Who had a miserable life after the divorce?

Who had a miserable life after the divorce?

After the divorce, a man and a woman lived a miserable life. It is futile to maintain a broken relationship. People who are not with their hearts can't see how to save each other. If you are separated, don't care who has a good life and who has a bad life. Let's share who has a miserable life after divorce.

Who is miserable after divorce? 1 since childhood, our elders have been talking about it. There is still a market for men to divorce, but it is difficult for women to remarry after divorce. Actually, not necessarily!

This is a passage sent to me by Mr. Zheng who recently came to me to save his ex-wife.

Mr. Zheng is 38 years old, married 10 years, divorced for 3 months and has an 8-year-old daughter. After the divorce, the child belongs to him. He is an executive of the company and earns a considerable income. Ex-wife does administrative work with an average income. The two often quarrel over some trivial matters in their marriage. After a big fight, the other party filed for divorce. Mr. Zheng also apologized before the divorce, but the other party has always been very exclusive and refused to communicate. Shortly after the divorce, she moved out to rent her own house and soon found a new lover.

Mr. Zheng Can doesn't understand why she didn't feel as depressed as she thought after the divorce, and she didn't let go of their feelings, so she can find a new lover so quickly.

In fact, many people have asked me this question, "Why are other women so sad after breaking up (after divorce), while my predecessor can pretend that nothing happened?"

1. Why do most people think that women's life will be worse after divorce?

1. After divorce, women are the weak side.

This is actually influenced by our traditional concept that women are a vulnerable group relative to men and must rely on men emotionally.

And in the eyes of most people, the older men are, the more popular they are; For women, their greatest capital is face and reproductive value, and these assets will depreciate, which will directly lead to her overall value getting lower and lower over time. So we often hear people say that "men are 40 flowers and women are 40 tofu dregs".

So they came to the conclusion that "divorce will hurt women more than men".

But who says that women must be a vulnerable group? Is there any evidence that women can only rely on their faces?

People who have this idea are either male chauvinists who want to show their importance in the family and satisfy their narcissism; Or a woman who puts herself in a very low position and likes to show weakness when getting along with the other half, trying to achieve the goal of being taken care of effortlessly by this method.

Of course, we can't deny that women are indeed weaker than men in some aspects because of the differences in physiology and body structure. But men and women are complementary, and they are good at different fields, so there is no way to compare them. Just as men are physically strong, they will be stronger than women, and women are more thoughtful and careful than men. Looking at one aspect alone can't prove anything, but each has its own strengths.

Moreover, a relationship needs not only strength and thinking, but also the emotional needs of both sides, which is mutual and has nothing to do with men and women.

I have done emotional counseling for so many years, and it is not only women who come to me to save my ex, but also many men who can't let go of their ex.

2. Women are more dependent on marriage, family and children.

Although the society now emphasizes that women should be independent and have their own careers, there are indeed many women who have gone to the workplace and have strong working ability. However, compared with men, there are still more women who put family first.

In a marriage, women need to bear the responsibility of bearing children, so many women return to their families, give up their jobs and become housewives for their children's pregnancy and childbirth. From then on, there were only children, husband, family and all kinds of trifles in her life.

This gives many men the illusion that "I am working hard and making money. I support this family by myself. I am the backbone of the whole family. She has to rely on me. "

However, what I want to say is that this view is all wet!

Just because a woman returns to her family for marriage and children doesn't mean that she can't be independent and divorced from marriage and family. Only between independence and family did she choose family.

In other words, many times, a woman seems to rely more on marriage and family, because you only see her face to the family. Once she leaves her family and regains her independence, you will find that "she is like this".

People who have this idea just can't see the independent side of women or don't want to admit it.

Second, what does a divorced man look like?

It is said that men: "stand at thirty, not confused at forty, and know their destiny at fifty."

In fact, family is very important to a middle-aged man. Even if he is not a quiet person, even if he has betrayed his marriage, he will not divorce his first wife because of the mistress outside.

Because for a man, home can give him a sense of security. Only when he enters the house can he completely relax. Everything at home is familiar to him. Let him put down his guard. No matter how beautiful the mistress outside is, she can only stimulate and secrete dopamine, but can't give him a sense of security.

So after being forced to divorce, most men are people who can't let go of their families and this relationship.

Just like Mr. Zheng, in marriage, he is actually the strong one who has the initiative. He often accuses his wife of "this is not good, that is not good", and his wife is the obedient party. Economically, it is also Mr. Zheng who bears most of the expenses at home. So whether emotionally or financially, it seems that his wife is attached to him, but in the end it is his wife who walks smartly.

Why?

Think about it, most men are the kind who are taken care of in life. Every morning, when they come home from work at night, they will have a warm breakfast and a hot dinner. Everything in life is arranged clearly. After divorcing my wife, there was only one person in the empty house, no one talked, no one cooked, and only one person ate takeout after work. An empty house doesn't feel like home.

