[Marriage Essay] Landscape Essay

Selected Essays on Marriage Description Part I: After a year of unmarried love, when I was having dinner with Cong girl last month, she asked me the same question again. I spent seven years with Zhang Sheng. Is it worth it? My answer is the same as last year. I really can't answer without drinking.

In fact, the answer is in the throat.

There is no scientific formula to explain how much money a year's youth can be converted into. After seven years together, you finally broke up. In this long experiment, love as a controlled variable is unpredictable. I don't know when love appeared, and I don't know whether it has disappeared, so I can't give you an answer, whether it is worth it or not.

I haven't been in love for seven years and I haven't been with anyone for so long, so maybe I don't understand why you are so sad for a man who won't marry you.

I have read a sentence that a man's greatest love and respect for a woman is to give her marriage. But you can't give it to Miss Cong, at least not now.

I have tried my best to hint so much, but Miss Cong may still not understand, because she is still in love.

Cong girl is my good neighbor who shared a room after graduating from college. From a stranger to an acquaintance, she finally became a good friend who talked about everything. Dealing with women is always polite at first, but there will always be comparisons, vigilance and tit for tat. But Miss Cong and I are an exception.

Since I lived with Cong girl, she conquered me with the brilliance of motherhood. I have always been a person who doesn't pay much attention to the details of life, and I can't even do housework and cook. Besides, Miss Cong cooks delicious food and often leaves me a copy. Housework is always taken care of by her silently. Knowing that I have a bad habit of forgetting things, she specially posted love tips in various conspicuous places to remind me to bring my mobile phone key wallet. If I were a man, I would like to be a minister under her skirt.

Actually, if I really become a man, I may not be able to accept that girl. Cong girl is beautiful, quiet and gentle, generous and decent, and works hard. Men chasing her can queue up from the princess grave to Chang 'an Avenue. Seven years ago, among many suitors, Cong girl firmly chose. She has lofty aspirations, a well-off family, a stable job and a good guitar player. Together, they are definitely lovers in love in the city.

Like me, bathed in the maternal brilliance of the cluster girl, I enjoyed this love selflessly. When going home to be a guest, Zhang Sheng just needs to sit on the sofa and watch TV, and then wait for the fruit plate cut by Cong Girl and exquisite afternoon tea. Zhang sheng also likes cong girl very much. She has gifts every business trip and surprises every holiday. During that time, I can't think of anyone cuter than them.

But after a long time of contact, Cong found that her love with her was also seriously hurt. Zhang ailing said that life is a gorgeous robe, full of fleas, but the girls in the cluster silently endure the gnawing of troubles under the appearance of a better life? Zhang sheng is not going to get married.

It's not that he doesn't want to marry Cong girl, but that he never wants to marry anyone. In his words, marriage can not only fail to maintain relationships, but also ruin love. ? As far as I know, he is not a fun-loving person, but he is more devoted to Cong girl. After analyzing various reasons, as I guessed, the fragments of family breakdown cut off Zhang Sheng's confidence in marriage.

Since the Zhang Shengji incident, parents have been quarreling all day, and the smell of gunpowder is always in the house. After a long struggle, they finally divorced in Zhangsheng Primary School. After that, my mother went to Hainan, my father stayed in Beijing, and Zhang Sheng and his grandparents lived in Hebei. The distance between the north and the south has not weakened the couple's hatred for each other. As long as they meet Zhang Sheng, after polite greetings, they just keep nagging each other about their unpleasant feelings. My father doesn't like my mother's bad temper, and my mother is critical of my father's lack of responsibility. Zhang Sheng undertook such a heavy life task in his boyhood.

After graduating from high school, my father brought Zhang Sheng from Hebei to Beijing in order to urge him to study. At this time, my father has remarried, and Zhang's new mother is young and big. She doesn't look like an elder in front of Zhang, but she plays a full role? Vicious stepmother? He is difficult for Zhang Sheng everywhere, and playing tricks on Zhang Sheng is often a prelude to her quarrel with her father. Living in the cracks, Zhang Sheng not only can't study better, but also acts as a mediator between his father and his new mother from time to time. During his years in Beijing, his father's marriage suffered another psychological blow.

