The anxiety of Finnish parents?

A few weeks ago, Helsinki Daily published a survey report in Finland, asking about 20,000 Finnish parents about their expectations of parental roles.

A few weeks ago, Helsinki Daily published a survey report in Finland, asking about 20,000 Finnish parents about their expectations of parental roles.

I found such a survey very interesting. Inheriting the wind, I think no matter where I am, there is inevitably a gap between my psychological expectation and reality for the role of parents, and the distance between them is inevitably worrying.

I, myself, once worried about my breast milk and his growth index in the year when the baby was born.

Some friends in Taiwan Province Province are anxious about whether their children should attend cram schools and what schools they should attend.

Therefore, seeing the media survey, I am very interested to know what Finnish parents care about. Do they care about their parents' roles and are they anxious?

Three things that Finnish parents care about

According to the report, Finnish parents are generally most concerned about three things:

First, how to be a good parent;

Second, how to let children have playmates;

Third, how to let children live a healthy life.

Specifically, most Finnish parents agree that at least one meal is enjoyed by the whole family every day, and children should be helped to find a companion similar to his age, cultivate a hobby and exercise for at least two hours every day!

As for school? At least in this questionnaire, it did not appear, nor was it specifically mentioned by Finnish parents.

The most anxious thing for Finnish parents: children have no friends.

What Finnish parents are most worried about is the socialization of their children.

Finland is a very individualistic society. People respect each other's independent choices and don't interfere across borders, but on the other hand, they may not easily ask for help. I wonder if there are any cases of loneliness from time to time. Finnish parents seem to be particularly concerned about letting their children have friends of similar age from an early age.

The staff of the Finnish Child Protection Association said that at this point, Finnish parents seem to have inadvertently put too much pressure on themselves, because many parents who call them for help are worried that their children are too shy or not active enough in social situations.

In view of this, the Child Protection Association particularly emphasizes: "Let children be themselves naturally, don't force children to take some actions in social situations, and respect the natural time process of children's development. 」

In fact, I have never seen any Finnish parents say to their children in public, "Why are you so shy" or "You should fit in with the group". Most Finnish parents I have met let their children be themselves naturally, or at least respect their children as much as possible.

However, according to the questionnaire survey, some Finnish parents may have kept it in their mouths, but they were "trapped in their hearts" and finally had to call social workers.

Don't talk about others, I am an example myself. I used to be a little anxious because Alei was slow to mature or shy. Although I have never said anything to Alei, I will discuss it with Alei's father in private or ask teachers and nurses.

In the whole process, from Finnish nurses to kindergarten teachers to music and game teachers, I have been constantly emphasizing that children with different personalities have their own advantages. Parents should learn to accept their children's natural nature, don't force them to grow up happily and naturally.

Finnish parents believe that parents should also have their own lives.

Other topics discussed include: "When a child wants pocket money, must he be given it?" ? Most parents disagree.

"Can you drink more than two glasses of wine in front of the children? (Most parents disagree)

On the contrary, most parents agree that parents should take the time to learn about video games and social media that their children are interested in.

At the same time, nearly half of parents agree that even if their children are preschool children, parents can still have their own free time and hobbies to go out after work.

Perhaps we can say that most Finnish parents think that children will live well if their parents are happy, so even if there are preschool children at home, they don't have to take children as the only center. They can even think from another angle that children can understand that their parents have their own lives and children are just a part of life. However, parents should demonstrate their behavior and try to understand what their children are doing while grasping the principles.

Finnish parents' "traffic jam year"

Although the Finnish parents around me don't seem particularly anxious, the topic of such a questionnaire asks "What is a good parent?" This is enough to make some Finnish parents feel anxious.

Some interviewed experts and parents pointed out that they don't need to see what most parents do, so they do.

"When you are with your children, you can handle the situation of daily life in the way that suits you best, and you don't need to compare with others. 」

"Every family tries its best to do it well in its own way. What our neighbors do is none of our business. Similarly, our approach may not be suitable for others. 」

If nothing else, "the whole family should eat together every day" and "let the children develop at least one hobby", these seemingly ordinary requirements and expectations will be impossible for many parents because of the relationship between living and working conditions, but this does not detract from their value as good parents.

For example, parents who need to work shifts day and night, or single-parent families, or there are many children at home, and each child has to do well, which is too stressful.

Looking at Finnish parents' discussion on parent-child relationship, we can see that even though Finland is the most suitable country to be a mother in the evaluation, the social support network for children and families is also very good, encouraging individuals to develop freely in all directions, but this does not mean that parents living here do not have their troubles and worries.

Finns have a word called "Ruuavuosi", which literally translates into Chinese as "traffic jam year". It describes that parents are busy at work, and when their children are young, they are busy every day, and everything should be taken care of like a "traffic jam". In the "traffic jam year", although you may not be anxious, you are inevitably busy. Anxiety may also be related to your parents' expectations and values.

For example, I used to worry about "insufficient breast milk". Finnish mothers always seem to be very open-minded. Although my Finnish friends know that breast milk is the best, they don't insist too much. Some of them wait on formula whenever they want to go out to play, and some buy canned babies from the supermarket for dinner before cooking.

Perhaps in different cultures and societies, anxiety must be different. For Finnish parents, the most important thing is whether their children have enough exercise and friends. After observing and thinking about cultural differences, no matter where we are, if we can take child-rearing as a part of our life, we should try not to "keep up with others" and not to ask too much of ourselves. If we want our children to be themselves with peace of mind, parents can be themselves first, enjoy the "traffic jam years" when they are parents, be full of joy and all kinds of anxiety, be busy but be very busy, and perhaps feel more at ease when facing child-rearing.

The content of this news report is quoted from the news of Helsinki Daily 20 15.6. 14: "What is a good parent? Twenty thousand parents answered "hs.fi/kotimaa/a1434164918343.

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"This article is the author's view on cooperative innovation, not his position."