Family constellation

What is a "family constellation"/(system constellation)?

Family system arrangement is a new therapeutic concept in the field of psychotherapy. Strictly speaking, it belongs to the phenomenological category of psychotherapy, and it is also a unique psychotherapy technique, which was initiated by German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger. At present, it has become one of the popular psychological intervention methods in European clinical psychology.

Family Pai, originally translated as "family constellation therapy" in Chinese and "systematic family therapy" in Hong Kong, compares the family to a constellation in the night sky. There is a hidden rule in the operation of the cosmic constellation, and there is a * * * force in the bert hellinger family.

Behind the scenes, it affects every member of the family. Many negative events in the family, including family discord, physical and mental illness, injury suicide, accidental crime and so on. It is often caused by resisting this kind of power, which interferes with the order of love and even makes tragedies happen again and again and continue to the next generation. The function of family arrangement is to help us identify the dynamic situation behind the family and readjust the disrupted family system so that the harm will not be passed on to the innocent next generation.

Understand the cycle and changes of family institutional arrangements

Family is life, what life will be like.

There is an amazing case in the family system arrangement: a lawyer came to see Hellinger, the family system arranger. He is depressed because he has done some research on family history. His great-grandmother knew someone, and they got married soon, but unfortunately, her husband died on February 3rd, 65438, at the age of 27. At that time, it was suspected that her husband was murdered. Later, his great-grandmother did not leave her ex-husband's legacy to her son, but to her son born to her second husband. This is unfair treatment in the family.

From that day on, three people in this family committed suicide at the age of 27, and they will all die on 65438+February 3 1. When the lawyer learned about it, he suddenly realized that his cousin was 27 years old and the date was close to 65438+February 3 1. He hurried to find his cousin to remind him, only to find that his cousin had bought a gun and was ready to commit suicide.

This example shows how the family system affects people. Not long after, the lawyer came to Hellinger again because he felt suicidal. Hellinger told him to face the wall, imagine the dead in a family, and then said to him, "I respect you, you have a place in my heart, and I will tell you the unfair treatment you have suffered." When the lawyer finished that sentence, he suddenly realized that he had lost the feeling of tension and panic.

There seems to be some motive hidden in this system, which leads to the tragic events being passed down from generation to generation.

There is a "family collective consciousness" in the world, which will have an effect on all family members, including a person outside the system, and family members will benefit from his loss, misfortune, departure or death; Old lovers of parents and grandparents. When any member of the same fate is treated unfairly, the whole family will demand redress or balance in the collective consciousness.

People in relationships form a system. There are three basic elements to maintain the relationship between people in the system:

L, the demand of belonging, the qualification of belonging to this system must be respected.

2. Pay and accept (pay and accept) between system members must be balanced.

3. Order among members and systems must be maintained. (that is, in the same system, the first one takes precedence over the latter one. The new system takes precedence over the old system, and the second marriage has more status than the first marriage. )

The responsibility of the system itself is to maintain its integrity and balance, so as to continue. This is the institutional conscience. If the above three points are violated, the system itself will make corrections, and another member will often unconsciously represent the victims and repeat his feelings and fate to atone. This is an important reason for the entanglement. This imbalance may be repeated to future generations.

If the system can't return to normal, people who enter the system in the future will suffer from the previous victims, and the collective consciousness will not care whether it is fair to individual members. This shows that there is a basic order in the system, and every family member has the same right to participate, be accepted and be recognized, and no one of them is allowed to be excluded, despised or forgotten.

Hints can be some excessive emotions, abnormal behaviors, and extreme thoughts. Any seemingly exaggerated, disproportionate and inappropriate reactions and emotions can't be explained by the situation at that time. It is necessary to doubt that it may be an approval. The scapegoat can also be a bad relationship with others, or the recurrence of some special situations in life. Those who are keen on absolute correctness are usually implicated. When people struggle with unreasonable pain and anger, they may be playing another person in the system. But in the whole process, the affected people were completely unaware of it.

