Is it meaningful for parents to let their children pick up garbage when they are taught that they don't want to go to school?

In these two cases, the meaning may be quite different.

The first type: parents rely on "picking up garbage" as a profession to provide books for their children;

The second type: parents just let their children experience the "consequences of ignorance" and let him pick up garbage.

If it is the first one, I think it still makes sense. After all, what children experience is not the dignity of their career, but the hardships of their parents. Let children try to learn for their parents before learning to learn for themselves.

But the reality is cruel, and I believe that the situation described by the subject is more of the second kind. In this case, unless parents always accompany their children to pick up garbage, they will do positive guidance while picking it up. Otherwise, I don't think it means much.

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Theoretical basis: the six-stage theory of moral development

In the first stage, I don't want to get into trouble-it works through punishment;

In the second stage, I want a reward-to work through bribery;

In the third stage, I want to please someone-work by charm;

In the fourth stage, I will abide by the rules-work by self-discipline;

In the fifth stage, I can be considerate-I can work with goodwill;

In the sixth stage, I adhered to the established principle-doing things by the realm.

Too long to read version:

The first situation: I can deeply feel the hardships and care of my parents, so that the moral development can reach the third stage quickly, which is embodied in "learning for my parents";

In the second case, if parents don't accompany them, they may just stay in the first stage, which is of little significance to the development of children.

As for other questions, please see the details page, and I believe you can get the answer from it.

Detailed version:

First of all, I want to share a story with you, the story of a famous educator who screwed up everything for me, but still firmly walked on the road of education. His educational goal is to cultivate children into people who can reach the sixth stage of moral development.

Protagonist: American teacher rafe esquith.

Theoretical basis: the six-stage theory of moral development

The characteristics of educational thought are: ① advocating "fearless education" and mutual trust; ② Unlike the "Little Red Flower" Award, he repeatedly emphasized that knowledge itself is the best prize.

Student background: Up to 90% of the students come from poor families, and most of them come from immigrant families who are not English majors.

Teaching achievements: ① Students can achieve the top 5% in the national standardized examination; ② Through the evaluation of others, students are modest, polite, honest and kind.

The key point is that his educational thoughts are equally practical in school education and family education.

In order to cultivate children to become people with high moral development level, Mr. Rafe has done four things:

The first thing: replace fear with trust.

The second thing: be a reliable shoulder for children.

The third thing: discipline must be logical.

The fourth thing: you are an example.

The first thing: replace fear with trust.

I believe that fear exists not only in schools, but also in families-parents are afraid of losing face in front of their children, of being respected by their children, and of their children not listening to what they say; Children are more afraid: afraid of being scolded, afraid of being humiliated, afraid of making a fool of themselves in front of their peers, afraid of poor grades, afraid of facing their parents' anger and so on. When parents and students are afraid together, they create a relationship of terror, depression, tension and opposition.

But Mr. Rafe said that his class is special not because of what it has, but because it lacks one thing-fear.

Will we fly into a rage because our children don't understand? Will you be furious because your child is disobedient? Will it be a bullfight for children who don't finish their homework?

In fact, there is something wrong with your own ideas and methods. As parents and teachers, we should never feel depressed when our children don't understand. We should face problems with a positive attitude and patience, and build direct and lasting trust beyond fear.

The second thing: be a reliable shoulder for children.

One of Rafe's colleagues promised the whole class to take them out for a trip at the end of the year on the first day of school. But almost every day, she threatens misbehaving students by canceling their travel qualifications, and many students make a lot of extra efforts to this end. By the end of the year, the teacher announced that he would move out of here and the trip had to be cancelled. You have no idea how disappointed and dissatisfied the children are. This betrayal ruined everything she had done this year.

As parents, please think back, have we ever done something similar? If so, please be sure to correct it, because trust is difficult to repair. Remember, keep your word.

We don't need to talk to the children in detail about how responsible we are, but let them put their trust on our shoulders.

The third thing: discipline must be logical

No matter at home or at school, there will inevitably be some rules, but don't forget the basic principle of discipline: strict but unfair rules will be looked down upon by children. As long as children see that you are unfairly rewarded and punished, you will lose people's hearts.

In Mr. Rafe's class, the most severe punishment for misconduct is that you are not allowed to participate in activities when misconduct occurs. For example, if the child doesn't do the experiment seriously, the punishment is that you can't do the experiment, but you will have a chance to do it again the next day.

