Yellow jokes The better the joke material is in Huang Yue. 20 17(2)

The dirtiest connotation paragraph 1 A pregnant woman is pregnant and is about to give birth. When sleeping, the child moves around in his stomach and can't sleep. Her husband asked her, why are you still up? Wife: It's not like your son is moving around in it. Husband: He knows that he is going to have a baby and he is still packing in it!

My mother is so beautiful that she always thinks I am ugly. Talk about me one day, and I finally can't help but refute: who told you that you don't know how to regenerate! ? She said:? How many times have I told you, I'll pick you up! ? I said:? Why don't you pick a good one? Okay, who threw it? ? All right! Mom, you won!

I met a beautiful woman with big breasts when I was running this morning. I smiled and asked: Beauty, is it uncomfortable to shake your chest when running? The beauty gave me a white look: Are you men comfortable when you dump them? I was silent and bowed my head and ran a few steps. Oh, I wish I could indulge.

4. My wife asked me in bed? Honey, what am I to you? I'm playing games without thinking. You are my Youlemei! So what game are you playing? Why don't you plug in your pipe! ?

5. Falling in love and getting married is about who is shameless. At the beginning, those who had true love but dared not express it ruined a batch. After they got together, it was difficult to leave a group because of the opposition of the other family. When getting along, I was embarrassed to apologize and make peace with each other because of quarrels, and forced a group to leave. Those who can finally tie the knot are the ultimate heroes who are bold and cautious.

6. My wife just came home today, and I suddenly hugged her as soon as she entered the door. She shouted: rogue! I smiled: if you call me a rogue again, I will kill you! It's been two hours now, and my wife used to shout? Rogue, rogue, rogue. ?

7. Confession of the long-lost goddess; Goddess: I like being alone. ? Me:? Who goddess:? I like being alone. ? Me:? Who is it, goddess? I like being alone! ? Me:? Who is it, goddess? I like being single! ?

8. W: I already have a boyfriend. M: I don't mind. I still like you. Comments, what a spoony man. M: I already have a girlfriend. W: I don't mind. I still like you. Comment: Damn, shameless mistress.

9. The mother taught her daughter that choosing a husband is a lifelong matter, as long as it takes. Look at your dad, he can fix everything: he fixes the faucets of automobile appliances himself. Can he fix them even if the wardrobe is broken? Daughter interrupted:? I get it, okay? Mom:? Understand your sister. If you find a husband like your father, you will never want to use anything new in your life. ?

10. In junior high school, two classmates (deskmates) inexplicably scolded each other. One scolded the other and said, my deskmate is an idiot! ? The other party is anxious and scolds: Your deskmate is an idiot! ? Next to a group of students stunned for a few seconds, and then burst into laughter.

1 1. Xiaoming's father saw Xiaoming dripping hardener on a caterpillar, and the caterpillar played with a stick and had an idea. Said to Xiao Ming: This seems quite interesting. Let me borrow it from my father and buy you a bike tomorrow! ? The next day, Xiao Ming saw a bike and a BMW in the yard. He was surprised and asked his father? Dad:? I bought you that bike, but your mother insisted on buying me a BMW. ?

12. A student's parents visit the teacher. Parents:? Teacher's name? Teacher:? Oh, my name is Jinlian Wang. ? Parents: (holding the teacher's hand warmly)? Oh, Miss Pan! ?

13. Last night, my wife went to bed with me. I stroked her hair, and then my hand came down from her until I met her. Then we enjoyed sex for ten minutes. When I had an orgasm, I suddenly remembered something. I live alone and have only one dog.

14. There are three kinds of men in the world. The first is vanity. You must find a big box. The second is simple. You can have bigger breasts. The third kind is realistic. Just don't have other big breasts. . .

15. The township head received 300 yuan's bonus and asked his secretary Xiao Wang to give it to his wife. Special note:? Go quietly, don't let my mother know. ? Xiao Wang hurried back to the dormitory and put on a pair of clean pants. When I arrived at the township head's house, I quietly went to the bedroom. The wife of the township head asked: Why are you here? Xiao Wang is busy motioning with his hand: Keep your voice down. Is your mother-in-law there? Drop in. Is this good? . Xiao Wang said while saving money. No, I forgot to take my pants out when I was wearing them. They were still in my pocket, so I took off my belt. The wife of the township head blushed: What are you doing? I'm not that kind of person! Stop yelling and I'll give you money. Don't even give money. Awkward. ? Said and ran to the yard. Xiao Wang chased his trousers into the yard: Don't run! It's the township head who called me! ?

16. Senior sister, majoring in educational psychology. Come into the classroom late. Glanced at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked the teacher elder sister to answer the questions on the blackboard. Senior sister hesitated for a long time and said, "[Sexiness and Sex Theory], this is too difficult to talk about." The whole class is out of control. Attention. Professor's original title: [On rationality and sensibility].

17. Master and apprentice discuss how to go to the Western Heaven Tang Priest: You should find a shortcut to learn from the scriptures this time! ? Wukong:? Flying is faster than riding! ? Bajie:? Shenzhou VI is faster! ? Friar Sand pulled out his gun and said, I heard this thing will be sent to the west at once.