The sense of security he wanted was gone, and so was the comfort at home. Of course, he misses being taken care of.

Third, how can the person who can't let go save this marriage?

I believe that you didn't really read this article to determine whether the other person's life after divorce is worse than yours. Most people who can't let go still have hope for their ex, hoping to find some evidence to prove that the other party still misses themselves and hope that they can do something to save this relationship.

Here are two ways to teach you, or take Mr. Zheng as an example:

Take children as a link to increase mutual contact.

If you want to save each other, you must first increase contact and narrow the distance.

Mr. Zheng's ex-wife has a good relationship with her children. She sees them once a week and often asks him about them. So this step is relatively simple for him. I asked him to invite each other directly on the grounds of children.

Mr. Zheng said this: "My child told me today that she hasn't gone out with her parents for a long time. I think we can take her to the Science and Technology Museum this weekend. I think she is looking forward to it. Are you free this weekend? Let's make an appointment if possible. Don't let the children down. "

The other party has always been very concerned about the children. Sure enough, the news was sent and the other party quickly agreed.

If you don't have children, you can help your parents do something together on the grounds of your parents, or your parents want to find each other. Under normal circumstances, the other party will not refuse the invitation of the elders.

Then in their contact, they talked about each other's recent work and life as friends. After all, you have been together for so many years, even if there is no love, you still have a good impression, and normal chat objects will not be excluded.

But if you want to break the current state and further enhance your relationship, you still need to give yourself some reasonable descriptions.

When I go back, I can send a message to the other party: "It's nice to chat with you today, which reminds me of the time when I chatted with you at home (to arouse my feelings with memories). I've been reflecting on myself all this time. I used to be too hard on you. I was always self-centered and didn't think about you. In fact, many times I blame myself after accusing you, and I feel that my words are heavy. Perhaps because of self-esteem, I can't help apologizing (admitting my problems). Maybe it's influenced by my dad. When I was a child, he always talked about me. I hate him very much. Now I find myself like this (rationalizing my problems). This is really bad. I will try my best to change it. In fact, I think it's good to get along like this now, but there are not so many contradictions as before. Even after divorce, it's good to be friends, don't you think? Give your relationship an identity so that you can contact later. "

The problems that lead to your divorce will be faced after all, so this rationalization must be done. It doesn't matter whether the other party accepts it or not. This step can pave the way for solving the problem in the future.

Rebuild the relationship structure to pave the way for comfort.

There was no domestic violence or infidelity in a relationship, but it finally broke down, mostly because there was no comfort gradually. Just like Mr. Zheng, he often blames the other party for some minor problems, and the other party puts up with it twice. Who can stand it every day? Divorce will make her feel more comfortable than being scolded every day.

Therefore, rebuilding comfort is an essential step.

The so-called comfort is not to remind the other person of the unpleasant places when you are together, and to make her feel comfortable and stress-free with you.

At this point, Mr. Zheng did a particularly good job. What the other person is most afraid of is being accused by him, so in the process of chatting with him, even if the other person shows negative emotions to him, he doesn't lose his temper or accuse her as before, but uses some positive words to appease her and help her vent her emotions.

In this way, she will feel that "you seem different from before, and we are much more comfortable to get along with." It will even gradually dilute the contradictions in your hearts.

Of course, laying comfort is a long process, and it is impossible for the other party to feel that you have really changed and can be together again. She will have her own judgment and will examine you slowly. When she is sure that she can really continue to be with you, she will naturally give her a response.

Whether the man can't let go or the woman can't let go, the above two methods are applicable. In fact, in many cases, redemption has little to do with gender.

Finally, back to the question at the beginning of the article, which side is worse when a relationship ends? There is no fixed answer to this question. If you ask me, feelings are not a game. If one side wins, the other side loses. There are only two outcomes in a relationship: win and lose. When a relationship breaks up, it hurts everyone.

Whose life is more miserable after the divorce of men and women? Once a woman is divorced, it means that her life is over and she completely loses her competitiveness in the marriage and love market? Tell me about your experience and your present life.

Some people say that men want to get married when they are sensible, and women want to get divorced when they are sensible?

To this end, I interviewed nine divorced women.

Minimum sex: female age: 29 Occupation: office worker

Divorced from her ex-husband for more than half a year. He and I were classmates in high school and were admitted to the same university. It is natural that he should chase me together. After six years of love and three years of marriage, the reality of marriage always dilutes the sweetness of love. I really don't have the courage to go on in the face of him who resigned and indulged in games day and night at home. When I made up my mind to embark on the road of divorce, I found that I couldn't face this ending. My struggle and pain were accompanied by nightmares in the middle of the night every day. After three years of marriage, I was trapped, struggling, tangled and extremely sad in the besieged city. Coming out of the Civil Affairs Bureau, I feel particularly relaxed. The next day, I saw a new love in his circle of friends, and I suddenly returned to depression. That kind of mood simply needs to eat a person to sacrifice to heaven to calm down.

