The ups and downs of working in a Chinese restaurant in London

In the summer of 2004, I moved from Loughborough to London with big bags and small bags, preparing to continue my second degree. When I read the media in Loughborough countryside, living in a noisy environment and being closely connected with prosperity is exactly what I expected. Loughborough is a quiet university town, but it is too big for it. It takes half an hour to buy a pack of instant noodles, which makes people feel very annoyed. The town center is also simple and simple, abandoning all factors that make people corrupt, which is very suitable for seclusion and monasticism. But I live in a country with trees and squirrels, but I don't find this silence so comforting. On the contrary, I always look forward to the noise of London.

London is really what I expected. There are all kinds of people on the street, and it is crowded with 10 meters wide avenues. When the light just came on, it was even more colorful and bizarre. But I know it's fucking bullshit to say anything without money. Doing odd jobs for three hours a day can only afford room and board. In order to pay the tuition, I started to work as an illegal worker in a Chinese restaurant. The so-called "black worker" means that the working hours per week have accumulated more than 20 hours. I work six days a week, starting at 5 pm, 12, which is 42 hours in principle.

Fortunately, the restaurant arranged accommodation, just above the restaurant in a 6-square-meter hut. The room is very simple, with a bed, a broken coffee table and a dark red carpet that looks dirty. The window latch is broken and won't close. A big hole is enough for two strong men to walk in side by side. Probe a look, downstairs is full of healthy black, straight hair in my heart. Later, I had to hang up the curtains and shut them all day, deceiving myself and sleeping soundly.

Johnny is my landlord and the owner of the restaurant. 15 years ago, he came to this land with 200 Jin and a bag of dreams. He washes dishes, cooks and delivers takeout. Now he owns two China restaurants and a foreign trade company. Among countless people who dream of going abroad, his deeds have been told repeatedly and magnified infinitely. He introduced me to James, the boss here, and told me to do a good job!

Our restaurant is called the Great Wall, and its employees are only the boss, the chef, Xiao Chen who delivers food and me, forming a simple family of four. When eating, we each occupy a corner of the table, which is reasonable and harmonious. When I first arrived at the restaurant, I was the "floor" of the restaurant. To put it bluntly, I am the waiter, responsible for answering the phone, remembering the menu and talking to the guests. In short, I do all the English-speaking things and go into the kitchen to pack when the business is busy on weekends.

Since I became the legendary "floor", the first task before me is to recite the names of 280 dishes. At first glance, there are 280 dishes, but in fact, a few things are changed upside down to fool the devil. Expensive, for example, a box of Yangzhou fried rice costs 3 pounds (45 yuan RMB) and a piece of goo goo meat costs 4 pounds (60 yuan RMB). Fortunately, memorizing things is my strong point, so the night before I went to work, I was pacing back and forth with "Little Red Book" in my hand, and my mouth was still mumbling. I don't remember how I fell asleep that night. In short, the dream is full of curry chicken, special fried rice, BBQ ribs and so on, and I wake up with a menu in my hand.

However, remember that the name of the dish is only the first key step of the long March, and the second step is actually learning to write typos! For example, chicken is written as "Jie", duck as "A", shrimp as "Xia", pig as "Zhu" and so on. Because the language used in the floor has only one object-the chef. What the chef doesn't understand is swearing, but what the chef understands is good language. Typos are no exception. So when a guest places an order, I have to go through three painful stages: translating the English I heard into Chinese in my mind; Convert the translated Chinese characters into typos; Write the price of vegetables on the right side of the name of the dish. Among them, the third one collapsed the most, and it took me almost a month to really recite the price of 280 vegetables.

Occasionally, I will meet one or two abnormal customers. When you finally wrote down all the dishes, prices, addresses and telephone numbers and were about to tear up the bill and send it to the kitchen, he suddenly said, "So, how much is it altogether?" At this time, you have to resist all boredom, take out the essence of China's traditional arithmetic, add, subtract, multiply and divide quickly, and tell him the total price. If you are unfortunate enough to meet a customer with a little abnormal brain, you can make a phone call after placing n orders and say in a very relaxed tone, "Oh, dear, can I change my order?" At this time, as long as my left hand continues to greet the customer waiting at the counter, my right hand will pick his vice-order like looking for a needle in a pile of menus. After the inspection, I'll revise it, then wave Xiao Chen out to hand in the form, and then I'll say thank you, thinking of fuck you, and hang up the phone.

In the first month, I lived in fear every day, for fear of misreading the name of the dish, the name of the road and the house number. If the name of the dish is wrong, the kitchen needs to be redone, and guests will call and swear when delivering food. I'm the only one who used dirty words, so I always have to send the meal again. If it rains or even snows, I just want to cut myself. After so many times, it hurts both physically and mentally.

Later, when I started to work, I was able to tell the regular customers one by one from their accents. Before signing up, they said it first, which made them feel so beautiful that they could hear the joy on their faces on the phone. I can also tell the color and nationality of strangers from their tones, such as British whites, European whites, indigenous blacks, black immigrants, indigenous Indians, Indian immigrants ... and, of course, China people. The correct rate is over 90%. I also learned to stand in the oil pan and fry all kinds of snacks; When I was short of hands, I learned to set cold dishes, pack and fry rice. I will place the order slowly, and I will say, "You idiot!" When guests are hooligans. Pay the bill as soon as possible, or I will call the police! ! "This kind of scare is actually very effective. When business is a little better, there is no room to go to the toilet. The phone rang off as soon as he squatted down, and he rushed to the counter while lifting his pants. The men in the kitchen are too busy to treat me like a slut. I can't help blurring my gender in London.

