How to stay true to yourself?

Mrs Edith Elodea, who lives in El Hill, North Carolina, wrote me a letter, in which she wrote: "I have been an autistic and sensitive child since I was a child. I am fat, and my face looks fatter. My mother is very strange. She thinks it silly to wear clothes that fit her. She always said to me,' loose clothes make people feel comfortable, and clothes that fit will soon wear out.' This is the principle that she helps me choose clothes. I never go out to play with other children, and neither does physical education class. I feel inferior because I am not as likable as other children.

"So I grew up and found a husband a few years older than me. His family is very good and confident-that's exactly what I wanted to be, but I couldn't be. I really want to be like them, but I still can't. Everything they did for me was to make me happy, but I became more timid. I didn't even want to see my old friends and was afraid of hearing the doorbell ring. I think I'm a total loser, but I'm afraid my husband will find out, so whenever I have to appear in public, I always deliberately act happy, but I always go too far, and then I get bored for several days. Later, I really felt that living was a kind of suffering, so I decided to commit suicide and get it over with. "

So what changed her desperate life? Just an expression. She went on to write: "This is a very casual remark that changed my life. That day, my mother-in-law talked about her experience in raising several children. I always ask them to be true to themselves no matter what happens,' she said. ..... was a casual remark from my mother-in-law, which made me suddenly wake up. I suddenly realized that all my worries and troubles were because I was playing a role that was not my nature.

"I have a 180 degree change. I analyzed my nature and reflected on what kind of person I really am. I started trying to be myself. I tap my strengths, I learn the art of matching clothes and accessories, and I choose the skirt that suits me best. I started to get in touch with others and joined a club-it was still very young at that time-and I was extremely worried when they asked me to participate in activities and speeches. However, with the increase of the number of speeches, I found my courage growing day by day. I went through a long period of transformation, which brought me happiness and confidence that I never imagined. When I educate my children, I always tell them my painful experience first and teach them again and again:' No matter what happens, I will remain true to myself.' "

Dr. James Gordon Geiger lamented: "The problem of maintaining the true self is as old as human history and exists in everyone's life." One of the root causes of mental illness and psychological problems is the inability to remain true to yourself. As Angelo Pacu, an expert who wrote 13 books and countless articles on children's education, said, "The most painful people in the world are those who want to be others or anyone except themselves."

This desire to be completely different from yourself is especially popular in Hollywood. Sam wood is one of the most famous directors in Hollywood. He said that when he inspired some young actors, the biggest headache he encountered was how to keep them true. They all want to be second-rate Lana Turner and second-rate clark gable. "And the audience can't stand these routines," sam wood kept telling them. "They need something new."

Sam wood had been engaged in the real estate industry for many years and gained some sales skills before he started directing films such as A Teacher for All Men and Bells in the warehouse. He thinks the same principle can also be used in other businesses and movies. If you follow the trend, it is impossible to have a good result. He said: "Experience tells me that the safest way is to get rid of those pretentious guys as soon as possible."

Recently, I asked Mr Paul, director of the personnel department of Su Fan Petroleum Company, what is the biggest mistake job seekers often make. Mr. Paul interviewed more than 60,000 job seekers and published a book called Six Ways to Find a Job. His answer is: "The most common mistake job seekers make is that they can't keep their true colors and don't show their true colors to others. They are not completely honest with the recruiter, but give some answers that they think the other party wants. " However, this practice is useless. No one wants to hire a hypocrite, just as no one wants to accept counterfeit money.

There is a girl who finally learned this through hard work. She is eager to be a singer, but she is not beautiful-she has a long face, a big mouth and bared her teeth. When she sang in a nightclub in New Jersey for the first time, she always tried to pull her upper lip down to cover her teeth, hoping to be beautiful, but it backfired and made a fool of herself.

Just when she thought she was doomed to fail, a person who heard her sing in a nightclub thought she was very talented and said frankly, "I have been watching your performance and know that you want to hide yourself." Do you think your teeth are ugly? " The girl looked embarrassed, but the man continued, "Is it a sin to have buckteeth?" Don't try to hide, please open your mouth. If you don't care, the audience will like it. Maybe those teeth you want to cover will bring you good luck. "

The girl accepted this suggestion and stopped paying attention to her teeth. When I sing, I just want the audience. She opened her mouth and sang enthusiastically and happily, and finally became an entertainment star. Now many actors are trying to imitate her.

