Short, humorous and hilarious jokes

A complete collection of short humorous jokes

Words are like elves. As long as you use them well, they will produce unexpected effects. Therefore, whether we speak or write, we should make good use of words. As long as you can use it accurately and flexibly, it will make your language glow with vitality and brilliance. Below, I will share a short humorous joke for you, hoping to help you!

a short humorous joke 1

1. A friend took the IELTS test, and then in the oral exam session, he habitually said "My Day" when he got the oral presentation question. As a result, the examiner knew a little Chinese, so he asked him what he meant. He said, "Day" means that China people use the power of the sun to motivate themselves ... < P > 2. Can you not embellish when you speak ill of me for cooking?

3. I suddenly heard someone knocking at the door in the middle of the night. When I opened the door, I saw a young man with a lot of delicious food standing outside the door. I said, "You must be mistaken. I didn't order takeout." "I know that." The young man said, "This is what one of your friends in Weibo asked me to show you. This is the food he wants to eat tonight. His mobile phone is broken and he can't send Weibo."

4. A lady is an undeveloped Bikachu. A gentleman is a wolf in wool.

5. Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, in the end, he killed all the students.

6. You are the sun in the sky and I am the mountain on the ground; You are the moon in the sky, and I am the ocean on the ground; You are a crow flying in the sky, and I am a dog chasing on the ground.

7. You support the sky, and I will cushion it!

8. The tragedy of life lies in: I worked hard to dream a beautiful dream with fragrant contents all night, but I woke up the next morning and I can't remember it all!

9. My brother went to a primary school to play basketball, and he heard a junior girl ask a junior boy, "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly, "My mother gave me 3 yuan money a day, of which two and a half dollars were for you to buy snacks. Do you think I love you or not? Short and humorous jokes 2

1. What makes people crazier than love is lovelorn.

2. You look like an idiot on the left, a fool on the right, a pig on the top and a donkey on the bottom.

3. Beating is kissing, scolding is love, and loving is not enough!

4. I am not a bone, so I can't let every dog run after me.

5. Zhuge Liang commanded the battle and followed the army in a chariot alone every time. Once there was a war, as soon as the war started, Liang took the lead in driving and rushed to the enemy. The army's morale was greatly boosted, followed by the enemy. After the war, everyone praised: "The strategist is brave!" Liang said, "gee, the slope was too steep, and I didn't stop the car ..."

6. If I can remember you in the next life, I must have died insufficiently in this life.

7. Being cheap is also an art. Let's do this art well together!

8. Walking today, an uncle in front dropped 2 yuan when he took his mobile phone from his trouser pocket. I stopped him and told him that you lost your money, and he turned to look at me in horror and walked away quickly. Then I'll have two weeks' allowance. Do good people get what they deserve? 2. In the morning, I went to the bank to withdraw money. There were a lot of people. I took the number 48 and called it the number 9. When I sat down to rest, a girl on the side smiled and dreamed of Duke Zhou, holding the number 14 in her hand. I felt that young people nowadays were really too short of sleep. . . In order to let her have enough sleep, she quietly changed our number, hiding her merits and fame.

9. People who are usually willing to stay and argue with you are the ones who really love you!

1. There are four girls in my sister's dormitory. There is a girl named "Jiao Wa" who is petite and lovely. There is an "Eve" who likes to eat apples. There is a "Kuwa" with a good figure. And my sister is called "Huluwa" because she snores when she sleeps. Brief humorous joke 3

1. On July 2th, 1969, American astronaut Armstrong opened the door of the lunar module and walked out slowly along the ladder. Then he left the first human footprint on the surface of the moon and said the famous saying: "sofa."

2. When I was on the bus, I saw a beautiful woman coming up with a big bag and a small bag. There was no extra hand to grab the handrail, which was very dangerous. So I got up decisively and offered my seat to the beautiful woman, who accepted it gladly. I didn't expect the beautiful woman to get off at the same station with me. When I got off the bus, the beautiful woman said to me: Can you help me carry my things home with me? . ? I agreed without hesitation. . . I want to say that good people are rewarded!

3. Girls in Chinese Department fantasize about love, girls in Mathematics Department calculate love, girls in History Department attack love, and girls in Foreign Languages Department export love.

4. don't tell me the story of the black society as a common people.

5. Listen to your words and save me ten books!

6. My wife has to work overtime this weekend. The wife said, "You don't have to send it. I'll ride the electric car myself." I said, "Are you sure?" The wife said, "I am a good driver!" " I said, "Yes, as long as there is no turntable, you will always arrive at work." My wife said, "What do you mean?" I said, "What if you go home again when you get to the big turntable!"

