How far am I from Excellence

I always knew that I wasn't always on the good side.

Growing up, I have always been at arm's length with Excellence. Growing up to now, to be exact, after September 20 18, I completely feel that it is going to abandon me.

When I didn't know it officially, I just vaguely felt that I was not very happy. The kindergarten teacher always magically gave me two dishes less, and no teacher reminded me when to eat sugar pills. At that time, the most enthusiastic foreign churches asked questions one by one and sat among a large circle of children, but no matter where they started, it was not my turn.

Then I went to primary school. When I was a freshman, I couldn't make friends, so I had to take my little daughter on the bus and ask her if she would play with me if I kept giving her cookies. Of course not. When I was in the second grade, I often played a game of pretending to worship with two girls from good families in front of Wang's former residence. Not long after, my favorite girl immigrated to Australia with her family and didn't even leave me contact information. The other girl, no matter how I think about it, can't remember what she said before, "How could you do this?" She finally became a passer-by in the third grade. After a long time, I tried to play football with boys with two girls who seemed to be the easiest to get along with. But I was wearing more than 600-degree glasses, with dark skin, round figure and no experience, and the result was tragic. When I was in the fifth grade, my classmates returned from Canada. They were carefully selected by the school after counting the annual household income. Obviously, they are not allowed by the rapidly updated circle of friends. One of them plays with me because of his hobby of reading novels. However, my mathematics began to collapse like never before, which you can understand if you have seen dinosaur fossils in museums.

A lot of things happened later, which made me feel embarrassed and sad, as if, after all, the key words of my growth had been lengthened.

One of the greatest comforts is reading. Not only did I find a seclusion, but I also found a way to achieve direct investment, that is, to write a high-scoring composition and be praised by the teacher. With this advantage, I have changed from a passerby to a writer who can write a composition. In the later life, although my mathematics is bleak and my physics is lifeless, I can still be associated with Excellence.

What happened afterwards? Later, I couldn't figure out why I wanted to study, so I stopped learning. But God won't stop the world just because a person pauses in adolescence. There is no doubt that I failed the college entrance examination. I didn't get into any of the schools mentioned before.

I wish I was 60 years old when I said this. In this way, I will concentrate on making sweaters for my grandchildren instead of crying silently in the quilt on the upper bunk. But now I 18 years old. I have never had a boyfriend or high heels. My self-esteem and pride were shattered two months ago.

A long time ago, I found that I was unhappy every moment and every day. It's like a hand pulling happiness out of my body and making me unhappy. I am unhappy with my homework, sleeping and laughing. I seldom think about death, because unhappiness is my saddest thing.

Every time I become more unhappy, I hear less comments about my Excellence. Maybe I can think so. Whenever I am full of passion and enthusiasm, Excellence is farther away from me.

The reality is that I want to be closer to Excellence. But I've been unhappy for too long. I'm so tired.