Help! I am a 25-year-old man, and I have recently found myself more and more introverted.

Shape the sunshine mentality and introduce it to you.

(The keynote speaker is Professor Tsinghua University)

Today, I am very happy to communicate with my friends in China Construction Bank Beijing Branch. What I want to say this morning is: shaping the sunshine mentality.

What kind of environment are we facing now? Our wealth is increasing, but our satisfaction is declining; We have more and more, but less and less happiness; We have more and more communication tools, but less and less in-depth communication; More and more people we know, but fewer and fewer sincere friends. Nowadays, people pick up chopsticks to eat meat and put them down to scold their mothers. Others say that Chairman Mao's old man's house is a good time. At that time, his family was poor, but he was in a particularly good mood. Now everything in the house is ringing, but I'm in a bad mood. There is a song called Today is a Good Day, which was sung by Song Zu Ying. The lyrics are as follows: Today is a good day. Let's catch up with the prosperous times and enjoy peace. Everyone can sing these songs, but people who have deep thoughts on the lyrics need to be reminded to appear. I grew up in the northeast countryside. When I was a child, I often played the game "Fan Ba Ji". The ground is so bumpy that people can easily slap me. One of my primary school classmates told me that my greatest wish at that time was to find a piece of concrete to play Fan Ba Ji, but now I find everywhere where I can play Fan Ba Ji. He asked me if it was time for peace and prosperity. His words reminded me that I found that people nowadays really don't know that they should be blessed when they are born. Why do you say that? First, eat whatever you want now; Second, play whatever you want now; Third, you can go wherever you want now. In this case, if we don't know happiness, it is really a great regret in life.

Everyone has seen The Riverside Scene at Qingming Festival, which depicts the prosperity of the capital of song dynasty. Now this kind of situation is everywhere. If the situation was peaceful and prosperous at that time, it is even more peaceful and prosperous now. Born in such a happy environment, if you don't know what happiness is, life will be in vain. Our parents live hard and work hard, hoping for today, but today we don't know what happiness is.

What's wrong with it? I thought about it and found that there was something wrong with our mentality. I want to remind my friends that only in a good mood can we appreciate the good scenery, and good flowers should be rewarded. My lecture this morning is to help my friends establish positive values, get a healthy life and release strong influence. If your heart is a fire, you can release light and heat. If your heart is a piece of ice, it will still melt to zero.

Today's friends are all middle-level leaders of CCB Beijing Branch. To benefit one party, we must first benefit ourselves. Your heart is full of heat, so you can release it. If you want to be full of calories, your family must be full of warmth first, so that you can concentrate on your work. A good attitude affects individuals, families, teams, organizations, and finally society. A good attitude makes you successful, and a bad attitude destroys yourself.

How powerful is the mentality? A professor asked nine people to do experiments. The professor said, you nine people listen to my command and cross this winding bridge. Don't fall, but it doesn't matter if you fall. There is a little water under it. Nine people understand, hua hua all walked past. After walking over, the professor turned on a yellow light. By the dim light, nine people saw not only a little water under the bridge, but also several crawling crocodiles. Nine people got a fright and were glad that they didn't fall down just now. The professor asked, who dares to walk back now? No one dares to leave. The professor said that you should use psychological hints to imagine yourself walking on a solid iron bridge. After a long period of induction, three people finally stood up and were willing to try. The first man trembled and walked twice as long; The second man was trembling, and he couldn't hold on any longer after walking halfway, so he was scared to lie on the bridge; The third man took three steps and then climbed down in fear. The professor turned on all the lights at this moment, and everyone found a net between the bridge and the crocodile. The net is yellow. I couldn't see it clearly under the yellow light just now. Everyone is not afraid now, saying that we have passed the net and several people are coming. Only one person was afraid to leave, and the professor asked him, what's wrong with you? The man said, I'm afraid the net is not strong. The principle revealed by this experiment is that mentality affects ability. Another professor made a more cruel experiment. He locked a condemned man in a room, blindfolded the condemned man and said to the condemned man, we will let you die in another way. We'll cut your blood vessels and let you bleed to death. Then the professor turned on a tap so that the condemned man could hear the dripping sound. The professor said, this is your blood. When I opened the door the next morning, everyone knew what had happened. The condemned man died, pale and bleeding. In fact, he didn't shed a drop of blood. He was scared to death. The principle revealed by this experiment is that mentality affects physiology. So the mentality is good, the physiology is healthy, and the ability is enhanced; In a bad mood, poor physiology and poor ability. Mentality has such great power that it affects you from the inside out.