18. When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new type of material, saying that the sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material. No, performance and functionality?

19. A lady had a whim and wanted to surprise her husband. So I put on a wig, a brand-new suit and a different makeup in peacetime. Then go to Mr. Wang's office and coquettish say: Hi! Handsome boy, do you want to take a look at her with me and immediately interrupt her and say, no! I want nothing. I think of my wife as soon as I see you. ?

20. When two lovers meet 50 years later, they think of the past and are filled with emotion, so they want to make out again. Half an hour later, the old man sighed: one river is dry in spring, and two mountains are flat. The past scenery is gone, only two raisins are left. The old lady sighed: I rummaged everywhere in the haystack, but I never saw the gun and eggs. Time waits for no one, just a dried radish.

Daily connotation pollution part

1. On the wedding night of a young couple, the woman said to the man: I want it. ? The man said:? I'll give it to you. ? After a while, the woman said. I want more. ? Male unhappiness:? I'll give it to you. ? The next day, the woman said: I still want it. ? The man is angry: Shit, if you want more, it's urine. ?

When asked in time in the bar, a man angrily said to his friend who was drinking. Unexpectedly, my wife would cheat on me. What's going on here? She didn't come home last night and asked where she had gone. She told me that she was with her sister all night. Isn't it true? She is lying because I was with her sister last night. ?

3. daughter:? Dad, didn't you say your aunt was coming today? It's nine o'clock in the evening. Why haven't you seen my aunt's shadow? Dad: Aunt won't come today. ? Daughter:? Why, dad? I thought your damn mother came back from a business trip tonight! ?

When I was at school, I was going to change my pants in the dormitory one day. I just took off my belt. Unexpectedly, several female students came in. I had no choice but to come to the dormitory next door with my pants. I untied my button and was about to take it off. Unexpectedly, several female students came in. I had no choice but to carry my pants to the door of the dormitory next door. Because I was in a hurry with pants in my hand, I had to kick open the dormitory door and shout: Is there a woman in it? Did a woman see many girls sitting in the room and looked at me in horror?

5. What would you do if I hugged you? Woman: resist! Man: What would you do if I kissed you? Woman: Resist. Man: If my daughter: It's over! Women's power is limited after all!

6. After the wedding, the groom said to the bride. I will go out to play cards and drink with my friends at any time, whether you agree or not! ? Hearing this, the bride replied tepidly:? I have sex at nine o'clock every night on time, whether you are at home or not.

7. There is a couple who are very loving and have sex for almost 30 days a month. One day, my wife suddenly felt unwell. As a result, the doctor said after examination: You are a person who has too much sexual intercourse and causes menstrual pain. You must stop having sex for three months, or your life may be in danger. After returning, the wife told her husband about it, so they had to put up with it for three months and sleep in separate rooms. However, only a week later, my husband couldn't help going to my wife's room that night and just saw her leave the room. My wife looked at my husband in surprise and asked, what's the matter? My husband said seriously, "I'm here to kill you. What about you?" The wife replied shyly, "I'm here to commit suicide."

8. A beautiful colleague brought her five-year-old son to work. That boy talks a lot and keeps calling; ? Beauty, beauty? I asked him: which beautiful woman is calling me mom? Is your mother beautiful? I miss Doby. ? My mother is a beauty, a white and beautiful beauty. Especially my mother's thighs are very white! ? Me:? I don't believe it? He turned his head and shouted, mom, take off your pants and show them to your uncle. He doesn't believe me! ? I was moved to tears.

9.？ Xiao Xin: Dad, why are there three gold medals in my name? Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you are called Xin, just like some people are short of water, so they are called Miao, and some people are short of wood, so they are called Sen. Dad: What do you think Guo Jingjing is short of in this life?

10. Husband and wife live in a hotel. Miss the call. Do you want to play? Don't! Husband hung up; Miss calls again: Why do you feel wronged when you go out? Husband: I brought my wife! Miss Liu laughs: Teacher Liu is so wicked. There are fast food restaurants everywhere. Why bring instant noodles?

1 1. In other words, a pair of nude statues stood opposite each other in the park for decades. One day, Cupid, the god of love, came to them from the sky and said, I think it must be very depressing for you two to look at each other every day and fail to do it. Well, today I will make you a human being and do what you want! But only fifteen minutes. ? After that, the two statues became people, and the two men immediately jumped into the grass. The haystack rustled. Ten minutes later, they jumped out of the grass. Cupid said to them, alas, there are still five minutes left, so enjoy it again quickly. ? They looked at each other, smiled and jumped into the grass.

12. I vaguely heard the female statue say to the male statue: I'll hold this pigeon down and you shit on his head. ?

13. An unlucky accusation: He proposed to his girlfriend, which was very romantic, moved her to tears and then hugged her tightly. Finally, his girlfriend refused, on the grounds that she was dissatisfied once and wanted to be moved again.

14. A woman wanted to have sex-change surgery, but was rejected by the doctor, saying that at present, only men can be turned into women, and women cannot be turned into men. The woman asked why. The doctor replied with a smile: it is easier to dig a hole than to plant a tree. It's even harder to live if you plant it!

