Anxiety about parent-child separation

A child just entered the park and cried loudly. The teacher gave him enough patience and love, accompanied him around the campus for a day and took the bus with him for a day, just because he liked taking the bus. A month later, the child was finally willing to come to kindergarten.

This is a real case. This school is similar to a home school established by several Christian teachers. The original reason is just that I hope my children can have a young life full of love and freedom.

I asked some mothers about this case: If there is such a kindergarten, would you like to send your children in?

The answers are all yes. Some mothers can't wait to ask where they are, because they are experiencing the pain of their children choosing a school. However, it is not enough to treat all kinds of problems on the road of children's growth with love, and professional skills are needed. As a caring doctor said to the patient: I am very caring, but I don't know how to operate it. Let me operate on you, and I will cure you. I think the patient will run away in fear.

Before solving the problem, let's take a look at what separation anxiety is. Why do children have separation anxiety when they enter the park?

Dissociativeanxiety refers to the anxiety, uneasiness or unpleasant emotional reaction of infants due to separation from their loved ones, also known as parting anxiety. That is, the sadness and pain that infants feel when they want to be separated from someone after having a close emotional bond, in order to express their refusal to be separated.

From this definition, it is very normal for children to be with caregivers (parents/grandparents or grandparents, the following assumption is mother) every day before entering the park, and it is also very normal to be separated from their mothers after entering the park, because children have considerable trust in adults and the parent-child relationship is well established. This is a transitional stage of growth. Some parents actually have separation anxiety, but parents are adults and can temporarily suppress, transfer or solve this anxiety, while children can't, so they will have instinctive reactions: crying and making trouble. However, not all children will go through this stage. Some children don't stick to their mothers because of their personality. Some children don't stick to adults because there is no specific primary caregiver. Children usually don't stick to adults because of the influence of the environment. This is all normal.

Why do children have separation anxiety when they enter the park? There are two reasons:

1, strange environment, stranger. This is easy to solve. It is suggested that children in the kindergarten should have an adaptation period (1-2 weeks), and mothers can take their children to adapt to the environment in advance and get to know the teachers as long as conditions permit. From the unfamiliar to the familiar, whether for the environment, for teachers, or for park activities.

2. Why did my mother send me to this place? Why did you leave at the door? Doesn't she love me? She said she would pick me up. Can I trust her?

Solving this problem also requires the cooperation of parents and teachers. What can parents do:

1. communication before entering the park: take the children to visit the kindergarten before entering the park and tell them that the baby can go to school here in the future and make many good friends. Mom will send you here every day. The mother is in charge of work and the baby is in charge of school. When will mom pick you up on time?

2. Adaptation period: The garden can give parents and children an adaptation period (such as one week) for parents to accompany and transition appropriately. Parents are advised to spend more time with their children, but gradually increase the separation time. For example, they say to their children, "Mom is going to do some shopping outside and leave for 20 minutes, okay?" Say goodbye normally, leave for a while and come back at the appointed time to have fun with the children. Through the dialogue ("Did Mom come back on time?" "hmm!" ) and party ceremonies (such as hugs) will enhance children's confidence that their mothers will come back after they leave. Then the mother can gradually increase the separation time, one hour, two hours, half a day or even a day. You can also set up a worship window or a worship tower in the park for parents and children to say goodbye.

3. The day of separation: the day when parents and children are officially separated, some skills are also needed:

I smiled and said goodbye normally. Children are good at reading words and deeds, so parents should smile when sending their babies to make them feel that this is a happy thing. When you get to school, say goodbye normally and don't sneak away, otherwise the child will have panic and anxiety: Why did mother suddenly disappear?

After saying goodbye, he left decisively. Never look back, reluctant to part. At this time, the child will be very clear about your emotions. If you look sad or concerned, children will cry to attract their parents' attention.

In case of accidents, such as parents forgetting to give their schoolbags to their babies or leaving their keys in the classroom, parents should stop showing up and let other teachers or parents do it for them.

I answered on time. Remember the communication before entering the park? -"Mom will pick you up on time", so remember to keep the agreement. Pick up the children on time after school. If there is an unexpected situation, such as traffic jam, inform the teacher in advance so that the teacher and the baby can communicate objectively. "Mom just called the teacher specifically and said that mom is on her way to pick up the baby. Now it's a bit blocked, and it may be a little late." Because of the communication in advance, children will have an expectation, and they will not be anxious because other children have been picked up and waiting for their mothers not to come.

L pacifier. If the baby has his own special quilt, he can take it to school, which is also helpful to relieve separation anxiety.

4. Home: Just because children are sent to kindergarten does not mean that parents can let go. On the contrary, in this period of separation anxiety, it is more important to let the child feel enough love and not let him misunderstand that his mother doesn't want me, so he put me in kindergarten. You can do something with a fixed parent-child time every day:

Chat: If it's half an hour before going to bed, chat with the children, chat. Remember to discuss positive questions when chatting, such as "What nursery rhymes did the baby learn today" and "Did the baby make good friends today", instead of "Did someone hit you today, baby, did the teacher criticize you today" and so on.

L parent-child reading: strongly recommended parent-child activities. There is a picture book "Magic Kiss"

"The story is that Chester the raccoon doesn't want to go to school because he doesn't want to leave his mother to go to a strange environment. Her mother assured him that he would like the new school and told him a secret-"Kissing Hands". Her mother printed a kiss on the little raccoon's palm, so that whenever she felt lonely at school, she gently pressed her palm on her cheek. Her mother's kiss would warm his heart and make her no longer lonely and afraid.

The little raccoon went to school that day, and he also printed a kiss on his mother's palm, so that her mother could feel the magical kiss when she thought of him. Parents can take their baby to read this picture book together and use your own method to separate anxiety together.

Other picture books that can help solve the anxiety of parent-child separation include A Day in Kindergarten, I'm so worried, Little Ali's Big School and Gao Jiawen's Little Blanket.

Parent-child games: help children calm their anxiety of separation through games. Let the mother play the child who goes to school, and the baby plays the mother to simulate the parent-child chat on the way to school (it is suggested that walking to school is not far, so as to improve the communication time between parents and children).

The above is what parents need to do, so as a professional teacher, what you can do to solve parent-child anxiety is:

1. Before entering the park: understand the physical and mental development characteristics of children's personality, behavior, work and rest habits, etc. In order to get along with children later. If you know that this child is sensitive and shy, you won't force her to participate in the activities of the later classes, but attract her with interesting games or activities and encourage her to join the group step by step.

2. After entering the park: Children with separation anxiety can temporarily transfer with some toys, but not for a long time. The most important thing for teachers is to design interesting activities to attract children of this age, and to attract children with separation anxiety to participate. In addition to forgetting anxiety, they will also make children feel happy at school and then like kindergarten. What kindergarten teachers really need to do is to provide all kinds of materials for children to choose and explore, and at the same time observe children, encourage children to participate in activities and play games with them.

3. After class: As mentioned above, parents will also have separation anxiety and worry about whether their children will adapt to school. Therefore, in the spare time after picking up the baby and class, you can communicate with parents more, describe the baby's enrollment, and share anecdotes and photos of the child at school.