Why live in the dark, paving more roads and building fewer walls?

Asking for help is a difficult thing in the world. When asking for help, thick-skinned people are certainly much better than those who are thin-skinned and speechless, but they may not be able to do it. But if you have laid the groundwork at ordinary times, or had close contact with others, or have lent a helping hand to others, it will naturally be much easier to ask for help when you are in trouble. Even if you don't have to ask, there are people eager to help you.

It is better to build a wall than to pave the road.

Many people want to get help from others when they are in trouble, but they are often unwilling to help others when they are in trouble, and even stay away from those poor relatives and friends when they have money, let alone help the people they meet.

But you must know that if you want someone to help you, you must first have the virtue of helping others. In this complex society, the success of a career cannot be achieved by one person. If you want to get help from all sides and find effective assistants in the process of starting a business, you need to constantly broaden your horizons and get in touch with people in society in your daily work and life.

Be close to others and be kind to others. When others are in trouble, try to help them instead of shutting them out. Perhaps with a little help, you can open the lock in the hearts of strangers and build a bridge of communication. Treating people with an open mind, being honest with each other and helping them solve problems is equivalent to paving the way for their future lives. And those who are indifferent to others at ordinary times, do not like to help others, and only know "sweeping the snow at the front door" are equivalent to building a wall between themselves and others. How do they get help from others when they are in trouble? The Water Margin, one of the four classical novels in China, tells the story of a group of chivalrous men, among which Song Jiang is the most generous in helping the poor. In the Water Margin, Song Jiang has a nickname "Timely Rain". What is timely rain? "Water Margin" introduces him like this: I will make friends with heroes in the rivers and lakes all my life. Once someone gives him trouble, he will accept anything, regardless of his fame and position. He stayed at home, had good wine and food, and never got bored. If someone wants to leave, he must be fully funded. He is really a spendthrift. If someone takes the initiative to borrow money from him, there is no time to shirk it, and he especially likes to help people solve problems and help mediate some things. The villagers also said that he helped the poor and helped others in distress, so they all called him "timely rain" His name has spread all over Shandong and Hebei.

Song Jiang's generous and chivalrous character and moral character of helping the poor are really rare, although he also has many personality weaknesses, which led to his success in Liangshan. But at these times, he showed the character of being easy to make friends and speaking out. Although he failed in Liangshan twice before, he succeeded in making friends and mobilizing many heroes to Liangshan. Although others have not been to Liangshan, their reputation is the loudest in Liangshan. This is inseparable from his usual loyalty and generosity. Almost everyone who made friends with Song Jiang was moved by his sincerity and loyalty, so he also made friends with him sincerely and helped him willingly. This is why he was caught by the government several times, and someone would take great risks to save him.

The most typical one is when Liangshan heroes robbed the giving court to save Song Jiang. In fact, if Song Jiang stays in Liangshan for the third time, nothing will happen, just going down the mountain to see his old father, and the result is once again caught by the government. This time, of course, the court was stricter in his detention and defense, and he didn't relax until his beheading, which left Liangshan heroes with only the choice of robbing the court. It is extremely dangerous to rob and give to nature. However, the Liangshan heroes saved Song Jiang from the ghost sword regardless of their lives, which is of course inseparable from the heroic character of Liangshan heroes, but Song Jiang's usual "bedding" definitely played a key role. Song Jiang's ordinary benefit is not only saved several times, but after being saved by a hero and defected to Liangshan, he finally settled down, established the position of Liangshan boss, became the object of popular support, and became the leader of rivers and lakes gathered by crowds. Man is a famous figure, black and white, good and evil mixed together, but he manages in an orderly way and obeys them. If he can do this, it depends not only on his ability, but also on his generous personality.

When life is in trouble, it is lucky to get help from others. But if you want to get this kind of luck, you must help the poor and needy in your daily life and use people urgently. Only by "paving the way and bridging the bridge" at ordinary times can we get the support and help of others at critical moments. No one will lend a helping hand to a selfish, morally corrupt person who only knows how to "build a wall to block up".

Expose sb's scar, eg by rubbing salt on the wound.

