Some short stories and jokes. (sensible) thank you

While the salesman turned to the back shelf to get some other gloves, I stuffed a pair of long gloves for dinner on the counter into my backpack, and the salesman put some gloves on the counter and mixed them with the original ones. "Miss, how about these gloves?" The salesman asked, his voice tired. I frowned and picked it. "No, I don't like any of them, thanks." I walked away, laughing to myself. I grinded with her for about fifteen minutes, so that she didn't know what she was doing, and then secretly took a pair of gloves worth twenty dollars. This department store has eight floors, from the first floor to the present-fifth floor. I am handy and smooth sailing, thanks to this big backpack on my shoulder. Once, I took a toaster and put it in, and no one found anything unusual. It's the weekend, and the department store is crowded, but it's not enough to move, just to make it easier for you to hide in the crowd This is an ideal environment for shoplifting. Just pay attention to the safety in the company. There are both uniformed security guards and plainclothes security guards in the company. The habit of wearing plain clothes is to stand by the elevator with your hands behind your back. In the eyes of experts, plain clothes are more conspicuous than people in uniform. "hey, miss." My heart was shocked. It may be a salesman or a security guard. I turned around, but it wasn't. That is a smiling white-haired gentleman. "What is it?" He approached me and whispered, "The trick you are playing in the back is really not very clever." Maybe he was a plainclothes security guard in the company, but I was caught after all. "I ..." I just want to protect myself. "Keep your voice down, you don't want to make a fool of yourself in public!" "What do you want?" "Help you," he said. "You are a beautiful lady, but it's no use being beautiful in prison. Believe me, miss, judging from your skills, you are not far from the cell. Look at yourself-jeans, faded jacket, backpack on your shoulder is a dead end. If it weren't for the salesman's eyes, you would have been seen through. " "Hey, are you the security guard of this company or something?" The smile on his smooth face widened and he was a little proud. "no, miss." He waved and still smiled. "I want to help you, and you will know what I do." Now pay attention to mine. "He looked around, and then goes to the cosmetics counter. There are several bottles of perfume and perfume essence on the counter, which are samples. He sneaked into the customer and stole a bottle of perfume sample with one action, just one action. If he didn't let me pay attention to him in advance, I don't know what happened anyway. The man's dexterity was amazing, and then he came to me. "Now you should believe me! I am by no means the kind of person who talks nonsense. That's what I did for a living when you were still nursing. I can say that I am the boss of this enterprise. Usually I don't show my skills, but you are a lovely lady. Can I invite you to dinner tonight? I'll teach you more skills in this field then. "I took out my work permit to prove that I am an employee of Aidan detective agency. I am responsible for checking the safety work of the retail department, finding out the weak links and improving the safety measures. I have never encountered such a trap. If this person comes uninvited, I may take two days off or a little bonus. Anyway, I am grateful to that man. Although it will be safe to steal with a work permit, art is not overwhelming.

15.

