Engagement custom in Linyi, Shandong Province

Linyi engagement is also called Chuanqi. In the local area, especially in the countryside, people think that engagement is engagement. Although the legal efficiency is different from that of getting a marriage certificate, it has become a established rule. Being engaged means a lifelong event, and the social recognition of a region is very high. Without special circumstances, neither party shall breach the contract. Otherwise, it will be regarded as immoral and even condemned by the public.

Therefore, the engagement between men and women is very cautious and the form is relatively grand. In some places in the old society, the man chose an auspicious day, and the matchmaker came forward to "box" the woman. Put a white goose on the "box", and put cloth, bride price, snacks and other bride price in the box, as well as the man's commemorative card (with the man's birthday, year and month written on it, etc. The woman returned to Four Treasures of the Study with her own Geng Tie.

Men and women exchange Geng stickers, commonly known as "changing posts", indicating engagement, and Geng stickers are engagement letters. It is usually an auspicious day to hold a ceremony at the man's home or hotel. Most of the people who attended the ceremony were mothers, aunts, aunts and sisters of both men and women, plus matchmakers. In some places, parents of both men and women also went together. The matchmaker plays host and drinks engagement wine. In this way, relatives of both sides meet and know each other, and some future brides take this opportunity to kowtow to their parents-in-law and call their parents for the first time.

At the same time, the two sides give each other clothes or other supplies. The man submits bride price money to the woman, which is also called bride price. The bride price is equivalent to the deposit, and the amount of the bride price (including the gift money) depends on the wealth of the family on the one hand and the trend and fashion at that time on the other.

In the past, there was a very important trend here. The more difficult the man's family is, the more brothers there are, or the difference in the length of the man, the more bride price the woman wants. Because of the poor conditions, the man wants more from the woman in the marriage. He is afraid that if the marriage breaks down, the man will not hesitate to pay back the money.

In addition, there is a very important custom here. All the debts owed at the time of marriage were paid by parents. If many brothers find a daughter-in-law, the woman naturally needs a little more bride price. I didn't return it anyway. Don't do it for nothing. Most of them are only children now, and this tendency has faded.

Choose auspicious numbers as bride price. With the changes of the times and the improvement of material living standards, the gift money has gradually increased in recent years. Such as: 66 yuan, 666 yuan, 6666 yuan means 666 Dashun; 99 yuan, 999 yuan and 9999 yuan mean long-term and long-term; 10 1 yuan, 100 1 yuan, 1000 1 yuan means one in a hundred, one in a thousand and one in a million. Gift money is generally determined by both men and women through consultation, and the amount is not uniform. Some amounts are very small, just for luck, hundreds or hundreds of yuan, and some don't accept gifts.

After the engagement, the man will go to the woman's house to send farewell gifts on important festivals such as Spring Festival and Mid-Autumn Festival. At the same time, according to the season, the man needs to buy some clothes for the woman in the season or pay for himself. The woman also walks around the man's house and does some housework for him.

Extended data:

Marriage custom in Linyi

Since ancient times, China has formed a marriage etiquette with six rituals (accepting gifts, asking names, accepting filial piety, accepting levies, inviting guests and welcoming relatives) as its important links. Under the influence of these traditional customs, Linyi was deeply influenced by Qi culture, Lu culture, especially Confucius and Mencius culture, and formed a marriage etiquette with local characteristics. In China, the custom of marriage is not very different between counties and districts. Generally speaking, it consists of more than a dozen important links, such as proposing marriage, wedding year, dating, setting a real angle, sending a date, helping with meals (filling boxes), sending reminders, wedding, visiting the happy grave, returning to the door and so on. Fulfilling these procedures marks that a new family will live independently from now on.

First, propose marriage.

Also known as "matchmaking". When it came time for men and women to talk about marriage, as marriage matchmakers, they proposed. There are two situations here. One is that the matchmaker proposes to the man or woman's house on his own initiative. The other is that the man or woman asks the matchmaker to propose marriage. Proposing marriage is simply to introduce the family, appearance, figure and other aspects to both men and women, so that the other party can have a general understanding. If both sides are interested, they will continue, but they have no intention of stopping there.

In the old society, the marriage between men and women inherited the traditional habit of "parents' orders and matchmakers' words". The matchmaker comes forward, the parents make the final decision and arrange the marriage. Many of them met when they waited for the door to enter the bridal chamber. After the founding of New China, this traditional habit was gradually broken and the freedom of marriage was realized. Free love has become the mainstream.

