The darkness of human nature I experienced

People suffering from depression have different reasons, all caused by their own experiences, but the result is the same, world-weariness and self-abandonment. Two words sum up everything I hate, including myself. I saw several points from the landlord's text:

First, it is really rare for the landlord to give up on himself like that.

As the old saying goes, women always please themselves. But I like to say that women please themselves. Of the two, the world will definitely be one of them. Suppose the landlord's reason is really as he said: "I grew up with slow development, simple mind, closed life, no communication with people, and I don't understand the thoughts and lifestyles of my peers around me", but people are capable of judging after all. If you choose clean clothes or smelly clothes, you will definitely choose clean clothes, otherwise your physiological sense of smell will be unbearable. But the landlord has to urge his parents to wash their faces and brush their teeth before leaving the hospital, so I think some of your senses may be wrong. I understand your indifference to others, because I am such a person. In addition to my own personality, there is another reason, that is, I am nearsighted, but because I don't love glasses and my eyes are not deformed, I can't tell from my appearance that there is something wrong with my eyes. The reason why I don't like wearing glasses is because I don't want to see other people's expressions clearly. Wearing glasses has a feeling of being burdensome. Why should I torture myself to see the expression of someone who has nothing to do with me? So sometimes people smile at me, and my expression doesn't change accordingly. So if the landlord doesn't brush his teeth and wash his face, but he doesn't feel uncomfortable, will it be that his senses in this respect are relatively slow?

From the tone of the landlord, I can hear that the landlord is not angry because of illness, but because of the country's politics, education, the wandering phenomenon of the world, and his inability to show his ambitions. You are pessimistic because of the attitude of others towards you. From this point of view, you think the world is too realistic. There is one thing I don't want to point out, because I think the landlord didn't treat others deliberately when he was in the most painful time, even if he hurt himself. It can be seen that the landlord did not hurt others' hearts, which is very valuable compared with most people who want to pay back the money in this world. What I want to say is: if a person or some people are not good to you, it must be their fault; But if everyone is bad to you, you have to think about your own reasons. But one thing, your appearance is so ... well, unruly. I think the real reason is that you don't like yourself enough, otherwise no one can stand it.

Second, the landlord has a strong writing skills. Of course, a good command of writing doesn't mean that you can be glib and quick-talking. On the contrary, sometimes the more abstruse you are, the more you will find that your oral expression ability is poor. Because some words can't be clearly stated in one or two sentences, you simply choose not to say them. Sometimes the language is really pale. There are two kinds of writing skills, one is to read more books, the other is to think more by yourself, but there are both. Landlord, you didn't use some indecent and vulgar words to those who hurt you because of your inner anger, but made a systematic exposition from your own reasons combined with the background, which also confirmed that I don't believe the landlord is that kind of "simple-minded" person

Maybe the landlord's appearance is not satisfactory, but if a person doesn't even like himself, how can others like himself? How can you like others? There are many ugly people in this world, but will others spit on them? What matters is not appearance, but quality. I don't say connotation because connotation is too empty and quality is visible. I mean, quality can be summed up in two words: clean. You don't need to dress in fashion or wear famous brands. Even if you wear simple clothes, old clothes can be used (but old clothes don't mean those that haven't been washed for dozens of days). As long as you are clean, I believe no one will spit on you. Again, if you don't care about your cleanliness, others naturally won't care. Let's give a small example. Everyone has met naughty classmates, who are often the cannon fodder of teachers. Sometimes teachers dare not criticize those who have high self-esteem because they think they may not be able to stand it. But naughty students, when the teacher looks at him with a fake smile and heartless appearance, think that they really don't want to face, so naturally they will lose face. In fact, as long as people are injured, even if they are naughty, their psychology may be more fragile. They just don't understand people's psychology and choose the wrong expression. You know, the attitude of others towards you, a large part comes from your own attitude towards yourself.

