When immigrants from Australia lie

No parent should tolerate children lying! In fact, children's lies are at different levels. You shouldn't be so anxious if you have determined the level of children's lying. Therefore, if you are still worried about children's lying behavior, then this article is very necessary for you.

One: Experiment

Professor Li Kang and his team from the University of Toronto, Canada, spent 20 years just to study one problem-how children lie.

The experimental results subvert common sense: 2-year-old children can already lie!

An experiment of playing games with children all over the world is like this:

Let the child guess the numbers on the playing cards, tell the child that he will be rewarded if he guesses correctly, then find an excuse to leave the room and tell him not to peek before leaving. In the monitoring room at the other end of the room, the researchers observed the children's behavior and found that more than 90% children peeked within 5 seconds.

Afterwards, when the researchers asked them if they were peeking, the results showed that even 2-year-olds had 30% liars, 3-year-olds had 50% liars and 4-year-olds had more than 80% liars. ...

Lying is a common phenomenon among children. At the age of 2-6, children are more inclined to lie to their parents as they get older. After the age of 6, children enter school to receive education, gradually establish a correct view of right and wrong, develop the habit of self-discipline, and the behavior of lying will also decline.

Experts believe that there are five main kinds of children's lies:

The first four kinds of lies are acceptable to parents. What parents can't tolerate most is the "black lies" that children tell after doing something wrong or in order to get something.

Child psychology believes that for children of different ages, "lying" reveals different signals:

Two: Ask questions

What kind of children are more inclined to lie early? What kind of children are more deceptive?

"If one day, you find that your 2-year-old child will lie, don't panic, show off in the circle of friends for the first time." Professor Li Kang said.

This sentence is not a joke. In fact, just as we think that "liars who lie are generally not too stupid", children who lie also have intelligence that people love and hate.

1, there are two main factors that affect children's lying behavior:

The first is emotional intelligence. The premise of lying is to know each other's psychological state and emotions, which requires children to have good emotional intelligence.

The second is self-control ability. How to cheat others without revealing the truth? In the words of adults, it is "acting", and children who can act can better control their facial expressions, gestures and language.

2. Why do children lie?

First, we need to distinguish between conscious lying and unconscious lying.

Children aged 3-6 are in the stage of rapid development of imagination, and it is easy for them to confuse the imaginary world with the real world, and then take what happened in imagination as real things.

Careful parents may notice that children often talk to themselves with toys and ramble when they listen carefully. Sometimes when I get excited, I will come over and show off a word or two to my parents: "I'm eating chocolate cake with bunny, so don't prepare lunch for me at noon!" " "

For this kind of confusion, experts suggest that parents help their children correctly distinguish between imagination and reality, and help them learn to express their ideas with sentences like "I hope" and "if".

Compared with unconscious lying, whether parents are really worried or consciously lying is also what we call a "black lie"-lying that they didn't do something, or passed it on to others, or hiding the situation to achieve a certain purpose (to get satisfaction or escape punishment).

Secondly, the issue of moral consciousness. Children's moral values are not clear from the beginning, but are constantly cultivated through education, otherwise there will not be so many morally corrupt people in this world. When children try to lie, they don't realize that it is wrong at first, but think that lying can bring many benefits.

"On the other hand, children's thoughts are generally self-centered, and sometimes they don't care about the facts in order to achieve their own goals. They think that as long as adults don't know, they can live in peace ... They can't tell the truth from lies, and naturally they don't know the importance of telling the truth, let alone the seriousness of lying. "

If children over the age of 6 often lie, they need to attract the attention of parents! 6-year-old children can basically distinguish between reality and imagination, have cognitive ability and have received considerable education. In this case, if children often lie to hide problems, then parents need to reflect on themselves:

Are you also a parent who is used to solving problems by lying?

Have you ever lied to your child to avoid responsibility?

Have you ever beaten your child up for admitting his mistake?

Did you pay enough attention to his previous lying behavior?

If a 7-year-old child still loves to lie, it means that he is deeply troubled.

Lying is a common problem for children, but it is wrong to lie in order to shirk responsibility or satisfy selfishness. Faced with this black lie, parents can't laugh it off like unconscious lies or other social lies.

Three: Case analysis

When children fabricate "black lies", how should parents handle them properly?

Let's discuss in detail what parents should do when children "lie for themselves" through an example of a picture book story.

The picture book The Most Important Thing tells the story of an old man who taught his grandson to be honest and responsible.

Xiaoke's family immigrated from Spain to the United States and had a hard life. In order to make a living, Xiaoke took his grandfather who couldn't speak English to the parking lot to find temporary workers to make a living.