Everyone has a past that they don't want to talk about, and everyone has scars in their hearts that they don't want to uncover. Who hasn't made a mistake? Who doesn't want to bury it forever? Therefore, almost no one wants to be mentioned that sad past, and no one wants to open that scar. Once the picture is happy for a while, it exposes the scars that others try their best to hide, just like sprinkling a handful of salt on a bleeding wound. That terrible pain will make people hate you for life. Therefore, truly understanding people always avoid touching other people's scars or even mentioning topics that may make others feel unhappy. Especially between friends, they are already familiar with each other, so they should be considerate of each other and avoid hurting each other. Once a friend's scar is deliberately uncovered, the damage to his self-esteem is often fatal. Uncover the scar of a villain, and you should always prevent him from hurting you; If you expose your friend's scar, you may have to endure the pain of losing him.

In Jewish life, there are legends about the deaths of Rish Laguiche and Rabbi Jonathan. People learn from this legend and tell themselves how to be considerate of others' past. Ruish Laguiche is a big and strong man. When he was young, he was a famous gladiator and often fought with wild animals. Later, Rabbi Jonathan advised him to give up duel field's brutal life of interacting with animals and study law instead, making him a believer and eventually becoming a famous Palestinian scholar and Rabbi Jonathan in the third century.

When Rish Laguish was a gladiator, one day Rabbi Jonathan secretly took a bath in the Jordan River and was seen by Rish Laguish. So he jumped into the river and came to Rabbi Jonathan. Rabbi Jonathan said to Rish Lagueche, "Your strength should be contributed to the study of Torah." Ruish Laguiche said, "Then, your beauty should be contributed to women." Rabbi Jonathan was not angry. He said to Rish Laguiche, "If you repent to God, I will let you marry my sister. She is more beautiful than me. " Ruish Laguiche was moved, so he confessed to Rabbi Jonathan. Rabbi Jonathan didn't stand him up and let him marry his sister. Then Rabbi Jonathan persuaded Rish Laguish to give up his career as a gladiator and study with him. Rabbi Jonathan patiently explained the Bible and annotations to Rishraguish, which finally made him a great scholar.

One day, after Ruish Laguiche made brilliant achievements and was recognized by everyone, and became an equal scholar with Rabbi Jonathan, they started an argument in the classroom. The focus of the debate is when some daily utensils, such as swords, knives, daggers, spears, hand saws and sickles, will become unclean in religious ceremonies. Rabbi Jonathan believes that everything that has been exercised in the furnace is unclean; Ruish Laguiche insists that everything soaked in water is unclean.

Because their acquaintance was in the water, Rabbi Jonathan thought that Rishraguiche was insulting him and his self-esteem was hurt, so he also seized Rishraguiche's experience as a gladiator and retorted, "Robbers know their own business." Ruish Laguiche, who implies the use of sword weapons, is a robber. Rish Laguiche was angry at Rabbi Jonathan for insulting him by saying such things. He growled, "What have you done for me?" ? In the Colosseum in Rome, I was called a master, and here I am also called a master. "Rabbi Jonathan was deeply hurt. Ruish Laguiche unexpectedly said that he had never helped him. Well-intentioned persuasion and tireless teaching again and again, and now I get a sentence from Ruish Laguiche that you have never helped me! He's really hurt. The argument turned into a battle to expose each other's scars.

Although Rish Laguiche later realized his mistake and apologized to Rabbi Jonathan many times and asked for his forgiveness, Rabbi Jonathan refused to forgive him. The unforgivable Ruish Laguiche finally fell ill and died of depression. Rish Laguiche's death plunged Rabbi Jonathan into the Great Depression! He tore his clothes like a madman, kept crying and said to himself, "Oh, son of Lachisha, where are you?" Oh, son of Lachisha, where are you? "Other believers pray for him, hoping that he can get out of his misery. However, he died in the end.

The deaths of Rish Laguiche and Rabbi Jonathan have brought many lessons to people. People have seen how terrible it is for friends to expose scars and hurt each other. Will separate friends, make people regret for life, and even bring death. Even so, it is conceivable that if you deliberately expose the scars of people you don't know or even villains, what kind of hatred will they have for you and how to deal with you? So, please remember this lesson, don't expose others' scars, and don't tell others about your scars casually.

Leave room for manoeuvre

As the saying goes, gold is not enough, and no one is perfect. There are no perfect people in the world. Since there is no perfect person, there is no perfect thing, and people always make mistakes in one way or another in the process of doing things. If you seize the shortcomings or mistakes of others and criticize them desperately, it seems that you can only "set foot on 10 thousand feet and let him never turn over", then no one dares to associate with you again. Because everyone is afraid of making mistakes, but no one can guarantee that they will not make mistakes.