Therefore, if the child doesn't want to study and you ask him to pick up garbage, please be sure to explain the internal logical relationship. Of course, in my opinion, the relationship is very reluctant.

The fourth thing: you are an example.

Teacher Rafe said: I hope my students are kind and diligent, so I'd better be the kindest and most diligent person they know.

If you want your child to study hard, please think about whether you want to study hard in front of your child, or do you want your child to study hard while playing with his mobile phone?

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Focus! How to learn from Mr. Rafe and flexibly use the six-stage theory of moral development to cultivate children? ?

Stage one: I don't want any trouble.

The first stage can be said to be innate, and we are born with all kinds of fears. Therefore, the first and most crucial step is to help children, eliminate fear and establish a good trust relationship with children.

Remember, the ultimate goal of asking children to behave well is to convince them that it is right, not because they are afraid of punishment.

We grew up hearing such threats, such as "If you don't behave well, you will look good" and "If your father comes back, you will be in big trouble". When we grow up, we will change them to "If this report is not done well, the boss will be angry", "If you don't buy gifts, your wife will be angry" and so on. This kind of threatening thinking is constantly strengthened until it becomes an instinct.

But developing good behavior is not to avoid trouble, but because these are all right. This is the starting point for a person to do things.

Stage two: I want a reward.

This is the most common mistake we make. We reward children with candy, toys, certificates and prizes, and extend the time of physical activities to induce their good behavior.

But this is actually a kind of bribe, because we all forget that "knowledge itself" and "labor itself" are the best rewards. We should let our children know that it is proper to behave appropriately and there is no need to reward them.

Including parents, it is good to give children some pocket money to do housework, but it is dangerous to exchange gifts or money for children's good behavior.

The third stage: I want to please someone.

When children grow up, they also begin to learn to do something pleasing-please their parents and teachers. However, this is actually wrong.

Because of this, children who are eager to please their parents and teachers may even choose universities and majors according to the expectations of their families and teachers, and may become depressed and hate work when they grow up. Because they are busy pleasing others, they lose themselves.

Doing for yourself and living for yourself is the road that is beneficial to children's physical and mental development. Forcing children to work hard or make sacrifices for anyone in the family will have a bad influence on their lives.

Therefore, when educating children, you might as well ridicule the last sentence: "Son, are you brushing my teeth?" "Son, are you reading for me?"

Stage 4: I will abide by the rules.

For example, a teacher stipulates that "if the teacher gives something to the students-candy, gifts, etc." However, if the student does not thank the teacher and say "thank you" within 3 seconds, the gift will be taken back immediately. This method is very effective. Children always say thank you. The only problem is that they are not sincerely grateful for the gifts they received. They just follow the rules.

But in fact, they don't understand the real function of good behavior, they just follow the rules.

Think of the teacher's evaluation of Academician Yuan Longping: Love freedom, and the specialty is rambling. Sometimes, do some of our so-called rules limit children's thinking development?

So on the one hand, our rules should be logical; On the other hand, children should be taught to look beyond the rules and learn to discover real good behavior without being limited by the class rules on the classroom wall.

The fifth stage: being considerate of others (that is, being empathetic and putting yourself in others' shoes)

Whether for children or adults, the fifth stage is difficult to achieve. It is a great achievement to help children develop compassion for the people around them.

For many years, Mr. Rafe has been trying to convey to his students the idea that you can never really understand a person unless you can look at the problem from the other side's point of view, unless you can enter his body and walk with his body. It's empathy, it's thinking of others. His students kept this advice in mind and became understanding. Kindness is contagious.

Even the hotel staff said: Rafe's students are the kindest and most decent people they have ever met. But Rafe added: This stage is great, but we can do better because he has seen better.

My approach is that if a child makes a mistake and finds the victim and the injured party, first write down the review and reflection of being the victim, and then think about what it feels like to be the victim.

Stage 6: I follow the established guidelines.

I have my own code of conduct and abide by it. This stage is not only the most difficult to achieve, but also the most difficult to teach. After all, the people who teach may not have reached this stage.

Teacher Rafe found that people who have reached the sixth stage of thinking can be found in many excellent books and movies. So Mr Rafe led the children to read books and watch movies together, such as Reconciliation Alone, Noon and The Shawshank Redemption, and then discussed and shared with them.

More importantly, the unity of knowledge and action in life, and this outlook on life and code of conduct has been subtly rooted in children's hearts.