Why on earth did we come to America (from MIT Forum)

Yesterday, I talked about the British 300 questions. Today, I will talk about Americans. You can share it if you like. MIT BBS professors filed out, holding hands, I saw my husband's face, which was still forced to relax, finally completely relaxed. I'll hug him and say, congratulations. I know he has been waiting for this day for almost ten years, and every time he approaches his dream, he returns to the starting point for various reasons. For five years, some people give up, others give up halfway, and the pressure of survival always threatens new immigrants: go or stay? The topic of husband research is very cutting-edge, and it can't be applied to practice at present. When I followed him to visit the professor at my alma mater in China, the professor joked that probably no more than 100 people in China were interested in our conversation. In the United States, except for the National Space Center, they have almost no way out, and as China people, their job opportunities are almost zero. Many people advised him that with such a good computer background, why not learn the most popular CS? He said, I came for this degree, and I don't want to give up easily. I remember he mentioned a friend, a friend from Taiwan Province Province, who studied in the United States in his early years, worked as a professor in the United States for nearly ten years, and then went back and forth to Taiwan Province Province to do business. This old friend once asked her husband: What are you doing in America? He said that if you hold high hopes, you will be disappointed. If you don't think about what to do at all, you will immediately become depressed after the novelty disappears. At that time, my husband replied that he just wanted to get a doctorate and see how big the world was. Why did you come to America? I have asked everyone here. Unfortunately, there are not many answers. For parents' expectations, for dreams in their hearts, for curiosity and competitiveness, and so on. In short, in Dali's words, we have reached a "point of no return". Is it true that only "losers" can turn back? What exactly is success? In the secular eyes, the word "success" is the best portrayal. But looking around, how many people who seem to be "successful" have become real losers? The United States has given a relatively fair opportunity. With diligence and intelligence, China people have almost achieved "achievements" that most Americans do not have in a long or short time. But why do they always think that China people are "arrogant"? Old America is driving a broken car to escort, which is worse than driving a Mercedes; Six stutters in American families are happier than your annual salary of 60 thousand to 70 thousand. You complain that this country doesn't give you a sense of security. Indeed, it is much harder for new immigrants to get the same living conditions as the aborigines! If nothing else, the question of "identity" will choke people to death. The first sentence when looking for a job, people ask if you are a citizen first, and then ask if you are a permanent resident. When you have the same voting rights as the United States, maybe you will suddenly find that the world is empty. Because America is not yours. America is not yours because your skin is not white enough; Your writing is not fluent enough; Your steak is not raw enough; What's even more exasperating is that when you worked hard to make a name for yourself and wanted to impress the so-called "mainstream society", the old "escort" roared past your Mercedes-Benz and didn't sell your account at all! The sense of accomplishment supported by money can only be unimpeded in a society that worships money. The United States is a money society, but it is also a society that ignores money in many ways. Hollywood first challenged the "upper class". Don't say Tantanik's undisguised satire on the so-called "upper class", "beauty", "Scent of a Woman" and "getting more and more beautiful" is a slander on the rich class. A huge space built by the United States did not give people money. Strangely, over the years, the impression that the United States gave me turned out to be Chairman Mao's quotations: I am afraid I can't do it, but I am afraid I can't think of it. Compared with the rigid old beauty, China people's imagination and creativity are much richer. The United States has finally made China people who have been bound for a long time feel relieved: they don't need a hukou book to change jobs, they don't need to "go through the back door" to go to school, and couples don't have to worry about not letting you live in a room without a marriage certificate. The United States has set a "bottom line", as long as you lift your legs a little, you can easily cross it and be unimpeded. Don't we want the freedom to travel through the past easily? Unfortunately, our hearts are still "unhappy". I often hear friends around me complain that they can't go back. Don't say that staying too long is just visiting relatives, which is also "unbearable". The most important thing is "psychological pressure", not to mention "reciprocity", because China people's tradition of "returning home" forces us to "whitewash" our efforts. Those who go back are all "losers" If you can't afford a good car or a big house, it is really a "failure" in the eyes of ordinary people. (However, even if you are honored, what will happen if you don't see envious eyes when you come back? ) So, why on earth did we