People always have advantages and disadvantages. If they are perfect, there will be no one in the world to associate with. Especially in employing people, the most taboo is to seek perfection and blame. Throughout the ages, people who have achieved great things are experts in employing people. One of their characteristics in employing people is generosity, giving full play to the greatest advantages of their subordinates and not demanding perfection. Cao Cao is one of the masters who are good at employing people. One of his main characteristics is that he can be generous in employing people and tolerate their mistakes.

After the battle of Guandu, Cao Cao found a pile of letters in Yuan Shao's archives. When I opened it, it was all surrender letters secretly written by Cao Junren to Yuan Shao. At that time, someone suggested to Cao Cao that this matter should be seriously investigated and the surrender writers should be arrested, hell to pay. But Cao Cao didn't adopt this suggestion. He said: "Judging from the strength of Yuan Shao at that time, we really had no hope of winning. Even I want to run, let alone someone else? " Then he ordered those secret letters to be thrown into the fire, and everyone would not pursue them, thus stabilizing the morale of the army.

Gou Zi once said: "A group of wise men can tolerate black, knowledge can tolerate fools, knowledge can tolerate shallow, and essence can tolerate miscellaneous." What I am talking about here is the truth of tolerance. In some cases, only by being tolerant enough can we win people's hearts and get support.

In the first year of Zhou Ding (607 BC), after Chu Zhuangwang put down the rebellion, he hosted a banquet in honor of the ministers, and asked his wife Ji Xu to raise a glass to propose a toast to them. While everyone was drinking, a strong wind blew out the candles in the lobby. The hall suddenly darkened. In the darkness, a man pulled Ji Xu's sleeve and tried to flirt with her. Ji Xu conveniently tore off the feather tassel on his hat and told Chu Zhuangwang to find out who had no feather tassel on his hat immediately after turning on the lamp and punish him. Unexpectedly, Chu Zhuangwang ordered everyone to take off the feather tassels on their hats. It was not until everyone pulled off the feather tassels that Chu Zhuangwang ordered the lights to be lit again. In this way, of course, there is no way to tell who is indecent assault, Ji Xu. JiXu don't understand, ask Chu Zhuangwang why do you want to do this. Chu Zhuangwang said: "It is very common to lose your temper after drinking. This is not his intention. If you punish him for this, you will definitely break the hearts of these soldiers who fought for me. " Later, in the war between Chu and Zheng, a general risked his life and bravely killed the enemy, which made great contributions to Chu. This man's name is Tang Qiao, and he molested Ji Xu.

At all times and all over the world, those who make good use of people must have a tolerant heart, which is an essential qualification for every leader and manager. Perfection often makes some people with such shortcomings or deficiencies and expertise afraid to get started. Therefore, Cao Cao's employment standard is to make the best use of people and allow people to make mistakes, and so is Chu Zhuangwang.

As the saying goes, "forgiving others" is a kind of tolerance, a broad mind, an informal chic and a kind mind. Since ancient times, tolerance has been praised by sages and even ordinary people as the norm and belief of being a man, and it is also regarded as the norm of being lenient with others and being strict with yourself.

It is better to offend a gentleman than a villain.

Almost all people like to associate with gentlemen and are afraid of the villains around them. Because a gentleman acts aboveboard and dares to accept criticism, even if some words are too heavy to accept, they will not take it to heart. Therefore, there is a sense of security in dealing with gentlemen, so you don't have to be on guard at any time. The villain is narrow-minded, vengeful and very cunning. Once they are offended, it may cause great disaster at any time. When villains have no strength to frame you, they will pretend not to hold grudges, so they will be good to you and even flatter you; Once they are in power, you are not far from the bad days. Therefore, as the saying goes, "It is better to offend a gentleman than a villain", because the villain's calculation is really terrible.

Since ancient times, there have been many examples of villains framing Zhongliang. This is both heartbreaking and frightening. Who is not afraid of being framed by a villain? Villains often do whatever it takes to gain power, so many times villains are easy to succeed. Therefore, even if the villain is unsuccessful, don't offend them easily. There have been too many such lessons since ancient times.

