What threats does mistress fear most? What do men and mistresses fear most?

Wen | Heart Help

Visitor's self-report:

If it weren't for that afternoon, I might never have doubted my husband.

My husband and I have known each other for 7 years, married for 4 years and gave birth to 2 children.

His parents-in-law are reasonable, and my parents are even more good-natured.

in everyone's eyes, we are a harmonious and happy family.

but some time ago that afternoon, everything suddenly made me feel strange.

When I was brushing Weibo, someone suddenly gave me a compliment. I didn't care at first, but when I saw her head was a face-to-face photo of my husband and a woman.

My heart thumped, and I couldn't help thinking, guessing whether she liked it on purpose or with a slippery hand.

In her Weibo, I saw the record that she and my husband have been in love for half a year. It turns out that my husband, who thinks he loves his family, his wife and his children, has been cheating for half a year!

Xiao San may often peek at my Weibo, basking in their movie ticket stubs, food photos of punching in at dinner, and even intimate photos in bed.

I looked at these Weibo, then turned to look at my husband who was taking a nap with his two children, and felt chilling instantly.

Really, my heart is so cold that I suddenly feel that he is particularly strange. The man I used to know seems to have suddenly collapsed.

to be fair, Xiao San is younger and thinner than me, with a face of plastic surgery and a good family, but there is no moral bottom line.

It can be seen from her Weibo that she doesn't think there is anything wrong with being a mistress at all, except that she met my husband later than me.

After my husband woke up, I held back my inner pain and talked with him thoroughly.

He said that he was wrong, that he knew I would find out sooner or later, and that when he cheated for a month, he broke up with Xiaosan, but Xiaosan disagreed and threatened him to tell me, so he didn't succeed.

Then, Xiao San wants to emigrate, so he wants to appease Xiao San first, and then he can go back to his old life after sending the Buddha away.

But now, Xiaosan praised my Weibo on the day of going abroad, exposing all the filthy past to the sun.

mistress, what kind of psychology is this? Also, my husband promised that it wouldn't happen again. Should I believe him?

Counselor's reply:

Let's talk about mistress's psychology first. Obviously, she is here to provoke.

why did she do it?

This may be related to her childhood experiences. For example, her own family of origin is not very happy, and her father may have a mistress, so she is unhappy.

In another case, she had a father-loving complex in her childhood, and she failed in the process of competing with her mother for her father, laying a hidden danger.

So, in order to repair past failures, I found a man as mature as my father, not for love, but just for winning.

She made her intimate photos with your husband public, and your husband was aggressive when he wanted to break up with her, which also showed that she didn't like this feeling of losing.

She just wants to take someone else's husband, just like robbing her father with her own mother.

The emotional personality level of this mistress is still at the age of 3-4, so her behavior seems immature and naive.

Your husband cheated on you because of novelty at first, and then he slowly discovered this dangerous game with children. He couldn't hold it any longer and wanted to stop, but it was too late.

After this incident, he may have known the cost of cheating, and at least he won't do it again for a long time to come.

But it doesn't mean that it will never happen again. People will change, and their mood will mature with the change of environment and the growth of age.

so what should you do next?

A smart woman will never give the initiative of marriage to the other party. Things are ups and downs, and there are many emotions. It is the wisdom of "managing marriage" that we should all have.

It's not terrible to get sick in marriage, nor is it terrible to be brave in a third wife. What I am most afraid of is that the injured woman will bring this poisonous marriage into the rest of her life.

I suggest you try the following:

To yourself

You should think about a question. Why do you feel sad because your husband is cheating on you, and because the other person wants to steal your favorite man's heart?

because you are too self-abased.

in other words, you haven't made much progress.

Women's "progress" lies not in "living beautifully" but in "living clearly".

Before the age of 3, women can depend on the weather for food. It is a compliment for a man to praise you: "You are beautiful".

after 3 years old, women have to rely on their brains to eat, and men also praise you as "beautiful", which is actually an insult, because women after 3 years old have to win people by charm.

what is the difference between beauty and charm?

The former is the beauty of "physical level"; The latter is beauty with "spiritual attributes".

So, you are in your thirties, and you have to compete with girls in your twenties, and compare your shortcomings with others' longboards. This can only say that you really live "too mindless".

therefore, it doesn't matter how beautiful mistress is, because deep feelings are not about who is beautiful, but who has brains.

Pure beauty can only control the hormonal impulse of "short-term relationship", and the ownership of a man's heart depends on whether you have the ability to meet the other's core needs.

So at this time, please say to yourself:

The other person is beautiful, young and aggressive, which is her advantage.

But her disadvantage is exactly my advantage, that is, she is too young, and I have to rely on wisdom to solve this problem!

For the husband

Now that your husband wants to return to the family, we can show our own cards: "I can only tolerate XXX"

There is a death in the workplace, and there is also an emotion.

Emotional winners always know the importance of establishing each other's bottom line, and they often tell their partners clearly what the bottom line is and carry it out without discount.

In Dwelling House, when Mrs. Song found out that Song Siming was having an affair, she only did two things:

She asked Song Siming who that girl was;

ironic seaweed is just a plaything.

An official empress tries to "defeat the enemy without fighting" with the weakest gesture.

She has always had the deepest feelings for Song Siming, and never thought about setting a bottom line for herself. She only thought about "I'll turn a blind eye as long as he doesn't overdo it", and she didn't want the melons she planted for many years to be picked at harvest.

when she knew that her husband was really gone and never looked back, she calmly said, "The child belongs to me, and all the money belongs to me. Let's get a divorce."

at that moment, my heart was at the end of my tether.

In marriage, you should be wise and be brave.

This "courage" means that when the other party keeps hurting you, you can decisively chop the other party's sugar-coated shells under the horse;

This "courage" means that when we are in water under the bridge, we can keep our dignity and leave without looking back.

forgive or let go, we can make every choice, but no one can touch the bottom line of the choice.

for mistress

never go to see mistress.

why?

seeing mistress is an act of killing one thousand enemies and losing eight hundred.

if you want to negotiate with someone, you should first see if you have any cards in your hand.

if you have a card, you can make her stunned if you don't see her.

when you met her, you were already at a disadvantage, because in this war, the real protagonists are you and your husband, not you and mistress.

Marriage, in the final analysis, is a ticket to see the encyclopedia of human nature. It makes us feel bitter because we have to face it directly from a distance and bear the ugliness in human nature.

Therefore, our lovers are often more difficult than our enemies.

for the enemy, we have a way to dodge, but for the lover, there is no place for us to escape.

I suggest you take part in our emotional escort program to improve your overall emotional ability.

finally, share a set of "high-level communication skills" summarized by teacher Lu Yue in 15 years, and teach you how to put words on a man's heart and make your relationship warm up quickly.

when you can always blurt out what a man wants to hear most, it's hard to tell him not to spoil you.

give me a private message, and I will get it immediately.

# Lu Yue #, the founder of the emotional psychological platform with the help of the heart, a psychologist, a senior media person and an expert on love and marriage for 15 years; CCTV, Phoenix Satellite TV, and Beijing TV invited psychologists; Best-selling author, including Love is Poisonous, Love will lead to life, Living is like playing a game of breaking the barrier, and Reconstruction of Intimate Relationship, which are available on all major platforms.