7. My heart, even the liver and lungs of a donkey, is enough to feed a dog's stomach.

8. The company has a tough female colleague who is generous, plump and beautiful. Talking about losing weight in the office, I cut in: don't lose weight, it's fine now. Which is good? Feel good! You haven't touched me yet. How do you know? Everyone chuckled. I'm a little embarrassed: I haven't touched you yet! I'm different from others. Feel it! Public outcry. I stammer: Some time in the future ... I plan when it will be implemented.

9. The two brothers went to a restaurant to have a meal. After ordering, the boss immediately served the food, and each pot of food was full. The two brothers were so full that they couldn't eat any more. The elder brother took the last bite of the food, and his teeth fell out. The younger brother shouted, "Boss, what's in your food is so hard that my brother's teeth are broken!" The boss said, "Please eat slowly. Let's halve the cost of this table!" The two brothers also agreed. When they got home, my brother looked in the mirror and was frightened: "I didn't lose any teeth. Whose teeth did I have just now?" My brother vomited on the spot!

1. In the hotel. A man's girlfriend shouted angrily at him, You are the meanest person in the world! Hearing this, everyone in the shop looked at them with great surprise, especially the man. At this critical moment, the man loudly said to his girlfriend: You scold him too well! What else did you scold him? Brief humorous joke 4

1. Minister, someone is coming to make trouble. ""get out! " "I can't get rid of it." "Then call out!" ..... "Minister, it's over. You killed someone too hard. It's an old woman." "Damn it, give her 5 thousand, and then make trouble and fight again!" ..... A few days later, the minister's hometown called. "Dogway, your mother went to the city a few days ago to see you killed. People lost 5, yuan ... "

2. I was anxious to wear my clothes backwards in the morning, but no one told me after wearing them for a whole day. It was only when I looked in the mirror at night that I whined," Why didn't anyone tell me? " Roommates said very seriously, "Embi looks much better when she is wearing it." I "..."

3. "Oh, what a coincidence, it's really fate to meet you again." I said happily to the goddess.

"get out!" Then the goddess kicked me out of the ladies' room.

4. I found a fortune teller to calculate a divination for me. He looked it over and said, "Brother, you must have been born in the early hours of the morning." I was very surprised: "How did you calculate it so accurately?" He stroked his beard and said, "Because it's ugly at 1: to 3: a.m."

5. I have used my mobile phone for two years and want to get a new one. Go to discuss with your wife: Wife, you see that the mobile phone is too old. Give it a new one! Wife: OK, let's change it in one step this time! Me: Hehe, thank you, my wife. What machine are you going to change for me? Wife: old man machine!

6. A boy is particularly lazy and loves fantasy. One day, at last, there was no clothes to change. He put all his dirty clothes in a big basin and soaked them. I sat beside myself, staring at the clothes in the basin and said, "Be good, take a bath by yourself!" "

7. After a village with inconvenient transportation was supplied with electricity, an investigator was sent to visit the residents there to ask whether it was more convenient for them after the electricity supply. An old lady said, "I am very grateful to you. In the future, I will find matches to light oil lamps, and I will never have to touch the dark again."

8. Now we are: what we can't get up is our grades, what we can't get down is our weight, what we can't get up and put down is chopsticks, and what we can't get in and out is the hot bed ...

9. When most people are concerned about whether you fly high or not, only a few people care about whether you are tired or not. This is friendship.

1. There are two kinds of evolution: one is from animals to people, which is natural evolution; The other is from man to beast and then to beast, which is social evolution.

11. "Why do you specialize in landscape painting?" "Because there won't be a tree coming to my trouble and saying that I don't paint at all."

12. There is a piece of cloth in the shop window. You cut it one foot and he pulls it eight feet ... No one has investigated what this piece of cloth has done. Generally speaking, however, some of them made hats, some made shorts, some made soles, and some made diapers and rags ... < P > 13. They caught a cold and felt particularly uncomfortable. It's hot in summer, but I'm cold, covered in quilts. My husband came back, looked at me, and said calmly, Hold on, just wait until you become a butterfly.

14. Why are the spectators in the Olympic archery field so civilized? Because they clearly know that they are all within range!

15. In an interview, the boss of a private enterprise with assets of over 9 million yuan was asked: the secret of success.

He said: At that time, he was also very confused when he graduated. He applied for many companies and there was no news. Finally, I went home, and my father gave me 2 billion yuan.

16. Once I had a fight with my classmates, my father chased me and beat me up. My mother grabbed my father and said, "Stop beating, you are sweating." I finally breathed a sigh of relief. As a result, my mother pulled out her belt and said, "It's my turn. Brief humorous joke 5

1. My husband is going to work, and my wife: "I know that I go to work every day, can you accompany me?" Husband: "I want to make money!" " Wife: "Good good, go to work, don't know who this class is? It' s really embarrassing, she still pays money every day! "

2. Wife: I will be angry if you don't wash your feet again! The husband reluctantly looked away from the computer screen and said to his wife: Don't be angry in the future, only have a baby.

