The cost of education for North American “chicken babies”: “Mama’s boys and delicate girls” who will not grow up

Highlights When the "chicken baby" education has become a common phenomenon, North American families are also trapped in this, and have given birth to the most "pampered" generation of young people in history. Dr. Fang Ye, a special author of Bund Education, believes that although these children have perfect resumes and academic achievements, their mental age has stagnated. When they enter college and the workplace as adults, they also face many problems. They have extremely poor adaptability to life, are fragile and sensitive, and rely more on their parents for financial help. When the cost of these "chicken babies" has exceeded what individuals and society can bear, we should return to the original intention of education and raise an independent adult.

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Written by Fang Ye and edited by Jennifer

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< p> From helicopter parenting in the 1990s to today’s sophisticated education and even lawnmower parents, the education of “chicken babies” in North America has been advancing rapidly.

The money and time invested by parents has increased exponentially, and the children's special talents and academics have become increasingly sophisticated. However, the admission rate of famous elite universities has become lower and lower. The entire society is deeply involved in the involution of "chicken babies" of anxiety.

So, how will these children who grew up drinking "chicken blood" fare when they enter college and the workplace? Experts and the media call this the most "pampered" generation in history, a little-grown Peter Pan.

These young people have perfect resumes, excellent academic results, and brilliant extracurricular activities. However, their mental age has stagnated, and their ability to adapt to and endure life is extremely poor. They left their parents. Without protection and guidance, they are often at a loss and even fall into anxiety and depression.

However, it is no exaggeration to say that the "chicken baby" education in North America has produced a generation of "mama's boys and cute girls".

Psychologist Jeffrey Arnett pointed out as early as 2000 that 18 or 21 years old is no longer the starting point for American adults. The adolescence of American children has been extended, from 18 to about 30 years old. It is the transition period from adolescence to adulthood.

Ben Sasse, former president of Midland University and current U.S. Senator, pointed out that "Chicken Baby" education is the culprit. He pointed out in his 2017 book "The Disappearing American Adult" :

Our country is in the midst of an adulthood crisis, and too many children have no idea what it’s like to be an adult, or how to become one. It's not their fault, it's our fault because we didn't teach them how to be adults and our country needs to rebuild a culture of self-reliance.

The most pampered generation in history

According to North American cultural tradition, children begin their journey of independence at the age of 18. They will leave home to live alone, take out loans to pay for college, and work to support themselves. Own.

However, this classic image of North American young people has been completely subverted by the "mama's boys and cute girls".

Today, there are many "giant babies" living on North American university campuses who have trouble taking care of themselves. They don't know how to make friends and choose clubs. They worry about laundry and homework, roommate quarrels or conflicts in the apartment. If they spot a mouse, they call the police or their parents for help.

Frostburg State University President Jonathan Gibralter claimed in the media that a parent once called him asking for help in resolving a quarrel between a child and a roommate. He felt helpless and said: "We are a university here, not a kindergarten.

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When Julie Lythcott-Haims was the director of freshmen at Stanford University, she discovered that these young people who stood out in the fierce competition did not learn the minimum adult life skills needed for college.

She wrote in the book "How to Make Children Adults and Adults": These young people are used to living with the advice or help of their parents. They rely on their parents to arrange fun time with roommates. They need their parents to help find them. In internships, some people have to go home because they don't like their roommates or the food they bring in the canteen, and some people think it's the end of the world because they get a B in the exam.

They are not only "moms" who cannot live without their parents. "Baonan and Jiaojiao", their hearts are also sensitive and fragile, and any words and thoughts that make them uncomfortable are very dangerous and harmful to them.

Rutgers A Rutgers University student suggests labeling The Great Gatsby as "potentially depressing" due to its gory and violent scenes

Law school criminal law professor explains rape law. You must be very careful when doing so, because course materials about sexual crimes can trigger unrest and even evoke childhood trauma for some students, resulting in student complaints and protests.

College students have historically been Advocates and promoters of freedom of speech, universities have always been sacred places that respect diversity of race, culture, and thought. With the increase in the number of "mama's boys and girls", universities' openness of thought and freedom of speech have been increasingly criticized. Many restrictions.

This generation of “mama’s boys and darling girls” is still a “old-eating” generation. Despite a decade of economic expansion and record-low unemployment in the United States, they Still continue to enjoy financial support from their parents

A 2019 survey by the US Pew Research Center found that 60% of young people aged 18 to 34 receive financial support from their parents. Financial help.

In 2015, nearly 40 percent of young Americans lived with a parent, sibling or other relative for the first time since 1940, according to an analysis of census data by real estate tracking firm Trulia. The largest percentage.

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As the most pampered generation in history, they also suffer from psychological distress, with a sharp increase in depression and anxiety.

According to a 2017 survey by the American College Health Association, 21.6% of college students received treatment for anxiety or depression, which was 10.4% higher than in 2008.

An annual survey conducted in 2018 showed that more than 85% of college students said they felt "overwhelmed" and 51% said "things were hopeless" in the past year.