Two men carried a stereo record player upstairs and turned into the corridor. Both of them were panting, because the corridor on the third floor was too narrow, and it was not easy to move a huge piece of furniture. "Here," I said, propping up the door and stepping back, "lean it against the wall." They put the record player in the place I specified. I picked up the unused telephone receiver and said, "honey, I'll call you later." Now someone has delivered the record player. I'll check at the station and call you. " "Okay, over." Always sounds like a clown. I hung up and turned to the delivery man. One of them is about forty-five years old and chubby; The other is a young man in his twenties, who is connecting the wire plug. The old man opened the top cover of the record player and tried to see if all parts of the record player were working well. "How long will it take you to make sure that this record player is good?" "About five minutes," said the young man. "Is that right, Smith?" Smith nodded. I looked at my watch and said, "OK, how about a beer?" They grinned. "Please sit down and I'll get some ice cubes." After that, I went into the kitchen, took out two cans of beer from the refrigerator, opened them with a can opener and asked, "Do you want to use a cup?" "Oh, just use a jar." They answered. I took the beer to them and watched them swallow it. "Do you two often deliver goods like this?" "I hope it doesn't happen often." Smith said, "Our truck still has 14 pieces of electrical appliances to deliver, including televisions and record players, most of which will be delivered to the suburbs." "Good luck." I said. "Why don't you drink some yourself?" "I have to be on duty in half an hour." "What do you do?" "I am a policeman and I am in a fraud group." Smith grinned and said, "I knew you were either in the army or doing something else." Now you are still a policeman. " "Do you know Bruce?" The young man asked. "Is he in the anesthesia group? The one who was sent to the Commission for Discipline Inspection for accepting bribes? " "It's just a damn mink coat." The young man said, "He is my uncle." "I heard that he is a good man. I only met him once or twice. I hope he can get rid of suspicion. " I glanced at the record player standing by the wall. That record player is really beautiful and of high value, which exceeds the income of ordinary policemen. I said, "You have to tell me how to use it." "I'll tell you as soon as I finish my beer." "Don't worry, I still have ten minutes." The young man said, "I really want to be a policeman, but unfortunately my figure is not up to standard." "What is more important than height," I told him, "is personality and intelligence, and an innocent identity." Smith finished his beer and went to get the record player. At the same time, he asked, "Officer, are you in plain clothes or in uniform?" "When you deal with fraud, you'd better not wear a uniform. I have stumbled in casual clothes several times. " "Is it difficult to catch that kind of person?" "Technically, it's difficult, but that doesn't mean they have a chance to get away with it. As far as I know, only when the handle falls into the hands of others will there be opportunities for fraud and extortion. " "I think you are right." "Take your uncle, for example. Someone thanked him and gave him a mink coat. Then, they went to the disciplinary inspection meeting to report. This is really a bad cake. " The young man looks unhappy in the back. "We have to go, officer." Smith said. "I have to go. But first you have to tell me how to use it. " Smith pointed to each controller and explained the usage-how to turn up the sound and how to balance it; How to change records and so on. I asked him to explain it again, which took about five minutes. Finally, he said, "If you have any questions, you can read the instructions, which are very detailed." He turned off the power and stood up. He took the delivery note out of his pocket, I signed it and put on my coat. We walked down the stairs together. I walked to my car and they walked to their truck. Suddenly, Smith shouted, "Officer, come and see, hurry up!" " ""what is it? " "The fourteen TV sets and record players in our car are gone! "I looked at the truck. It was dark, but it was obviously empty. I asked, "Are you sure this is your car?" "Exactly, someone took everything! "I looked around in the street and found nothing suspicious. I said, "One of you stays here and the other one comes with me. We will call the police immediately. " Smith and I strode up the third floor. I grabbed the phone and dialed the number. I said, "This is Officer Faye. "Then tell each other what happened and where. After a while, I said, "OK, I want them to wait in the car." I hung up the phone and turned to Smith and said, "They have sent a police car out. You'd better call your boss and tell him what happened, but quickly. "Smith hung up nervously and reported the thief to the boss, adding that he had already reported the case. He hung up and I told him to wait in the truck. As soon as he walked out of the door, I dialed a phone immediately. "Willimon sales company. "A girl replied." Mike, please. ""Please wait a moment. I'll connect you. " "I'm Mike! "Mike, I've got the TV and record player like I said. Tell my people they're on their way." "I will give you a high price." "I know you will. By the way, do you know officer Faye? " "Is it the man who sent you to prison two years ago?" "Yes, I'm on the phone in his apartment now, and I left him a brand-new stereo player. ""This is tricky, "Mike said with a giggle." A police officer stole something at home. ""Ha ha, let him go to the Commission for Discipline Inspection to explain! "Mike was still laughing when I wiped the fingerprints off the receiver. I hung up the phone. The only thing I touched was a beer can. I took the two cans away, locked the door of Officer Faye's apartment, and went downstairs to my car. Those two idiots are still sitting in the truck waiting for the police car. I waved to them when I drove away. I wonder: how long will they have to wait before they actually report the case to the police?

