What do you want to say in the face of immigration?

Because of strange culture, difficult beginning and weak situation, their suicide and sudden death seem so sad. Immigration, coupled with its own tension, anxiety, pressure, commitment, depression and hard work, makes it as fragile as a reef and pierces the hard hull. The life that was originally chic and happy in one's own country, or at least safe and quiet, has changed because of immigration; Vulnerability, which may have never been realized, has also spread in the life of this immigrant.

How fragile life is.

Character: Steven, male, 38 years old. Come to Canada for 4 years.

I can't imagine, suicide, such an idea appears in my mind.

After four years of immigration, I met death twice. Once for physical reasons, once for mental reasons. At the age of 30, I felt that immigration was a very beneficial thing. For people like me who can't get along in China, their children's development and their old age can be relatively safe after immigration. As the main applicant, a family of three submitted an application for immigration, but the process was not smooth and dragged on for nearly four years. At the age of 34, we came to Canada.

We are all in the prime of life, healthy, clear-headed and able to bear hardships. Even if life is not much better, it can't be much worse.

However, my health is not as good as I thought, and manual labor in Canada is more tiring than I thought. In China, sitting in an office is the job of carrying plates and bowls. Suddenly, in the factory, I stood for more than 8 hours a day and kept working. In order to earn more money, whenever I work overtime, I always take the initiative to work overtime. I often work two to three hours more every day, and I don't miss two days on weekends, because overtime hours pay more. At the beginning, I always felt very excited and not tired when I counted how much money I earned every day. Every day, my mind is full of work and money, and I fall asleep. It's really mechanical. I don't feel it anymore.

After half a year, I began to get bored and lost interest in this unchanging job. At this time, the senses of the body began to recover, and the fatigue and illness accumulated after half a year of work came. First I feel headache, then I find my heart uncomfortable. Because I have never had any heart problems, I feel very tired and just have a rest.

I gritted my teeth and didn't work overtime at the weekend. I was going to rest at home for two days, which was an accident. I don't know. I just heard my wife say that I was in a coma and my heart stopped breathing, which frightened her and the children. They called 9 1 1 and their English was a mess. They only know how to say help and their address. I don't know the rescue process either. My wife said it was dangerous, and I almost lost control. Fortunately, they didn't go out that day. Fortunately, I rested at home that day. The doctor said that my heart can't bear heavy physical labor any more. I said with a smile, my wife will have to carry all our meals in the future. My wife says I can still laugh. I am really a person who has stepped into the jaws of death.

After this time, I had a good check-up in the hospital, only to know that my body was riddled with holes, like a rotten piece of wood, which would turn into a pile of bread crumbs when touched lightly. In China, it's really a pampered life. It's so comfortable. I survived, and I want to cherish my body more. However, I didn't expect that two years later, I actually had the idea of giving up.

In fact, at that time, my body had recovered quite well. My wife takes care of her and pays attention to herself. However, the unsatisfactory living conditions make me anxious and bored. In China, I am the head of the department, and I am the breadwinner of my family. Seeing my wife and children living a carefree life with me is happiness and a sense of accomplishment. In Canada, after that coma, I couldn't do manual labor, so I had to find an office job. Without experience and knowledge, I have to learn from scratch.

I have no patience. Seeing my wife tired, I feel distressed and depressed. My wife is very good. No matter how hard I try, I have to prepare a rich meal and do a lot of housework. I want to fuck her, but I find that I really can't do it well. The house is untidy, the food is not sweet, and even the clothes are not properly adjusted. I feel more and more useless. Instead, it became the burden of his wife and children and began to want to commit suicide.

Even I trembled when the idea came up. Suicide? This distant and unfamiliar word, standing beside me now, may become a reality at any time.

I even went to the balcony of the rented apartment, leaned down and saw the blue-gray ground. I stared at the knife for hours, too. I'm afraid being too bloody will scare them. I want to take medicine, but I'm afraid I won't die. I'm sorry when I wake up. I want to just run away and disappear quietly, but I think it makes them feel worried and mentally tortured Maybe, I'm looking for various reasons to commit suicide, because I don't have enough courage, or maybe my life is not over yet. Finally, there was no action.

In those years of emigration, many immigrants committed suicide by watching the news, then saw their elderly parents and starving babies, and then thought of themselves. Although death has been tempting me, I am so close that I can't get out.

I always thought that life was brilliant and tenacious, but I didn't expect the reality of death to come so quickly as the situation changed. I know very well that the cause of sudden death is the neglect of my physical condition and an irresistible sense of urgency. I also know the fear and joy when suicidal thoughts strike. I am afraid of unknown death, but I have no choice but to get rid of the unknown real life.

How fragile the ideal is.

Character: Mike, male, 35 years old. Come to Canada for 3 years.

But before he can conquer, his death often makes the hero cry. Those dead immigrants suddenly reminded me of this poem. I really feel sad and sorry when I think of my unfinished business and my wife and children. I am still alive, not dead first, but my heart is dead. They died of fatigue on the way to realize their personal ideals, while I was disillusioned and shaped like a walking corpse.

I thought Canada could realize my dream, but I didn't expect it to be a hard place. It takes too much willpower and long-term efforts to make dreams take root. I tried again and again, but I was hopeless again and again. Finally, in order to leave some room for fantasy, I gave up.

I really can't bear hardships and pay, so my ideal can only die, but if I have to choose between my ideal death and my own death, I would rather do nothing. Life in Canada is really much harder than that in China. Almost everything has to be done by yourself. Not lazy, planning to immigrate to Canada. I want to realize my two ideals here.