When things that violate the above three points are exposed and the imbalance is corrected, the pain or troubles of those vulnerable members will be eliminated and they can completely return to their lives. This is the "solution". If we can sincerely treat the excluded people as distinguished guests, they will become guardian angels and a source of blessings, instead of threats.

Therefore, love is based on order, just like a seed put into the soil, it can grow and develop from the soil.

The so-called problem is that the "love" in the system goes astray. The primary task of treatment is to find the cohesion point of the love of the parties, which is equivalent to finding the fulcrum of treatment. Generally speaking, the solution is to make the flow of love smooth again, and the "order of love" reappears: the status of neglected members in the system is affirmed again, the arrangement follows the correct order, each role accepts its due responsibility, and the young and weak roles regain their rights. In this way, almost every delegate will feel calm, relaxed or happy, and everyone at the scene will have different brilliance. At this time, it is time to end this institutional arrangement.

Solutions often emerge automatically in the process of institutional arrangement. Instructors should listen carefully to the representatives' reaction reports and allow them to guide you to find a solution. The problem-solving Pareto Diagram is very powerful and will continue to cause changes in the next few years.

In the great cycle, clouds, rain, rivers and oceans are experiencing eternal cycles and changes, and all stages of the huge system are unfathomable.

Why do you want to make family institutional arrangements?

Many serious physical and psychological diseases, such as bad luck and unexpected changes in life, unsmooth work feelings, disharmony in family, injury and suicide, poor energy, hindered spiritual growth and so on. All of them are related to the entanglement of "system", especially the family system linked by blood is the most direct influence.

Through the birth of life and the interaction between them, human beings are influenced by a hidden law, which Heeringer called "the order of love". Some negative events, such as illness, bad luck, accident, disharmony, injury, suicide, growth disorder, etc. It is often caused by violating this hidden law, all because of misplaced love, and some even happen repeatedly, from the previous generation to the next generation.

How do we know if this hidden law has been violated? How to return to the natural order?

The function of "family system arrangement" can help us identify this hidden law, expose the root of the problem, and then readjust this disturbed system under the guidance of therapists, restore physical health, solve difficult problems in life, so that it will not be passed on to the innocent next generation, but restore the harmonious order of life, and let love return to its natural position, which is more abundant and mobile. For example, when a man accepts a case because of his withdrawn personality and weak immune function, the arrangement shows that his sister agrees with his father's ex-wife, that is, she plays the role of brother and mother, which leads to psychological incest (maybe they don't have actual sexual relationship), but it also leads to problems in his personality and immune function, which makes the family always inexplicably shrouded in sadness.

We use the method of systematic arrangement to expose the disturbed system and restore it to its proper order: the ex-wife was accepted with respect, so now the daughter is just a daughter and has no other role, and the conflict disappears. When we put things in the right place; Soon the problem was solved.

But at the beginning, who would have known that this man's withdrawn personality and immune function problems came from other people in the family? What about the imbalance from the family system? At this point, the arrangement of family system can expose the root of these problems. Therefore, if the root of the problem comes from the imbalance of the family system, then the family system arrangement is the best solution. Otherwise, if you just waste your breath on superficial personality problems and take medicine fiercely on immune function, you may waste a lot of time and energy, but you have not solved the root of the problem.

Another example is a woman who has gynecological diseases and has not been cured by many doctors. At the same time, she has a boyfriend and they are in love. But since last year, for no particular reason, the two people have become increasingly disharmonious, the woman's insecurity has increased, and she has become increasingly distrustful of that man. Finally, there is a danger of breaking up. They have made a lot of communication and efforts, but they have not changed much. Later, they received systematic treatment and revealed that because they had an abortion child, the child should have a seat in the system, but it was deleted. They didn't give this position, and they didn't share this sorrow, so the system was out of balance, and balancing this system risked breaking up and getting sick.

But, in fact, you don't need this unfortunate balance. For example, the couple learned the root of the problem in family astrology therapy, and they all accepted it and gave their children a seat in their hearts ... Incredibly, a few days later, the couple were able to start a new interactive relationship at another new level, and the woman's gynecological disease recovered without medicine.