20. Say goodbye to yourself

Karen is nine years old, short stature, dark skin and short-sighted. She has no friends and lives with her brother and sister-in-law. My brother is twenty years older than her. His eyes were closed and he looked sad. Everyone in their family is ugly. Sister-in-law used to be beautiful, but she is getting fatter and fatter. She looks like a wrestler when she wears a bikini. Karen wanted a bikini very much, but her sister-in-law refused to buy it for her. Karen often thinks that if she has a yellow bikini, she won't be afraid of water when she goes to the seaside. When Karen was seven years old, mom and dad went shopping together one day. As a result, they never came back. Sister-in-law said that because someone robbed the bank, the man shot like a madman and killed his parents. Karen knows that she must say goodbye to her parents before they go shopping. She said goodbye to her mother slowly and clearly, and then to her father, but no one noticed anything at that time. It's just that my brother remembered afterwards and said to my sister-in-law, "My little sister said goodbye to her parents as if she knew something was going to happen." Sister-in-law said, "God, how could she know! Don't talk nonsense. " She paused and said thoughtfully, "However, I think we will be responsible for her every move in the future." Sister-in-law looked very unhappy when she said this. After moving in with her brother and sister-in-law, one night Karen knew that she had to say goodbye to her sister-in-law's brother. He and his brother and sister-in-law played cards in the living room that day. Sister-in-law looked up and saw Karen coming and said, "Karen, can't you sleep by yourself?" Karen didn't seem to hear her sister-in-law's words, so she went straight to her younger brother and stood straight with her hands in front of her, just like teacher Peleg taught her to stand when singing hymns at school. She said "goodbye" to her sister-in-law's brother Dick slowly and clearly, and her sister-in-law had a strange expression on her face. Dick didn't look up, still playing cards and said, "Good night, little guy." The next night, before Karen saw him again, he had died of an acute disease called peritonitis. Sister-in-law said to her brother, "Did you hear how she said goodbye to Dick last night?" My brother panted, "I told you, this little guy is weird." Her eccentricity scares me. I wonder who she will say goodbye to next time. "My brother's asthma again. Sister-in-law comforted her brother and said, "It's okay, baby, it's okay. Calm down first." At this moment, Karen came out from the back door, where she had been hiding and eavesdropping. She said, "Don't worry, brother, you're fine. "My brother was frightened by her behavior, with goose bumps on his face and blue lips. He asked Karen in a low voice, "How do you know?" What a stupid question, Karen thought, as if I knew, I would tell him. Sister-in-law bent down and leaned close to Karen's face. Karen can even smell the smoke, wine and garlic she spits out. Sister-in-law frowned and said seriously, "Don't say goodbye to anyone again! Don't say it again! " The problem is, Karen can't help but say. After that, things went smoothly for a while. Karen thought that maybe my brother and sister-in-law had forgotten everything, but my sister-in-law still refused to buy her a bikini. Later, one day at school, Karen knew that she had to say goodbye to her classmates Barry, Emma, Susie and Liz. Karen folded her hands and said goodbye to them slowly and clearly. Teacher Peleg asked strangely, "God, Karen, why are you so serious?" Karen said, "well, you see, they are dying." "Karen, you are such a cruel and eccentric child. You shouldn't say such things. Look, you hurt Susie. It's no fun watching her cry. With that, Mr. Peleg greeted Susie and said, "Get in the car." I will go home soon, and I will be safe when I get home. So Susie dried her tears and ran into the car with Barry, Emma and Liz, sitting next to Emma's mother, because it was Emma's turn to drive the children that week. That was the last time Karen saw them. Because when the car was driving on the mountain road, it slipped to the side of the road, rolled into the valley below and exploded and burned. There was no class the next day, and everyone went to the funeral, sang songs for them and posted words on the grave. Nobody likes to stand next to Karen. After the funeral, Mr Peleg came to see his sister-in-law. In the living room, Karen said to the teacher, "Good night." The teacher answered, but she didn't look at Karen. Her breathing is a little short. Sister-in-law said to Karen, "OK, go upstairs and do your homework. "Send Karen out. After