In the name of a friend

How can we know each other but not be "the same"

Pastor Tan 1

2021-12-30 10:47

Pastor Tan< /p>

December 24, 10:37

A paper full of absurd words and a handful of bitter tears.

It is said that the author is crazy, who can understand it?

"In the Name of Friends" by Liu Zhe has deeply moved me many times, making me unable to help but recall the dusty story and determined to record it.

We were classmates in junior high school. Due to some special reasons, we both lived in the school at that time. It can be said that we got along day and night. We were in love for the first time at the age of twelve, thirty or four. But I'm talking about others. As for me, I haven't matured yet? ! I don’t know anything about men and women. In fact, I am so confused that I cannot speak, cannot speak, and cannot explain clearly. Anyway, the experience of those three years was unforgettable in my mind. Those male and female classmates recognized each other in my heart as classmates, crushes, and brothers and sisters.

In the third grade of junior high school, we had a middle-aged female Chinese teacher who was violent, crazy, and suffering from menopausal syndrome. The students all lived with fear and caution in her bottomless reign of white terror. I don’t know why that time actually offended her. It seemed that in my Chinese composition, I praised another classmate’s tenacious struggle with Chinese homework. We should learn from him. . . That's it! The teacher became furious and lost his rationality. He tore all my Chinese review papers to pieces in class. One month before the high school entrance examination, I had no review materials. I was at a loss, even desperate. . . . I don't know what to do either? In the depths of despair, a voice came to my rescue: a saint was willing to help me borrow a test paper from another classmate who had just repeated a grade. Oh my gosh, I can't forget your "life-saving grace". Of course, this saint is the heroine of my article, her name is Cheng Xiaoxia.

The first thing that impressed me deeply was chasing Jie Haijun. Xie Haijun is a fat man, one level below us. When he was a child, his family and Cheng Xiaoxia's family were neighbors. The parents used to joke that they wanted to marry someone from that family. Not long after our second grade of junior high school started, that is when Xie Haijun just entered our junior high school. As soon as Xie Haijun entered our junior high school, he boasted that Cheng Xiaoxia was his wife (in our local dialect, it means wife). Several times he even dared to boast in front of the upper class classroom. This may have deeply hurt Cheng Xiaoxia's dignity. Cheng Xiaoxia warned Xie Haijun many times; after the warnings were ineffective, he decided to fight back. When Xie Haijun was bragging on campus again, she was caught by Cheng Xiaoxia. She immediately stepped forward to denounce Xie Haijun, who was stubborn and refused to repent. Cheng Xiaoxia and Xie Haijun started fighting. Xie Haijun dodged on the campus, and Cheng Xiaoxia chased after him, circling the campus several times. Xie Haijun finally hid in his classroom. Cheng Xiaoxia was not lenient and pursued him into their classroom. In a corner of the classroom, blocked by Cheng Xiaoxia, Xie Haijun had nowhere to hide or escape. Cheng Xiaoxia went up and gave him a severe beating; Xie Haijun felt very wrong and begged for mercy again and again. Finally, after Xie Haijun vowed to repent, Cheng Xiaoxia let him go. Cheng Xiaoxia returned to court victoriously, demonstrating his inviolable dignity and will. This is not a little knight, but a hero. The female knight is famous for her grace and beauty. We and other spectators also applauded her behavior and were impressed by her spirit.

During my three years in junior high school, there was a naughty male classmate in the class who had a strong desire to be a leader and dominate. His name was Jie Shu Critic. In the class and grade, it could also be said that he was the one who A small circle of boarding classmates in my grade school matched her with a boyfriend, and she and he were paired together. I was paired with another lovely but distant goddess. To be honest, I was envious, jealous, and hateful, and I protested; but I didn't say anything at the time. Yes, I accepted the arrangement.

Middle school, middle school... passed quietly, leaving little secrets behind; I cannot forget you from the bottom of my heart. I can’t forget you and write you in my diary; I can’t forget you and I’m still thinking of you: at this brilliant age, there is still a brilliant you!

