There once was a girl who loved me like life

There was once a girl who loved me as much as her life. Later, she went to a place 16,753 kilometers away from me. I don’t know if we will see each other again in this life.

She has loved me for ten years, so I will return her ten years, okay?

01

Xia Yang left. When Cheng Mu heard these words, the cup in his hand slipped to the floor. The transparent glass made a crisp sound and broke into pieces. Splatter. The boiled water wetted the slippers. It was warm, just like the care that the person who had left had silently given to him over the years. It was as warm as water and moisturized things silently.

But in the end, he still lost her, and she didn't even give him the chance to say goodbye for the last time.

The crowd who were chatting enthusiastically looked over when they heard the noise here, and there was silence for a while.

Xu Xiaojuan ran over quickly, looked at the stunned Cheng Mu and kept asking what was wrong.

It’s nothing, sister-in-law, his hand slipped. Ding Linsheng, who was sitting on the sofa, answered with a smile.

Cheng Mu remained silent, squatting down and picking up the broken glass, hiding his embarrassment and loss.

Today, a group of familiar friends gathered together. Ding Linsheng chose this time to tell Cheng Mu that he admitted that he did it on purpose. Why was Xia Yang so sad and they were so happy? He was unhappy.

Some broken glass pricked Cheng Mu's exposed skin outside the slippers, bleeding beads appeared. He ignored it and continued to clean it up silently. The glass pricked his finger without stopping, as if he couldn't feel the pain. .

For the first time, for the first time, he realized that he was going to lose someone forever. The person who had been with him for ten years passed away quietly, leaving him feeling empty and uncomfortable.

Ding Linsheng looked at Cheng Mu, smiled innocently, and then asked Xu Xiaojuan, "Sister-in-law, you and Xia Yang were college roommates. Do you know that she has someone she has liked for ten years?"

Cheng Mu looked up at Xu Xiaojuan with a pale face. Xu Xiaojuan, who was helping Cheng Mu clean up his wounds, paused and turned pale, oh, really? Never heard of it.

Really, that’s strange. Xia Yang hides it quite deeply. She once told me that that person’s girlfriend once sent her a photo of the boy she liked sleeping in the middle of the night. From a woman’s perspective Come on, what do you think this means?

Probably to declare sovereignty. Xu Xiaojuan dealt with it and stopped talking.

Ding Linsheng looked at the embarrassed appearance of the two people in front of him, and remembered Xia Yang who cried so much at the airport that day that he still couldn't let go. That silly girl would not know how she would feel if she knew that the deepest secret she had hidden for so many years was exposed in front of the person involved.

Maybe she doesn't care anymore. She said that day that she wanted to say goodbye to the past.

Never again.

02

Cheng Mu has been having the same dream over and over again recently. The girl in the dream is petite and exquisite, with big eyes, a cute nose, and neat short hair, like a A tomboy, he hangs out with a bunch of boys all year round, playing ball, skating, picking up girls, drinking, and is inseparable from him.

Then, the girl in the dream grew up, with long hair, fair skin, and a graceful appearance. She stood in front of her, lonely and stubborn, and she said, Cheng Mu, I'm leaving.

He wanted to grab her and tell her not to leave, but he was speechless and couldn't catch her. He could only watch her walk away...

Heartache, like a pair of big hands grabbing my heart, it hurts, and I woke up in a cold sweat.

Cheng Mu still can’t figure out what kind of feelings he has for Xia Yang. He always thought that he was a good friend, confidant, and brother. But why did it hurt so much? It hurt so much that he dreamed about it all night long. to her.

This kind of heart-wrenching pain made him unable to sleep or eat well, made him feel disgusted and gave up on himself, and he was unable to find relief and find a way out.

The words he said to Xia Yang when they met for the last time were like a sharp knife, always reminding him of his cruelty.

Xu Xiaojuan is Xia Yang's roommate. When they first started dating, Xu was used to it. When they were dating, he always pulled Xia Yang together. After all, he had been doing this since he was a child.

Later, Xu Xiaojuan hoped to live in a world of two, but he didn't take it to heart. He still felt that it was not good to leave Xia Yang alone. Now think about how stupid he was, not understanding a girl's thoughts, and hurting two people.

Later, Xu Xiaojuan and Xia Yang had a falling out and moved out of the dormitory to live with her off campus.

In the multiple-choice question of "Me or her?" Cheng Mu chose Xu Xiaojuan. After all, she was his lover, wasn't she?

When I asked Xia Yang to meet that day, she was still smiling as usual, with clear eyes, as if she didn't know what sadness was.

Cheng Mu said, Xia Yang, I’m sorry, let’s not meet again. Xiaojuan has been in a bad mood recently. Can I explain it to her when she feels better? After all, we have been good brothers for so many years.

Looking back carefully, Cheng Mu could clearly remember every expression and movement of Xia Yang. Her smiling face stopped for a moment, and then she punched him as if she didn't care. Cheng Mu embarrassed him. Mu, I didn’t expect that you are also a guy who cares about your relatives and friends. Well, I'm a tolerant person and won't argue with ordinary people like you. Let's wait until you coax her. By the way, I have something to do at school, so I’ll leave first.