What's more, they dress simply and sometimes look strange to others. That's because their family's economic conditions cause their relatives' clothes or their parents' extra clothes to be out of harmony, but it doesn't mean that they don't know what their clothes are like, but they are just holding back their inner pain and taking care of their parents. However, since the landlord can study abroad, even if his parents give everything for you to study abroad, I believe your family should not be three generations of farmers, so it is ok to wear some comfortable and simple clothes. I also reject brand-name clothes, not for other reasons, but because the logo of brand-name clothes is too obvious, and I feel that I am not wearing clothes, but clothes are wearing me. Sometimes the more people show off, the more they lack. So you don't have to force yourself to cater to other people's tastes.

The one upstairs is right. Your parents have certain responsibilities. I don't know how you spent your childhood, but I think it may be abnormal. Childhood has a vital influence on a person's character. Although your personality will change in the future, it is still difficult to break through the shackles of childhood influence. Because the representative of childhood is parents, it is difficult for you to change the way your parents educate you. Similarly, if you change, you may go against your parents. Judging from what you wrote, you didn't have a deep hatred for your parents, and you didn't attribute your today to your parents' poor education. You just feel powerless and worried that your parents will let you choose to study abroad, but you also know that your parents are doing it for your own good, so you don't think you can blame them.

Three other points need to be pointed out: first, the most important point, what are your own thoughts and dreams? You said your parents have been helping you make decisions. You may know that your parents won't harm you, so you didn't disobey, but are those really what you like? Maybe I should ask: Do you have a dream? You have to think for yourself and never say no. If you do everything in your life, it will be really sad, because you have been arbitrarily trained to be "servile" by your parents, which is the most terrible. Let me remind you, because I have been struggling with this problem. I have been studying and studying. It seems that only by studying in life can you find that you don't like it, but it seems too late to choose what you like. I felt very painful at that time. I know what I don't want, but I don't know what I want. But I like too many things and have no choice, so I finally chose an all-inclusive animation major, which can not only express my feelings, but also satisfy my hobbies. You can also choose your own path according to this idea. Many people feel that life is hopeless just because they can't help themselves and can't find their own value. If your parents can't understand you and let you do what they want, you must talk openly with them, let them know what you think, know that you have the ability to think independently, and reassure them that you can make your own choices.

Second, be realistic. With your conditions, it is really not suitable for re-reading, so your family will send you abroad. I just don't know whether you are already in Australia, studying IELTS or staying at home. I don't know what your previous grades were. If you have been to Australia, did you study accounting or something? I think so, because most people go to Australia for immigration, which is also very cost-effective. But for you, I still hope you don't read these. You should read something that can learn a skill, and don't learn these empty things.

Third, the world is not terrible. I'm world-weary, but I'm bored, but my interpersonal relationship is good, and I can handle interpersonal communication with ease, because I know most people's psychology. Although I don't care much about others, I always stay away from people who are as strange as me. Maybe you think it's a little strange that you don't mix with others, why aren't you isolated? I can only say that I have been looking at people for a long time. After a long time, others will know what you are like. There's no need to worry. Sometimes, people will speak ill of some people to show their closeness to you. If you all accuse that person of doing something wrong with indignation, on the surface, you may be the same kind of people, but in fact such friends can't last long. A friend of a gentleman is as light as water, but a friend of a villain is as bitter as a cucumber. To put it simply, in your heart, both of you will find it easy for the other party to swear, and this range is very small. One day, you will do the same to me. Although you are not very nice to each other, you still look down on each other. Everyone has shortcomings, but you should take some actions of others for granted and take them for granted. You should treat everyone as guilty, so that you won't suffer from what others say and do to you. You said this is the world. Who doesn't know? However, at the beginning of life, human nature is good, there is no need to hurt others, and there is no need to stop others. A man should have his own principles and respect all sentient beings. I think that if a person will change his opinion of you because of your appearance, such a person has nothing to be afraid of. Two things will happen to some people after going through hardships. They don't have good intentions, and feel that they can't let others suffer the same pain, or they will impose everything that happened to them on others, but the phenomenon in society is mostly the latter, which is a vicious circle.

