Where are the lines of the sketch "I want to be a star"? It's about two people, a cousin and a cousin ~ urgent ~! !

W: Welcome to Beijing. Anyone who has a dream is great. If you have courage, there will be miracles. ) How are you? Let's go Yes Yes Come on man: Cousin, Cousin. (female: cousin. Long time no see. You're still like that. You've been hanging from the top.

Woman: You don't understand. A woman with taste will never stand up. M: Oh. I'll never understand that smell.

Female: Cousin. Man: Hey, long time no see. You are getting more and more handsome. (Man: Thank you ...) Don't you know you're getting smarter?

M: I've always been smart.

W: How about this one? Let me give you a witty question and answer in front of everyone.

Man: Just come. Woman: Yes, calculate your IQ. Like me, you open your hands and cross quickly, and then answer my questions quickly. OK or not?

M: I know that. It tests my reflexes.

Woman: Right, right, right.

M: Thank you. Come on.

Woman: OK, let's go! Name? Man: Zhu.

Woman: Gender? Man: Man.

Woman: Age? Male: 35.

Woman: Are you sick? M: Not sick.

Woman: Are you sick? M: Quite healthy, not sick.

Woman: Are you sick or not? M: Not sick.

Woman: I'm not sick. Why do you fork like this? Isn't this a typical symptom of mental illness? Man: Stop fooling around! I won't play with you.

Hey, cousin, why didn't you get into that art school last time? Is it particularly sad? Woman: Where? At least I showed up on CCTV.

M: Oh.

Woman: My house is on fire! The fire is spreading! Man: Your house is on fire. How come? Woman: I heard I'm going back to my hometown. My hometown met me at the railway station.

Man: Ouch, the hometown star is back.

Woman: Ah, when I got off the train, the scene was spectacular! Man: How spectacular? Woman: Someone is holding my hand and someone is holding my leg.

M: Yes.

Woman: I also said something that moved me very much.

Man: Miss, please sign your name. Lady: Miss, please polish your shoes.

M: Well, I'll still shine my shoes after a long time.

Woman: Only one handsome boy is the most gentle, standing opposite me, waving a white handkerchief at me.

M: I know that's her biggest fan.

Woman: Looking closer, it turned out that he was cleaning the glass.

Man: You are romantic again.

W: Just don't give me a name.

Man: Tell me quickly. What are the benefits? W: Many TV stations have asked me to make TV series.

M: Oh. What TV series are looking for you? "

Woman: Princess Pearl sequel Man: What do you want to play?

Woman: Little Swallow. M: OK.

Woman: Mo Long Man beside me: Aren't you that ugly? W: There is also a TV series, Legend of the Condor Heroes, which I will also perform.

M: This TV series is good. He asked you to play this yellow man? (Female: No) Mei Chaofeng (Female: No) Is that for you? (Woman: The sculpture) What's the fuss about? I'm lying to you. I'm just kidding. Woman: Yes, I know they're making fun of me. Because I'm too fat.

Man: Yes, cousin, you are not thin. You need to lose weight. (Woman: How to lose weight), you have to exercise. Exercise to lose weight.

W: It's too difficult to do sports. I heard that riding a horse can lose weight. (Man: Hey, don't really lose weight), I just rode a horse for a month (Man: What's the effect? Yes, the horse lost 50 pounds in a month. What about you? ) female: not at all. Man: That horse is pathetic enough. Come on, come on, come on, don't lose weight. Aren't you fine? ) female: yes, I figured it out later. I won't cut it! M: Not anymore. )

Woman: Well, there are many kinds of women. M: That's right.

Woman: Very slim. (male: slim. ) female: there are plump ones. (male: plump. Who are you? ) female: plump. (Man: Full house, haha ...) Woman: People can sing if they want. (Man: And you are? ) If you want to be fat, you will be fat, and fat will be beautiful!

M: Applause ... Very confident. (Woman: Hmm) Eh, it's really beautiful, but the girls are not beautiful yet. Before 18, blame parents. /kloc-after 0/8, you are not beautiful, blame yourself! Can't dress up. Look, it's been half a year, and you're still wearing this suit, huh?

Woman: Don't talk about my suit. Walking into the street caused a sensation.

M: How sensational? W: I just walked into a five-star hotel. (Man: Eh. ) The boss inside came out to say hello to me personally.

Man: Very, very good attitude, miss. Welcome to visit! Woman: You! Get out! Man: Is this welcome? Woman: There is a misunderstanding.

Man: This dress won't do. Too old.

Woman: Don't look at this suit. M: Oh.

Woman: Actually, I am quite rich! Man: Oh, do you have any money? Woman: I worked hard for half a year. (Man: Eh. ) female: I finally lived in our high-end community.

M: High-end residential area? You bought a house? Woman: Hmm (gesturing yes) Man: Oh, I also bought two sets.

Female: Two square meters.

Man: How can there be such a small house? What floor do you live on? W: I live on the floor where the elevator stops.

Man: For a long time, did you live in an elevator? W: I work as an elevator girl there.

Man: You are an elevator girl, so you don't want to be a star? Don't want to sing? Woman: Hey! That's my dream. I never gave up.

(M: Oh. ) W: I practice singing in our community every day.

Man: OK, it's called never leaving your hand, never leaving your mouth! W: Not long.