So, if this happens to partners, but they don't share the responsibility, then the relationship between partners is over. Even if you get married, there may be disharmony and ambiguity. When a partner (or husband and wife) encounters this situation, it is important to find out the reasons behind it and let the mind really understand it.

Because, if we don't expose the reasons for violating the unspoken rules, but only do some personal superficial consciousness and emotional communication, the problems behind it will still happen again and again. For an example like this, after being handled by the family system, even if couples fail to start over, they can enjoy inner peace after breaking up, and will not affect the new partnership and the safety of family members in the future.

In addition, we all know that the body and mind are a whole, and psychological or spiritual problems often affect the body. Therefore, some diseases are real physical diseases and need to be treated by specialized doctors. However, if physical illness occurs due to psychological or spiritual influence, it is necessary to find out the root cause, solve the entanglement within the system, and let love return to harmony. The body will naturally get help.

In fact, the method of "family system arrangement therapy" is not limited to dealing with physical, mental and family problems. For work, feelings, choices, interpersonal relationships, business organizations and many other aspects, everyone can learn and use this method to let themselves know something and deal with some troubled problems.

For friends who explore the soul, it can help you expose blind spots and constraints that you are not aware of, and solve invisible obstacles in your growth. As Heininger said, "You will feel that the family behind you is like a powerful help on the road of life. When a family comes to a harmonious order, an individual can come out of the family and feel the power supported by the family behind him. Only when this connection with the family is recognized and thanked, and the distribution of responsibilities is clear, individuals will feel that they have no burden and can do their own things without some constraints and obstacles in the past. "

Most importantly, it enables people to know what to learn from these things. Because if you don't learn, these things will happen again and again until you learn. ...

Who belongs to the family system?

Who is a member of the family system? Who should we consider when making family arrangements?

In our work, the system refers to the fate of several generations. In this system, members are unconsciously involved in the fate of other members. By observing the scope of fate in the system, we can find out the scope of the system. People who belong to the same fate are roughly as follows:

In the first case, his brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters of different parents, whether alive, dead or premature, are included. This is the following level.

Second, the next level is: parents, their brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters of different parents, whether alive, dead or dead.

Third, then the next level is: (grandparents), one or two of whom are brothers and sisters or brothers and sisters of different parents also belong to this system.

Fourth, even one of my great grandfathers belongs to this system.

5. Some people mentioned above are particularly important: those who are ill-fated or treated unfairly by other members of the system, such as in the distribution of inheritance; Or rejected, abandoned, despised and forgotten.

6. Another is to give up their status or rights for some people in the system, even if they are not relatives, such as the ex-husband or ex-wife of parents or grandparents, or engaged partners, even if they have passed away, they are still important people. Parents of brothers and sisters with different parents also belong to this system. There are also some people in the system who benefit others because of their misfortune or loss, for example, because they die young or lose their inheritance rights, so that some people can get the inheritance.

Seven, help others gain benefits in the system, but unfair people appear on themselves, such as employees are also important people. But this only applies to very serious losses and extremely unfair situations.

Uncle, aunt or cousin who entered the family because of marriage do not belong to this system.

Some people think that people who live together are particularly important to the system, such as grandma or aunt, but in these involved, space and distance have no influence at all; On the contrary, some people are even involved in the fate of some people he never knew.

What events affect the arrangement of the family system?

Hellinger believes that human families, like the stars in the sky, have their own rules and running order, which is the so-called "order of love". When every member of the family can follow these laws, family members can live in harmony; When someone in the family violates these laws, it will have a destructive impact on the whole family.

"Family system arrangement" is a new family therapy concept in the field of psychological counseling and psychotherapy, which was developed by German psychotherapist Bert? Bert hellinger has developed after 30 years of research, and now it has become a hot topic in clinical psychology. Hellinger believes that human families, like the stars in the sky, have their own rules and running order, which is the so-called "order of love". When every member of the family can follow these laws, family members can live in harmony; When someone in the family violates these laws, it will have a destructive impact on the whole family.

