process of looking for a job, we often find that the city we had to go to is no longer so important. We also accepted the job that seemed unacceptable.

this is not compromise, nor giving up, but growth. By communicating with senior sisters many times and with hr interviewers in many interviews, we will gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the real society. In this situation, there is no shame in being capricious. The world is too complicated, and our life has just begun. Choice is never achieved overnight, and we can go back on our word at any time before deadline comes.

To sum up what I said to myself, I want to repeat my thoughts once again:

We can only make decisions under the condition of incomplete information. But this does not mean that we can only make choices with intuition, emotions and feelings. We should try our best to follow the rational part of our hearts and make rational judgments.

I tried this method when I was looking for a job myself:

Since September, my "choice list" has been changed many times. In the early days, "you must choose the Internet and media", "try not to work overtime" and "the monthly salary must be xxxK", which has become the only one now, "choose a big platform+focus on growth and rapid progress". I dare not say that this is my final version, and I dare not say that this is a scientific principle. This is just a list that has been constantly revised in practice and conforms to my values.

If you are smart and facing a choice, please make your own "choice list".

I still want to nag at my thoughts.

you must face your true self and follow your heart. But "inner heart" is not an emotion, but a combination of emotion and reason, which is your values. At the same time, please keep an open mind, because life is changing, people are changing, and our values will change.

in this life, we are destined to wander in our hearts.

Because with the deepening of our understanding of real life, we have to constantly make self-revolution, which may last until the day when our lives are exhausted.

When I think of this, I always feel strongly that behind the whole modern philosophy, there is heroic despair:

Our life is only a journey.

I think of a line in the movie The Wonders of Benjamin Button: Life is not that complicated. If you like, you can say that I am exploring life.

I never regret it, just be sincere.

I still don't know where I'm going after graduation. I'm just doing it and being honest with myself.

[end]