To solve your problem, besides self-love (clean yourself up), I have three suggestions: first, love sports; Second, be close to nature; Third, find your hobbies and let yourself rely on them. I don't know if you have ever jogged on a country road in the early morning. That kind of fresh and pleasant feeling can only be experienced by yourself.

Self-mutilation is wrong. I have depression, too, and I struggled on the brink of death. But I know that self-harm means that I still miss the world and just want to prove my pain, otherwise I will commit suicide directly. So I never hurt myself. I think, since I am alive, don't torture myself, or I will forget. I once told those who envy me that a sad life is perfect in the eyes of others. Some things can only be like drinking water I don't know what the meaning of life is, because life is meaningless. I'm thinking, do I have to live? I think most people with depression will have this idea. I have been taking medicine for a long time, but I also firmly believe that medicine is useless to me. I only took it for my parents' peace of mind. My depression is only because I see things too thoroughly and lose the joy of life. Unlike those who are nervous because they are stressed out and can't sleep well, I am mentally, not physically, so I don't need drugs that make people sleepy. So I know that unless my outlook on life changes, it will never be good.

The following is a diary on my blog. It turns out that I wrote a series of diaries, the category is "Life is like a dream". Originally, the function of blog was only to remember my depression, but this is my last article to discuss the confusion of life, because I don't need to wander anymore. It doesn't help to be immersed in sadness and not face up to life, what's more, I already know where my problems are. So now blogs mainly collect all kinds of information for like-minded people to share.

"In fact, I don't appreciate Zhuangzi, which shows that it is worth emulating. I don't seem to appreciate anyone, because I always feel that people will have all kinds of desires when they are alive, and they will not be invincible if they have desires, so I think this is a defect, so I won't appreciate anyone. I used to hear Confucius say, "If you are far away, you will complain; if you are near, you will feel inferior. "I think he is very thorough. After checking, I found that this sentence is a description of women, and it is deeper. I found that this expressed his resentment that he secretly loved Nanzi but couldn't get it. Then Zhuangzi. I think he is possessed. His relatives passed away, but he was not sad. He patted the floor and sang songs, and also published many reasons for returning to nature. I don't think it makes sense for him to live like this. No desire and no joy is not my pursuit. There is Bai Juyi, who likes his poems best. But when his friend died, he wrote a poem accusing his friend's concubines of not following martyrdom and forcing women with gas knots to death. But he is 70 or 80 years old, and his left hand is a little savage, and his right hand is Su Fan. I don't think anyone is really detached. When Tao Yuanming was old, he once uttered such a pessimistic sigh that "life has no roots and floats like dust on a stranger".

Some people, I can only like some of his views or poems, but I can't believe him as a god. I also said in my diary that I feel inferior, because I think the world, including myself, is very small, just a drop in the ocean in thousands of years of history; I am conceited and look down on those who cling to worldly fame and fortune. So I put "three thousand dust, can there still be room for men's lust?" ? "As my motto, what is my love and hate in the three thousand world? In fact, I never fully understood the meaning of this sentence, thinking that I was just saying that I was insignificant, so don't toss about. Later, I learned that the so-called spirit of all things is really insignificant compared with nature. We should learn a lot from nature, but nature doesn't mean flowers in children's parks. It should be something that makes you feel insignificant in front of it. Once, when I got to the seaside, I accidentally got on a speedboat. I didn't feel anything at first, but gradually moved away from the crowd on the shore and headed for the middle of the sea. The sun is hanging in the sky not far away, shining on the sea and shining on us. I looked at the endless waves and the sun overhead, and suddenly I felt very small. Finally, I couldn't help but feel my eyes moist and moved. It turns out that there is nothing in the world except me.