Carry on pampering to the end

These young people with fragile hearts can neither cope with study and life independently, nor can they face setbacks and challenges. Parents dare not let go and can only care for them. and protect them.

A 2019 New York Times survey of parents of young people aged 18 to 28 found that American parents take great care of and help their adult children in their lives and work.

Remind adult children of various academic deadlines 76%

Make doctor’s appointments for them 74%

Provide them with relationship and love life advice 42%

Help them prepare for exams at college 22%

Help write job or internship applications 16%

Make sure your child is on time for classes or exams 15%

Tell them about their future career 14%

Help them find a job or internship online 14%

Help with essays or school assignments 11%

< p> Contact your child’s employer about your child’s job 11%

Discuss your child’s performance or grades in college with professors or university administrators 8%

Expensive “Chicken Babies” "Education not only consumes parents' money and time, but also seriously affects their future retirement life.

A 2019 study by bankrate.com showed that at least 50% of parents said they had cut back on their retirement savings to help their adult children.

Without adequate retirement funds, many people who have reached retirement age are still working. According to the U.S. Labor Report, although workers over the age of 55 make up less than a quarter of the U.S. labor force, Accounted for almost half of all new jobs in 2018.

Not only that, universities and workplaces have also reluctantly joined the ranks of doting on "mama's boys and cute girls".

In the face of "mama's boys and cute girls" who have not grown up, college campuses are no longer a place for the survival of the fittest. Instead, there is a new version of the "parent-child" relationship: college is like Parents also pamper their students, make them feel safe, and ensure that they do not get into trouble or face challenges.

When students frequently demand the cancellation of uncomfortable lectures and course materials on the grounds of "emotional safety", the school always gives in and even apologizes. Peter Salovey, the president of Yale University, once told student protesters apologized and promised to take more steps to protect them.

In order to protect the extremely fragile minds of students, the university has established a "trigger warning" mechanism. When course materials may cause students to feel uneasy, professors are obliged to give advance warnings to remind children of the danger. The school has also built a "safe house" where professionals are deployed to help ease students' anxiety.

In order to prevent students from being frustrated due to failure in academic performance and to ensure that students can successfully graduate and find employment, the university has also taken many measures.

Some universities have adopted computer advisory systems to guide students in their choice of professional courses. The system can track students' progress in class and recommend courses and majors that are most likely to succeed.

At the same time, college students are getting higher and higher test scores, with A's becoming the most common grade on college campuses across the country, whether at the Ivy League, a small liberal arts college, a public university or a community college.

Former Duke University professor Stuart Rojstaczer analyzed 70 years of transcript records from more than 400 schools and found that the proportion of A grades rose from 15% in 1940 to 45% in 2013.

The workplace is also trying to find ways to adapt and accommodate this generation of pampered young people, so that they can feel more parental care.

Since parents influence their children’s career choices and decisions, more and more companies are letting parents participate in the recruitment process, inviting parents to participate in interviews, and introducing company information to parents in detail.

PricewaterhouseCoopers holds a reception for the parents of its interns, and Enterprise Holdings Inc., a well-known car rental company, provides information packages for parents of interns and new employees, all with the purpose of letting parents know more about the company. .

In order to improve employee morale, some technology companies even invite parents to participate in company events. Google holds an annual "Bring Parents to the Workday" event, and LinkedIn Inc. also has "Introduce Parents Day."

How did "Mama's boy and cute girl" come about?

Facing the most pampered generation in history, many experts point out that "chicken baby" parenting is the culprit. Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt pointed out in "The Pampered Mind" published in 2018 that the American education method has In a serious misunderstanding, parents who hover over their children like helicopters deprive their children of their ability to be independent.

Growth is a process of gradually establishing independent consciousness. Only by learning to think independently and make decisions independently can children cope with the challenges of future life and work.

"Chicken Baby" parenting gets rid of the traditional North American concept of encouraging children to be independent, and replaces it with the control and protection of children.

This is interfering with the development of children's autonomy and abilities, and using parents' wisdom and life experience to replace children's independent thinking, with the purpose of allowing children to realize the life plan designed by their parents.

Parents study various parenting manuals with great concentration, listen eagerly to lectures by education experts, and try their best to obtain valuable resources in order to design an optimal academic and life plan for their children, as well as accurate to the minute schedule.

When parents are confidently preparing to implement the "chicken baby" strategy, the first thing they encounter is the resistance of their children.

After all, there are not many children who have strong self-motivation and lofty pursuits since childhood. It is the nature of almost all children to love to play. Moreover, they may not understand the significance of a carefully designed schedule for their future, nor can they deeply appreciate their parents' painstaking efforts and dedication.

Therefore, the first step of "chicken baby" is to tame the child and make the child obey the parents' arrangements. The process of "chicken baby" is to continuously compress the child's free growth space, allowing a child to continuously hand over and transfer its independent sovereignty.

The harder the chicken blood is beaten, the deeper the invasion of the child's free space, and the more the child's free will is deprived. When children fall into the perfect layout set by their parents step by step, they gradually lose their independent will. This is how "excellent sheep" are produced.

