Funny jokes in the dormitory

Funny jokes in dormitories (popular articles) 1. 1. What is a bad guy? Men who take off their pants during the day, women who don't take off their makeup at night. I looked at you yesterday, and now my eyes still hurt! You are dressed like this. Are you dissatisfied with the world? You're dressed dangerously, but you look safe. Me Before You, my world is black and white. After meeting you, wow! All black. Sometimes I am as optimistic as a fart, always thinking that I can shake the earth.

2. The head of Goose Township said: 360 must be extinguished, but it cannot be extinguished. Think about it, you are online, hanging up Q, hitting on MM and singing, and suddenly you are told that you have been hijacked by 360. . . . So a day without 360 is a good day! ! !

For programmers, the frequency of salary increase is the same as the frequency of function increase, which is cool.

4. Meet two Frenchmen. One may be a teacher who teaches Chinese, and the other should be his student. The teacher happily pointed to the China calendar and said to the students, Look, these two words pronounce Lei Feng. This is Lei Feng Memorial Day. He is famous in China because he helped many people before his death. ) The student said admiringly, Ah, you are well informed! With that, they left happily. I leaned down and saw on the calendar: first frost.

5. A buddy is awesome. He picked up the burned CD and touched it before he knew the content: This madoka ozawa Gang! This Aoi sora! Almost never makes mistakes, the anti-vice brigade hired him many times, but he refused. One day I gave him a CD. As a result, he touched it for a long time and vomited all over the floor, even spitting out bile. Finally, he asked in a trembling voice, who are you? I told him gently with a smile: Chongqing Red Song Club. (@lifent)

6. These days, a man who can silently wait for you downstairs in the dormitory and give you a warm morning, noon and evening meal will always be patient and will only deliver takeout, no matter whether it is windy or rainy in cold weather or hot weather.

7. Sister feeds you mints. Japanese ipad kiss game solves the problem of otaku.

8. Mom doesn't have to worry about my study anymore! So simple! ! ! I really want to have a BBK lighter, holding a textbook, and I won't order it anywhere ~

9. body double, Chow Yun Fat —— Wen Xiang always thought that body double of Huangshiluo was played by Chow Yun Fat himself in Let Bullets Fly, but it turned out that there was someone else: Wen Xiang, a young man from Changsha. I can't believe my eyes! It's really awesome. . .

10. It is against the criminal law to deduct points in the exam! According to the criminal law, any behavior that causes losses to others by taking advantage of others' ignorance is a crime of fraud! > ([mail? Protected])

Funny jokes in the dormitory (classic)

1. Crayons are very new. Share: You have the gun. Come with me. You have all the answers to the test paper. The exam must be cancelled, not until it is cancelled. Think about it, you go home, follow your classmates, eat hot pot and sing, and suddenly tell you that you have failed. . . . So the day without exams is a good day!

2. A mop shared: My mother just called me. I watched TV. Why is the rent in Beijing only 77? Tell me your monthly rent 1 100. Where did all your money go? !

Lin Chi-ling told reporters that my breasts are real. If I lie, I will recite my name backwards in the future. It seems that choosing a name is very important!

4. I took a taxi with a buddy today to talk about cheating! Eldest brother said: Yesterday, one of his buddies pulled a foreigner from the railway station and got on the bus and went to Lanzhou University incoherently! This guy made a big detour to the gate of Lanzhou, looked at his watch and said 40 yuan! The foreigner gave him seven pieces and told him incoherently: buddy, I have been in Lanzhou for 8 years! So the buddy was stunned.

5.QQ Signature Selection: Living in LAN and China, I have been waiting for the following miracle. One day, I forgot where little Samaritan put it. QQ jumps out the message, you are in R0 Wa Wall, in F disk and X folder.

6. the Monkey King: Let my master go quickly, or don't blame me for using magic weapons! Spider spirit: I'm not afraid of you! Wukong took out a 4G USB flash drive, Spider Spirit's face changed greatly, and Wukong took out a 250G hard drive. White-eyed, the spider asked in a trembling voice, Who gave it to you? The Monkey King: Spider-Man! Spider essence vomits blood: ex-boyfriend, shit! ! !