I think people in ancient times were able to have the idea of "hiding in the city" because people at that time were simple and not as realistic as they are now, and because the environment was not destroyed, they didn't need to breathe the turbid air like we lived in the city, and the noise was endless. What they call "hiding in the city" really means being moved by the warm trifles of kind people, feeling the lives of ordinary people and unloading heavy ideological burdens. At that time, many high-ranking officials with eyes on their foreheads may be dismissive of ordinary people's lives, but those who hide in the city feel that ordinary people can live happily for small things. This is the true face of human beings, so I can understand their psychology of hiding in the world. However, in modern times, there is no need to "hide in the city", and I don't need to go into details about the reasons. By the way, I have always felt that apartments in the city, from a distance, are like neat and orderly but compact chicken coops I once saw in farmers' chicken coops.

And I like Buddhist songs, so-called to persuade myself to let go, because I can't let go. But I can't let go of anything, not fame and fortune or anything else, but the extravagant hope for the world. I advised myself not to feel sorry for others' words and deeds, but for others' unkindness. Of course, words and deeds and unkindness are not directed at me, because I never take the initiative to talk to others, so no one has a chance. When I was a sophomore, a girl bullied a kind and weak girl in my front seat, throwing her clothes on the ground and stepping on them with her feet. Everyone watched silently, and then continued to do their own thing. Two minutes later, I lay on my desk for a long time without looking up. The students at the back saw me trying to control my trembling shoulders and said, why are you crying? Then several students in front also turned to talk to me. I wiped away my tears, then looked up and continued to do my homework, ignoring anyone, and the matter passed. Actually, I felt particularly sad at that time. I want to cry to them. The world is so bad. Why did you let these bad things happen? But others will find it ridiculous and incredible. Later, I thought, I'm not crying for that kind girl, I'm just crying for this kind of thing. It suddenly occurred to me that once a classmate asked me why I was so indifferent in QQ, and I replied that I cried easily.

This is actually my reply to a person who kindly explained me today. He made me understand the wisdom of Zhuangzi and Buddha better, but I always felt that I couldn't trust anyone, or an illusory god, plus an experience he told me: "I went to college in Hangzhou and spent six years by the West Lake. I was depressed for a while, so one night I went to the West Lake alone and walked back and forth on the Bai Causeway for a night. The night is dark, there is no moon or stars in the sky, the lake is foggy and cool, and I feel dizzy, numb and groggy. But at 4 o'clock in the morning, it began to dawn slowly, and some morning exercises came by the lake. Somehow, they like to keep quiet and scream, and soon the screams come one after another and ring around. Suddenly, a touch of pink appeared in the eastern sky, which almost choked me. I couldn't help screaming with those people who did morning exercises (unfortunately not loud enough), and then I felt that all my worries had vanished. I can't tell the reason for the change at that moment, I can only tell you the previous situation, I hope you can understand. " This feeling of deja vu reminds me that only nature can really save me, because only people can sincerely surrender to nature. I finally found the root cause. I absorbed the wisdom of the sages, but I was always disappointed with their personal trifles, but I never knew that their realm came from the whole nature. "

Of course, once a person feels world-weary, it is difficult to have trust in the world, so he may get used to looking at things pessimistically or calmly in the future, which is a kind of growth. But it only takes a moment to become a Buddha. This is a sentence from others:

"Depression" is not terrible. Don't be afraid of "depression", don't look pale at the mention of "depression", and don't take "depression" as a big deal, because "depression" is nothing to be afraid of, because it is the best opportunity for people to really grow up, a crisis and an opportunity in distress.

"Depression can be said to be one of the highest forms of introspection in life. Only really smart and sober people have the opportunity to experience depression. Only those who live in dreams all day, never think and never examine their own hearts, will not understand the meaning of depression. The state of depression can be said that many people have had it. Let's carefully recall our life track and experience. When you think about the meaning of life, when you are dissatisfied with real life, when you are dissatisfied with yourself, when you start to examine your inner self, when you can't cope with the external environment, when you feel powerless, when you are very scared, because you have discovered many truths, you will fall into a painful depression state, which will make you think unconsciously. To pursue, to discover the meaninglessness of real life, the meaninglessness of life, the meaninglessness of living conditions, the meaninglessness of pursuit, the growing disappointment, the disappointment of oneself, the disappointment of life, thus losing confidence in life, confidence in oneself, confidence in life, not interested in anything, feeling that nothing is meaningful and there is no need to do it. The real world is fake, not a person's heart. Wrap the soul tightly and give birth to new life.