William james, a famous psychologist, once talked about people who have never found themselves. In his view, ordinary people just play their own 10% potential. He wrote: "compared with what we can achieve, we can only be regarded as half asleep;" We only use a small part of our physical and mental abilities. In other words, human beings only live in a small part of a limited space. He has various abilities, but he doesn't know how to use them. "

You and I both have such potential, so we shouldn't waste more time worrying that we are not others. "You are a brand-new thing in this world, never before. From the beginning to today, no one is exactly like you; In the future, there will never be another person exactly like you. Genetics reveals such a secret. You are what you are because of the interaction between your father's 23 pairs of chromosomes and your mother's 23 pairs of chromosomes. 46 pairs of chromosomes together determine your genes. " "In each chromosome," said Professor Allen Schoenfeld, "there may be dozens to hundreds of genetic factors-in some cases, each genetic factor can change a person's life." There is no doubt that we were created in such a "terrible and wonderful" way.

Even if your mother and father are destined to meet and get married, giving birth to a child is only your chance, which is only one in three billion. In other words, if you have 3 billion brothers and sisters, they may all be completely different from you. Is this science fiction? No, it's a scientific fact.

If you want to have a deeper understanding of this problem, you can go to the library and read a book called Inheritance and You, whose author is Allen Schoenfeld. And I hope to further discuss with you the problem of maintaining your true colors, because I have deep feelings about it. I know exactly what I'm talking about, because I paid a heavy price for it and had a very painful experience.

When I came to new york from the cornfield in Missouri, I signed up for the American Theatre Academy. I am eager to be an actor. I had an ingenious idea at that time, a shortcut to success, such an easy-to-understand truth, I really don't understand why others didn't think of it. The idea is to study several famous actors at that time, gather all their advantages and become my own. How stupid! It took me years to imitate others, only to find that I can't learn anyone, I can only be myself.

Such a painful experience should make me never imitate others! But, no, I was stupid. I have to go through another pain. A few years later, I wrote a book about public speaking. I also had the same stupid idea, that is, borrowing some ideas from other books and compiling a book, an all-encompassing book. So I found a batch of books about public speaking and spent a year absorbing their ideas and turning them into my articles. Finally found himself a fool again. Turning other people's ideas into their own articles will only make the articles boring and no one will read them. So I threw all the achievements of this year's work into the wastebasket and started over.

Be yourself! This is also the advice of American composer irving berlin to later composer george gershwin. When Berlin and Gershwin first met, Berlin was already very famous, and Gershwin was just an unknown young composer. Berlin appreciated Gershwin's talent and hired him as a music secretary at three times Gershwin's salary. However, Berlin also advised Gershwin: "Don't accept this job. If you accept it, you can only become Owen Berlin's second at most. If you can persist, one day, you will become a first-class Gershwin. "

Gershwin accepted the suggestion and gradually became a great composer in contemporary America.

People like Charlie Chaplin and everyone else have learned this lesson, and most people have to pay the price first.

When Chaplin started filming, the director asked him to imitate the famous movie stars at that time. As a result, he achieved nothing until he began to be himself. Bob hope had a similar experience. He had been singing and dancing for many years before, and it was not until he developed his talents that he really became popular.

When mary mark Bullard first went on the radio, she tried to imitate an Irish star, but she didn't succeed. It was not until she appeared as a country girl from Missouri that she became the most popular radio star in new york.

Jerry Ottley has always wanted to get rid of his Texas accent and dress like a city man. He also claimed that he was from new york, but it turned out to be a smile behind others' backs. Later, he began to pick up the lyre and sing country songs, which established his position as the most popular cowboy in movies and radio.

You are a brand-new self in this world, so be happy about it! Make good use of your gift. In the final analysis, all art is self-expression. You can only sing and draw by yourself. Your experience, environment and heredity make you. No matter good or bad, you just need to manage your little garden well, no matter good or bad, you just need to play your instruments well in the orchestra of life.

Emerson wrote in his essay "Confidence":

One day, you will understand that jealousy is useless, and imitating others is tantamount to suicide. Because for better or worse, people can only help themselves, and only by cultivating their own fields can they harvest their own corn. The power God has given you is unique. Only when you work hard and use it yourself will you know what this ability is.

Another poet, douglas malloch, put it this way:

If you can't be a tall pine tree on the top of the mountain,

Think of it as a bush in the valley!

But be the best shrub by the stream;

If you can't become a towering tree.

Then make a jungle!

If you can't be a bush,

Why not be a grass and bring a little life to the road?

If you can't be an elk,

It's not bad to be a small fish!

But if it is the liveliest in the lake!

We can't all be captains, someone has to be a crew member,

But everyone should do their job well.

Whether it's big or small,

We must finish our work.

If you can't build a road, why not build a narrow one?

If you can't be the sun, why can't you be a star?

Success has nothing to do with size—

Just to see if you tried your best.

The fifth rule is:

Never imitate others. Find yourself and keep yourself!

-Quoted from The Complete Works of the Advantages of Human Nature by Yanbian People's Publishing House.