A van came to find someone to do gardening. In order to get the job, Xiao Ke took advantage of his grandfather's ignorance of English and lied to his employer Ben, saying that his grandfather was a great gardener.

They worked hard all day on a slope with beautiful white and ugly green title plants in Kobanawa. In the evening, when the employer came to check and accept the work results, he was blindsided on the spot-

It turned out that they left the "chickweed" (a kind of weed) as a flower and pulled out all the ice leaf seedlings.

The employer is angry with Ye and Sun. Grandpa soon realized that Xiaoke had lied.

"He thinks we know gardening. Are you lying to him? "

"We need this temporary job ..."

"But we can't get a job by cheating."

…………

Grandpa clearly pointed out here that cheating is an improper behavior. However, he didn't get angry, but he immediately taught Xiaoke a lesson. On the contrary, he looks sad.

"Oh, my little grandson," he put a hand on Xiaoke's shoulder, "ask him what we should do. If he agrees, we can come and pull up the weeds and replant the flowers tomorrow. "

After realizing that the child is lying, don't get angry with the child first, so that the child can't admit or even pass the buck. Instead, it should be pointed out in time that this is a wrong behavior, so that children can focus on the incident itself instead of falling into panic. After pointing out the mistakes, it is necessary to put forward remedial measures to make them bear the responsibility for the mistakes (re-work, pull out weeds and replant flowers).

Xiaoke tried to escape punishment when he first heard grandpa's decision.

He argued, "but ... grandpa, we have to do it twice. Tomorrow is Sunday, the Lakers game will be broadcast on TV, and we have to go to church."

He knows that his grandfather is a devout religious person, so he hopes that using the word "church" will make him change his mind.

At this time, grandpa showed a firm attitude: "We have to miss both of these things, and this is the price of lying."

On the way back to the parking lot, Xiaoke curled up in the corner of the van without saying a word. At this point, grandpa did not give too much comfort, but gave Xiaoke a time to reflect.

Because lying ruined the day, "he was so sad that he almost wanted to cry."

It is not only a matter of lying, but also a punishment for any deviant behavior by parents. Children must not be softened easily because they cry, provided that the punishment itself needs to be appropriate.

At home, parents can accommodate their children, but when children leave society, no one will forgive this mistake easily. Therefore, parents should convey a clear view of right and wrong from an early age and clearly tell their children: "This is not right."

In addition, grandpa's behavior is worth learning, that is, grandpa not only punished Xiao Ke himself, but also punished himself.

On the one hand, when children realize that their lying behavior will not only bring trouble to themselves, but also bring trouble to their parents, the cost of lying behavior will increase for them, so their chances of making the same mistake again will be much reduced;

On the other hand, if parents can reflect on whether they have handled the incident properly, then punishment will be more convincing to children.

At the end of the story, Weng Ruidi, the employer, appreciated his grandfather's honest and responsible attitude and proposed that he could pay half of his salary first, but his grandfather refused: "I will give it to him when I finish tomorrow." Weng Ruidi appreciated this upright attitude and expressed his willingness to provide such a good man with a long-term employment opportunity. Xiaoke is happy again.

Weng Ruidi said, "Your grandfather already knows the most important thing. As for gardening, I can teach him. "

In the evening, with the afterglow of the sunset, Xiaoke took grandpa's hand and walked happily home. Through this experience, he also understood and began to learn these most important things (honesty).

Let children realize the benefits of honesty. For example, when a child admits his mistake for the first time, encourage him: "You didn't choose to lie or hide, which makes me very happy. Although you made a mistake this time, I choose to forgive you because of your honesty. I hope you won't make it again next time and continue to maintain this honest attitude. "

Parents can also use some positive examples of honesty around them to imply that "honesty can bring greater benefits than lying".

In the story, we can see that, on the one hand, Xiaoke understands that lying brings trouble (re-doing work, missing games and church services); On the other hand, he saw the benefits of honesty (forgiveness from his employer Weng Ruidi and a permanent job). From both positive and negative aspects, Xiaoke realized that lying is wrong and honesty is welcome.

Four. abstract

When children choose to lie, parents need not be too nervous. First of all, it is necessary to find out whether children's "lies" are conscious or unconscious, for themselves or for other reasons, and to find out the essence of children's lies.

When a child fabricates a "black lie", parents may wish to try Grandpa Xiao's practice: make it clear to the child that the lie is wrong and put forward remedial measures in time; Firm attitude and punishment; Set an example and reflect on your role in children's lying behavior; Through positive examples, let children realize that "honesty is far more beneficial than lying" and teach them to learn to be honest.