Mr. Peleg left, my sister-in-law called Karen in. She said, "Didn't I tell you? Never say goodbye to anyone again! " She clutched Karen tightly and her eyes seemed to be burning with anger. She twisted Karen's arm and it hurt. Karen screamed, "Don't be nice to me, please, don't be nice to me. "But she kept twisting and twisting. So Karen said, "If you don't let go, I'll say goodbye to my brother. "That's the only way Karen can think of to stop her. She immediately stopped twisting Karen's arm, but she didn't let go. She said, "Oh, my God, you mean, you can make people die. "Well, of course Karen can't, but she didn't tell her sister-in-law that she was afraid that she would hurt herself again, so Karen said," Yes, I can. "Sister-in-law suddenly released Karen, and she fell to the ground." Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Karen. " Sister-in-law asked eagerly. Karen rubbed her aching arm and said, "Yes, it hurts. You'd better not be so rude to me. "Sister-in-law said," I just want to play a joke on you. I didn't mean to. " So Karen knew that her sister-in-law was afraid of herself. Karen said, "I want a yellow bikini because I like yellow." Sister-in-law said, "Karen, you know, we must save money." "Do you want me to say goodbye to my brother?" Karen narrowed her eyes and quietly watched her sister-in-law's reaction. Sister-in-law leaned against the wall, closed her eyes and stood quietly for a while. Karen asked, "What are you doing?" Sister-in-law said, "I'm thinking about it." Then, my sister-in-law suddenly opened her eyes and said with a smile, "shall we go to the seaside tomorrow?" "Let's go to lunch." "You mean, I can buy a new bikini?" Sister-in-law said, "Yes, anything you want." So, they went to buy a yellow bikini together that afternoon. The next morning, eldest sister-in-law cooked a lot of picnic food in the kitchen: fried chicken, salad, chocolate cake and round candy. She asked, "Karen, is that enough?" Karen said, "Great, now I have a bikini to wear. I'm not afraid of the waves." Sister-in-law smiled and carried the rice basket to the car. She has a tough handwriting. She said, "Yes, I don't think you are afraid of waves anymore." Then Karen went upstairs, went back to the bedroom and put on her new bikini. The swimsuit suits her very well. She went to the mirror, turned proudly and looked around. Then, she folded her hands solemnly, with a strange feeling in her heart. She said to Byakki Smoker slowly and clearly, "Goodbye, Karen, goodbye, Karen, goodbye! Goodbye! "

2 1. Business

The man in the opposite yard has been lying there lazily for most of the day. Harry looked at him through the window, his heart pounding. "Look at him," he shook his head in disgust as he buttoned his shirt. "He sat around all day looking like a corpse." "Harry," said his wife, "Mr. Gucci can't help it. Many people are unemployed now. " "Yes," said Harry, reaching for his tie. He is a man in his fifties, bald, short and strong, with a fat belly protruding forward, as if his expensive trousers could not be wrapped. He went on to say, "Like that Gucci over there, they may be too lazy to lift a finger and no one will give them a job." Mrs. Harry grabbed a plain dress and put it on. Unlike Harry, although she has wrinkles on her face and crow's feet around her eyes, she has gradually lost her husband's favor, but she is still slim. She said, "I was once told that he is a mechanical engineer." Harry smiled. "No wonder they want to fire him. What happened to him? His car is always broken, his lawn mower is always angry, and ... ""Don't scold that poor man. " "Hum, it's wrong anyway. Look at me. I'm getting dressed and going to work in the store. He will lie there and watch the sunrise. Not only that, I also work on other people's rest days. I'm going to the south for business while others are spending the weekend. I sometimes work seven days a week to pay taxes to help maintain the life of lazy people like Gucci. Oh, my God, if I lose my job-""Fuck you, "said Mrs. Harry sarcastically. "Don't talk nonsense there. You inherited your career from your father, and your father inherited it from-""Shut up. " "You don't like Mr. Gucci, is it really because he is unemployed? Or did he support your opponent to run for village head last year? " "I have forgotten." Harry put on his tie and replied. "I'm a little skeptical. Anyway, if you see him at Allen's party tonight-""Are you kidding? Do you mean he will be invited to Aaron's party? " "Yes, he is too old to take the children back to her family. Mr. and Mrs. Anlun felt sorry for him sitting in the big house all day, so they invited him. So when you see him tonight, promise me not to let him down. " "I