7. Toyota Highlander advertised: Can you download the 360 security guards around you for free? (@ carefree as the breeze)

From today, it is illegal for women to wear bras and shorts. Because wearing a bra commits the crime of keeping a mistress; Wearing shorts commits the crime of farting; Men wear underwear more seriously, because of the crime of harboring guns and ammunition!

9. How to assemble the top ten online buzzwords of the year: This is a very difficult decision. When his father was not Li Gang, the waxy chicken and duck made the most powerful horse ice house and floating clouds show this year. When everything is a little miserable, walking around the igloo will give you the feeling of washing dishes. Stars from all walks of life perform like your sister, and can't help but admire: it's cold, it's high, it's wrong! Anyway, all this, you know.

10. In the last century, Hetrick, an American engineer, had a serious traffic accident every three months because of his poor skills and his love of driving too fast, which led to his girlfriend's constant death. It was not until 1952 that he handed over a girl with a G cup and escaped six accidents. Under questioning, my girlfriend admitted that she had had many silicone breast augmentation operations. This inspired Hetrick, who designed a protective device installed on the driver's chest, and the next year he obtained a patent through the airbag.

Funny jokes in the dormitory (selected articles)

1. I opened People's Search goso.cn, and the WOT plug-in prompted and warned: The website has poor reputation. Chrome's WOT security plug-in really understands people's feelings.

It is said that in every Internet company, there is an old lady who sweeps the floor. Occasionally, a programmer passes by and glances at the code on the screen, and she will remind the other party in a low voice: be careful, the stack overflows.

3. Harmony is a pair, because one is Happy Li, and the other is Don't worry about Li. ......

4. In order to attract business, Hotpot City wrote the following sentence on the billboard: Self-help Hotpot, children under the height of 1 meter, 30 yuan is free for everyone. My aunt in kindergarten was very excited after reading it. Holding 30 yuan's money, she led 50 children in her class to Hotpot City. . .

5. The network is the fifth beast-Gua Gua Gua is a very fierce amphibian! It seems to come from the Gobi desert of grass mud horses, because as soon as it appears, a group of grass mud horses will follow it! It likes to be a vegetarian, mainly with snow ginseng, and also eats some snow ginseng and light snow ginseng. Fortunately, there were many omens before it appeared. For example, if you suddenly see a ridged pigeon, you should be careful! Stay away from those tall trees!

6.20xx year-end sentiment: There are always 30 days in a month when I don't want to go to work. Second, since I got mental derangement, I have been much more energetic. Traveling is to go from one's own tired place to another's tired place to raise fish, which is very troublesome. I often forget to change the water once a week, so I have to change the fish once a week. The most terrible thing in the world is not that terrorists hijack you, but that the Philippine police come to save you.

7. I have 77 yuan in my pocket, which is enough for me to get high! I rent a house in Beijing and buy a piece of land in Hainan; Wandering in China, I am at ease; I have 77 dollars in my pocket. I can get soy sauce and take the high-speed train, and I can come and go unimpeded. I have 77 pieces in my pocket, and the lady in heaven and earth treats me warmly; I have 77 yuan in my pocket, and foreigners say I am Dong Fangbubai ~ ~!

8. Penny takes his girlfriend shopping. My girlfriend took a fancy to a lipstick, and penny thought it was too expensive, so she said, You look better without lipstick. This is called natural beauty. My girlfriend was very dissatisfied and said, it's a good thing I didn't let you buy clothes, otherwise you would definitely say that I look better without clothes. This is called human beauty.

9. I am your classmate in primary school, remember me? Which one? I don't remember. The one who won the first prize in the city composition contest in the third grade. I don't remember. In the fifth grade, I won the first prize in the Olympic Mathematics Competition. Still no memory. In the sixth grade, I lifted the teacher's skirt and kicked the monitor's egg. Oh! It's you!

