Brothers, please send me some jokes.

A foreigner entered the office. The front desk lady looked left and right. Everyone was playing games, but she was the only one who was more leisurely and smiling: Front desk lady: "Hello." Foreigner: "Hi." Front desk lady: "You have what thing?" Foreigner: "Can you speak english?" Front desk lady: "If I not speak english, I am speaking what?" Foreigner: "Can anybody else speak english?" Front desk lady: "You yourself look. All people are playing, no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go!" Foreigner: "Good heavens. Anybody here can speak English?" 2 The students went to the toilet during class and finished. I found that I didn’t bring any paper, I couldn’t wait for anyone, and my phone was in arrears. In desperation, he called 10086 and asked for help... It is said that there was silence for a long time. Later... his classmate received this text message during class: Hello, dear China Mobile user, your classmate so and so is in the toilet, Let you give him toilet paper. For details, please contact 10086 3. I saw a comment on the first floor when I woke up in the morning: Everyone, calm down, come over and listen to what the fifth floor said? Second Floor: I think what Floor 5 said makes sense. Third floor: The fifth floor speaks out the aspirations of the people. The fourth floor: The fifth floor really speaks well! Fifth floor: Everything upstairs is SB. 4. The dormitory is on the 6th floor. When I climbed up, I found that I didn’t bring the key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt to get it. Then I climbed up to open the door. I went down to return the key. I climbed up again and found that the door was closed. There was a door next door. A classmate passed by and asked, "Look, your door is open. I'll close it for you."... 5. In 1955, China's per capita income was 3.2 times that of South Korea and 1.1 times that of Japan. But after more than 50 years of "earth-shaking" growth, China's per capita income in 2008 was 3% of Japan's and 7% of South Korea's. 6. In the evening, my girlfriend said that I was too girly and I was very angry, so I started to argue with her. I originally wanted to look more manly, but in the end I couldn't control myself and started crying. 7. A buddy mustered up the courage to express his deep feelings to the girl on QQ. After a while, the girl replied: I am her mother, and I am here to steal food. 8. I had nothing to do in the morning and I was browsing the company's homepage. I saw a new job posting on it, so I clicked on it out of boredom. I was shocked to find that my position was listed... 9. That classmate from Bei Feng fell in love with a mother and daughter. The combination, that girl was so good. After a fierce ideological struggle, Beifeng followed them all the way to the parking lot and finally took action. Bei Feng: Hello, Auntie! Mom: Well... Bei Feng: That's right, I want to get to know your daughter. Mom: She is my daughter-in-law~ Beifeng fainted on the spot, the girl's face turned red, but her mother was very open-minded: "Young man, you are quite courageous, haha..." After that, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law drove away. 10. There was an older brother in the dormitory who one day asked who this wma was. Many of the songs on my MP3 were sung by him. 11. In class, the teacher called the name: "Liu Hua!" Then a child shouted back: "yeah!" The teacher was very angry: "Why didn't you say 'to'?" The child said: "That character is pronounced 'ye'..." . 12. I suddenly discovered this day that I have an aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt, and a fifth aunt, but I don’t have a third aunt. So I asked my dad: Why don’t I have a third aunt? I also thought for a moment: Did my third aunt die when she was young? My dad said: Your third aunt is your mother! 13. I wanted to make a joke with my boyfriend, pretending to find a pair of women's underwear (actually mine) from under his bed, and then questioned him. At first he refused to admit it, but later on, under my pressure, he actually hugged me. Start admitting your mistakes. 14. Original post from a netizen in Yichang, Hubei: Once my husband and I had a fight and I felt very uncomfortable. While my husband was sleeping, I squatted over his head and prepared to fart for him to smell and relieve his anger. Unexpectedly, I used too much force. Just shoved a bunch of shit in his face. 15. A man was on a business trip and suddenly came home. He heard the man snoring at the door. The man walked away silently and sent a text message to his wife: Get a divorce.