Villains have always framed others for personal gain. Once offended, they will do anything to frame you. Dong Xian in the Western Han Dynasty was the best villain. Emperor Ai of the Western Han Dynasty was a lecherous and dissolute bad king. He is so horny that he wants to find a man to play with. And Dong Xian is a charming man. As a result, Dong Xian, who was a little girl since childhood, became Eddie's personal pet. Dong Xianben is a villain who will do anything for fame and fortune. After winning Aidi's favor, in order to get more benefits, he even dedicated his sister and wife to Aidi, and several others committed adultery with him. From then on, Eddie became more infatuated with Dong Xian, constantly promoted his official position, and gave countless gold, silver, jewelry and silks and satins.

By catering to the loss of the emperor in every way, Dong Xian finally reached a high position. Dong Xian also colluded with court officials, flattering people and framing Zhongliang. At that time, Zheng Chong, a courtier of the imperial court, was an honest and loyal minister, and had long disliked Dong Xian, who was so favored by Aidi. On one occasion, Emperor Ai wanted to make Dong Xian a marquis. Zheng Chong really couldn't stand it. He gave such a big reward to a villain with no merit, so he remonstrated and said, "Overcorrection has destroyed the system set by our ancestors. This is against heaven and people's hearts. How can the emperor do this? " When he said this, he held up Aidi's small desk for writing letters and wouldn't let Aidi write letters. He also bluntly advised: "Dong Xian is so young and has no talent. It is not good for the country or for him. "

Yen Chong openly opposed the mourning of Dong Xian, and naturally offended the villains. On the surface, Dong Xian told Zheng Chong with a straight face, but privately instructed the ministers to make Zhao Chang falsely accuse Zheng Chong of cronyism and intrigue. Poor Eddie listened to Dong Xian and Zhao Chang and arrested Zheng Chong. Dong Xian then secretly played with his hands and feet and ordered the warders to torture Zheng Chong, who was raw. Zheng Chong is also a tough guy with an iron frame. No matter how he is punished, he will not plead guilty. Sun Bao, who was in charge of the case at that time, knew that Zheng Chong had been wronged, so he interceded for Eddie, guaranteed Zheng Chong, and inadvertently offended Dong Xian. Dong Xian slandered the emperor between the beds, saying, "Sun Bao deceives his superiors and deceives his subordinates, which is a great traitor of the country. He should be demoted to a civilian. " By this time, Emperor Ai had obeyed Dong Xian in everything, so he ordered Sun Bao, who was good to the country, to be dismissed and returned to the field. Zheng Chong was tortured in prison and finally died in prison. After this incident, Dong Xian was even more favored and was named Fu. Later, Prime Minister Wang Jia wrote to impeach Dong Xian, but Dong Xian colluded with many villains and jointly wrote to impeach him. Wang Jia was also arrested and imprisoned. After being imprisoned, Wang Jia thought he was the prime minister, but he couldn't get rid of a villain like Dong Xian. He felt sorry for his country and vomited blood. Finally, he died in prison.

Little people like Dong Xian are unscrupulous and vindictive. For the benefit, they can do anything immoral and destroy interpersonal relationships. Of course, gentlemen disdain to associate with them, but if they offend casually, the end will be miserable. Therefore, even if you can't be a gentleman, you should at least be "close to a gentleman and far from a villain." If you can't stay away from villains, don't offend them until you are sure you can trip them. If you sometimes have to offend gentlemen or villains, you would rather offend gentlemen than those villains.

Dead mice can't feel cold.

Everyone has self-esteem, especially some people have beautiful faces. Therefore, in dealing with people, if you want to be rude, you must grasp the psychology of the other person's good face and deliberately do something that makes the other person "lose face", which often has excellent results. He is afraid of losing face and you are not, so he can't do anything to you.

People all know Sima Xiangru, a great poet in Han Dynasty. He is famous for his literary talent, and his love story with Zhuo Wenjun is even more legendary. As everyone knows, behind this love is Sima Xiangru's attainments in rough and dark. With his rough and dark skills, he found a way to "get rid of poverty and become rich" for himself.

One year, Sima Xiangru traveled home. On his way back, he passed by Linden. Wang Ji, the magistrate of Linden County, had heard a lot about him, so he invited him to the county government, ate wine for a few days and wrote a composition.