A lady quarrels with her husband. When she quarrels, she gets angry. When she gets angry, she gets angry for ten days and a half. The gentleman said, please, don't be angry again. She said, no, I want to show you. She was always so angry until one day she found a stomachache and went to the hospital for examination. All the places where cancer grows are cancer. She's dead. Who will she die for? I haven't shown it to anyone. I just gave each other a legitimate reason to exchange for another one. Many people just can't get over it. Who are they going to show themselves to? So give yourself a good mood.

What is health? The definition of the World Health Organization (WHO) in 1989 is that health is not only the absence of disease, but also physical health, mental health, social adaptation and moral health. Maslow, a famous psychologist, once said that there are three standards of health: adequate self-security, realistic life ideals and good interpersonal relationships. If you always complain about people around you, you should adjust your mentality. Why should we adjust our mentality? Because emotions have a great destructive effect on people's health. Most people are afraid of the future, so they should work harder when they are young. Humans have six kinds of fears: fear of poverty, fear of criticism, fear of illness, fear of losing love, fear of old age and fear of death. The first two are afraid of poverty and criticism, and can be changed through their own efforts; The middle two are afraid of illness and lovelorn, which can be changed to some extent through their own efforts; The latter two are afraid of old age and death. So try your best, and don't let him go. If we can think like this, our mood will be better.

People have nine basic emotions: interest, pleasure, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, fear, contempt and shame. The first two interests and fun are positive, the third surprise is neutral, and the remaining six are negative. Of these nine basic emotions, two are good and six are bad. Because people's negative emotions account for an absolute majority, people will unconsciously enter a state of bad emotions. Our aim is to shape the sunshine mentality, mobilize the two good emotions of interest and pleasure, and keep everyone in a positive mood. For example, if I am unhappy now, I will try to make myself happy, just like taking it out of my pocket. If you want any emotion to come out, you are free to bring it out. It is Superman who can do this. We are not superman, but we will try our best to do it. Because the mood is bipolar, a good mood makes you have upward motivation, makes you happy, lively, calm and calm, and creates harmony. General Secretary Hu Jintao proposed that the sunshine mentality is the foundation of building a harmonious society. A bad mood makes you depressed, makes you sad, pessimistic, disappointed, depressed and even decadent. If you are in a bad mood, you will lose your temper with others, be unwilling to cooperate with others' work, and have tense interpersonal relationships. If a leader is often in a bad mood, this kind of bad mood will spread in the group like a plague, leading to tension in interpersonal relationships.

Have you ever wondered what people come to this world for? When I asked this question in Tsinghua MBA class, some people said that I came to this world just to play; Some people say that I came to this world to eat, drink and be merry. I told them that the answer was correct. Didn't we come to this world just to eat, drink, play and have fun? We used to criticize this view, but now we find that everything is to make everyone happy. Aristotle said that the essence of life lies in the pursuit of happiness, and there are two ways to make life happy: one is to find time to make yourself happy and increase it; Second, find the time that makes you unhappy and reduce it. How nice, but you will find that what he said is the same as what he didn't say. Who doesn't know to find a happy time? The question is where is happiness? Who doesn't know to avoid unhappy times? The problem is that unhappy things are always chasing us like mad dogs, and we can't escape. The great man is far-sighted, and he reveals that the essence of life is to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. The executive power that is often said in the society now is the ability to do things well. How to do things well? We should mobilize and integrate our own and others' resources and create opportunities. In fact, it is leadership, and leadership is influence. Therefore, the sunshine mentality is the source of influence and the basis of execution. We should turn a good idea into action, and a small person like me should turn a big-name idea into my action.