After graduating from junior high school, although most of the classmates are still in high school in this middle school, they have gone their separate ways psychologically. But after all these years, alas, I am still living in that memory and cannot extricate myself.

At the high school stage, everyone is trudging hard and exploring in their studies and life, trying to clear away the layers of fog and make their lives suddenly clear. Some students are so talented that they jumped over the dragon's gate early and were admitted to college first, and have an explanation for their parents and the small circle at that time; some students still persevere and continue to explore. The road is long and far away, so I will search up and down. Finally, I have a way out and a direction in life.

When I was in high school, I unknowingly became interested in international politics. In 1992, the most powerful country in the world at that time, the United States, held an election. The result of the election was that the handsome man Bill Clinton was elected as the president of the United States of America. Then he got to know Hillary and the Clintons, the political golden child. From then on, they Just become my idol.

In high school, my classmates were all crazy about celebrities, and some celebrities from Hong Kong and Taiwan became super stars in their hearts; and the superstars in my heart were the Clintons and Hillary Clinton. So I want to find a female companion to form my CP—my combination. I don’t know why, but I paired up with Cheng Xiaoxia.

Throughout high school, due to my shyness and her shyness, we were not able to have a few good conversations, and we only had some fictitious interactions on my part.

After I went to college, I thought I had a certain sense of superiority and could lean over her, but in fact I was on equal footing with her. Yes, I admit that I had an inferiority complex in the past. Several times in junior high school, when the students were asked about the status of their household registration (i.e., do they have a rural household registration or an urban household registration?), when asked who in the class had an urban household registration, she stood up and raised her head. She turned around and looked around the class: Ah, she has an urban registered permanent residence, and we all have rural registered permanent residence; if there is no change in the future, she will be a city dweller who eats commercial grain, and we are just mud-legged farmers; she has advantages We feel oppressed.

After I went to college, I thought I had a certain sense of superiority and could lean over her, but in fact I was on equal footing with her. I slowly approached her in the name of a friend, just to get closer to her, but I didn't have the courage to say that I loved her, and kept it a secret time and time again. The main action is to write letters, talk about some situations in study and life, and then send books to encourage her to understand herself correctly. Let's keep up the good work!

At that time, I studied the novel "The Ordinary World" by Lu Yao and was deeply touched, so I mailed a set of "The Ordinary World" to her. I was very touched by my own behavior. Yes, throughout my life I have often tried to move the outside world by moving myself, but to no avail.

During the college entrance examination season the next year, she was also admitted to Soochow University, a university that is still considered a prestigious university; no, this is not the point, the point is that Jie Shupeng also studied at that university , they can finally stay together and fly together, flying together. The classmates all wish them well, and I can only wish them a happy marriage. I gave them a congratulatory letter: Jie Shubing is a handsome guy, comparable to Jia Baoyu in "A Dream of Red Mansions", and she is a beautiful girl, comparable to Xue Baochai, they are a "golden and jade marriage". As for me, I'm just the boss of a poor relative's family in a remote village. And she denies that she is a beauty, and thinks it is not good for me to compare her to Xue Baochai: Xue Baochai is sophisticated and sophisticated, not as pure, simple and lovely as Lin Daiyu. In fact, I don’t think she is really disgusted with that metaphor, maybe she is still proud of it? !

Here is a story about Clinton and Hillary after they won the election: One year, when Hillary and Clinton drove past a gas station, Hillary suddenly discovered that the worker at the gas station looked familiar. , he said to Clinton, he was my first love. Clinton jokingly told her, if you hadn't married me, your husband might be a gas station worker. But Hillary said to him, no, if he marries me, the president will not be you, but him; as for you, you may be the little oilman at the gas station. This story often scares me: maybe many years later, the two of them will be at the top of their game, and I can only cheer for them on the side of the road. I don’t want to be that “oiler.”