However, my self-healing ability is also extremely strong. I have a shield in my heart, and no one wants to sting me. Then my life began to open automatically. In half a year, the salary has doubled. I took the national examination and just got my certificate. I began to learn English and insisted on 40km every month. I participated in the marathon of 1, lost 8 Jin, and with savings, I pay more than 40% of my salary every month to honor my parents. Maybe there will be all kinds of introductions and marriage reminders around me, but when I reach another level of life and age, it is really difficult to meet that person with the same three views again, and suddenly I feel that it is not bad to go alone. I just want to enjoy this freedom and freedom, enjoy all the time alone with myself, and live up to my life.

Rabbit sauce gender: female age: 3 1 occupation: online shop owner

As long as you don't look down on yourself, don't care what others say! My best friend, young and not sensible, married her ex-husband, who pursued herself hard, but who was prone to domestic violence. Although they had children, she left decisively and her daughter was awarded to her ex-husband. She is not particularly beautiful, but when she grows up, she is particularly gregarious and never lacks suitors. Now her husband treats her as the princess's pet every day. When chasing her, pick her up at work every day. Sending flowers and chocolates at various festivals is only basic. She washed her face and feet every day when she was pregnant, and she has developed into a fat girl of 170 kg. She gave birth to a second child this year, and both of them are very unhappy. She has tried to get back to the state before marriage. On her birthday, a suitor sent 199 roses, which made her husband sour and spoiled her especially. Therefore, girls should love themselves and improve themselves, whether unmarried or divorced, so that those people in love rat can only kneel down!

Mage gender: female age: 3 1 occupation: office worker

University 2 1 just graduated, gave up civil service and went to the former city. After getting the certificate with my predecessor, I didn't have time to get engaged or take wedding photos for the wedding, but I found that I was engaged to a female colleague. Later, I changed my license decisively, and I almost cried during that time. 15 I suffered from severe depression, and 16 began to improve, but 17 was diagnosed as severe hypothyroidism, so I have been recovering from treatment at 17 and 18. But god didn't abandon me. I am honored to be admitted to the unit in Sichuan this year. Now, my condition has basically improved! Vacation, reading, traveling and studying! Independent I am still cool!

YY: Gender: Female Age: 28 Occupation: owner of milk tea shop

Aunt 9 1 year-old, married on 20 14, divorced on 20 18, and my son is still two months and four years old, so the custody belongs to me. I don't want to mention my ex-husband Without love and hate, I'd better disappear On the day when the court signed the divorce agreement, I met my current boyfriend. In 1995, although his family couldn't accept my son, they went through it together. Whatever the outcome, let it be! Every divorced sister is not allowed to give up believing in love.

Chunhui Thin Gender: Female Age: 40 Occupation: Clerk

I am a 70-year-old aunt. I feel that my life has changed dramatically since I left a man who cheated on me and abused me. People become confident and beautiful. They both married two unmarried men of the same age or a few years younger. They think it's okay to fall in love and it's unrealistic to get married. Their parents didn't accept it, or they didn't have enough strength ten years ago I met a widowed doctor on a blind date in Shenzhen and brought a five-or six-year-old girl. I think he just ... I found that he often went to pick up girls and broke up resolutely. He thinks it is not easy to find it in China, and it can't be lower. He set his sights on foreign countries. Seven years ago, he married a German psychologist, and he has never been married, so he has received unprecedented respect and love. He goes on vacation six or seven times a year. Thank you for not cherishing it!

Pei Xue Gender: Female Age: 28 Occupation: Accountant

I am a 23-year-old unmarried mother. I wanted to get married in the future, but I broke up for various reasons. He has been apologizing to me that he still loves me, but this time I don't want to be soft-hearted. I don't blame him. My fault, too. I am not gentle enough. I am not considerate enough. I have a bad temper. Let's stop putting up with each other! Everyone advised me not to have children. I don't think I can do it. I love my daughter.

Qiu Zi Gender: Female Age: 30 Occupation: Office worker.

Divorced for two years, life is very happy. Once, a man who loves to see the world and explore the world told me with his baby in his arms that I was under great pressure at work, so I went out to play and relax. Otherwise, you go to work and I'll take care of the children at home. Do you earn enough money for your family? I'm really sorry. Now I'll slap you, and you can earn several times the living expenses you gave in those years. I really want to pay your living expenses in one lump sum, tie the baby at home, and then I will go out to pick up small fresh meat.

Jiao Jiao Gender: Female Age: 36 Occupation: Clerk.