"Family system arrangement therapy" is to find out the hidden unbalanced motives in the family by arranging the positions of family members' representatives, move family members' representatives back to the correct order, and restore the flow of love, thus solving the troubles in life and not affecting the innocent next generation. As a social life, everyone belongs to some systems: he will be a member of a family, a resident of a community, a member of an organization … and he himself is a system, a system composed of various physical and mental elements. These large and small systems are interrelated and constitute a complete social system. Everyone in society is conceived, born and raised in such a social system.

As far as human development is concerned, the family is the most basic and important institution. Herlinger found that in the family system, there are some hidden motives to control the relationship between family members-the order of love, which does not follow the social and cultural standards or rules, but runs on it. If we get along with our families in the order of love, our relationship will be very good and everyone will grow up happily and healthily; If we ignore it, our family will be troubled, and these troubles are "implicated".

Hellinger found that many people's physical and mental problems are actually caused by "involvement". "Implication" can be said to be "repeating the fate of a former family member". And the beginning of many "implications" is caused by children's simple "love" for their parents in the early days, trying to take over their parents. In today's psychoanalytic concept, it is because a person has failed to separate from his parents. In a family, this unfinished separation may also be a series of "implicated" relationships in the family. "Involvement" will make a family member have incomprehensible thoughts, emotions, behaviors, poor interpersonal relationships, diseases and psychological problems from childhood, and continue throughout his life.

These hidden motives influence or control us, and we hardly realize their existence, but in fact we may feel hurt because we don't respect them. Therefore, we can know its existence from these injuries. Hellinger's "family system arrangement" therapy is to expose the reasons of "involvement" with the methods he developed, and often find out the possibility of resolving it.

Institutional arrangement is a newly developed applied knowledge, which can help people get the hidden information in the system, so as to have a clearer understanding of the handling of things. The skill of institutional arrangement is used for enterprise management, personnel disputes, future choice and other needs, which is called "organizational institutional arrangement"; When used in psychotherapy, some deep-seated family troubles can be found and resolved, which is called "family institutional arrangement"

In human society, everyone shoulders some hatred, resentment and sadness towards their ancestors. "Family system arrangement" can quickly find and resolve these burdens. When I was in class in the United States, almost everyone in class used an Indian indigenous case: the tutor guided a dozen students to line up in two rows behind the father and mother of the client, representing the ancestors of paternal and maternal generations, plus the brothers and sisters of the client and some related relatives, and more than 20 people stood in the whole circle. Every "representative" has his own feelings and personality. Indians have a sense of hatred, sadness and guilt (sorry for the people) about whites landing in the United States. In 200 years, eight generations can imagine how heavy the burden is. No wonder aborigines everywhere have serious problems such as alcoholism.

There is a case, a man, who can't teach his girlfriend for a long time, came for help. From the family arrangement, it is found that his paternal involvement and entanglement occurred four to five generations ago, which led to the failure to inherit male power, so his male energy was insufficient and he could not attract suitable heterosexual partners. Through the guidance of the teacher, after solving the previous family disputes, his paternal energy began to be handed down from his ancestors several generations ago, and the parties also felt the support of the male family behind him. At this time, the client felt that the image of a woman appeared in front of him. About a year later, the client found the other half and got married. He found that his partner was very similar to the female image he saw a year ago.

If you want to know if there is any problem with your family system, you can ask yourself or your parents if their family is:

1. Did anyone in the family die young?

2. When I was young, did any of my parents die?

3. Whether parents are each other's first love (refers to whether they have been married, engaged or close lovers before);

4. Have any family members been sent away, illegitimate or adopted?

5. Abortion, abortion;

6. Family secrets (such as exclusion of members and uneven distribution of inheritance). );

7. Criminal events (such as homicide, murder, injury, etc.). );

8. Madness, suicide and violence;

9. Whether there are any serious diseases, dyskinesia or addiction habits (such as drug abuse, alcoholism, gambling, etc.). ) in the family;

10. Immigration;

All the above events will have an impact on the arrangement of the family system. References:

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