promise nothing." "Come on, Harry …" "Don't talk to me like a primary school teacher," he said, put on his coat and walked to the door. "I hate this tone." He has been looking for an excuse to quarrel with his wife. The sooner she gets into trouble, the better. He wouldn't have to hide in the south from his little lover. But Mrs. Harry didn't take the bait. On the edge of the quarrel, she hesitated and said, "I'm sorry, I know you are busy." I shouldn't have made you angry. " That night, at the buffet party in Allen, Harry seemed to be the most thirsty one. He mixed himself a martini, sat in the yard and chatted with a group of men, bragging about his career. When he mixed the second glass of wine, Gucci came in from the opposite yard. He is in his early forties, not tall, and his eyes are very melancholy. He took a can of beer and stood beside the crowd. Harry came back and talked with people for a while. Then, he drank wine and stared at Gucci, and his anger came out again. When he couldn't stand it any longer, he cleared his throat and said, "Gucci, how long have you been unemployed?" "Well, it's been four months." "Then tell me, why don't you look for another job these days?" People's conversation slowly stopped. Gucci shifted his center of gravity from one leg to the other uneasily. Slowly, he said, "Well, I've always hoped that the company would let me go back. They said they would go back as soon as my business improved. " "How did you spend these days? Just sit there and get unemployment benefits? " "That money and our savings," Gucci said. "The amount of benefits is very limited." "This may be nothing for you. But for taxpayers like me, don't "forget it", someone interrupted. That can't be said to be his fault. ""No, I want to have fun, "Harry went on." This whole system is wrong. Some people are supported by others, and they are infinitely supported. Yes, anyone can be fired and unemployed for a while. But if it were me, I would try somewhere else, so I wouldn't be so stupid as to wait for the company to come to me. "Gucci smiled." At my age? "He shook his head and said," Nobody wants me. " "How do you know? Unless you have tried. " "I have tried many places, and they are all the same. I think I'm too old. " "So, why don't you do business by yourself? You are a mechanical engineer, which is a valuable technology. You said you had a deposit. Why, are you afraid to take risks with your own money? " "It's not like that, I-shout, also involves other things. For example, selling things, yes, I have something to sell, but I will be the worst salesman in the world. I have no ability and eloquence, and-""you are just making excuses. If a person has confidence in what he sells, anyone can do it. "Harry shook his head." But some people just like to live like parasites until they die of old age-"here comes Mrs. Harry." That's enough. You've gone too far. ""I'm just saying what everyone thinks. " "No, you're not. You just want to prove that you are the most talkative, rude and stupid ... ""All right, "Gucci interrupted her." I don't want any trouble, maybe I'd better leave now ... "He turned and left in a hurry. Harry ignored the cold eyes of the people present, raised his glass and swallowed Marty. Tired of this woman and the villagers in this suburb, I will go to the south to meet my sweetheart tomorrow ... After dusk the next day, it is a little dark, and Harry is walking on a street leading to his golden house. Everything is going well. After the party yesterday, the couple had a big fight. In mutual shouting, he deliberately led her to agree to find a lawyer and agree to divorce. That means he can leave this slum and live in a beautiful house with his little lover soon, where no one will care whether you are married or living together. In the alley ahead, a man in black flashed out and blocked the way. He is the opposite of Gucci. "What are you doing here? "Harry asked your wife to let me come. ""she knows-""your little lover? Yes, she told me that she had known for months. Now I tell you that I am a mechanical engineer on the company roster, which is good. However, that's just a nice name. My real occupation is a killer. " "underworld?" "Yes, the company I work for is quite big, and business is not good recently, so I take your advice and start my own business. Although my sales promotion ability is not good, I finally found my first customer. That's your wife. When I told her that the cost of killing you was 10 thousand yuan, she thought it was not bad. Then she won't have to wait for a divorce, and she won't have to share any property. She can inherit every penny you have. " Harry opened his mouth, but his voice was drowned by a gunshot. ...