3. Recently, there is a popular saying on the Internet that Ma Yun is the richest man. He has 15 billion people in China and 1.3 billion people in our province. He gives us 1 million each. We are all billionaires, and he still has 148.7 billion. He is the richest man. I was deeply moved by this sentence.

4. I took a taxi to my friend's house and dozed off for a while on the way. The original journey of 3 yuan was rounded up by the driver into 8 yuan! I said heroically, "Big Brother, here's 1. Keep the change!" " The driver looked around the car and said, "Where's the money? Where did you put it? " I got off the bus and ran, shouting at the driver: "I told you not to look, you can't find it!" "

5. During the exam, the invigilator took the menstruation towel that leaked 2cm of underwear from the same table as a cheat sheet and pulled it out on the spot ...

6. Two days ago, my security door was broken, so I called the manufacturer. After half an hour, the technicians couldn't get it open. I had no choice but to call the 11 police. When the police came, they also took a thief who had just been caught and said, "Come on, I'll give you ten minutes. I'm still in a hurry to get off work." The thief looked at the lock and said, "No, it's only five minutes." After a while, Kaka, the door opened. I saw that the technicians in the factory looked ugly!

7. The retired husband and wife feel particularly lonely sitting at home, so they decide to call a young couple they know to see what they are doing. After a while, the wife put down the phone and said, "People are chatting over coffee, or let's do the same." The husband said, "OK, let's make a pot of coffee." Soon, they made coffee and sat down, staring at each other. The husband said, "Call again and see what they are talking about."

8. My family has a 6-year-old cousin. Super precocious, saved a lot of private money. Yesterday was her father's birthday. I knocked on her father's door early in the morning and said seriously, "I heard them say today is your birthday. I don't have anything for you. I'll give you 1 yuan to buy a cake of my birthday! " Her father was stunned for three seconds and then moved to tears and said, your mother only gave me 1 yuan at a time. Now showing off everywhere is really his own daughter!

9. The school will hold a parent-teacher conference. Xiaoming failed in the exam, fearing that his father would beat him. After thinking hard, he quickly made a placard and came to the labor market. The sign reads: Recruitment of temporary dad for parent-teacher conference, the price is negotiable!

1. The husband comes home from work. I saw a box of cakes on the table with three candles on it. He asked, "Whose birthday is it?" The wife next to him replied coldly, "It's this dress on me. It is 3 years old today! "

11. One day, a young man asked the master: Master, I'm thirty years old and I haven't found a girlfriend yet. Can you tell me the reason? The master didn't speak, so he took out a lotus root and took a bite. Youth: Oh, I see, you want me to be more careful! Master: Mind your sister, come on, repeat after me, eat lotus root ugliness!

12. I remember my wife called last weekend and said, "Buy more delicious food outside, and don't treat yourself badly." I said, "Don't worry, wife, I will take care of myself. Don't worry about me." My heart is very bitter: "You have the salary card. You don't know how much you give me a month. What do you want me to buy?"

13. Last night, I opened a box in an Internet cafe to watch a movie, and bought a bottle of nutrition express drink and put it next to it. I saw the punch line when I was drinking, and I couldn't help spraying it on the screen above the computer. When I was wiping with a paper towel, the door suddenly opened and I will never forget the eyes of the webmaster at that time!

14. My surname is Nie. I just went to the airport to meet a customer. After meeting, the customer greeted me warmly and shook hands: Hello, Mr. Nie! Hello! At this moment, his secretary looked at me with strange eyes ... Your sister! You're the bastard! Your whole family is the bastard!

15. When I was in junior high school, a buddy was very naughty. He was often punished by the class teacher and kicked in the ass, but this guy never said a word. When we asked him if he was okay, they all said, "Nothing, it didn't hurt. Anyway, it was his father!" We always thought he had a backbone! ..... Until we went to the toilet together, he took off his underwear and brought out a photo behind his ass. I was shocked! I really don't know how he did it. It's really the head teacher's father in the photo!

16. I remember a Japanese bought fruit when he was visiting China last month. He picked up a cherry and said, "Your apples in China are several times smaller than our Japanese apples." Then he said, "Your watermelons in China are several times smaller than our Japanese watermelons." As a result, the shopkeeper rushed out and said, "This is a grape."

17. Go to a classmate's house to play, his mother fell asleep, and his father worked overtime. At night, I was addicted to cigarettes and went to the kitchen to steal in the dark.