In the old society, marriage proposal generally pays attention to the collocation of men and women. There used to be a saying in the local area that "good is good, and lai is lai, and a machete cuts vegetables on the ladle". Generally, the matchmaker first proposes marriage to one party, introduces the general situation of the other party, and then asks the other party for advice if it is approved. Where to go first, there are agreed rules in the countryside. Whoever has better comprehensive conditions will go first, and the good side agrees, indicating that the poor side will not have any big problems.

In cities, relatives, friends, classmates and colleagues come forward to propose marriage, or propose marriage through new ways such as matchmaking agencies and online newspapers. The matchmaker not only takes the lead in proposing marriage, but also deals with other aspects of the whole marriage. Some even go to the matchmaker for mediation after some contradictions occur between husband and wife after marriage.

In addition to matchmaking agencies and online newspapers and periodicals, there is no charge for rural matchmakers to propose marriage, and some places will send some gifts such as food and pork to the matchmakers to show their gratitude. After the matchmaker proposes marriage, if both parties express no objection or discuss it well, the marriage will begin.

After a while, the two sides "inquired" and "listened" to each other, which was actually an unannounced visit. Generally speaking, both men and women know each other's situation from different aspects through relatives, friends or trusted people, and some even "listen" to each other personally.

Listening to each other's content, the man should generally know the woman: is she a virtuous, honest and able-to-live girl, what she looks like, whether she is physically disabled, whether she can read, what her family reputation is, what she intends to do with this marriage, and so on.

The average woman should know about the man: is this boy his duty, his temper, his bad habits, his earning ability, his family's financial situation, whether he can live a good life after returning home, his average height, whether he is strong, whether he has any special diseases, his brother, his unmarried sister-in-law and so on.

In the past, when information was underdeveloped and men and women had little contact, this kind of listening was necessary and played a role in understanding the situation. This way of listening no longer exists, and the means of communication is modern. After proposing marriage, both men and women call and send messages to communicate, and often you come and go and meet directly. In the long process of love, they deepen their understanding, enhance their feelings and get to know each other before entering the marriage hall.

Second, the annual life

The so-called "marriage" is to ask someone to check the date of birth of both men and women, and calculate whether they are consistent according to the fire, water and soil of the zodiac and the five elements of Jin Mu. If they don't violate taboos, they will consider determining their marriage. In this link, some places have conducted matchmaking by the way.

But in most places, this is after the proposal. After matchmaking, both men and women think that they can get married, and they should ask people to "measure their horoscopes" and "match their lives". Nowadays, many cities only verify their birthdays after proposing relatives, so as to get similar ages, and no longer "measure the eight characters" and "match the birth year".

But in most rural areas, we still attach great importance to this link. The fate of a year depends mainly on the compatibility of the genus. If you agree with each other, it means you can't get married, commonly known as "can't do it." If you don't agree with each other, commonly known as "make do", you can discuss the pro. There are taboos such as "chickens and dogs shed tears, white horses are afraid of green cows, snakes see tigers like knives, wild boars have been afraid of apes since ancient times, and two dragons cannot sleep together". This belief in fate has hurt many young men and women, so that a good marriage often falls apart because of the disagreement between years and fate.

Generally, the matchmaker will give the birthdays and horoscopes of both men and women to each other. Some men and women will find Mr. Yin and Yang to calculate, while others will find Mr. Yin and Yang to calculate, and the calculation results will be informed to each other through the matchmaker. Mr. Yin and Yang calculated that birthdates would charge a certain fee or gift.

This old custom, which has lasted for thousands of years, is undoubtedly a feudal superstition and needs to be banned. However, it is impossible to ban living in some places for a short time at present. We should vigorously publicize materialism, scientific world outlook and outlook on life, and actively guide the masses to consciously break Xu's superstition, advocate science, and get out of the misunderstanding of the theory of destiny.

Third, blind date

That is, meeting. If both men and women "make up" after the end of the year, and both sides have no objection, they will determine the blind date. In the old days, the matchmaker took the woman and let the man's parents (or aunts) see it; Take the man to impress the woman's parents (or brothers and sisters); Men and women don't meet. Don't agree to meet men and women until both parents look at each other.

Since liberation, the matchmaker has agreed that parents or aunts of both men and women should meet under the guidance of the matchmaker. In the sixties and seventies, most rural people chose the market to find a place suitable for men and women to meet and talk. This kind of meeting can only be seen from the appearance of the other person, whether he stutters, whether it is convenient to walk, and how the other person's family is.