These two psychological traumas made Zhang Sheng's cognition of marriage unreasonable. In his view, marriage is doomed to have no happy ending, so it is better to never start.

Love can sometimes make people blind and great. After learning the truth, Cong girl made up her mind to save it. She foolishly believes that spending time with her true feelings can always melt Zhang Sheng's inner ice and make him regain his desire for marriage. Her perseverance held the breath of the whole world. In the past seven years, in the face of Zhang Sheng's unshakable attitude, Miss Cong has suffered the pain of thousands of arrows piercing her heart. She has to work hard to live a wonderful life.

Successive suitors can't shake her decision, and comforting her relatives and friends can't stop her from insisting. She is eager for this relationship to eventually become an epic miracle, but can't wait for the turning point of the story.

In a blink of an eye, seven years have passed, and Cong girl is 29 years old. On the threshold of her 30-year-old life, the pressure from society, family, friends and colleagues made her gradually go to the brink of collapse. "A Rose for Emily" says that what a woman yearns for all her life is that rose. Cong girl, like every ordinary girl, not only longs for the rose representing love, but also longs for love to finally achieve marriage, so she asks again and again whether it is worthwhile for me to persist in this way, and will it have a good result?

I'd like to ask Ms. Cong, if life could be repeated, would you stick to it for seven years?

Love is still burning, but Cong girl's determination has burned to ashes. Cong made one last effort before deciding to break up. It took her a month to shoot a love video about her and Zhang Sheng. From acquaintance to falling in love to quarreling and caring for each other, the video recorded the movies they had seen, the concerts they had attended, the restaurants they had eaten, the photos they had taken and even the scenery they had seen everywhere.

When we first met, Cong had little tiger teeth and wore a bright green skirt, laughing wildly. Later, she cut her hair short and took time to carve herself, so that every smile was reserved and dignified. The more I look at them, the more I think they are husband and wife. Walking hand in hand in the street is also an enviable couple.

In the past seven years, they have been in the same boat through thick and thin, from their youthful college days to their struggling lives. Cong girl is Zhang Sheng's sister and mother, and Zhang Sheng is Zhang Cong's cow and horse. The story should always develop reasonably until he put on a wedding dress for her, but Zhang Sheng didn't, and there will be no future.

Cong girl said that Zhang Sheng cried with her after watching the video, but he still didn't want to marry me. I know this is her last chip. If she still loses the bet, she will have to leave with regret. After all, it is much more practical to cheer up and move on to the next life than to dwell on the past.

After breaking up with her for more than a year, Cong girl is still obsessed with it. She still loves him. This is 1000 dollars. It's just that I can't agree. What can I do?

Long term? Saved? In this state, Zhang Sheng will only be more and more procrastinating and rebellious, and he created love from the beginning. Savior? The image of the cluster girl can only continue to pay, constantly looking forward to each other's changes, once? Save? Failure and psychological imbalance can only bring about weightlessness in life.

Marriage cannot be forced. We need two men and women with relatively equal personality to start and run together. Zhang sheng needs to wait for the moment to put down the burden. Where's Miss Cong? It should have been unloaded long ago. Savior? Armor can usher in reciprocity and enter a love marriage.

Selected Works on Marriage Part II: You know, marriage doesn't mean happiness. When did it start? Older unmarried young men/women? It became a magic label. It lurks quietly on us and becomes a time bomb that can't be thrown away. No matter what your work situation and mentality are, as long as friends and relatives get together, this cute little bomb will explode from time to time and turn you into the focus of the topic.

Our parents and relatives always want us to be one of them? Happiness? People, and in the eyes of most elders, not getting married means being unhappy. Your unhappiness means their unhappiness.

Most people are filial and easily influenced by the environment. As a result, countless young people, for their own happiness and the happiness of their parents, desperately blind date, desperately ask people to introduce them, cast a wide net, and fish wildly, trying to find the other half of life in the shortest time, in the most efficient way and at the least cost. On the one hand, I want to reassure my parents and make myself less sad.