I've been divorced for almost a year. In order to divorce, I have to bear hundreds of thousands of debts, raise my daughter and have a mortgage. On the last day of 20 18, I didn't even have a job. Are women made of water? I think I am made of reinforced concrete.

Anita Gender: Female Age: 35 Occupation: Finance

Married at the age of 25, and had a son after marriage. I have been living a happy life. After four years of marriage, I suddenly found out that my ex-husband was unfaithful to a friend I knew. 30 years old, decisively divorced. The son was awarded to his ex-husband and took his son back twice a month. It took me six months to get out. I was in a state of mild depression and unwillingness for almost half a year. I think I'm 30 years old, and I'm not young anymore. Can I only find a divorce in the future? ...

Three years later, I finally know more about what I want in love and marriage. Then I traveled to Spain in 16 and met my current husband, who is three years younger than me. Now marriage immigration and Spain, self-study Spanish can basically communicate.

30 years old, experienced pregnancy and childbirth, career stagnation, and then betrayed. I didn't fall, but I improved myself in time. Very inspirational. Therefore, if a girl has an interesting soul, a pleasing appearance, financial independence, divorce or not, it doesn't matter whether she has children or not.

After reading these stories, I admire people who can bravely jump out of unhappy marriages. People who can cheer up, stand on their own feet and pursue after divorce are not bad. Women are weak, but mothers are just strong.

A person can never be trusted, no matter how happy he is in the honeypot now, anything can happen in the future, and it is always best to rely on himself. Make yourself excellent, whether it's financial ability, appearance or heart. No one can save you, only you. Divorce is not the reason why you are good or bad. Don't divorce or torture each other with your children as a shield. Children don't want to see you two fighting every day.

Women should broaden their horizons, lose weight, dress up and realize their dreams. They must be physically and mentally independent and cannot be puppets of feelings.

In short, meeting you is lucky, and having you is the icing on the cake. Without you, I will slowly feel relieved. In this era, marriage is not a necessity, and there are many things to do.

You know, if you get married and have children out of your life, you will find that you still have a lot of time and opportunities, and there are many possibilities in life! There is really no need for a woman to be trapped in an unhappy marriage.

It is naturally very happy to find a person who will accompany you all your life. If you can't stop loss in time, life is short. Don't embarrass yourself, let yourself go and let others go. People who don't love themselves are not worthy of persistence. Remember, people who love themselves should cherish and protect them. Also, the heart must be strong.

When you end a relationship, both men and women will be unable to adapt for a long time, because you have experienced a lot together, after all, there will be many sweet memories, and many people will say that divorce is not so difficult and painful for men, but is it really so? Next, let's see how long it takes a man to get divorced. In fact, in marriage, no matter who he is, they will pay. Therefore, no matter what causes you to break up, you will hurt each other to varying degrees, even the man, because when you are together, if he doesn't like you or love you, he will never marry you. Injury is not a woman's patent.

1. What is the hardest time for a man after divorce?

1, in fact, this problem is the main reason for the breakdown of your marriage. If it's the man's fault, especially after the other person cheated, which leads to your divorce, then the man won't have the most painful time. He will think that it is a relief for him to end his marriage with you, because now he is in another period of love, and at this time he will not feel any sadness because of divorcing you.

However, if your marriage relationship is caused by your reasons, and you decide to divorce, the man has done a lot of things to stay, but you are indifferent. Although he finally decided to divorce you, for a long time, he will not get out of the haze of divorce with you, because this man really likes you to the bone.

Second, after the divorce, who is miserable?

1. After divorce, two people will say that they want each other to be happy, but in their hearts, they both want each other to be miserable than themselves. If you have such an idea in your heart, then you will be miserable than the other side, because you are a narrow-minded person, a person who does not know how to bless, not a generous person, and such a person does not deserve happiness.

2. If your divorce is because one party is cheating, then the cheating party will definitely not be happy, because he will betray the love between you and the love now. How can such a promiscuous person, such a casual person, get happiness?

Two people who love each other walk into the marriage hall together because they like each other. Even if you don't reach the end of the marriage in the end, in your heart, you must hope that the other party will have a better life, because people with such a mentality will definitely meet people who are better to themselves. If you have any questions about love divorce, family marriage and emotional crisis recovery, please pay attention to praise and consult your teacher privately. The tutor will analyze and answer questions one by one. Thank you all.

How long is the hardest time for a man after divorce? In fact, this is only clear to men themselves, because the beginning and end of every relationship are not without reason. If you are a man who does not know how to give, especially a man who does not know how to give, then your marriage is only a matter of time. Men must be generous, so that women they like have a strong sense of happiness. Only in this way can you become an indomitable person. If you are a man who only knows how to take and doesn't know how to give, then even if you can get a woman who really likes you temporarily, you won't get long-term happiness. Therefore, men must learn how to love each other, and don't wait until after divorce to feel regret.