In recent years, it is generally chosen by relatives and friends of both men and women. The process and time of blind date are very short. The matchmaker briefly introduced the situation of both parties and the identity of the people present. The two sides exchanged greetings and said some short words from their parents. In some places, when dating, parents or aunts and matchmakers are together, and men and women on blind dates are alone, meeting and chatting. When dating, it is difficult for both men and women to express their views in person, and then the matchmaker will pass on the message.

Fourth, fix the angle.

It is also called "Xiaoding" or "Chuan Xiao Qi". After the blind date, both men and women felt good about it and hit it off. The man asked the matchmaker or sent someone to send some clothes and other gifts to the woman, indicating that the marriage was preliminarily decided. There is no ceremony at Xiuzhen Corner. Neither men nor women entertain guests. If there happens to be a dinner, you can eat normally, and the woman does not return the gift. In some places, both men and women have dinner with their parents, and the husband's parents give the woman a small amount of clothes or money to show their engagement, but it is not a formal ceremony, which just shows that this marriage is almost possible.

Verb (short for verb) dating

Also called enlightenment. In the local area, especially in the countryside, people think that engagement is engagement. Although the legal efficiency is different from that of getting a marriage certificate, it has become a established rule. Being engaged means a lifelong event, and the social recognition of a region is very high. Without special circumstances, neither party shall breach the contract. Otherwise, it will be regarded as immoral and even condemned by the public. Therefore, the engagement between men and women is very cautious and the form is relatively grand. In some places in the old society, the man chose an auspicious day, and the matchmaker came forward to "box" the woman. Put a white goose on the "box", and put cloth, bride price, snacks and other bride price in the box, as well as the man's commemorative card (with the man's birthday, year and month written on it, etc. The woman returned to Four Treasures of the Study with her own Geng Tie. Men and women exchange Geng stickers, commonly known as "changing posts", indicating engagement, and Geng stickers are engagement letters. It is usually an auspicious day to hold a ceremony at the man's home or hotel. Most of the people who attended the ceremony were mothers, aunts, aunts and sisters of both men and women, plus matchmakers. In some places, parents of both men and women also went together. The matchmaker plays host and drinks engagement wine. In this way, relatives of both sides meet and know each other, and some future brides take this opportunity to kowtow to their parents-in-law and call their parents for the first time.

At the same time, the two sides give each other clothes or other supplies. The man submits bride price money to the woman, which is also called bride price. The bride price is equivalent to the deposit, and the amount of the bride price (including the gift money) depends on the wealth of the family on the one hand and the trend and fashion at that time on the other. In the past, there was a very important trend here. The more difficult the man's family is, the more brothers there are, or the difference in the length of the man, the more bride price the woman wants. Because of the poor conditions, the man wants more from the woman in the marriage. He is afraid that if the marriage breaks down, the man will not hesitate to pay back the money.

In addition, there is a very important custom here. All the debts owed at the time of marriage were paid by parents. If many brothers find a daughter-in-law, the woman naturally needs a little more bride price. I didn't return it anyway. Don't do it for nothing. Most of them are only children now, and this tendency has faded.

Choose auspicious numbers as bride price. With the changes of the times and the improvement of material living standards, the gift money has gradually increased in recent years. Such as: 66 yuan, 666 yuan, 6666 yuan means 666 Dashun; 99 yuan, 999 yuan and 9999 yuan mean long-term and long-term; 10 1 yuan, 100 1 yuan, 1000 1 yuan means one in a hundred, one in a thousand and one in a million. Gift money is generally determined by both men and women through consultation, and the amount is not uniform. Some amounts are very small, just for luck, hundreds or hundreds of yuan, and some don't accept gifts.

After the engagement, the man will go to the woman's house to send farewell gifts on important festivals such as Spring Festival and Mid-Autumn Festival. At the same time, according to the season, the man needs to buy some clothes for the woman in the season or pay for himself. The woman also walks around the man's house and does some housework for him.

Sixth, the delivery date

In the local area, the so-called fixed marriage date. In fact, it is a voluntary agreement between men and women's families, which fails to fulfill legal procedures and has no legal effect. Therefore, after the engagement, you have to apply for a marriage certificate. In previous years, Murakami opened a letter of introduction and went to villages and towns to handle it. You need to go to the county civil affairs bureau to get it these years. You need to check the date before sending it, which is generally handled by the man's family. Mr. Erzhi determined the specific date of marriage according to the date of birth of both men and women, and wrote it on a piece of red paper together with matters needing attention. After that, the man went to the woman's house to send the sky.

There are two main things to do on the day of delivery, and one year is to send invitations. The contents of the invitation include the date of marriage, the specific time of marriage, the direction of getting on or off the sedan chair, the zodiac signs of men and women in the wedding team, the number of guests, the direction the bride faces when sitting on the bill, and so on.

