Jokes, suitable for all ages, no dirty jokes

1. Money is not the problem, the problem is lack of money!

2. When I’m drunk, I won’t accept anyone, so I’ll hold on to the wall!

3. I’m like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but looking for No way out.

4. Senior brother, do you know? The second brother's meat is now more expensive than the master's.

5. If eating more fish can replenish the brain and make people smarter, then you must eat at least a pair of whales...

6. If the water is clear, there will be no fish; if the people are humble, they will be invincible.

7. Youth is like toilet paper. There is a lot of it, but once you use it, it is not enough~

8. Pregnancy is like pregnancy. It takes a long time for people to notice it. .

9. Friends around me, please become famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well~~~

10. Colleagues may be nervous when they go to meet clients. , and as soon as he opened his mouth, he said: "Hello, Mr. Liu, what is your surname?" Oh~~~~~~

11. A female classmate is a little darker, and her boyfriend is a little too fair. In Tian's dormitory, the venomous diva suddenly said to her: "You can't do this, you will give birth to zebras."

12. I have always regarded handsome men and money as dirt, and they have always regarded them that way. Mine

13. Don’t compare yourself to me, I am too lazy to compare with you

14. I am not a casual person, I am not a human being when I am casual

15 .God said, let there be light, but I said I opposed it, and from then on there was darkness in the world

16. I am in a bad mood today. I only have four things to say, including this sentence and the previous two sentences. I have finished my words...

17. To be a human being, you must be a person hovering between cow A and cow C

18. My big name is God, my little name is God. His name is Jesus, his English name is God, and his dharma name is Tathagata...

19. People cannot hang themselves on a tree. They have to try to die on several nearby trees.

20. A tree without bark will surely die; a man without shame will be invincible in the world.

21. The farmer’s three punches hurt a little

22. In fact, I have always been very popular: when I was a child, everyone loved me, but now I am loved by bitches

23. Don’t be afraid of enemies who are like tigers, but be afraid of teammates who are like pigs

24. Go your own way and let others take a taxi

25. Rats carry knives. Looking for cats all over the street

26. As long as you work hard and poop seriously

27. Who is the fastest in China? It's Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang). Because Cao Cao and Cao Cao are here

28. Get away as far as your thoughts go

29. Only when you stand in a long queue at the train station can you truly realize that you are "Descendants of the Dragon".

32. Lie down wherever you fall

33. If the tiger doesn’t show its power, you think I am HELLO KITTY!

34. A donkey is a wrong idea~

◆A woman is fat, plump, slim, tall, slender, short, petite; a fat man is fat, a pig is thin, a rib is tall, a bamboo pole Short is a winter melon◆Professor: 90% of adult women in our country are not virgins. The president sent a letter to other 10% of women. Have you heard about this? The girls shook their heads. "Then you haven't received the letter!" ◆"How much do you love me?" "As much as a dime.

"Is that all?" "Isn't a dime equal to ten cents?" ” ◆You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Being ugly is not your original intention. It is God who lost his temper. If you continue to live, without you, who will bring out the beauty of the world!

01. Get up early. The early bird catches the worm, and the early bird catches the worm!

02. I was arguing with a girl about whether whales are fish, and finally I said, "Japanese people also have personal characters", and she agreed with whales. Not a fish.

03. An iron pestle can be ground into a needle, but a wooden pestle can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is not right, no matter how hard you try, it will be useless.

04. If the reply is one. If I have such a virtue, I would have become a saint long ago.

05. Life cannot be like cooking, having all the ingredients ready before cooking.

06. I heard that women are like this. Clothes are like brothers. Looking back, I have been running around naked for 20 years!

07. Wear other people’s shoes and walk your own way, let them find it.

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08. There is an old legend that says that those who see beautiful women on XX campus will live forever...

09. Can eggs from all over the world be broken if they unite? Stone? So you have to be more realistic...

10. Don’t be afraid of enemies like tigers, just be afraid of teammates like pigs!

11. Xia Tian is not good, he is poor. At that time, I didn’t even have to drink the northwest wind...

12. I once had a pair of wings, but I didn’t use them to fly in the sky, but put them in a pot to stew soup...

13. When the water is clear, there are no fish, and when people are humble, they are invincible!

14. I am not a casual person, and I am not a human being when I am casual.

15. A group of Japanese people came to visit our school - to be honest, this was the first time I saw Japanese people wearing clothes!

16. Go as far as your thoughts go!

17. I am very poor, my servant is also very poor, my gardener is also very poor, my driver is also very poor...

18. When charging the bank, he said: "This In line with international practice! When serving, he said: "We must consider China's national conditions!" ”

19. The one riding the white horse may not be a prince, he may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel, he may be a birdman.

20. Be talented Like pregnancy, it takes a long time for people to notice it.

21. Stand taller and pee farther.

22. The lowest goal of a college student: peasant woman, mountain spring. BitTian

23. My friend’s name on his girlfriend’s cell phone was “him”. Later they broke up and it became “it”...

24. Nothing happened. Don't look for me, don't look for me if you have any problems!

25. Do you think I will just watch you die?

26. Buddha said! : "It takes 500 looks back in the past life to get one pass in this life." I would rather get 500 looks back in this life in exchange for one pass in the next life.

27. What should I do? Kill your lover...

28. The Internet is like a prison. You enter by stealing a wallet, but you learn everything when you get out.

29. Angels. The reason why they can fly is because they take themselves very seriously...

30. I want to fall in love early, but it's too late...

31. Just start from the teacher's side! Go ahead!

32. What does it have to do with you?

33. There is no limit to learning.

34. Life is fun! , because life is playing tricks on me!

35. I only believe in two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.

36. I don’t know whose wife is on my bed, I don’t know whose bed my wife is on!

37. I really want to call your grandfather: Dad!

38. Beijing University of Science and Technology deceived me for four years of college, so I plan to use the knowledge that Beijing University of Science and Technology taught me to deceive society for the rest of my life!

39. Friends around me, hurry up and become famous, so that my memoirs can sell well~~~

40. When you put on the wedding dress of love , I also put on the monk's cassock...

41. I have never seen such a disgusting school - the midterm exam is scheduled for May 8th! ! ! (Taboo)

42. House prices are getting higher and higher, so there are fewer and fewer good men...

43. If I become the emperor, I will make you the prince!

44. My friend’s name on his girlfriend’s mobile phone was “him”. Later they broke up and it became “it”...

45. Never reduced to An excellent college student relies on strong character!

46. Damn it, I got complained! The customer said that the mp3 file I gave him had no images!

47. Sometimes life is like being raped by a eunuch - resisting is painful, not resisting is still painful!

48. Reduce the number of boys behind each girl to 6!

49. The sun rises in the east and rains in the west. The teacher is ruthless and I am affectionate. So I have to fight with my classmates during the exam!

50. Hugging is really a strange thing. We are so close but we can’t see each other’s faces.

Okay, I admit this is very short.