In fact, different people have different time to make psychological appeals to the opposite sex. More importantly, not everyone is ready to get married as soon as they get married. How to love others, how to get along with each other in love and maintain a stable relationship are all acquired skills, and there is no shortcut. It is often difficult for a person who has never been in love to imagine what problems he will have in this process. If you skip the love stage and step into marriage directly, there will be many unexpected troubles.

But? Leftover man? Leftover women? These two evil words make us anxious. It seems that people who don't get married at a certain age really want it? What about the rest? You deserve to be looked at differently by others. Nobody asked if you were ready. Everyone is telling you with actions, words and eyes: hurry up, or it will be too late.

Once we are too anxious, we will forget the original intention of finding a lover. So that there is no time to wait for the wonderful unexpected encounter in the legend, and there is no patience to find the existence of excitement. Marriage has become a task that needs to be completed in a limited time, an arms race for marriageable young people.

I always think that activities such as blind date and forced marriage seriously violate the way our love happens and have nothing to do with a happy life. Some people are not ready to spend their lives with another person at all, so they rush into the marriage hall surrounded by others. Some people don't even have time to get to know each other. They're not even friends. They just think of each other in every way. Almost? Not bad? It becomes a relationship between husband and wife. How can such a marriage be happy?

Parents always think that when their children get married, their hearts will be solid and their children's lives will be perfect, but they ignore the true feelings of countless children.

When a person is always pushed to the forefront of that topic by everyone and is always prompted to get married again and again, his urgency for marriage is probably just an illusion.

So some people forget the feeling of love seeds, give up the process of enjoying love, forget the beauty of waiting, and forget that marriage is the destination of love. In their world, marriage is no longer a topic about love, but a realistic and urgent task.

But, dear, please don't be deprived of the right to find true love by those urgent feelings and noisy voices.

We don't need to judge our life by other people's standards. If you are not ready and want to meet the right person, please don't worry. What should come will always come. Don't miss the opportunity to meet him because you are in a hurry. Find someone who can think? Almost? When people get married, they are not responsible for themselves, but also for each other.

Many people finally think so:? Get married early for peace? ,? The conditions are almost the same, okay? . In fact, these ideas are all wrong? Even if you get married in a hurry because of the urging of your parents and relatives, life will not be calm. Because marriage is not an end, but a new beginning Your friends and family? The people who urged you to get married in the first place? They will definitely talk to you about something else, and with the beginning of marriage, there will be a steady stream of new problems in your life.

Happiness doesn't need to be defined by others, and you shouldn't marry only one person. Almost? People. Why should the requirements be lowered? With the growth of age and the improvement of vision, the quality of our pursuit of the other half should not be lower and lower, but higher and higher.

When I was young, I misjudged people because I was not sensible and couldn't see clearly what I wanted. When you are old, you can just find someone to make do with, that is, you are not responsible for your family, yourself or each other.

Marriage is not equal to happiness, and there is nothing once and for all in life. A good marriage needs many essential elements, such as tolerance, understanding, common life goals and lifestyle, and behind these elements, the most important thing is the support of love. People who love each other will still have many contradictions together, let alone two people who make do together. When the noise and excitement of the wedding pass and you and him fall into deep silence, you will find that he is far away from the person you want to stay with, and it will be too late.

Part III: Marriage, a small matter in life, is not suitable for everyone. This is the first thing that needs to be clear.

Those square dance aunts, with a kind face and a gossip heart, always talk about everything. You can't be alone all your life. ? This sentence is like an old mantra. She can't live alone all her life, so the end of her life now is to take her little grandson to the square dance. You don't have to be like them.

Getting married is a trivial matter. This is the second thing that needs clarification.

A person who claims to be married. Life events? Dear elders, how many people have you met who live a good life? So, when it comes to hehe, try hehe, which is as useful as restarting.