This matter was known by the local rich Zhuo Wangsun. Zhuo Wangsun is from Zhao. When Qin immigrated, he moved to Linden and became rich by smelting iron. His family is very rich, even richer than the prince. He heard that Sima Xiangru, a great talent, came to the county, and he also wanted to know him so as to be arty. But he couldn't get rid of the vulgarity of businessmen, so he invited Sima Xiangru in name, but in fact he invited the magistrate Wang Ji and Sima Xiangru to accompany him. Sima Xiangru looked down on these nouveau riche, so he wasn't going to attend this "party" at all.

On the appointed day, Zhuo Wangsun tried his best to lay down a sumptuous banquet. County magistrate Wang Ji came early because he usually relies on the support of Zhuo Wangsun for many things. But after a long time, Sima Xiangru hasn't come yet, and Zhuo Wangsun was as anxious as a cat on hot bricks, so Ji Wang had to invite him personally. However, refuting Wang Ji's face, Sima Xiangru had to come to Zhuofu. When Zhuo Wangsun saw that he was so down and out, some looked down upon him and thought he was a proud man, but he hired such a poor man.

Sima Xiangru simply ignored him, eating and drinking, talking and laughing with Ji Wang, leaving Zhuo Wangsun aside. Suddenly, Sima Xiangru heard a sad piano sound coming from the back room, and Sima Xiangru was immediately attracted and listened. Sun was left alone, only bored. Seeing that the piano attracted Sima Xiangru, he boasted that it was played by my daughter Zhuo Wenjun. Sima Xiangru listened to Tao Chi's words and called Zhuo Wenjun out to see him. Zhuo Wangsun succumbed to Ji Wang's strong advice and sent for Zhuo Wenjun.

When Sima Xiangru saw Zhuo Wenjun, he stood there. He never imagined that this vulgar Zhuo Wangsun had such a beautiful and elegant daughter. So I want to come to the piano and play "Yellow" to express my love for Zhuo Wenjun. Zhuo Wenjun knew it and admired Sima Xiangru's appearance and talent, so he secretly came to see Sima Xiangru that night and committed himself to it. After discussion, the two eloped together and returned to Chengdu.

Zhuo Wang Sun flew into a rage when he learned about this incident. He called his daughter unruly, called the devil wears Prada in Sima Xiangru, and called names not to step on other people's doors. When Zhuo Wenjun and Sima Xiangru returned to Chengdu, she realized that her husband was famous, but his family was poor. In desperation, plus Sima Xiangru's suggestion, she agreed to return to Linden again and crustily skin of head to seek some assistance from Zhuo Wangsun. Unexpectedly, Zhuo Wangsun vowed: "I won't kill this worthless girl. Even if she is cheap, she still wants my help and won't give me a penny!"

The couple were smart and not afraid of losing face, and soon came up with a "trick". The next day, Sima Xiangru sold his only car, horse, piano, sword and Zhuo Wenjun's jewelry, rented a room not far from Zhuofu and opened a small hotel. Sima Xiangru put on men's clothes, like a bartender, cleaning tables and chairs and moving objects; Zhuo Wenjun, dressed in a coarse dress, was busy entertaining guests and rolling up his sleeves to make drinks for them.

The hotel attracted many people as soon as it opened. This is not because the food and drinks they sell are cheap and good, but because they want to come and witness the beauty of this famous couple in distress and Zhuo Wenjun. Mr. and Mrs. Sima Xiangru are not embarrassed at all, but they are very happy, because it just shows the stubbornness of the "old man".

Soon, everyone in Linden was talking about it. Zhuo Wangsun is, after all, a man of status and face. He was so afraid of gossip that he was embarrassed to go out for several days.

Several friends advised Zhuo Wangsun: "Since your daughter is willing to marry him, let her go. Besides, Sima Xiangru is, after all, an official and a friend of the county magistrate. Although he is a little poor now, with his talent, he will have a bright future. He should help them. Why bother with them? " Although Zhuo Wangsun was so angry that he blew his beard and stared, he was helpless and had to give Zhuo Wenjun and his wife a lot of money and servants. Mr. and Mrs. Sima Xiangru successfully realized their plan and happily returned to Chengdu with their servants and money.

The strategies adopted by Sima Xiangru and Zhuo Wenjun are in line with the essence of larded science. To paraphrase a common saying, this is called "a dead mouse is not afraid of cold". Barefoot is not afraid of wearing shoes. I have no choice but to go to this miserable field. What should I do with that face? You are not afraid of losing face, and neither am I. If you want to make a fool of yourself, throw it together and see whose "face" can hold up! After all, thick-skinned people will naturally benefit from sticking to the end.