Now I will introduce some tools and share them with you to see if we can achieve the effect of fostering strengths and avoiding weaknesses.

The first tool: change your attitude.

If we can't change things, we will change our attitude towards this matter. A person's injury to what happened is not as serious as his view on it. The matter itself is not important, what matters is people's attitude towards it. When attitudes change, things will change. During the Cultural Revolution, many anti-bad elements were created. After the Cultural Revolution, they were rehabilitated and became good people again. When attitudes change, bad people become good people. There is no difference between good and bad things, the key is our attitude towards things. Although ants are small, they can destroy dams. If a person changes his view of things, things will change.

There is an idiom called "A blessing in disguise is a blessing in disguise". In the ancient East, a wise man lost a horse, and his neighbor said you were unlucky. The wise man replied, I don't know whether it is good or bad; Soon, the lost horse returned with a wild horse. The neighbor said, you are lucky to have another horse. The wise man replied, I don't know if it is good or bad. My son rode a wild horse, fell off the horse and broke his leg. The neighbor said, you are really unlucky. Such a son, his leg is still broken. The wise man replied, I don't know if it is good or bad. After a while, the emperor recruited soldiers, and all the young people with sound limbs were killed on the battlefield. The son of the wise man could not fight because of his broken leg, and he was not called up, but survived. That's the end of the story. We can continue to reason. The neighbor said, you are lucky that your son is still alive. The wise man replied, I don't know if it is good or bad. When the son got married, the neighbor said, that's very kind of you. The son with a broken leg also found a wife. The wise man replied, I don't know if it is good or bad. So from the perspective of large-scale time, it is unknown whether anything is good or bad. There is no difference between good and bad, just some things. If you think like this, people will become free and easy and plain.

Zhejiang University has two female students, A and B, who are good friends. After graduating from college, they stayed behind as teachers. Fortunately, each of them gave birth to two sons. A's two sons are very competitive and both have been admitted to study in the United States. B's two sons fail to live up to expectations, and they are both "brothers". Who do you think is proud, A or B? People envy A and say that you are very kind. Both sons were admitted to study in the United States. But unfortunately, A is not happy. But B's two sons drive to see their mother every holiday and take her out to play. They take care of big things and small things very well, and B is very happy. A is envious of B, so she doesn't know whether it is good or bad. Maybe you say, it doesn't matter, just immigrate to the United States and enjoy family happiness. I tell you, I don't know if it's good or bad. If you transplant an old tree to another place, it won't live at all. A has adapted to the social ecosystem of Hangzhou. After arriving in the United States, she was acclimatized, had no language, no friends and was lonely. She can't just breathe some air and say nothing every day. Isn't that an underground mouse? Hangzhou is the most livable place in the world. Why did you immigrate to America? There is no West Lake in America. There is a lake that no one looks at. Why are you watching where everyone is watching? You can't be silly to the water every day, you don't know whether it is good or bad! If we can't change things, we must change our attitude towards them.

There was a beautiful lady who finally married a man after a long choice. Unexpectedly, two years later, she was abandoned by the man. More unfortunately, the child died. The lady was desperate and prepared to commit suicide. She chose to jump into the sea and got on an old man's boat. The ship sailed into the sea and she was ready to jump. Please tell me, how can the old man communicate with the lady to keep her from jumping into the sea? Someone answered, and the old man said, do you think I can do it? I have no wife. So this lady has to jump. The old man can say, girl, what were you like two years ago? The lady proudly said that two years ago, I was a single aristocrat, and many people pursued me. I have neither the drag of my husband nor the troubles of my children. It's tragic now. I have neither a husband nor children. The old man said, aren't these two the same You didn't have a husband two years ago, and now you don't have a husband; You didn't have children two years ago, and now you don't have children. You are as beautiful as you were two years ago. What is the hard part? Start all over again. The old man's words amused the lady. She didn't want to jump into the sea, so she started all over again. There is a song called "Start Over". Start over and pretend nothing happened. There is a female boss in Tsinghua University MBA class. She was divorced in her thirties and was very beautiful. When she was in class, she didn't know which nerve in her head twitched and had a crush on a male teacher in her forties. After class, she said to the male teacher, Do you have divorced men in their forties in Tsinghua? Introduce him to my friend. My friend and I look exactly alike. Divorced in his thirties, working as a boss in a private enterprise. The male teacher was very tempted and said, do you think I can do it? If I can, I will divorce her. The lady answered seriously, it's too much trouble. We want a ready-made one. Just kidding.