At this age, those who should get married are already married, and those who want to divorce are also one step ahead. The remaining unmarried friends and classmates often discuss in groups. People who love to talk about this topic feel that other people's marriages have a magical feeling of being far away from themselves, just like discussing a national event. The person being discussed is anxious, and the person who initiated the discussion looks very excited. But I haven't seen anyone really figure out what marriage is all about. We are still in the anxiety of lack, and we are competing for resources instead of having fun with them, including finding a marriage partner.

Marriage is actually just a kind of interpersonal relationship. It is not an instinctive need, nor is it like eating, drinking and breathing. It is by no means what everyone needs. It's just that too many people don't understand this truth. Some people like spicy food, others like sweet food, and Sichuan food has become the mainstream. People are forcing people who eat sweets to find a Sichuan restaurant and get a lifetime card. The person who woos you thinks he is doing a good deed of redemption, and you realize that you have just experienced the signs of running towards tragedy after you escaped the noise of persecution with compromise. But those who show kindness have long since disappeared.

We should think about these problems from the opposite direction, so that we can see some truths positively. For example, divorce does not mean failure, then marriage does not mean success in life. Those who urge others to get married quickly when there is nothing to do have a strange value, that is, to bring people together and do things well.

Why do so many people force their children or even people who are far behind to get married with a sad expression? In fact, these people may not just force marriage, they are used to everything? Different? Forced to do nothing? Same? . For those who have been disciplined since childhood and must be the majority in order to avoid disasters, their lifestyles and choices are different from those of most people, and they are afraid. These people are used to norms such as group exercise. If someone is labeled as a maverick, they will feel that they have a moral obligation to help him get his life back on track. This is a difficulty in their blood. Therefore, those who are forced to get married are not forcing you, they just can't get through their own hurdles. They need you as an intermediary to complete the step of self-discipline.

Knowing this, you will know that you can't convince them and don't let them change you, so, hehe, avoidance is the best way. Don't be embarrassed. Being kind doesn't mean being manipulated. Remember, all people who force you to live a life you don't want are bad people, no matter how kind they seem. They won't pay for your future. When one day you need to clean up the mistakes they made to you, those people will not help you, they will just hide aside and regard your pain as the freshest talk in a mediocre life. Objectively speaking, they didn't mean it, but their habits decided this way of life.

Understand this step and you will get rid of some troubles. Then, make a self-assessment to see if you are suitable for marriage. Whether you are in an intimate relationship, you can ask yourself.

Marriage is when two adults decide to live together and share their lives. Nothing else. Don't beautify, and there is no need to uglify. Let vulgar metaphors such as what family is a gentle harbor and marriage is the grave of love stay in1bosom friend magazine in the 1990s.

The things you need to ask yourself include: First, can you allow your personality to be limited? Marriage is never addition, but integration, which determines that in many things, people who recognize this interpersonal relationship must make compromises. Any successful interpersonal relationship is the result of compromise, and marriage is no exception.

Second, what do you want from marriage? Some people want to get a more decent material life with the blessing of marriage, while others want to feel safe and not lonely. Either the former or the latter is a misunderstanding of marriage. No matter money or warmth, marriage can't be realized for you forever. Only you or your blood-related parents can solve your financial freedom. Marriage is close, but it will break up more thoroughly than you think. It's cruel, but the truth. And if you want to be lonely, you can't even give it to your parents, you can only rely on yourself. It is an effective mechanism of psychological adjustment. You need to learn to face and accept the reality. In that case, how can marriage give you such an internal system?

Third, what can you give? Don't think that marriage is the purpose, and everything will be fine when it is over. In fact, it is the beginning of dealing with a brand-new interpersonal relationship. The necessary skills include accepting the possibility of all halo breakage, knowing how to deal with trivial things, being patient, and understanding that emotional synchronization is not necessarily due to intimacy. When you are happy, the other person may just be sad, but when you don't want to talk, the other person is just excited, and learn to accept and deal with the normal emotional dislocation.

Well, if you can accept this, marriage is quite suitable for you. If you can't accept it at all, let others do whatever they want and learn to be responsible for yourself.

So, when is the right time to get married? When you think it's a small matter.