10. All year-end evaluations that do not aim at salary increase are hooligans!

Funny joke, funny joke

1. I learned sacred knowledge. How to measure it with scores? This is a stain on art!

You will be surrounded by a group of people who care about you. They will ask you what happened, listen to your story of failure, and then leave with satisfaction.

It's getting colder and colder. If I don't reply to your message in the future, it's not that I'm cold, but that my hands are cold.

There were so many people on the subway that I whispered in my girlfriend's ear that my feet were numb! My best friend immediately said loudly: What? You're three months pregnant! I was at a loss when several people stood up and offered their seats to me.

Boy, you are lucky to know me. You caught up. It seems that your ancestors accumulated many virtues.

6. When I hate someone, if this person suddenly says that he likes me, then I don't hate each other at all. It's so principled. You can't hate a man with vision.

7. Why hasn't anyone wished me a happy birthday after twelve o'clock? Maybe it's not my birthday!

8. When the husband comes home from work, the wife holds his son's test paper, and the score is zero. Shout to her husband: is this the best soldier left when you led hundreds of millions of elite soldiers and struggled to seize the position I have held for more than 20 years?

9. Who says a slap in the face doesn't make a sound? I will slap you in the face. Do you think it will ring?

10. Do you have a girlfriend? If not, would you like one? If so, do you want to change it? If not, would you mind another one?

1 1. When listening to the sermon in the church, we should keep quiet. It is impolite to disturb others' sleep.

12. The stall owner looked at her and said sincerely: Our planting balls here are the best in the world. The original price is 3000, and the purchase price is 888. For your sake, I'll sell it to you at the activity price: 2.50 yuan.

13. Sleep if you are unhappy. I don't think there is any problem that can't be solved by sleeping. If so, sleep again.

14. Don't say others are mentally ill. The premise of mental illness is to have a brain.

15. The child next door finally vowed to lose weight. At the graduation job fair, someone said to him: Sorry, buddy, you are blocking my cell phone signal.

16. I went to the school cafeteria to eat and found that the ribs were not very fresh. I went to the chef and said, master, I found that the ribs this week were not as delicious as last week's. The master said: nonsense, this is last week's ribs.

17. Do you know why you are so cold today? Because you don't have a warm boyfriend like me, you freeze to death and are stupid.

18. I want to stop and clean my front windshield. Dad, where did you get the windshield of your battery car? Dad stopped the car, took out his handkerchief and wiped his glasses.

19. It's winter. I need to go shopping when I open my closet. When I opened my wallet, I was young and not cold.

20. I received a short message: Today, starting from 15: 3 1, my wife is going to sleep with others. I have to wash clothes and cook, and I can only silently congratulate them on their happiness. After reading it, I was puzzled. Later, when I saw the sender, I dug a slot and gave birth to a child. I was so happy.

2 1. Don't ask me for anything, let alone anything.

22. Don't worry, your hero on earth will pick you up slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly.

23. Have you heard the story that the big pig said yes and the little pig said no?

24. When I was a child, I passed a cesspit after school. There is a puppy in the cesspit. The fluttering one is called Huan. A classmate nearby said: This seems to be my puppy. I said, why don't you try calling it by its name? I still can't forget it. A man and a dog were running in the sunset. Finally, the puppy jumped into the arms of the little master happily.

Interesting talk about dormitory

Interesting talk about dormitory

First, in fact, I don't think it is necessary to occupy a place in class. Today, I saw people in the first row sleeping for a class. My roommates also choose seats after breakfast and doze off during class. I might as well sleep in the dormitory for a while and sit anywhere in the classroom to listen to the class.

Second, in order to cook it, I accidentally woke up the whole bedroom. Oh, my God.

Third, have a good sleep and be awakened by a phone call. The whole dormitory didn't wash, wore pajamas and slippers and raised the national flag. I want to ask, does your university raise the national flag?