Only then did he realize that the figure who had almost fled was extremely bleak, filled with sadness and helplessness.

From about this moment on, she decided to completely forget about herself.

03

In Cheng Mu's memory, Xia Yang never cried. She loved to laugh, and her eyebrows and eyes were curved when she smiled, like a cat, quirky.

Everyone said that Xia Yang was beautiful, but he never seemed to realize it. He just liked to hook her shoulders and ask her if she had brought anything delicious, or how the girl was doing.

Xia Yang helps him bring food every day, and always has his favorite snacks and fruits in his schoolbag. Xia Yang likes to cooperate with him by whistling at girls passing by. .

When he was sick, she would make fun of his frailty, but she would also cook porridge for him, arrange for him to buy medicine, and be considerate in everything.

They are so good that they use each other’s things, pencils, erasers, notebooks, scarves, gloves...

Someone once asked him, Xia Yang is so good, why don’t you Like her?

He laughed so hard that tears came down his face, and he said that the man was an idiot, and that Xia Yang was a good brother, a blood brother, and they were the two most unlikely people in the world to be together.

In the past ten years, they have become relatives, relatives who can live in two families at will. Even though the parents of the two families had joked about it, Cheng Mu never thought that they could be together.

He likes women with long flowing hair and as quiet as water, and he likes the feeling of being worshiped. But Xia Yang didn't like any of them, and she was so strong and stubborn that she never seemed to need his care and protection.

Once when they were hiking together, he and Xu Xiaojuan were walking in front, while Xia Yang was a few steps behind. She accidentally injured her foot, but kept silent until they went up the mountain and discovered that her entire ankle was swollen. , but still smiled and said he was fine.

Staying on the mountainside at night, Xu Xiaojuan had a fever. He stayed with Xu Xiaojuan and didn't notice how Xia Yang reduced the swelling of the injured ankle. But the next day she was full of energy again.

He thought he would slowly get used to living without her and go to work, fall in love, and party as usual. But I always feel that something is missing. It seems that a piece is missing in my heart. It feels empty, as if I have lost the most important part of my life, the part that is engraved in my bones and connected by blood. But what is this part? He doesn't know.

It was obvious that there was only one person missing and nothing else had changed, but he gradually realized that he could no longer be with another girl. The longer time passed, the more Xia Yang became in his memory. As it became clearer, he began to fear.

The most fearful thing is that I will be separated from the mountains for thousands of miles and never come home again.

04

The day Cheng Mu broke up with Xu Xiaojuan, he asked her, since you knew Xia Yang liked me, why didn't you tell me? After asking, he couldn't help but call himself a bastard.

Xu Xiaojuan said, Cheng Mu, did you really not know that she liked you for so many years? Are you a fool? You can't see her yourself and you come to blame me? Yes, I sent the photos from that night, so what? It was you who asked for her contact information, it was you who pursued me, it was you who chose love between your friendship and our love, it was you who caused her the most harm.

Cheng Mu looked at Xu Xiaojuan and opened his mouth, unable to say a word to refute.

He asked Ding Linsheng, where did Xia Yang go?

Ding Linsheng didn’t answer at first, but after being asked too many questions, he had no choice but to tell him that his family was immigrating to Los Angeles.

No one knows where she went. Ding Linsheng said, Cheng Mu, 1,214.9 square kilometers, with a population of nearly 40 million, looking for her? Where are you going to find it?

Cheng Mu also hated Xia Yang for loving him for ten years but not telling him, and hating Xia Yang for leaving without saying goodbye.

Ding Linsheng said, tell you? From junior high school, high school to college, a girl follows you all day long. Doesn’t she like you? I treat you well and treat you with all my heart and soul, why? Cheng Mu, have you really taken a good look at her in these years? Do you know how charming she is? You have never stopped liking others and you have always had a girlfriend. How can you give her the courage to confess to you?

He was frustrated to the core. Yes, he knew himself. If Xia Yang hadn't left in this way, he might never realize her importance. He might not even be able to be friends after Xia Yang confessed her love.

When Xia Yang left for a year, Ding Linsheng sent five thick notebooks. They were Xia Yang's diaries, and every page was about him.

Ding Linsheng said, when she was about to have a fever, I stayed behind her back. Look, from the age of 13 to 23, her ten years.

Do you love Xia Yang? Ding Linsheng asked.

Love. This time, he could finally answer confidently.

Over the years, Xia Yang's love and care are like snowflakes falling from the sky. At first they seem to be traceless and nowhere to be found, but gradually the snow becomes heavier and deeper. , has long been in his heart, vast, deep, and everywhere. Under the white snow, there are buds waiting to break out of the ground next spring.

He began to understand what the missing part of his life was after she left, which was all the love and expectation for life.

Over the years, they have become an inseparable part of each other's lives, and they exist as a matter of course.

My girl, no matter where you are, I wish you peace and joy in your life.

I will wait for you at the place where we first met. If you love me for ten years, I will love you for ten years, okay? If it's not enough, then for a lifetime.

Ps: At the invitation of a friend, I wrote the story of Cheng Mu.

Xia Yang's monologue: Goodbye, I have loved you for ten years