15. On the wine table, the two officers were older than Fang, and they could not argue. Every officer took out his military officer's card and gave his seat to a beautiful woman for evaluation. When a beautiful woman looks at it, there is only the date of birth on the military officer's card, and they are all the same. Chen Jiao said, you are all dead, so I don't know who is old and who is young!

16. Wife: Have three children in the future. Husband: Well, two is enough. Wife: Three! Husband: No, two! Wife: I said three, just three! Husband: I'll get a vasectomy after giving birth to the second child! Wife: Well, I hope you love your third child too.

17. My girlfriend lives with her best friend and has a pet dog. Every time I have sex with my girlfriend and my girlfriend comes home, the pet dog will make love to the doll and go up and down. This is embarrassing.

18. The wife asked her husband: Do you love me? Of course I know. ? The wife asked again:? Do you love others too? The man replied: it is also love. ? The wife was frightened: Didn't you say I was everything to you? ! ? Husband replied:? Yes, you are my concubine. ?

19. On rainy days, a girl and a small umbrella. If there are three boys: the first one plays an umbrella with the girl. If more rain falls on me, less rain will fall on her. ? The boy thought. Second, give the umbrella to the girl and get wet. To love her is to take care of her. I don't care, okay? . The third one, without thinking, threw down his umbrella, took the girl by the hand and rushed into the rain. If you were that girl, who would you choose?

20. Several monks are responsible for cleaning the clothes of the whole Shaolin Temple. The abbot often tells them that laundry can be overhauled as long as you are willing to work hard. ? Other monks are getting tired. Only Feng Ming, a young monk, always remembers the abbot's instruction and washes every piece of clothes carefully. Finally, one day, many things happened and the abbot promoted him to be the deacon of the First Hospital. What we don't know is that Ming-feng's original intention is actually to find some long hairs in the abbot's cassock.

An implicit yellow joke

1. Just slapped my husband, I was silent for a while and said: You don't fucking love me! ? Then I started crying! Husband quickly asked:? What happened? Why do you say that? You used to hug me after making out! Take a rest, you won't hug me for a while! ? Husband's temper has come up:? Wow, on such a hot day, I'm sweating all over. Give you a hug. You are not afraid of prickly heat! ? . I kicked him under the bed and said, no one else is afraid of heat, but you are afraid of heat?

This woman asked her boss for a week's leave to decorate her house abroad. After a week, the house has not been renovated, so we have to send a telegram to extend our leave. The boss was shocked when he received the telegram! The telegram said: I haven't finished sexual intercourse, so I'm going to take a week off.

3. The girlfriend accompanied the woman on a blind date, and the woman was very satisfied. The man fell under the table and tied his shoelaces six times. The woman came back and said to her girlfriend? I'm fine, but I can't look after myself. I can't even tie my shoelaces. Good thing I'm wearing leggings. ? Your best friend sticks out his tongue? I'm not wearing it?

4. A selection of hilarious comedy jokes in which cats and dogs sing together. Cats and dogs complain together. The cat said that I sang to my master yesterday and punished me for not eating for two days. ? The dog said, what song are you singing? The cat said: I will be you when I grow up? . The dog said, then you are stupid. ? Last time I sang to my master, he kicked me out! The cat said, you sing to the dog and say, you are my lover. ?

One day, Li Jing called Nezha to his study and asked, Nezha, do you know why my father hates you so much? Nezha replied: The child is stupid and not sensible. Excavate sighed: Alas? Your mother was pregnant with you for three years and six months. Do you know how your father lives? Nezha shook his head again. Excavate was silent for a while, and said simply: Can Dad's left hand hold the tower?

6. A newly married couple entered the bridal chamber, and the husband said, I have been studying hard for ten years, and now I am going to enter the examination room. This is a big exam. ? The wife immediately took off her clothes and said with a smile. Candidates are welcome to attend. ? Husband will be finished soon. The wife immediately took her husband's hand and said softly, don't run, you won't pass the exam, you still have a chance to make up the exam. ?

7. When I was a child, I had no money to take a bath at home, so I could only secretly watch my sister next door take a bath. I remember once holding a candy and discussing with my little sister to let me go in and have a look. When she was taking a shower. Because there was no alarm clock and no mobile phone at home, I missed the time. When I pushed bathroom door away, I found that her mother Aunt Wang was taking a bath. I said politely, Aunt, dad said he would come to see you later? I can't sleep at home all night, thinking that I will be beaten for lying tomorrow. Unexpectedly, my father bought me a big bag of candy the next day. . .

8. In the second day of junior high school, many girls were discussing the safety of the journey. Unconsciously, shift the focus of the problem to? Should a girl take a knife or a condom when she goes out for safety? A girl said, on this sensitive issue, I suggest that everyone bring both, but some people think that women are too weak to help in front of a cruel pervert. Just when everyone was talking about spring, a very fat girl's voice came out: I only bring AIDS reports. ?

9. Xiaomei wrote down her wish when she grew up in her composition book: I hope to have a lovely child; I also hope to have a husband who loves me. It turns out that the teacher wrote a comment: Please pay attention to the order. ?