Father of immigrants

I just listened to the "Silent Confessions" by Wu Qisheng, a perfect Chinese writer. When I heard the last episode, my family reconciled and started a new life, my tears flowed involuntarily. Suddenly, it's very strange. Why did the contents of more than a dozen episodes attract me from the beginning and make me feel a lot of regrets, but only at the last moment did I feel moved? Suddenly, a sentence from Zeng Qifeng flooded into my mind-only warmth can keep you away from the cold, yes, that's it. What really warms people is mutual acceptance and understanding. Only in this way can you warm people, but when you are misunderstood, alienated and trapped in your own world, imposing your own requirements and expectations on each other, whether for yourself or others, will only make people feel cold and suffocated. The biggest gap between people is that they can't communicate sincerely, because they can't communicate sincerely, so they never know what the other person really thinks, so one thing, even not knowing a word, is two different things for you and for him. Just like the two characters in the book, the wife has been pursuing uniqueness since she was a child, so she wants to be different and outstanding, because she doesn't want to live the same life as her mother, but hides her dreams and pursuits from her husband and children. Her husband was forced to emigrate with his family since childhood, and his father obtained basic living conditions in the name of others. His mother worked hard all her life, and her hands became thick and hard. The poor and hard living environment hurt him because he was an outsider in the crowd since childhood. He is not accepted and has no friends, so he feels inferior and lonely. His greatest expectation is to live a normal life like others, instead of being isolated because of color and race. Therefore, being different is his greatest pain and the embarrassment he has been avoiding. But because of his uniqueness, he attracted a wife who was bent on pursuing uniqueness. They got married and had three children.

The source of pain in many marriages is that the characteristics of mutual attraction at the beginning have become an insurmountable gap between each other in the future. After marriage, the wife is limited by the triviality and complexity of life, and no longer has the opportunity to pursue her dreams, while the husband is afraid of being laughed at by others and strongly implores her to stay at home and take care of the family, so that the wife told her daughter that it was wrong when she first learned about her daughter's marriage choice. After her death, she realized that she was making the same mistake as her mother, resolutely left without saying goodbye, returned to school, tried to become a doctor, and finally returned to her family because she found that she was pregnant with her third child. However, her departure brought unhealed pain to the whole family. The couple never shared their true thoughts. The husband mistakenly thought that his wife regretted marrying him and chose to leave, thinking that she could not accept that he was not a person who looked like her, so he felt inferior, lonely and desperate. The wife passed on her hopeless goal in this life to her daughter. Because of the heartbreaking pain after her mother left, her daughter decided that as long as her mother didn't leave, she would agree to all her demands. In this way, the mother devoted herself to the dream of making her daughter a charming doctor, while the father just wanted her to manage interpersonal relationships, get along with others and have her own circle of friends because of her own growth experience. Like most girls around you. In this way, under the double requirements of parents, my daughter lived a hard and heavy life, but she dared not resist because she loved her mother too much and was afraid of her leaving. She loves her father so much that she is afraid to see his haggard and despair when his mother leaves again. In this process, the son in the family was neglected, and the daughter born in the end almost became a dispensable person in the family. ...

The parents' excessive expectations almost overwhelmed their daughter until she finally drowned, and all the contradictions at home broke out completely. In such an outbreak, they finally saw each other's needs and their own needs. The love they once thought was actually the biggest misunderstanding. The wife thinks that her husband is another person, but she doesn't know that this difference is the result of his forced choice. The husband thinks that his wife is like many people he has met. I couldn't accept the difference between him as an immigrant and their race, so I desperately sought comfort outside marriage, which almost ruined my family. My mother thought that her ideal was her daughter's ideal, but she didn't know that her expectation became unbearable for her daughter and eventually she died tragically. ...

The novel caused a great sensation because it resonated in almost every family. In every relationship, your expectations are different from mine. Just like a couple, when the husband comes back from work, what he wants is the warmth of home, so that he can relax his nervous tension at work and gain complete freedom. However, the busy wife at home wants to share the trivia and harvest of the day with her husband and feel the company. Between parents and children, parents have requirements for their children, hoping that their children will become what they think, and children are willing to follow their own hearts and learn life at their own pace. In the unit, the boss wants output and profit, and the employees pursue remuneration and welfare. ...

Similarity makes people walk together, and difference makes each other grow. At one time, different qualities could be magnets of mutual attraction, which brought us closer to each other. Now, different characteristics can also be opportunities for * * * to grow together. The choice of life is not just either one or the other, black or white. Another choice is * * * to win, and the premise of * * * to win is to see each other and accept each other. Only when we can really give each other what they want, can we know how to find a breakthrough point for our own needs and each other's needs and realize mutual satisfaction and care, and true love can be born at this moment. ...

True love is to see, accept and then agree, not to be a shackle of others, not to be a vassal of others, not to impose one's own needs on others, and not to control their lives. At the right distance, take care of each other and appreciate each other, so that they can present the most authentic state, and then * * * will realize the beauty of true feelings, fall in love and enjoy the spring breeze together. ...