Change your attitude and you will have passion. With passion, there is the will to make progress, and the result will change. There is a classic case that says, a child is chatting with a sailor, and the child asks the sailor, how dare you go into the sea when the sea is so horrible? Sailors say the sea is sometimes beautiful. The child asked, where did your grandfather die? The sailor said, my grandfather died at sea. The child asked, where did your father die? The sailor said, "My father died in the sea, too." The child continued, "Then how dare you go out to sea?" The sailor asked the child, where did your grandfather die? The child said that my grandfather died in bed. The sailor asked, where did your father die? The child said that my father died in bed, too. The sailor asked, then how dare you sleep? You don't necessarily fall into the sea when others fall into the sea, and you don't necessarily have problems when others have problems. When you rise, you overcome the difficulties and the result changes.

The fate of inner sadness will also be sad, and the mentality determines the fate. Tell a classic case of China. In ancient times, two scholars, A and B, met a coffin on the way to catch the exam. A said, what bad luck, met a coffin, the exam will be dead; B said, coffin, promotion and wealth, it seems that my luck has come, and I will definitely be admitted this time. When they answered the questions, their efforts were different, and as a result, B was admitted. When I got home, I told my wife which coffin was really smart. Mentality affects people's ability, and ability affects people's fate. The quality of life depends on your daily state of mind. If you can guarantee that you are in a good mood now, you can guarantee that you are in a good mood today. If you can keep yourself in a good mood every day, you will get a good quality of life and experience a beautiful life that others can't.

The second tool: learn to enjoy the process.

Enjoy the process and make every day wonderful. Life is a process, not a result. If you don't enjoy the process, everyone knows what the result is. Life is a bracket, the left bracket is life, and the right bracket is death. All we have to do is fill in the brackets. We should fill the brackets with beautiful and colorful things and keep a good mood. As a result, the brackets ended. There is an ancient city in Yunnan, with pleasant climate, fertile land and rich products, and people live a leisurely life. An English gentleman saw people living a leisurely life here and asked an old lady, Madam, why is the pace of life here so slow? The old lady said, sir, what do you think is the final result of people? The English gentleman thought about it and said, this is death. The old lady said, since it is death, what are you busy with? Life is a process, not a result. Some people see through it, others see through it. There is a young man who sees through the world of mortals and does nothing every day, sitting lazily under the tree in the sun. The wise man asked, young man, why don't you make money in such a good time? The young man said, boring. If you make money, you have to spend it. The wise man asked, why don't you get married? The young man said, boring, maybe you want a divorce. The wise man said, why not make friends? Young people say every meaning, and when they make friends, they turn against each other. The wise man gave the young man a rope and said, why don't you hang yourself? You have to die anyway. You might as well die now. The young man said, I don't want to die. The wise man said that life is a process, not a result. Young people suddenly wake up, which is called a word to wake the dreamer.

How to enjoy the process of life? Focus on positive things. We think that life is like travel and memory is like photography. Attention determines choice, and choice determines content. Tourism is characterized by starting from the origin and then returning to the origin. When someone travels to Xiamen, they must go to Gulangyu Island. When they arrive at Gulangyu Island, they must go to Sunlight Rock. When I arrived at Sunlight Rock, I saw a rock that was less than15m2. It was crowded with people, and it came down in less than 2 minutes. It took a week and only two minutes on Sunshine Rock. From the result, it is not worth it at all, but the process is more important than the result. There are two people, A and B, watching the scenery. At first, you looked at me, too Both of them are very happy. Later, A played a clever trick, walked faster than B, and went to see the scenery. When B saw that you wanted to have a look earlier than I did, he walked faster and faster than A, so they finally ran faster and faster. Originally, they came to see the scenery, but now it has become a competition. They didn't see the scenery along the way and finally regretted it. The essence of life is to pursue happiness, not competition.