(Man: Eh. ) female: everyone in the community has moved away, and the house price has fallen by more than half! M: Eh, my cousin's singing function catches up with the American subprime mortgage crisis.

W: Well, the owner sent me a thank-you letter.

M: Oh, wow, thank you note. What do you mean? Woman: big sister! You sing! Please keep singing. If you keep singing, the house price will fall cheaper than the sewer! M: It seems that my cousin's singing can curb house prices. Hey! Don't sing in the community and disturb others! You find a quiet place to sing.

W: Yes, and then I went to the pond in the park to practice my voice.

Man: Well, that place is the best place to practice your voice.

Female: As a result, the fish rolled their eyes as soon as I opened my mouth (male: hmm).

Man: Where are you singing? You are shouting, you are not singing blindly, you should learn from others.

Woman: Yes! I learned it from a professional teacher. Man: Oh, I learned it from them.

Woman: Gee, I've made great progress. A professional art troupe took a fancy to me and hired me as an actor.

Man: Hey, hey, which art troupe is blind. Haha, what's the name of that art troupe?

Female: Young and beautiful girl ham sausage art troupe! Man: How did you get this name?

W: The actors there have the same image and figure as me. Oh, do you have a performance in this art troupe?

Woman: Yes, that's it! Go abroad! Oh, have you all performed abroad? Ah, not bad.

Woman: horse, horse, tiger, tiger.

Man: Horse, horse, tiger, tiger? What are you talking about? I don't understand.

Woman: English! So-so! Don't understand? M: That's not what English usually says.

W: What's the English word for horse? Man: Well, horses! Woman: Tiger! Man: Tiger! Woman: That's right, horse, horse, tiger, tiger! So-so! Man: Hey! Who taught you English? Female: Authentic foreign teacher.

Man: Oh, who taught it? Woman: My grandmother taught me, referred to as a foreign teacher! Man: Ah! With what you said, I will test you later.

(Woman: All right! M: How do you say the English word "one"? Woman: Oh! n！ e！ Woof! M: That's not bad. How do you say "two"? Woman: Wang! Man: Three! Off-court: woof! Man: The gentleman with glasses. Who is he? Woman: My classmate.

Man: This big brother, you are also idle, or you can just say, how to say "10 million" Hehe, come on! Please welcome! Woman: You! Are you kidding? This corner leads to the opening ceremony of the London Olympic Games.

No, what programs did you perform abroad? W: I sing abroad. I just sang Welcome to Beijing. Well, welcome to Beijing. Man: Well, wait, wait, didn't you just sing this song? W: What to sing?

What? Man: It's more difficult to sing a song. Let me teach you one! ("Hmm") "I \ and \ you \, heart \ even heart \, live \ in the same place \ ball \ village \, come \ bar \, be friends \, extend \ your hand \, \.

\, forever \ far \ a \ family \ "Thank you! Thank you for singing like this! Just like I taught you.

Female: You and I are from the same world, We are a family, Travel Dreams, You and Wan Li, Meet in the North (Male: Where is the applause? ) jing\ M: Yo, there's progress, not bad, er \ er, performance.

What is the effect! Woman: Oh, dear! What a great performance! (M: Oh.

After the performance, senior local officials personally came out to meet me. (hey, this treatment is quite high! ) Well, the village chief took my hand and was very excited.

Man: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, a senior official-village head, ah, ah, how did you become a village head?

Woman: The official here is the oldest! M: Well, that will do!

Woman: Gee, he speaks a fluent foreign language and speaks highly of me (Man: What do you mean? ), "You, lever drop!" M: Is this a foreign language? Female: Overseas Chinese in Northeast China

M: Oh, overseas Chinese in Northeast China. Woman: Hey, forget it, there is a rich businessman who appreciates me.

Man: Oh, I admire you! Woman: She dumped me for 30,000 yuan on the spot. M: Oh, thirty thousand dollars! ) also presented a pair of couplets.

Man: How do you say couplets? Woman: Wan Shui Qian Shan is always in love, (Man: Eh! ) a small gift to express your mood! Man: Oh, this couplet is good! But 30 thousand yuan, this gift is too heavy, we can't accept others! Woman: Right, right, right. My mother has grown up.

Teach me, she said, not to take other people's things! Man: Well, that's right! Female: So I said to him shyly, "I don't want it" (male: no) "I don't want it" * (male: absolutely not), but I wanted it in the end.

Man: or ... why do you want it? ? W: Because my mother taught me, too. (M: What do you mean? She said, when someone gives you something, you should pretend to refuse it several times first, and then take it away, which makes it look higher!

M: What did your mother say? Woman: I also gave him a pair of couplets! Man: Oh, what do you think of couplets?

Woman: There is true feelings in the world, and every piece you earn is a piece! Man: What a mess! You can't take other people's money

Woman: Oh, I'm just kidding you! Where is the money? It's not for me! M: Oh, it's not for you. ) Let me take it back to China and donate it to Hope Primary School.

Man: Oh, that's a good thing! W: There are still many good things! M: What else is delicious? Woman: A foreign (male: Oh) film and television company (male: Oh) wants to sign me, package me and make me famous! Man: Cousin, I knew you would be popular.

Yes, I will definitely become an international movie star.

W: But I can't accept their terms.

Man: Eh, what conditions! Female: Zhang Ziyi-after retirement! Man: Ah, dreaming in vain again!