Which is better, "stocking" and "high pressure", two completely different educational methods?

Every time the middle-aged and elderly people in our jogging group get together, we don't care what we will talk about at the beginning, such as the economic situation, skin care and beauty, or health and fitness. Finally, the topic will definitely return to the children at home.

"Hey, I heard that your child is going to primary school soon. Is it private or public? I don't report the connection between young and old."

"Eva's head teacher is always in the group @ me. It's only the second grade, and Chen Ruiyi learned to lie to me that he didn't have any homework."

"What should I do? Did you give Eva early education at the beginning? Do you think it was rewarding? Should I report it?"

Contemporary middle-aged people's anxiety about parenting starts from the birth of their children, ranging from early education, interest classes and learning methods to what to do if children talk late and refuse to eat well. We always look for experience on the internet, in books, and in the parenting of friends around us, but we often forget that every child is special. How to make children grow up better should be answered from children.

Different educational methods can also educate excellent children

Some time ago, there was a news on p>CNN that two children with completely different family backgrounds received admission notices from eight rattan schools at the same time. This is the legendary rattan school grand slam, the leader in learning hegemony. In order to find out how they grew up to be schoolmasters, CNN specially interviewed their lives. However, I found that these two schoolmasters lived in two completely different ways of upbringing, but they reached the same goal and reached the peak of their lives.

Let's take a look at Martin, who finally chose Stanford University. Martin's parents believe in "self-drive" and don't put too much pressure on their children, so that they can play freely, explore freely and do things of interest. Martin, on the other hand, as expected by his parents, made progress step by step by self-driving, and finally won the Grand Slam of Rattan School.

Another black boy, Kvas, whose father immigrated to the United States from Ghana at the age of 3, in order to give them a good education. Especially like Chinese parents in the United States, his father can be regarded as a "tiger father". The most annoying thing in life is that a wise man doesn't work hard, and even stipulates that he must reach 95 points in every course. In the end, he lived up to his father's expectations and became a university tyrant, and his spare time was also colorful.

The stories of these two American boys actually let us know that it is not a black-and-white decision to educate children in any way. Not all "high-pressure" parents will force their children to jump off a building. Not all "stocking" education can cultivate self-driven babies.

parenting is the cooperative growth of parents and children. What is the best way? You should ask yourself and your children.

When choosing parenting styles, look at the type of children first.

Stanley Greenspan, the author of Challenging Children, divides children into five different types, which makes it easier for parents to consider what kind of parenting styles should be provided for their children from the perspective of children.

Let's take a look at your children, what type they are and what kind of parenting methods they are suitable for!

1), highly sensitive children

Keywords: curious baby.

opportunity: creativity.

This kind of children may be full of curiosity and enthusiasm about everything. At the same time, it is very sensitive and difficult to please, which is what we often call "too many things." For example, when a girlfriend's daughter Ruolin was a baby, a little discomfort would make her cry, and it would be difficult to fall asleep in a different environment. But at the same time, as children grow up, girlfriends find that their daughters can distinguish subtle color differences, love art and are full of creativity.

Recommended parenting style: free parenting

For such a baby, high-pressure parenting style is really inappropriate. Under pressure, children who are already sensitive will have many psychological problems. Try to meet the needs of the "high-demand baby", and then give her an environment for natural growth, respect interest, and believe that her creativity will flourish.

Recommended parenting book: How Children Learn Alison Gopnik.

2) Children who indulge in their own thoughts

Keywords: quiet handsome boy (girl).

opportunity: concentration and insight.

Another friend's child belongs to the type that has its own world. He was so quiet that his mother once doubted whether her children had social obstacles. The little girl who likes to play by herself in "After Zero Zero" is such a child. I like to be alone and in a fixed environment. Although I am not very active, my mind is full of whimsy.

Recommended parenting style: Intimate parenting

A quiet baby with his own world usually makes parents feel at ease. On the other hand, it is easy for us to ignore their needs. But living in this world, we need to establish close relationships with others. How children learn to get along with others depends largely on their early (childhood) experience. Therefore, the goal of parenting is to establish closer ties with children.

Recommended parenting book: The Magical Years Selma Freburg.

3), rebellious children

Keywords: I don't!

opportunity: independence and self-confidence.

Every time I send an article about the rebellious period, some mothers leave a message in the background, saying, Why do I feel that children have been in the rebellious period since they know something? He has his own ideas about almost everything, and he will never compromise until he reaches his goal. Even the simplest dress can be turned into a war by his unworthiness. Adults often get headaches from such children, and may even label him as a "bad boy" or "troublemaker". But the other side of rebellion is often a strong sense of self. As long as they are properly brought up, children are equally excellent.

Recommended parenting style: encouraging education

What if the child doesn't cooperate with Bao Ma to dress? Trying to teach him to dress himself may be faster than forcing him to wear it. Rebellious children often prefer to finish it by themselves, and have higher self-esteem and subjective initiative. For rebellious children, being labeled as "naughty" is likely to make him more and more like to fight against his parents. But if we find his advantages by encouraging him, let him bear certain responsibilities. You will be surprised to find that this kind of children's ability to resist pressure and self-confidence is stronger than other types of children.