Nowadays people get married later and have younger children. Some people say, how old is your child and why is it so small? When can I "cook"? You ask, after "out of the pot"? He said, go to college? By the way, what did you do after you went to college? He said, go abroad. Then you ask, what will you do after going abroad? He said, get married and find a job. My associate doctoral supervisor in Tsinghua University, an old couple with only one daughter, was admitted to cfau and went abroad to the United States after graduation. As a result, an American boy took a fancy to her, married her and settled in the United States. One day I met them in the canteen, and they said, we didn't realize until now that we had nothing to do in this life, so we gave an American a wife. If your child is young now, you should learn to enjoy the process. He will smile at you in your arms, cry and make fun of you. When he grew up, he learned to play chess. He always wants to beat you. Of course, he just cheated. If you notice the way he cheats, you will be happy. An old man in the suburbs of Beijing has four sons, and his family is too poor to eat a popsicle in summer. He has never been to this city, nor has he seen Tiananmen Square. His wife died, and he dragged his four sons alone, thinking that when their sons grew up, he must go to the city to see Tiananmen Square and eat a good popsicle. Later, when my son grew up, the old man got severe diabetes, so he couldn't eat popsicles and had to take insulin on time, so he couldn't go to Tiananmen Square. Every day, the old man lies in bed worrying and sighing. When he saw his son, he said, why should I come here all my life? I have never been to Tiananmen Square, nor have I eaten popsicles. The son said, who won't let you eat popsicles, who will eat that stupid thing now; Who won't let you go to Tiananmen Square? Let's go Seeing his son ungrateful, the old man was furious. Later, the old man summed up a truth, treating children with great ability, using seven points and leaving three points for children and grandchildren. Some parents are afraid that their children will fall and touch, and if they don't talk, they won't talk. Mom will speak for you. Don't do what children can't do. Dad will do it for you. Children grow into their thirties, and they can't talk or do anything when they meet people. Parents are in a hurry and scold their children when they see them. Why aren't you like us? This is the result of parents' training. If you don't let children see people who can't talk, they won't talk. If he can't do it well, you won't let him do it, and you deprive him of the opportunity to learn. If the leader is too strong and does everything, the ability of subordinates will be poor. This is called no grass under a big tree.

Learn to understand the process, some people will find the most annoying place to experience. There is always a dark side in this world. When a ray of sunshine falls from the sky, there will always be places that cannot be illuminated. If you just stare at the darkness and complain about the darkness of the world, that's your choice. I teach two courses in Tsinghua University, one is leadership strategy and the other is leadership. The topic I want to talk about today belongs to the category of leadership. To build leadership, we must first build personal influence, so I put forward the idea of shaping sunshine mentality, emotional intelligence and influence. I'm going to teach you the theory today. If you can listen and realize it, you will live at least two more years. Due to the cruel competitive pressure of modern society, the human heart has become a "wolf heart" and the meat heart has become an "iron core". This theory can turn "wolf heart" and "iron core" into "benevolence heart" and create family happiness and team harmony. Do you know what the final elimination is? This is the law of the forest. Animals run desperately to protect themselves, leaving the slowest to the wolf, and the wolf will eat it. When forest rules are applied to people, doesn't people's hearts become "wolf hearts"? Everyone is desperately trying to expand their market share. Under the condition that the cake is unchanged, they just bring other people's food for themselves. Competition has penetrated into people's bones, making people anxious and their mentality worse.

Competition is cruel, people want to be happy, and we live in a contradiction. Some people will say, Mr. Wu, you have given us some contradictory views. Yes, they are contradictory. It is precisely because the viewpoints are contradictory that you can use the contradictions I taught to deal with other contradictions. This knowledge is called intelligent learning. The solution to the contradiction is not to stab your own shield with your own spear. My shield is a spear for others and my spear is a shield for others. If you buy my spear and stab my shield, I will just change it.