The other is a gift. Generally, there are six-color gifts, that is, two chickens, two fish and one knife of meat (mostly pig hind legs, locally called pig back seat, weighing ten to fifteen pounds). Some vermicelli, two pieces of cloth and some snacks are tied with red lines and sent to the woman's home by the matchmaker, which is called sending a holiday or "the next day". Some also give gifts in six colors, eight colors and ten colors. However, no matter how many gifts there are, there should also be meat, chicken, fish, snacks, vermicelli and so on. Because meat means meat (marriage). Chickens are auspicious. Fish have eyes, which means more than one year. Fans have the meaning of constantly stretching. Dim sum means a sweet marriage. Fenpi means perfect. Generally, gifts given by the man's family, except meat, should be returned to the man's family in half, indicating that the happy event is divided in half. Meat can't be returned, because "meat" means "meat", and "marriage" and "returning meat" are suspected of breaking off an engagement.

Seven, invite guests

The man asked for food aid and the woman asked for boxes to be filled. In the local area, no matter in the past or now, VIP guests are treated as major events. When a man and a woman set a wedding date, they will inform their relatives and friends. Generally, about half a month before marriage, families of both men and women choose auspicious days, treat each other and invite guests in the countryside. Relatives, friends and family of both sides participated, trying to be cheerful and noisy, and some even took their children.

Usually dozens of tables, dozens or even hundreds of tables. Most rural people hold banquets at home, and cities are in hotels. In the old days, important guests brought gifts such as pork, white phosphorus fish, steamed bread, vermicelli, etc. Most ordinary guests brought steamed bread and vermicelli or vermicelli. Why there is a local custom of bringing steamed bread is determined by material conditions.

Nowadays, most people no longer bring this kind of gift, but only cash, which is about 100 yuan in rural areas and about 200 yuan in cities, to show congratulations and help. After the guests were full of wine and food, the families of both men and women gave each guest a red envelope with cigarettes, candy, biscuits and peanuts to show their gratitude.

Eight, make up.

The day before the wedding, the man sent someone to send the woman a red cotton-padded jacket, red cotton trousers, "Hong Haier with a hat" and other wedding clothes to show that the wedding day had arrived and urged her to get married. By the way, in exchange for the woman's "marriage list" with the number of people to be married, all the things to be filled in, taboos and other contents. The woman will also give the man a hat, belt and shoes. At the same time, further discuss the matters needing attention when getting married the next day in case of omission.

On this day, the man decorated the new house, hung lottery tickets, posted couplets and asked the chef to prepare the wedding banquet. The woman "opened her face" to her daughter who was about to get married, twisted the hair off her face with thread and trimmed her sideburns. Pack up the dowry in the evening, and put clothes, reunion cakes, shoes, money, condolences and other items into the furniture. This move is called "loading cabinets".

Now there are procedures for promoting makeup in rural areas, but some contents are missing. For example, "opening a face" is not on this day, but at the same time as the wedding in the morning. When people get married in the city, there is generally no makeup-promoting procedure, but on the first night of their wedding, they exchange air with each other and discuss and coordinate the specific matters of getting married the next day.

Nine, get married

Before the wedding, the bride took photos with her family, not only with her family, but also with her family alone, indicating that she would leave the last photo of her girlhood with her family.

The wedding is in the morning. In rural areas, when everyone has a day off, men will find someone to confirm. In the city, according to the distance from the woman to the man's house, it is usually between 7 and 9 o'clock.

In some rural areas, the bride wears her father's shoes upside down before getting on the sedan chair, and then puts on her own shoes after getting on the bus, which means that her daughter will not take her family's soil with her when she gets married. In some places, the bride sits in a chair and is carried to the front of a sedan chair or car. Her feet can't land. When getting married locally, the bride usually wears red shoes, but in some places, she wears green shoes and wears red shoes when she returns home. There is a saying here that "green shoes go to red shoes, and a scholar goes out of her family."

In some places, after the bride gets on the bus, her family will splash a pot of water prepared in advance on the ground, which means "water spilled by married daughter", hoping that her daughter can live safely in her husband's house.

Sending a happy event is also called sending a happy event, which is all suitable for Fujian. Seeing off guests includes big guests, small guests and bridesmaids. Male guests are brought by the bride's uncle, uncle and current village cadres, while female guests are brought by the bride's aunt and aunt. Both men and women are fastidious. They can't marry a bride. They want both husband and wife and children. Small guests are the bride's peers or the next generation, and bridesmaids are usually the bride's sisters or friends.