For children who go to various extracurricular classes every day, their hearts have been completely tamed. They rarely have the opportunity to think about who they want to be and what kind of life they want to live in the future. .

These tamed children will also be airtightly protected. They only need to study and train well. Their parents will supervise and protect their study and life at any time, and try their best to prevent them from suffering setbacks. Failure and risk.

The ubiquitous helicopter parents are always ready to put out fires for their children. When their children are not selected for the school club, have an argument with friends, or do not do well in exams, they will immediately come to the rescue;

Parents who advocate refined parenting will spend a lot of time with their children, providing constant mental and emotional support and encouragement to prevent their children from getting frustrated and upset;

Parents who use lawn mowers or snowplows simply clear them away Various obstacles and challenges on the road ahead for children.

Children who grow up under the education of "chicken babies" often lack independent will and rarely experience setbacks and failures. What will happen when they enter the real world?

They will be like a giant baby without the ability to think and live independently. Facing the uncertain and uncontrollable world, they panic and are extremely anxious. They are still highly dependent on their parents.

Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt wrote in "The Pampered Mind": These young people are deprived of the opportunity to face risks. They are risk averse, so they are fragile and easily offended.

Helicopter parents will intervene in conflicts between their children and their friends. When these children grow up, they do not know how to deal with quarrels with classmates, conflicts with colleagues or bosses, and face conflicts. For disagreements and disputes, their first thought is to seek help from their parents.

Because they have not established sufficient awareness of autonomy, they do not know how to solve problems and do not have the confidence to deal with setbacks and failures. Helplessness, disappointment and fear make them depressed and anxious. A 2013 study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that college students who experienced helicopter parenting were more likely to be depressed.

Growing up requires carefree "free time"

How to raise a generation of strong, happy and resilient adults? Experts believe that children's autonomy and independence should be strengthened, and "free time" is a panacea.

It is important for children and teenagers to have free time and opportunities to play in order to develop a strong sense of self. The best opportunity to learn adult skills is in a free space without parental supervision and control.

Dr. Denise Pope pointed out in the book "Overloaded and Underprepared" that extracurricular interest classes are important for children's growth, but free play and frolic are also very important for children's growth. We should protect childhood "Free Time".

The classic childhood experience is adventure and games. Children do not go home immediately after school, but play in groups. Today's children are either in extracurricular classes after school or on their way to extracurricular classes.

When children are deprived of unsupervised play and adventure time, they also lose the life experience of dealing with problems alone and making decisions on their own. Many experts point out that we are ruining our children's chances of becoming adults. We should return free play to childhood and play time to children, which is extremely important for their lives.

Some people may say that children in football training camps, dance classes and robotics interest classes are also playing. However, this kind of game organized and monitored by adults is different from true free play. Only in free time without adult intervention and guidance can children better cultivate their sense of autonomy and autonomy.

Peter Gray wrote in "free to learn" in 2013: "Free play is a way for children to learn to make friends, overcome fears, solve problems, and generally take control of their lives."

In the process of free play, children no longer need to obey the arrangements of adults, but can decide what to do and how to do it according to their own wishes; when conflicts and conflicts occur between children, they You have to figure out how to solve the problem yourself.

In order to have fun playing, children will learn to find their own place in the group and proactively propose various solutions to resolve disputes. Gradually, they will learn the rules of interpersonal communication and learn to Confronting problems and solving them.

True free play, especially various outdoor free exploration activities, may also encounter a little danger. When there is no longer the protection of adults and no adults to rely on, It will better train their ability to tolerate and respond to risks, thereby enabling them to take on greater challenges.

Childhood's "free time" can cultivate children's decision-making skills and learn to face challenges, adversities, and minor dangers—adult skills that are in short supply on college campuses.

Teenagers are the busiest group of people. Their lives are filled with studies, extracurricular activities, and college planning, and they don’t have much free time. However, many experts point out that it is important to squeeze in a little "free time" in a stressful life, which is important for their growth.

Teenagers are facing fierce academic competition and the pressure of social media. They have many confusions and challenges in friendship and social interaction. Relaxing and free time can not only relieve their stress, but also allow them to think clearly about themselves. Face difficulties and problems and find solutions.

Dr. Denise Pope said that compared with children, teenagers’ “free time” is different. They need free time to explore their interests and think about their lives; they need to party with friends and spend time together. Go hang out at the mall to gain important social skills.

Real growth comes from real life. For children and teenagers, in the "free time" without parental supervision and arrangements, it is like being immersed in a real world. They learn to be independent and face it. Uncertainty and complexity, which cannot be learned in classrooms, cram schools and interest classes.

It takes courage for parents to give "free time" back to their children. In this highly competitive society, where the future is so uncertain, "chicken babies" seem to be the only way to combat anxiety and gain a sense of security.

However, as Julie Lythcott-Haims said, even if a child successfully enters Stanford and Harvard, the scars left by the admissions arms race cannot be erased.

The cost of "chicken babies" has exceeded what we can bear, especially as the incidence of mental illness among young people continues to rise. We should really return to the original intention of education: raising an independent adult people.