4.a and B are in the same dormitory. A is not here, something of A is there, and B uses it without saying anything. A searched for a long time and asked B if he had seen it. B said it was used. One day A wanted to use something (urgently), and B said I was using it now and I would buy it for you tomorrow, so A thought about waiting. The next day, I didn't see anything from B. A sent a message to B without his key one day, but B didn't reply. Fortunately, A came in in her own way. It turns out that B says goodbye every day, but not now. A told B, and B ignored A .. A thought for several days, and still didn't know why B ignored A..

When I left school after graduation, I lost a good thing in the game. When I turned my head to show off, I found that I was the only one left in the whole dormitory. At that time, I really felt that I had got a boring punch.

If you feel uncomfortable in the dormitory alone in the middle of the night, you can't ask your father to pick you up, but you still go home. So you said don't go far. After you went to college alone, you had a stomachache and we couldn't take care of it. I wonder if I will miss home as much as I look forward to the weekend, thinking that I will go far away when I grow up, and now I suddenly can't bear it.

7. I dreamed that I moved to the southern district at the beginning of my senior year, and then I entered the wrong dormitory for the first time. I continued to walk with my family in the drizzle for more than ten minutes. There are hills, small high floors and three roads along the way. I wish the South District was big. I'm probably too bored to wake up, and I'm shocked by the fact that I haven't changed my dormitory number for four years.

Eight, then I really woke up, and the whole dormitory was empty, which made me feel that Yuan Shen was in pieces. In fact, I still cling to such a dream.

Nine, the dormitory is air-conditioned and there is no motivation to go to the library. However, I will still go! !

There are many things I want to buy, especially those from Nanques and Vegeta. Well, I also want to have a dog in the dormitory. I don't need a good dog. Sleep with your arms around if you have nothing to do. I also want to buy a lot of things, but I have no money. I feel useless in ps class.

In fact, I miss the days when I can't get out of bed and rush to the classroom every morning. I especially miss doing nothing in my friend's small bar after class every day. I especially miss the day when I can meet an acquaintance in Liangdao Street every day. Every time I see my brothers and sisters happy, I miss them very much. When I can no longer live in the school dormitory, when I watch my brothers and sisters walking together on campus, I realize what I have lost ~

Last night, brother titty in my dormitory said a word: What happened to my brother? I gave him a siege!

The alarm clock didn't wake me up this morning! ! ! ! ! I just missed a class! Now the second period begins. I'm still in the dormitory and dare not go to class!

14. I'm so excited, the dormitory building is out of power. Black came up and wrapped my eyes, but I saw them more vividly than usual. When the commotion subsided, I rushed to the roof. The top floor without doors welcomes anyone and accommodates anyone. The old tiles were reflected into the snowfield by moonlight. The rubbing of leaves around me and the breathing in my ears made me lose my mind. I am short and lost in white.

Fifteen, in three years. The eldest brother who has been fat for 320 years, the second with a long love life, the third with a dead fish eye and the fourth with an eyeball of Liaoning Normal University. Everyone is silently spending their youth with their own posture. Soldiers raided the original book and said: there is no happiness to share, only suffering can be borne alone. The weakness now may just prove that you used to be so strong. A person will feel lonely when studying in such a city, and this dormitory bears a lot of emotions. Time is like a blink of an eye, and three years have been drawn out of life like running water. Now more people may like their own lives and hate other people's nonsense. We can't remedy what has happened. I think it's best to forget everything.

Sixteen, the feeling that the temperature in the dormitory is a few degrees different from that outside. Today, I am almost as thick as yesterday. I feel so hot outside. Yesterday, I felt very cold in the dormitory! ! ! ! ! ! Anyway, I'm hot now!

Seventeen, the old dormitory driver always likes to take us to the car. A total Minions.

I spent all my time practicing the piano, but I still can't. I'm practicing when others go out to play, I'm practicing when others sleep in the dormitory, and I don't go home to practice at school on Saturday and Sunday. What do you mean I'm really working hard? Then why didn't I play it right? Because what I've been practicing is wrong! I didn't say anything in class. I just want to rest now, and I don't pronounce it wrong, but everything I practice is wrong. Since we have paid the same price difference, why should we practice hard? Maybe I'm not suitable for learning music. I was nothing when I came to this school, and now I can't catch up. I hate Cherny 599, Tai Chi and body building classes.