One is the ideal of running a small business by yourself. I think the economic environment here is more formal, and we don't need all kinds of domestic relations, so we have to invite people to dinner. In fact, Canada is very simple in these aspects. But the labor force is expensive, and many things have to be done by yourself. There is no relationship to climb, and there is no gift to send, so we have to do field work. So, after a few steps, I stopped and began to miss China's opportunistic relationship.

The other is to study. I have always yearned for rigorous university education abroad. If you study abroad at your own expense, you don't have the strength. The curve saves the country, through immigration to study and loans. But later, I found that reading here is relatively solid and there is nothing to mix. Whether it is the learning process or the completion of the thesis, the requirements are very specific, and there is no fish in troubled waters. Because of debt and family needs, I am working and studying, and I gradually feel exhausted. I am very sensitive to my body, and I am also a person who is afraid of death and cherishes life. Stop it now! It is said that it is to suspend studies for life, but it is actually halfway.

Now, I just live a simple life, work to make money, send money home, eat and sleep, and sometimes have several dates. But to be honest, this date is almost gone. A new immigrant has no house, no good job and no local foundation. Why should he give others a good life? I don't want to give myself more beautiful ideals. It is practical to do your job honestly and save money as much as possible.

Everyone has ideals, but how much strength, including physical, economic, spiritual strength and so on. Still have to calculate well. Sometimes, the ideal is very fragile, and it is easy to end up hastily. If the body is more fragile in the wrestling between the body and the ideal, I choose to be the ideal "deserter".

How fragile marriage is.

Character: Sarah, female, 3 1 year old. Come to Canada for 2 years.

I have always been a marriage supremacist. I dare not talk about other people's marriages, but for myself and mine, I can always say bluntly that we can definitely love each other until we get old, and the older we get, the more we love each other. Of course, these are my brave words at home. My friends who know me all say that I am a simple optimist, and they have always been indifferent to marriage. They say no one can guarantee marriage. Good or bad, it's fate.

I stubbornly believe in my destiny until it passes forever. Actually, my relationship with my husband is very good. We went to college together and got married as soon as we graduated. Living together for a long time, but still as sweet and warm as a wedding. He is seven years older than me, and he is very mature and steady.

After many years of marriage, we have never blushed or cheated on each other. We manage our little life well together, and immigration is our unanimous decision. Although we have some savings, we are not rich after changing into Canadian dollars. So, like many new immigrants, we started a relatively difficult life.

In my opinion, it is also a very romantic thing to endure hardships and struggle with the people I love. However, he doesn't think so. As if cursed, in just two years, all the problems in marriage have appeared.

The first quarrel, from small to big. Maybe the noise is nothing, but it is also the noise at the end of the bed. However, he actually went to prostitute, and at first he avoided me and kept it from me, but gradually he was too lazy to keep it from me. So, for a while, I often sat at home and waited for him not to go home for fun after work. When I asked, he said that work was too tiring, life was boring and he needed to vent. I thought about it, and felt that changing my job, changing my life, and being less stressed would solve all these problems.

We haven't made out for a long time, and he said he didn't want to mix me with prostitutes. I think he is doing me good, and I am patiently waiting for him to adjust his state and return to our normal life. What I didn't expect, however, was that he had both ends meet.

I came back from working overtime on weekends and ran into him with a woman at home. Seeing my angry expression, he was just a little nervous and then recovered his calm. He even patted the woman's naked body in front of me and said, "Go back first, and I'll find you later." The woman walked up to me leisurely and looked at him vaguely. "Just a foreign chicken, is it worth being angry?" "How did you bring her home and go to find her again?" "It's not to save money at home. What's the point of looking for it more often? There will be a discount when the relationship is ripe. " He said with a playful smile, I looked at him strangely. Where did he go before? He works hard, but can this really be a reason?

I still don't want to admit that there are problems in our marriage. I still believe the explanation he gave me. Everything is only temporary. Before that, he had the cheek to play with other women in front of me and said he loved her in front of me. That woman often comes in and out of our house, so casually.

He has a lover, not a one-night stand.

"You, so regardless of my feelings? How did you become like this? Is it too much pressure? Let's go home. I don't want to stay in Canada. " "pressure? This is just an excuse I gave you. How can the pressure here be as great as in China? Life here is easy! In China, we have to take care of this and that, and we can do whatever we want here. You don't have to take care of anyone's emotions, work to make money, eat, drink and be merry. " He is arguing irrationally. When he first came to Canada, he was very enterprising. He said to go to work first, and let me learn more English before I go to study and train, so that I can find a more comfortable office job. I really regret letting him work in the factory. Constant fatigue and mechanical movements on the assembly line made him bored and depressed. At first, he just wanted to vent a little, but the development was out of control step by step.

At first, the reasons were all true, and gradually they became lies.

For marriage, I have repeatedly lowered my requirements and expectations, stopped thinking about romantic passion, just wanted to live a calm and harmonious life, and even just wanted to maintain his family. However, it is impossible now. He said he cried when he got divorced. He doesn't want to, but step by step is irreversible. Those scenes kept reappearing in front of my eyes. He didn't ask for forgiveness, and I couldn't forgive him. We seem to have no better choice but divorce, but I seem to accept everything except divorce.

Reading the newspaper also said that the marriage of immigrants is very fragile and there are many divorces. Perhaps these divorces in Canada are marriages that are stronger than family gold. Although at home, marriage is also very loose and faces many problems. But for a specific family, there will be no serious problems. But after arriving in Canada, everything was different.

Kuafu pursues sunshine, and flesh and blood can't bear big and unreasonable ideals; A fool moves mountains, and a huge goal will inevitably consume a lifetime. Has the life that immigrants want to pursue become the sun and the mountain of fools in Kuafu during the migration? The goal is too big, too far, too tired, too long, and the time of life is too limited. The foreign environment is too narrow and the details of life are too complicated, which makes the limited life and body exhausted and fragile in the face of this pursuit?