Three years later, his wife told him: He was the little lion of Rising back then! 16. Once after class, the bell rang and everyone had to go home. When I was going down the stairs, my left foot stepped on my right foot, and there was a big "pop" gesture. I fell in the middle of the road... I thought at that time: No, I'm really embarrassed, I pretended to be faint. As a result, the classmate next to me saw that I was motionless, so he quickly helped me up, and then slapped me wildly from left to right... 17. A classmate, his computer automatically turns on every morning (probably because of the sudden morning call in the dormitory) flushed away). As a result, the old man took a charm and stuck it on the computer. 18. My father dislikes foreign singers the most. But one day, when I was watching Michael Jackson's MTV, I suddenly found my father standing behind and watching with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Dad, do you like watching this too?" Dad shook his head: "Mao Amin is getting more and more ugly." 19. A female friend shares a house with a gay man. One night when she was very depressed, the gay man thoughtfully ordered her a bowl of noodles. She suddenly felt very warm and said, "How about we just make do with it." Unexpectedly, the gay man's face changed drastically: "You don't have a man, but I do!" ” 20. Yesterday, I received a QQ message requesting to be added as a friend: “I am your mother.” I immediately replied, “I am your father!” ", I refused, and then I received a call from my mother saying: "Add me, hurry up! " 21. One day, in the middle of the physical education class, I went to the restroom to solve a personal problem. As a result, I accidentally entered the men's restroom in a hurry. I saw a boy peeing in the urinal. I was confused at the time. After a second, I was about to retreat quietly, but I was discovered. I fainted. I saw the boy yelling "Rogue, indecent" and then covering his chest with his hands. Later, I said something that I found incredible, "Classmate, you covered it in the wrong place..." 22. I was dizzy after drinking. I went to a restaurant bathroom to urinate, and saw a sentence written on the wall. I looked closer and it read: "Don't look here, concentrate on peeing." "By the time I finished reading this sentence, I had peed my own shoe. 23. I am a rescue doctor. Today a patient told me that he only had 6 months to live. I want to say something encouraging! To comfort: Six months passed quickly, stay strong! 24. On the eve of Singles' Day, I received a text message from my girlfriend "Happy Singles' Day". I replied: I have a girlfriend, and I am not a bachelor. I received another text: You! When you receive this text message, you are the one. 25. Every time the wife and husband quarrel, the wife goes to the bathroom and stays for a long time. If this happens often, the husband has to ask the wife: What are you doing in the bathroom? It seems pretty good. Relieving anger? My wife said: Brushing the toilet! My husband asked: I don’t know, but I use your toothbrush every time. When I saw the second page, I burst into tears. Someone drew a circle on a certain character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote, This is the murderer... 27. Get on the bus in the afternoon, take out the bus card and throw it. into the coin slot 28. On a whim, I used my own photo as my computer desktop... and then my computer was infected... 29. A classmate in high school said in his sleep, "My dear, my dear, don't leave me." I was petrified... After a while I would say, "The great Qing Dynasty has perished like this. I am not willing to accept it. I am not willing to accept it." I immediately collapsed... 30. Our math teacher always likes to tell some jokes that no one laughs at, so the whole class will discuss pranks. When he said his first words in class, we all burst into laughter. That day he came in and said after a moment of silence that his father had passed away. I immediately burst into laughter, and everyone else was silent. 31. I was on the bus. There was a fart in the car. I saw people around me waving with painful expressions. The lady next to me turned around and said to me: Stop pretending. 32. My wife and I went to the Temple of the Reclining Buddha, and my wife couldn’t walk on the road. So I carried her. An old woman saw it and said seriously: "Look, you are also a well-educated person. If your wife is sick, you should go to the hospital as soon as possible. It is useless to pray to Buddha." 33. When I was in elementary school, I only had a few cents per day. I once saved up money for several days and finally bought a pack of spiced melon seeds. I ate them all secretly during class and put all the melon seed shells in the desk drawer. When I came to class in the afternoon, I was greedy for seeing the melon seed shells. So I put the melon seed shells in my mouth and sucked them all over again. I felt they tasted good. When get out of class was over, a classmate asked me what to eat. I had to say that I would eat melon seed shells. I bought specially spiced melon seed shells, which only have shells and no meat. It tastes good... That afternoon, a group of classmates gathered around my seat and ate the melon seed shells that I had licked twice.