X. wedding

In the past, the wedding ceremonies of wealthy families were more complicated, the scenes were bigger and the ordinary people were simpler. In the TV series Yimeng, the wedding of Li Jicheng and Tian Xin is a microcosm of the wedding of local civilians. Their wedding was held in their own yard. Presided over by the master of ceremonies in Murakami, they worship heaven and earth first, then Gaotang, and finally the husband and wife worship each other.

After that, the master of ceremonies introduced relatives and friends at home to the bride, and then the bride and groom entered the bridal chamber. This custom has been used in the early days of liberation. After that, especially during the Cultural Revolution, in many rural areas, wedding ceremonies such as worshipping heaven and earth were no longer held.

Those who work in government offices are mostly attended by leading comrades of their own units. They hold simple weddings in the conference room, eat wedding candy, smoke wedding cigarettes and drink wedding wine, and congratulate the bride and groom in the form of tea parties. Nowadays, more and more wedding customs are integrated into the western customs in the city, such as giving wedding rings, the bride wearing a white wedding dress, the groom wearing a suit, holding a group wedding, holding a wedding dance, traveling and getting married, etc. The wedding customs are more and more adapted to the requirements of modern life, showing more freedom, liveliness, individuality and romantic charm.

After welcoming the wedding procession, it was followed by the wedding ceremony. The countryside is held in the yard of the groom's house. Some cities are in front of the groom's house, some are in hotels, and many of them ask wedding companies to arrange full service.

After the wedding, the bride and groom enter the bridal chamber. In the past, it was usually the groom who led the bride into the bridal chamber with red ribbons. Now it is more common for the groom to enter the bridal chamber with the bride in his arms or behind his back, and some brides and grooms walk into the bridal chamber hand in hand.

After entering the bridal chamber, there is a very important local custom called "touching chestnuts and dates". The groom put many chestnuts, peanuts and dates under the couple's bedding in advance, and some were sewn on the corners of the bedding.

When the bride and groom enter the bridal chamber, the groom's peers or junior boys and girls also flock to the bridal chamber together. After the bride sat down on the bed, these boys and girls rushed up together to grab the "chestnuts and dates" on the couple's bed and made a scene. Then the bride and groom will drink wine, eat noodles and red eggs. When eating eggs, the superior will ask, "Are you alive?" The bride and groom all want to be "born!" The moral is to have a baby next year. In the old society, the bride had to "sit on the bed" or "sit on the account" and could not leave the new house for three days. Later, she sat on the account for a day, which means patience.

Nowadays, brides in rural and urban areas no longer "sit back and enjoy the success". Wedding night and day, known as the "ever-burning lamp". Men, women and children can visit the bride in the bridal chamber, ask for cigarettes and sugar, and make fun of the bride and groom in various ways, some of which are called "disturbing the bridal chamber" or "disturbing the new house" until late at night. ?

Xi。 Shangxi tomb

On the second or third day after marriage, the bride and groom will go to the grave to worship their ancestors, commonly known as "Shangxi grave". Shangxi Tomb is usually accompanied by parents or the groom's brother, and the scope of ancestor worship is the groom's home, grandparents' home, and some even go to the father's grandparents' home. Generally, you should bring plates and yellow paper to the grave in Shangxi, and go to the "cemetery" to place tributes and burn yellow paper to pay homage to your ancestors. At the same time, a piece of red paper is pressed on each grave, indicating that there are new incense sticks and incense.

12. Federal-Mogul

Some places are called music, and some places are called short trips. This custom is still popular in rural areas. Going back to the bride's family is the first time the bride has returned to her family after marriage. Some places are arranged on the second day after marriage, some on the third day, and some on the sixth day. When you go back to your parents' house, the groom's house can't send you off, but the bride's brother or younger brother will pick you up.

In my home, some places go and return on the same day, but I can't stay overnight, and some places stay for a few days the next day. When I go back to my in-laws' house, my parents will see me off, but not the groom's house. The end of the round trip marks the beginning and end of wedding etiquette.

In the local area, in the process of getting married for the wedding, some songs or narrative poems are also formed to praise love, celebrate marriage and wish happiness. The lyrics are simple, popular, elegant and interesting, which enhances the festive atmosphere, conveys good wishes and spreads warm persuasion. Tancheng's Xige is the most typical and representative. It has a long history, comes from and serves the people, and has a profound cultural accumulation. Although these joyful songs are no longer popular in weddings, they are still worth reading as folk cultural heritage in weddings.

References:

China Linyi Net: Linyi Marriage Customs