come to America? ! Perhaps you will find that many people's dreams of coming to the United States are very different from what they "get" today. I have a friend who is nearly forty years old. She is a princeling in China and grew up in an art troupe. In the United States, in order to earn tuition for my daughter, I rolled up my sleeves and walked out of the restaurant, and moved to the professor's house to be a nanny. I often laugh at her: walking on the catwalk with a plate. She is always talking and laughing, and regularly reports her daughter's achievements to us. Her 17-year-old daughter didn't even speak English when she came to the United States, and now her composition has won the grand prize in the National Composition Competition. One day I sat in the sun and chatted with her. Life in America is so tense that everyone is too busy to communicate. However, I remember that day she said that I was a complete "loser" when I came to America. I didn't go back to school to get my degree (she majored in English in China), and I didn't earn much money to buy a car or a house. I often think, how can I tell others when I get home? Maybe I can only say this, maybe everyone doesn't understand: I feel that I have experienced much more than a degree and some money in the United States. I think I've grown up. I'm so moved that a woman who's nearly not confused can admit that she's "growing up". That day, she said, I am proud of my daughter and my husband. More importantly, I am proud of myself, that is, I have learned how to behave calmly! Calm down, what a rare growth this is. It is neither the so-called "inaction" of Laozi and Zhuangzi, nor the "thank you sir" that turned the United States into a "battlefield". My daughter won a full scholarship overnight, and every knife she has saved for her daughter now proves her maternity. There are gains and losses. Seeing her happiness every day, I understand that she doesn't want to deceive herself and pretend to be chic, but really "enrich". She said that people can't lose to themselves. Live like a person! To be a marginal person, you don't have to pose as a marginal person. I like those happy Americans very much. I like to chat with veterans who go back to school. I like to listen to the cleaners in the teaching building talk about their ideals. I like to watch the naughty smile of truck drivers on the highway. No matter what job they are engaged in, they can have full confidence in themselves: I will succeed. Maybe this "success" is just buying a new used car, or maybe this success is just going to Hawaii for a holiday. Their current credit cards may still be in deficit. I've always wondered why so many Americans "feel good about themselves". Later, I learned that from the beginning of basic education in the United States, people must learn to "live like individuals." You can be selfish, but you can't infringe on the interests of others; You can be conceited, but please respect the rights of others; You can be proud, but people around you may be more proud than you. Of course, this kind of "self-confidence" education also has many negative effects, but there is no doubt that there is respect: respect for yourself and respect for others. Even professors from their elders have no right to "criticize", and even millionaires have no right to "give alms" and ask people to be grateful. Millionaires and jumpers may appear every day, which makes many ordinary people recognize themselves. They no longer artificially imagine "enemies", but love life to the fullest. You can drive a Mercedes if you have money, but you can drive a used car if you have no money; If you have money, you can go to Hawaii to watch the sunrise, but if you don't have money, you can drive a broken car to chase the sunset. We will leave our first stop in America in two weeks. It is said that we can see the sea when we go out. I often wonder whether this temporary "parking" will really destroy our personality-a friend of mine once said that people's requirements are actually very small, and lying down is just a bed space. This is easy to get in America, and we often don't cherish what is easy to get. Will it? Husband said that for so many years, you have always stayed alone until midnight, and finally you can go out for a walk after dinner and sit on the sofa and watch TV together. However, I am afraid, as Kundera said, "the unbearable lightness in life." People will fall into a "lightness" of "no goal", which may be caused by failure or success. "Boring"-many people who seem to be quite successful say so. My husband once said half seriously and half jokingly that my biggest dream is to buy an NBA and invest in making a movie for you. I don't know how long this dream will last. I just think that we don't all have to make our beautiful dreams come true, but we must live as individuals. No matter whether it is downwind or adversity, we must persist and never lose to ourselves first. This outgoing Dali friend wishes you good luck: if you make a choice without regrets, then going home is not an "empty bag"-because I read your Growing Up in America between the lines. Remember, people who want to lose always lose to themselves first. Temporary gains and losses are not "losses". The real loss is that you have lost all enterprising confidence in yourself. The word "enterprising" may mean buying a plane ticket to Rome, writing a love song for your lover, or planting a green vegetable garden. Write this for myself and for friends who feel the same way.