Don't talk in the dormitory after nine o'clock? Please don't stay up late to play games, okay?

Twenty, from the dormitory to the science park in the morning, I began to meet an old man. When I passed by, I said it was slippery ahead. I met an uncle on the road to remind me to take it easy. I feel warm in my heart, not cold.

Twenty-one, stirred up the bedroom spotless, and received five commemorative coins from my old grandson150th anniversary.

22. Who can understand that I stayed in the dormitory to hide from the fog outside? I knocked over half a box of biscuits from the bed, leaving only a perfect landing mood.

Twenty-three, this week, my roommate said that her mother said that Hua Yuyu sang a beautiful song.

Twenty-four, a friend who is not afraid of bugs, whose real name is Fu, likes to sit at the same table with such a small clam.

Twenty-five, I had a good dream last night. In my dream, I am familiar with the dormitory and all the people I know (Bigfoot, Lao Ye, Lao Li, Effie and Winter Melon). Because it is a new semester, everyone is busy packing. After things were sorted out, I went around to see the changes in this holiday. It's nice to feel deja vu. Another year.

26. I told my roommate why it was so strange. No matter in junior high school or senior high school, my roommate and friends are not in love. I cancelled the order as soon as I left. Then my college roommate said, no wonder we can't find a boyfriend. This is all your fault. Then they said that she would change the dormitory.

The dormitory is our warm home. Here, we come from different places, know each other and love each other. Everyone has their own dream dormitory in mind. Dress up the bedroom world and show your elegance. The 20xx Dormitory Dress-up Competition sponsored by the Life Department of the Institute of Water Conservancy, I Love My Home Yanari Palace! Dear students, don't hesitate to show your dormitory with your roommate!

Twenty-eight, whether there is public morality! There are still three people sleeping in the dormitory early in the morning, and two people are talking loudly on the balcony. Too selfish.

29. Light light blue said that there are two cavemen in our dormitory, hiding behind curtains all day. Bug said that one was on the phone with her boyfriend, and the other (also known as me) didn't know who she was sneaking around with every day, so she had so much to say.

Thirty, I dreamed of going back to the university dormitory. Everyone said something to me, so this is the best time in my heart.

rich joke

1. Traveling by plane, sitting next to a couple. When I handed out the set meal on the plane, I said to my husband: Look at the one next to others, the woman can't finish it, and the man eats the rest. It's so loving. Husband said faintly: Will you be dumped?

2. Uncle came to visit, but Xiaowen said to his mother, "Mom, I'm going to the zoo to see monkeys." . Mother growled at once, "What monkey are you looking at? Your uncle is here. What zoo are you going to? "

My wife bought a hamster and a cage. I asked her how much it was, and she said how many hamsters and cages there were. I complain that this cage is more expensive than hamster. The second goods replied: "Do you think you will be higher than the current house price?"

In high school, the penultimate in the class never came to school and spent all day in the Internet cafe. But the strange thing is that he comes to every exam and is never absent. Later, we found that the penultimate member of the class would go to the Internet cafe to give it to the penultimate member 10 yuan before each exam, begging him to take the exam. ...

When I was in college, I heard a roommate say that one of his friends expressed his feelings: "My brother is getting married." A message: "Your boy won't get on the boat first and then make up the ticket, will he?" Congratulations! " Later reply: "Not me, but my brother ..."

6. The wife asked her husband, "If I am crazy, will you still love me?" The husband said firmly, "Love!" The wife pondered for a while and said sadly, "You really love my appearance!" " "

7. The wife asked her husband, "Do you like my tenderness or are you infatuated with my sexy figure?" The husband was embarrassed for a while and replied, "I like your sense of humor!" " ! "

8. When walking with my boyfriend, I like to hug his waist and pull his clothes. Walking one day, he suddenly said, "Will you stop pulling my clothes?" I was unhappy and said, "can't you have a baby when you talk to me?" Then he said, "Don't pull my baby's clothes, okay?" Me: "..."

