Ask the hotel security sketch script.

Security guard: (posing) When I was a child, I had a dream to defend world peace and be a superman when I grew up. Maybe God was jealous of my handsome appearance and didn't become a condescending superman, but now I can also protect the safety of my school classmates under the blue sky and white clouds. Although the school gate is not as big as Tiananmen Square, I am still a law-abiding security guard no matter where I stand guard (with blazing fire in my eyes).

(At this moment, Pangwan came back with barbecued chicken rice, singing while walking ~ Because after a thousand years, there is no me in the world ~ Kiss your forehead ~ ~ ~ ~)

Security guard: Stop, you, that's you. Those underpants over there are all exposed, singing/kloc-a fat classmate after 0/000 years. Where is your school card?

(Two students, A and B, pass by, looking at his underwear and entering the school with a smile on their faces. )

Fat pill: Scare! Dear security brother ~ sorry! ! I am a sophomore and forgot to bring my school card today. (sincere eyes) I'll remember it next time. (I want to go)

Security guard: stop ~ ok! Before you go in, please answer me three questions about our school. Let me explain first ~ this is what all college students in Baiyun know ~ ~ You can't answer the consequences, you know ~ ~ (hum)

Fat pill: No problem. I know this place best. Just asking.

Security guard: OK, first question, go straight into the school gate, turn left at the first crossing and go ahead. What dormitory is it?

Fat pill: hmm ~ ~ ~ No.5.

Security guard: No.7.

Fat pill: Afraid? Come on ~, am I old and have such a bad memory ~ ~ I'm not afraid of winning two or three sets.

Security guard: OK, I'll give you another chance. Listen! There is a classmate named Zhu Jing in Business English Class 5. Is he a man or a woman?

Fat pill: female.

Security guard: (shaking his head) Wrong again. There are no five categories.

Fat pill: (want to cry without tears) big brother ~ you are obviously playing me! !

Security guard: I'm not fooling you. This is just common sense. Forget it. I'll give you one last chance. You can't get in if you answer wrong. Please answer carefully.

Fat Maru: OK, I'll fight for your life. Come on! !

Security guard: This is a question of IQ. Let me tell you two stories first. First, one day, a piece of rice cake was split by a stone and fell into the river. The first story is over. Then the second story, once upon a time, there was a very loving man and woman. One day, the man was going on a business trip for three years because of something important, so he gave the woman a ring and told her to wait for him for three years. As a result, the man didn't come back in the first year, the man didn't come back in the second year and the man didn't come back in the third year. In the fourth year, the woman thought that the man would not come back and married another man. She put the ring in a pair of water boots and threw it into the river. In the fifth year, the man finally came back. He was very sad when he learned that this woman had married someone else, so he decided to go fishing by the river. As a result, guess what he caught?

Fat pill: It's very simple. It's those water boots.

Security guard: No, it's rice cake. You are so stupid. You are definitely not from our school. Come on, what's the purpose of your sneaking in? Hum ~ is it because there are many beautiful girls in our college who want to go in and do bad things?

Fat pill: Wrong ~ Brother, I'm a real Baiyun student ~ Remember to wear the school card next time. Have pity on me and let me in. Look ~ honey, it's cold ~ I'll appreciate it.

(Just then, Zhao Chen, the head teacher of Pangwan, passes by. )

Morning: Fat pill, why are you crying here? Abandoned by his girlfriend? .

Fat Maru: That security brother won't let me in, Mr. Zhao Chen, help me ~ and my barbecued chicken rice ~

Morning: Come on, don't cry. Mr. Security, he really belongs to our class. I have a teacher qualification certificate. Please have a look and let him in. He won't forget next time.

Security guard: If I had known this, why should I, alas ~ go in, go in, and remember to bring it next time.

Fat Pill: Yes ~ (He left with a fork and chicken rice scarred)

Security guard: I have already said that. I am a law-abiding security guard, and my brain works faster than a computer (Bruce Lee's signature move). Don't mess with me Stop that classmate with yellow tape over there! !

Long hair: What! I have a school card.

Security guard: No, I mean the bag of suspicious things you mentioned in your hand. It makes the sound of Pingping impact. I smell a rat. I think I heard it somewhere.

Long hair: Yes, this is "oil"! I use it to flavor instant noodles. I bought a few bottles because I like fishing with oil. Okay, I'll go first.

Security guard: Stop, right? Let me see.

Long hair: No, it's oil. She is shy and afraid of strangers. Will she turn sour when she meets strangers?

Security guard: ok, I'll accompany you if it tastes bad. Bring it here.

Long hair: OK! To tell the truth, these two bottles are 60-year-old XO, which is particularly alcohol. If you go in, I will give you one.

Security guard: If you think I will accept XO, you are wrong. Everyone knows that I am a law-abiding and handsome security guard! !

Long hair: Well, in that case, I have to do my best. Wow ~ Look, Ye Jingsheng. (Slip away)

Security guard: Where, where. Afraid ~ What about Ye Jingsheng? (turns around) That dead boy knows that I vomited Ye Jingsheng. (clenched fist) I won't let you go next time ~

(Zheng Xiao, a friend of the security guard, comes over with a certificate. )

Zheng: Comrade Yang, your whole family is happy ~ You won the lottery ~

Security guard: Scared ~ Did the sanitary towel I bought win the prize? Is it free toilet paper for one year?

Zheng: No ~ You won the lottery ~ It's just that you helped an 80-year-old mother-in-law last week. Last time, she was almost molested by a pervert. Fortunately, you met her and caught her, or your mother-in-law would have lost her virginity. She specially called the police station to commend you, and as a result, you were rated as "three good citizens" in the city. Come on, I'll give you an award!

(Zheng Xiao brought him a ribbon, a scepter, a crown and a certificate of merit, and played the theme song of Hong Kong Sister live. )

Security guard: Thank you! In this year, thanks to your support, I can have today's achievements. I am most grateful to my mother, father, and my dog for always supporting and encouraging me, and Zheng Xiao, my good friend who robbed my girlfriend, thank you.

(Music stops)

Security guard: In order to answer the support of the registration sector, I will definitely stick to my posture in the future, be a good security guard, defend world peace and protect the safety of schools, classmates and grandmothers, hahahaha. (Step down)

(End)