As the old saying goes, "Rule leads to life, and rule leads to existence"! Only by abandoning the "original self" (inner heart) and the false, empty and wrong things that were originally pursued can we breed a new true self and self. Because your soul is suffocating, you need to breathe really fresh air, you need to breathe. Because you suppress your inner soul too much, your inner wisdom tells you that it won't work, and it will really destroy yourself, so you take a wise way to protect and grow yourself. It can be said that depression is one of the best arrangements for inner wisdom.

Most wise men, philosophers, writers and artists in human history have been depressed, not because they want to pursue fashion, but because depression is the best and most effective way to urge people to think internally and return to their hearts, and it is also a necessary stage. "Only pain can awaken consciousness." Only when people go through "pupation" and sublimate into "become a butterfly" can they really grow up, establish real contact with their inner soul, gain real freedom, find the true meaning of life and realize rebirth.

The process from "pupation" to "become a butterfly" is often very painful, because the suffering you have to bear can be said to be the suffering of all mankind. What you are facing is the suffering of the whole world, the suffering of the whole era and society. Therefore, people with depression are strong, brave and wise, but they are also struggling, contradictory and fragile. I respect people with depression and admire them very much. But I can deeply feel the pain and struggle, the soul is free from the rope, and the soul eager to fly and be free is struggling.

At present, most of the methods to treat depression are drug therapy, which rarely helps them to really grow up inside. Heart medicine needs a cardiologist, and mental problems need to be solved by mental methods. People who can't understand the meaning of depression can hardly help "depressed" visitors. A psychological counselor is sometimes just a "lantern bearer", illuminating the road deep in his heart. The road ahead is vast and the journey is long, accompanied by these. Although this period may be difficult and tortuous, there may be many changes and accidents. Let's move forward hand in hand. "The road on earth,. . The road is rugged and the sun shines in the rugged. "

The sunshine is always after the wind and rain, and the phoenix can only be reborn after the fire. Go forward bravely. Only by flying can you realize the true meaning of life, that is, the meaning of your coming into this world. When your heart really smiles, the world smiles. "

I found this article when I was seriously depressed. I can understand the first part of what the author said, that is, the feeling of "depression", but I can't understand his last epiphany, and I can't know how he came out (of course, everyone's depression is different, and I can't guarantee that the method that suits me will be suitable for you, but I think it should be similar). He may be depressed because of something, but in the end it has been solved. He but I still saved this article, hoping that I can come out one day. Now that I have done it, I will give it to you. For the last paragraph, it is not the solution that the author told us, but the same experience as him in the future. Although I am not as optimistic as he is, I won't be pessimistic any more. If I choose again, I will still choose this kind of "depression", so that I can recognize my life early and make a good plan, instead of waiting until I am old to regret it.

Psychologists are useless, because they have never been depressed, so they can't really understand our hearts. The clock on the desk keeps waking us up. They "listen" to our hearts. It's just a transaction. Medicine controls psychology, not physiology. We must save ourselves. Although this metaphor is a bit corny, it is very appropriate. Butterflies can only be caterpillars if they struggle out and break their pupae stiffly.

There are many questions about depression on the Internet, but I only read most of them, because I can't answer questions that are not caused by thoughts and psychology, and because some of them can't be called "depression" in my eyes. But the landlord's situation is very tragic, and the answer upstairs is also very perfunctory. Psychologists can't help you. If there is no one to enlighten you, I am afraid that the landlord will go astray, so I sacrificed several hours to write this long speech, hoping to help the landlord. Finally, I wish the landlord an early exit from the shadows.

Ps: After so long, it is estimated that Baidu will be censored again, but don't be right by me.