Years later I believe that the downfall of my life began at that moment. The ideal life begins to collapse, and I run wildly on the road of mediocre life. This excuse is so good for me. I want to celebrate it. I finally have an explanation for my life. It was all fucking arranged by God. What does God’s fault have to do with me? Oh, CHEERS----Cheers----Ula------

After she was admitted to college, she wrote to me in her hometown to tell me about her admission information, and then there was no news from her. , Jie Shubing told me in an exchange: She was embarrassed to contact me. Does this mean I should let go? Didn't I say that? ! Blessings to you, what else can you do? After exchanging greeting cards and wishing each other a happy new year on New Year's Day next year, (How did you do it? Write to Jie Shuping and ask him to convey it. As long as you want to do it, you can do it. Jie Shuxing is so sincere, and I feel ashamed about it. She I actually replied) I expressed: I am very happy to receive your special blessing on this special day, and I have special words to say to you. But I didn’t say anything, so let’s do it!

In the previous exchanges with Jie Shuceng, he told me that they had been exchanging letters, so I had psychological expectations for the outcome between the three of us, and it was not special. The loss is psychologically prepared. I dusted myself off and cheered up my tired spirit. I knew that the road in the distance was full of bumps, and I was destined to walk alone.

When I visited his home during the Spring Festival of that year, she once told me that her first choice was Soochow University, and then Shaanxi Normal University. I was a little relieved. . Because I studied in Xi'an.

Years later, I concluded that she was betting on both ends, what a scheming girl!

From the Spring Festival of 1997 to the Spring Festival of 2002, during the Spring Festival holidays for six years, I visited her home, which can also be said to be a New Year greeting. Anyway, after I returned to my hometown during the winter vacation or the Spring Festival holiday after work in those years, I called her home. She invited me to her home, and I couldn't help but go to her home. It wasn't until I got my fiancée that I stopped visiting her home. Every time she drank with her father from a large glass, she drank too much and vomited once or twice. I was young at the time and didn’t know how to say no. Even many years later, she would tease me about whether I wanted to drink at my father-in-law’s house for New Year’s greetings! ? In our hometown, it is a custom for new and old sons-in-law to visit their parents-in-law’s homes during the Spring Festival.

It felt different from the feeling of drinking at her house to celebrate the New Year. Many years later, I felt warm when I went to my parents-in-law’s house to drink: The first time I went to my parents-in-law’s house, I got drunk and vomited. People praise me for my honesty, but in her family it may be a negative comment (my private guess is: this young man cannot control himself and will not be successful in the future). From then on, I settled down and cherished my current married life. Many years later, I also regretted frequently going to her house to drink. At that time, I couldn't help but do it casually. "Late at night, I suddenly dreamed of teenage things, and I cried and cried with tears in my eyes."

We are getting older, and after graduating from college, we work in different cities, and we don't have the vision and energy to come together, nor do we. Without commitment, there is also the sinking and disappointment that life has given me. Of course, there are also complaints and disappointments in my heart about her: in the fifteen years I have known her, she has never taken the initiative to care about my study, work and life status. All right. You are on the Gold Coast, and I am on the other side of the beacon smoke. I hope you and I can look back at that moment and express condolences to each other about our situation. Fate blows with the wind, and I will keep watch even if it ends in this life. The last time we met was in her city after I got married, and we explained each other's living conditions to each other. She used her teacher's work thinking and habits to encourage me to do what I do and love what I do, and to be a strong person in the field of work. I thanked her, but I couldn't do it. When we shake hands and say goodbye, we know that there is no hope of seeing each other again. Maybe we will never see each other again in this life.

Well, since we will never meet again in this life, let’s meet in the next life! Searching and searching, disappearing in silence. There is always no memory, no truth that has been forgotten. A lifetime has passed, and you have abandoned me bit by bit. Pain, pain, heartache, regret, and loss of you. Maybe it is not easy to separate, maybe it is not possible to love each other. Pain, pain, heartbreak, regret, and loss of myself. Deep love and shallow love are not enough, but you and I also know how to cherish them. We have no choice but to wait in the next life before embarking on the beginning of each other's stories.

