In the process of educating children, how to keep a distance from them?

China people are keen on education and like to discuss it. However, most of them ask successful parents to pass on scriptures and send treasures. The so-called success means that their children are admitted to famous universities, and many such parents are willing to come out and share their experiences with others. However, children are not so obedient, and even few noisy parents are willing to speak out. The idea that we should not wash our dirty linen in public is still deeply rooted. So, on the surface, what we heard at the education seminar was that the song and dance rose and the good news spread frequently, but in fact many problems were not raised, let alone discussed. It is very good that Ms. Liao Wanhong's article can attract everyone's attention and help us discuss these aspects.

So what puzzles do parents in China have about their children's education? The following is my opinion, which is not necessarily correct.

First, limited academic qualifications.

When it comes to education, many parents in China think of schools, teachers, books, violins, pianos and paintings. Sports are valued by many parents, but mainly because practicing sports is helpful for going to college. All activities that are not directly related to the college entrance examination are not considered education. Children are not encouraged to contact the society, and the importance of large classes in society is ignored.

In fact, children have a lot to learn. It is not enough to solve math problems and play the piano. Let children learn to live independently, help with housework, how to treat people, how to deal with setbacks, and even what to do when the bad guys come and the house is on fire when adults are away. There is no teaching in school, but it is very important for children's growth.

The responsibility of parents lies in discovering their children's talents and interests, and then creating conditions for their children to learn. So many parents in China let their children learn piano and violin. How many of them really want their children to learn piano and violin because of their talent or interest in this field? Every child has his own specialties and interests. Seeking and guiding is the best way.

Second, the famous school complex.

People in China like famous brands and want the best of everything. So now China is the largest luxury consumption market in the world. Overseas Chinese are rational about luxury goods, but their infatuation with famous universities is not worse than that of their parents at home.

Think that being admitted to a famous university is success. At all costs, getting into a famous university for your child will bring you troubles and considerable pressure. Perseverance in letting children practice piano, violin and SAT repeatedly stifles their creativity and independent thinking ability. Although children are encouraged to practice, even forced to practice, they are required to train professional pianists and violinists with high standards. But if children really like it and want to play the piano as a career, parents object, because the purpose of practicing piano is only to get into college.

Being admitted to a prestigious university does not mean success, and failing to pass the exam does not mean failure. It is doubtful that playing the piano and violin is good for the college entrance examination. A very important reason is why children in China lack creativity, so forcing them to practice the piano should be one of them. A piece of music, played over and over again, played well and matured, has no creativity.

Third, I don't know how to criticize.

There are many parents who dare not criticize their children like Ms. Liao in China. Although there may not be many cold violence against children like "tiger mother", there are many people who criticize and force children at will. The method of praise without criticism is only effective for primary school students. Americans think that American education is a big problem, but they think it is caused by lack of money, large classes and selfish teachers' unions. However, I think that the education mode of praise without criticism is a failure for high school students, especially the lack of criticism of students in American public schools, which makes them prone to blindness and arrogance. This is why Americans are often regarded as arrogant by people in other countries in the world.

Children need criticism when they grow up. Good medicine tastes bitter and is good for illness, but advice when most unpleasant is good for action. . But criticism is not coercion, let alone the cold violence of Chua Mei-er who doesn't eat or go to the toilet.

When high school students reach their teens, parents should tell them that they have rights, but also responsibilities and obligations. Self-righteous and irresponsible behavior should be criticized in time, plus appropriate punishment, such as canceling promised movies and attending parties. They are praise and criticism, and they are two aspects of education. Just like throttle and brake are two necessary conditions for driving. Education with praise and no criticism is like a car with only the accelerator and no brakes, and something will happen sooner or later.

Fourth, I am afraid that my children will suffer.

In China, parents put a lot of pressure on their children in their studies, but they often give them whatever they want in material matters. I have seen some parents in China drive their own broken cars, but buy new ones for their high school children. There is a school bus a few miles away, so drive yourself. Iphone, ipad, fashionable clothes, whatever is fashionable. Then they talk about how to take care of the homeless poor, volunteer in Africa, save energy and protect the earth's resources. How can such a person with different words and deeds really assume social responsibility? How do you know what gratitude is and what treasure is? Everything came so easily that they thought they deserved it.

We all agree that the army is a good place to exercise people. How did the army do it? It is strict requirements that make you suffer. More criticism, less praise. Let yourself do everything and you can't rely on anyone. Therefore, people from the army are calm, independent, modest, responsible and strong-willed. He who suffers hardships is a master.

Fifth, most parents in China, especially mothers, regard their children as their whole lives. They have no life and hobbies except their children's study. Children are God and the sun. A child admitted to a prestigious university is more excited than a child and has a lot of face. If the child can't get into the famous brand, he feels humiliated. After their children go to college, parents feel very frustrated because they don't know how to live for themselves. Life has lost its meaning and light. This is why Ms. Liao was disappointed after being scolded by her children and wanted to "return to the sea". In fact, she never considered whether she was fit to return to the sea.

In contrast, Americans are much more free and easy. When their children grow up and leave home, they are very happy and begin to enjoy life.

We should all have our own lives and hobbies. Placing hope and happiness on children not only puts pressure on children, but also is not reliable at all.

Finally, what I want to say is that whether a child is promising or not is partly the guidance of parents and teachers, and the other half is the quality of the child himself. "Teaching, teaching" refers to teaching and learning. "Teaching" is a teacher's business, and parents can help; "Learning" is a matter for children, and parents cannot replace it. No matter how good a teacher is, it is impossible to teach all the children well. Teachers in poor rural schools are not high-level, but there are often promising students. Many successful people in history are self-taught. So "learning" is more important than "teaching". We sometimes think that education is omnipotent. Children who have accomplished nothing feel it is their own fault or the school's fault, while successful children feel it is their own credit.