9. After the two mice got married, the mother mouse became more and more arrogant. One night, the male mouse wanted to scare her, so he went to the door to learn to meow. The wife was not only not afraid, but also said softly, "Mao Ge, stop screaming, my husband hasn't gone on a business trip yet."

10. "I like to get to the bottom of it since I was a child. My wish is to be a detective when I grow up. Now I am the editor-in-chief of a newspaper. What about you? "

"I like to play since I was a child. When I grow up, my wish is to go shopping with a lot of money. Now I am a bus conductor. "

1 1. I went home at night and heard crying in the alley. When I got closer, it turned out to be a disheveled woman crying. Asked what happened, the young lady replied, "I was violated by a pervert!" " Me: Are you all right? "The young lady replied," He suddenly grabbed my chest from behind and let me go ... "I said," Why are you crying? " The young lady replied, "because ... that pervert actually said it was unlucky to hug a man." "

12. The boss sat there depressed after work, and the secretary asked why. Boss: "I received a letter from a guy yesterday saying that if I don't leave his wife, he will kill me!" " Secretary: "Just leave his wife! "Boss:" But that guy didn't sign! " "

13. Once, a very bad eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan and asked him to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan said, "Once upon a time, there was a man." Then there was a long silence, and the eunuch couldn't help asking, "What's next?" Ji Xiaolan replied, "There's nothing down there!

14. One day in class, the teacher asked Xiaoli, "What is the motherland?" Xiaoli said, "Teacher, the motherland is my mother." The teacher said, "That's a good answer." Then the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming, what is the motherland?" Xiao Ming said, "Teacher, the motherland is Xiaoli's mother."

15. Late at night, my husband didn't come back. The daughter is anxious to call her mother: "Mom! He hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! " Mother comforted softly: "silly child, be good, don't think the worst, something may have happened!" " "

16. A new foreigner lives next door to a friend. One night, a foreigner knocked at the door for help and said, "My TV is broken and I can't change the channel." The buddy looked down at his watch and said calmly, "It will be fine after 7: 30"!

17. I once borrowed a relative's megaphone and put a heart-shaped candle in the boys' dormitory to express my confession. I pressed the switch and was about to shout. A voice came from the loudspeaker: "recycling, refrigerator, color TV, washing machine, gas tank." . . "Then I started crying. . .

18. Seeing an old man upstairs carrying heavy things, I want to say: Grandpa, let me help you with your things! Open your mouth and become: Grandpa, let me help you with your old things!

19. My boyfriend and I quarreled to the point of breaking up, and both sides were very excited. I sent an angry message saying that I would roll my own package. When I was excited, I wrote "I would roll my own corn". My boyfriend sent a message "Goodbye hamster".

20. I went to my neighbor's house to borrow something. They are eating watermelon. When he lent me something, I said, I won't eat it ... I haven't recovered the face I lost at that time. 1, winter: wear as much as you can; Summer: Wear as much as you can.

There are two reasons for the generation of leftover women. One is that no one looks down on them, and the other is that no one looks down on them.

I heard a girl calling her boyfriend in the subway. "I have arrived in Xizhimen. Come out and walk to the subway station. If you arrive and I haven't, just wait. If I arrive and you don't, just wait. "

4, single reasons: I used to like a person, but now I like a person.

5. Two kinds of people are easily dumped: one doesn't know what sex is and the other doesn't know what sex is.

6. I want to be with someone for two reasons: one is to like others, and the other is to like others.

7. There are two reasons why girls and boys are late: 1, and they overslept. I fell asleep.

8. Two people divorced: one because of sexual intercourse and the other because of sexual intercourse.

9. I want to be with someone for two reasons: one is to like others, and the other is to like others.

10, I used to like someone, but now I like someone.