To be honest, the most intolerable part of her conversation is that she always wants to introduce me to my girlfriend. Once I talked about a female classmate of the same class, was she named Chen Meihua? I told some interesting details about my relationship with her, that's all. But she said that if I like this girl, she will introduce me to this girl, and this girl can be pursued——and so on. In fact, it was just casual chatting and had no other meaning. I'm a little embarrassed, and I won't dare to talk nonsense about this kind of content next time. After maybe graduating from college, I was already working. During a conversation, the topic somehow touched on the two twin sisters Wang Lili and Wang Beibei. She asked me who I was interested in? She introduced him to me. I didn't say anything, but I thought to myself, I'm just interested in you, why don't you introduce yourself to me. It seemed that I was deliberately playing a trick. I said, can you introduce the twin sisters to me? I want them all. It made her laugh, and she told it as a joke to her parents. I thought to myself at that time: Who is the poor one? Think I can't find a girlfriend? Don’t you know that you have many female friends in real life? It's just "I like you so much"--------

I don't know when it started, when I dreamed about her: She was always denying me, and I never saw her being right. My sure. As for the negative content, I can’t remember it clearly, or I can’t recall it when I woke up from the dream. Also, in the dream, when I went through all the trouble to find her house, I was told that her family had moved. Could it be that her family was so scared that they moved to avoid being entangled by me? But in real life, I have never pestered her. , but the "inner demon" in my heart has been haunting me. Yes, I remember that when I traveled to Sanya, Hainan at the end of 2001, I lustfully asked for a sign that our marriage would last forever at a scenic spot in "Tianya Haijiao"! This is in sharp contrast to the sentence "In dreams, you still praise me" in Su Shi's "Jiangchengzi" that I copied in another article recalling a certain cloud.

During the Spring Festival of 1998, the gathering of our junior high school classmates at Jie Shu Ping was organized by Jie Shu Ping (this proves that among junior high school students, only Jie Shu Ping had the desire and quality to be a leader). I was deeply impressed by this gathering. It was probably the gathering where a few of my good friends from junior high school met. The first important person was X Jianzhen who came home from Shenzhen (she was also an important pen pal of mine from junior high school to graduation from college). The other male classmates include Ran Xiaohua, Ran Xiaojian, Xie Renbing, me, and one of them, Wang Qiang (although he is not a junior high school classmate, he should be very close to Jie Shuceng in high school, and he is a very influential figure in our high school).

Cao Hui did not receive the invitation. This guy was very cold. He was the top student in our middle school and was not gregarious. The university he was admitted to was the University of Electronic Science and Technology of China in Chengdu, Sichuan Province. After graduating from university, it is said that he gave up the opportunity to study for a postgraduate degree and went to Beijing. He was employed in a scientific research institute and died in an accident in 2001 for which we do not know the details. The female classmates include her (maybe she had already broken up with Jie Shu Ping at that time), Huang Xiaoxiang (my goddess in junior high school, and your deskmate, I'm sorry I always write her name wrongly, and write it as Huang Xiaoxiang, which later became an intentional prank. (who has not been heard from for many years), Yu Yalin (now living in Qingdao, an English teacher), twin sisters Wang Lili and Wang Beibei.

As for the content of the party, it is nothing more than eating, drinking, playing cards and chatting. Finally, we took a photo together. Perhaps only Jie Shuping took the group photo, and none of us received it. 24 years have passed in the blink of an eye, and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

The picture of holding hands is always in dreams, and the attachment can only stay in the bottom of my heart. Many years later, I would like to give the following words to my classmates and friends: Floating in the sea of ????people, tossing and turning is just a dream; the vast sea has turned into a mulberry field, and infatuation meets the cold wind. No matter how helpless or wronged you are, you must continue to love in this way.

The planning began in 2010 and will be completed in December 2021.