Only when I send money every Saturday, I count a thick stack of money in my hand, thinking that the tuition has been set, and I am happy. The first week's salary 180, which I used to buy furniture. A canvas wardrobe, a table, a chair and a bookshelf are all cheap goods bought from Argos. Looking at a room full of furniture I earned, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Proud, I vowed to study hard. When everything is ready, connect to the broadband, make a cup of instant Nestle coffee and imagine that you are staying at the Hilton Hotel. Although I am reluctant to spend a pound on the bus, a bunch of "valuable" flowers on the table are often replaced with new ones. I often masturbate: although I am poor and have no background, I can play romance more happily, and everyone is equal before God. In the summer when the material is extremely scarce, my body is falling and my soul is soaring.

However, the restaurant business did not last long. After the cold weather in September, the catering industry stumbled like a boulder pushed off a cliff. The boss James, with a sad face, patted me on the shoulder and said, "Business can't go on, so it's time to go out and deliver orders."

Distributing menus, often called sending orders, is a new and torturous business that is born out of vicious competition in China restaurants. To put it bluntly, it is to put the menu with the phone number printed on it into the mailbox door to door, so as to achieve the effect of publicity. This move completely declared the end of the era of "the fragrance of wine is not afraid of the depth of the alley" and the arrival of the global modern information advertising era.

According to Johnny's memory, there were very few idiots who distributed menus before 10. He occasionally goes out to deliver menus for a few days, and he is too busy to even answer the phone on weekends. My boss and I are amazed at this, but we can't help but sigh: What an era this should be! How I wish I could go back to that time and become an idiot!

No way, we are doomed not to encounter such a good year, so we have to place an order obediently. My boss and I hung a bag around our necks, which contained hundreds of menus, and wandered around the residential area of a small town in south London. Gently push open every gate, walk in, walk to the front of the gate, push the mailbox a crack with your left hand, fold the menu in half with your right hand to increase the hardness, plug it in, succeed, close your right hand, retract your left hand, go out, and finally close the gate. This series of actions seems silly, but they are actually very particular. Many tragedies are derived from repeated execution every day. Here are a few examples I have experienced-

The murderer.

He/she was about to go out after delivering the bill, but he/she bumped into him/her. Lighter people will curse excitedly: "I hate China menu and pizza menu all my life ..." (100 is omitted here). Often at this time, English listening will suddenly be surprisingly good. The worst people will pick up the menu (if you are unlucky enough to vote) and throw it directly on your face or a certain part of your body, adding the N words starting with F and S. Most of these people are women, and if there are men, their expressions are particularly abnormal.

Wrong mailbox.

Some people's mailboxes are too strong to open. Very easy to make efforts to suck milk, stuffed it into a menu, and before I could withdraw my left hand, I clicked my left index finger and tore off a large piece of skin. I've been wearing gloves, but fortunately it's always winter.

A dog that makes people have nowhere to run.

Dogs are British people's favorite pets. Almost every family has a dog, and there is more than one. Lucky time: I was only halfway through the menu when I suddenly heard a mad dog barking. With the footsteps of Mercedes-Benz, judging from the sound, there were more than two, so we had to flee, fortunately, there was no damage. A little unlucky: without barking, I'm relieved to plug the menu. Unexpectedly, my finger suddenly hurt and I was bitten by a dog from the inside, causing minor injuries. Unfortunately, I saw a dog lying in bed, sleepy, so I felt relieved at the fort. Suddenly I looked up and saw another giant dog lying on the glass door looking at you ... The whole body blood pressure rushed to the top of the head, and the heart almost stopped beating-a serious mental trauma.

A door that is easily damaged.

I was about to push open the courtyard door, only to find that it was broken. Just to be surprised, the host has magically appeared in front of you, looking at you with a sneer and pride, as if to say, "demo, pay the door." Suddenly vomiting blood.

Life is never lost.

Come to a fork in the road and split up. A street is divided, look back. Oh, my God! Where did everyone go? No cell phone, no money. Go, go, go further and further. Ask the way and answer: it's two stops away. I feel dizzy. I have money to take a bus. Why should I ask for directions? Walk around until your nose is flat and your mouth is crooked, and finally go home. Bedridden.

When I am bored, I will comfort myself. I can exercise and lose weight, and at the same time, I can create economic benefits. In addition, some setbacks experienced by young people help to see clearly the evil nature of human exploitation in capitalist society. However, every evening, I carry an empty bag and walk alone in an alley in London. I see children coming home together after school. I see excited faces passing by and talking in a language I can't actually hear. My heart will be very lonely and I will forget where I am in an instant.

This is London. There are the oldest churches in the world, the densest museums in Europe, streets with medieval charm and millions of shopping malls with a population of nearly 10 million. This is where I work, live and study. I travel through the streets of London every day, listening to the sound of cars, church bells and the piano of street performers. I know that I am in the most lively and prosperous London, and I have experienced many years of sadness. However, at this moment, I am alone in the crowd, stopping and occasionally moving the bag around my neck, and the air is filled with a sad smell.