Under the cultural and traditional background of China? Life events? This kind of rhetoric is really bad, and its grand narrative almost exaggerates the changes brought about by marriage into an accident. It makes people full of unrealistic expectations or fears about marriage.

The marriageable age of most people is almost in their own transition period, between independence and semi-independence. They haven't completely lost their youth and become sophisticated. They have a clear outline of the world, but they know nothing about the real face of the world. Need to do it at this time? Life events? Choice, and he is an irreplaceable protagonist. How many people are willing to be placed in this atmosphere?

Marriage is just an adjustment of living conditions, not a complete break with the past and re-implantation of a new system. It doesn't have such subversive things. You will find that after marriage, your mind will not change qualitatively and you will not grow another head. Therefore, in the process of growing up, you should gradually make yourself understand that marriage is really a small matter in life. When you no longer face it with a sacred, solemn and tragic attitude, it is the moment that is really suitable to walk into it.

And it's interesting that when you really think it's a small thing in life, it means you're an adult to some extent.

Marriage must be a matter for two adults, not adults in the legal sense, but adults in the psychological level. Different from the legal provisions, psychological maturity varies from person to person. It is no exaggeration to say that some people are still children at the age of 30. The meanings of adults include: economic independence, spiritual self-reliance, knowing how to be peaceful when dealing with people, also knowing how to maintain inner personality, having stable inner boundaries, having stable values, knowing how to enjoy freedom and self-discipline, knowing how to tolerate others, and rejecting people and things that you don't like in an appropriate and decent way; For what you love, you should know that you earned it by yourself, not asking others to pay. Such a person can't be too bad. But looking around carefully, how many people can really meet these?

China's cultural and educational system has produced a disastrous consequence, that is, from adolescence to adolescence, parents, schools and society are desperately suppressing all signs of a person becoming an adult, regardless of mental discipline or physical abstinence. But when they reach the marriageable age recognized by the public, they mature immediately, as if they had to become mentally mature and responsible men and women overnight. How is that possible?

To some extent, many disastrous outcomes in China's marriage relationship are the sequela of this disease. Before they mature, they are pushed into a kind of interpersonal relationship that requires a mature mind. Not to mention deeper spiritual practice. Let's talk about the most practical life first. Except for the special immigrant cities such as Beishangguang, young people in most other cities lack the experience of living alone. They made a direct transition from family of origin to a two-person family, but the process of living alone, trial and error, searching, self-correction and coping with the real world alone was extremely important and almost necessary, but this kind of life was artificially completely deleted. Sometimes it's because of economic reasons, and sometimes it's because of China's repressive principle of turning adults into children. Born into a family, I personally created some tragic roots. Let young people be thrown into marriage without experiencing the process of real jointing growth. To some extent, the tragedy of many marriages in China is that two children play house instead of two adults.

The essence of marriage needs to be repeatedly emphasized and understood: two adults decide to live together and share their lives. This means, you should know how to respect each other, don't try to turn each other into what he thinks, what he looks like after marriage, don't fantasize that he will become what you think after marriage, that's a fantasy that doesn't exist, and life should be based on reality, not fiction. Moreover, we should also understand that tolerance and trust are no longer concepts, but things that permeate every little thing.

As a kind of interpersonal relationship with binding obligations, there will be an inevitable and dull downward curve. This is another thing that should be soberly prepared at the beginning of marriage. It is against the law of biological evolution to keep a strong passion for a person forever. Most of the time, everything goes well. Dramatic imagination of marriage will only break you between love and hate. That's not the truth of life.

There has never been a savior, let alone a marriage. It can't save you from loneliness, nor can it make you better if you are not good enough. All you have to do is turn yourself into an adult, make yourself strong enough, and then live with someone who is also an adult and has the same strong heart, so that you can be truly happy. If one party always saves the other party and the other party depends on the other, it is called charity, not marriage.

Marriage is not a necessity, a symbol of enriching life, a grave of love, or a gentle harbor. It's a kind of interpersonal relationship and a little thing in life.

?