34. When I went to a friend’s house to play, it happened that the friend’s wife was breastfeeding (breast milk), but by chance, the child refused to breastfeed. So I joked to the child: Eat quickly, or the uncle will eat it. 35.2L Is the photo of you yourself? It's so beautiful. It saved me a lot of money and I don't have to eat this year. 36. When I was walking in the supermarket, I saw a cashier counting a pile of coins very seriously. A child ran past, singing as he ran: There is a group of ducks passing under the bridge in front of the door, come on, come on, count them, two, four, six, seven, eight. . . . . Then the cashier was very depressed and threw back the half-counted coins and counted them again... 37. There was a boy (male) in our dormitory before. He was a bit stupid (stupid), and sometimes he was cutely stupid. One night after the lights were turned off, everyone was chatting again, and he said that when I get rich, I will find three girls. Our tastes were aroused by him. When we asked him what to do next, he calmly said, play mahjong... 38. Chatting with a sister, she said: The day before yesterday, my boss, a man, seemed to really understand me. After looking at the computer for a long time, I said, "Xiao Ke, do you also grow vegetables? This is working time!" I collected the melon seed peels. . . . . He looked at him and said, "Mr. Zhang, this is my desktop. Which vegetable patch do you see standing on Super Mario?" 39. Downstairs, the funeral team was playing "Come Home Often". I wonder what the family thought. of. 40. I met a great guy on the subway in the morning. On the subway, suddenly a buddy's phone rang loudly. All the passengers heard: Grandpa, that grandson called you again. . . . Grandpa, your grandson called you again. . . . Grandpa, your grandson called you again. . . . . I saw the buddy slowly taking out his mobile phone and answering: Hello, Dad, what's the matter? . . . 41. I remember something from college. In the final exam of college, I was asked to fill in my exam number on the test paper. Damn it, I wrote down my QQ number. 42. My class teacher in junior high school was very cruel. He would hold a class meeting every Friday before school to lecture me. Once, she was so excited that she said righteously, "Why are you so unsatisfactory? I will drain my milk for this class." At that time, I and several classmates around me couldn't bear to laugh, so we had to bury our heads deeply. I remember a buddy lying on the desk, biting his hand hard. . . 43. A male colleague has been pestering his best friend to develop a relationship with her. He shamelessly made excuses to ask for her phone number all day long. My best friend felt helpless and touched her pocket. Last week, it was the 5th anniversary of the elderly family member. She went to a cemetery and happened to buy a pack of tissues with the phone number of the crematorium on it. Then he gave the number to his male colleague. The next day, a man was very confused and told everyone that he called to ask if Ms. XX was there? The other party replied: Was it delivered before yesterday? The one from yesterday has been burned, but the one from today has not yet been put into the furnace. 44. There was a dating meeting where I had to fill in my personal information. I was stupid and naive and filled in my occupation and zodiac sign backwards. Originally this was not a problem! But my zodiac sign is Rooster... 45. We went to Xuyang Township for research, and the township leader personally accompanied us to the village head. My stomach feels uncomfortable, and I suddenly want to take convenience. The village chief pointed to the thatched hut in front and said, "That's right there." I hurried towards the thatched shed. As soon as I pushed open the straw curtain, I saw my sister-in-law going to the toilet, so I quickly backed out. At this time, the sister-in-law in the shed shouted: Brother, let me look aside and move, the two of us are squatting down... 46. A friend in the dormitory raped him violently. One day, he found a mosquito in the mosquito net. He worked hard for a long time but couldn't catch it. , the buddy sighed and said: "Damn, I'll starve you to death!" Then he quickly put away the mosquito net and endured it for several days without hanging the mosquito net. Finally, the mosquitoes starved to death. We are so sweaty~~~~~ This is nothing, right, many people have done it. One day, we found a fly flying into the mosquito net and told us, "I have to kill him." We said: "Flies are very hungry. It seems you can't rely on them." "Look," the man picked up a novel and got into the mosquito net, sealing it. While reading the novel, I kept waving my fan to prevent the flies from landing. After two hours, the flies finally stopped flying. He leaned over and poked the fly and said: "Fly, you are good, I haven't read enough of my book yet." 47. I remember one time I went to the swimming pool with my parents, and when I first entered the gate, I saw a young man from society with tattoos all over his body. , shaved his head and wore a big gold chain around his neck! When we got into the water and got used to the temperature, we saw the brother walking swaggeringly and stood in the water. The thunder thing happened. . . The big, thick gold chain around his neck floated on the water. . . . .

48. On July 22, 2009, I met a buddy on a BBS and said: "TMD, it turns out that the solar eclipse is during the day, so I have to wait all night in vain." 49. A female friend went to a wedding banquet and asked us what to wear. Will be accosted. The answer is: red or white cheongsam. So I went to the hotel elegantly wearing a cheongsam. I came back to report in the evening and found that I had been chatted up by numerous people today. The chat topics included: Haven’t all the dishes on our table been served yet? Miss, please serve some rice. Two bottles of snow beer! Where is the toilet? Is this the wedding banquet of XX and XX? 50. When my younger brother was riding in the bus, a beautiful girl in the car always looked at him. The younger brother thought to himself: The girl might be interested in him, and he couldn't help but feel happy. The girl got off at the station. When the younger brother saw this, he immediately followed. The girl walked in front, looking back from time to time. The younger brother mustered up the courage to run forward and chatted up humorously: "Miss, why do you always look at me? Is there a grain of rice on my face?" The girl glared at him and said, "Are you sick? You know that. Still not wiping."