Analysis: the husband and wife are behind the same forest bird. Why do they fly separately when disaster strikes?

There are many catchy sayings in ancient times, which have been passed down to this day. In Kan Kan, people who have never read a book can talk about it. Speaking of husband and wife, there is a saying that everyone must be familiar with, that is, "husband and wife are birds of a feather."

The source of this sentence comes from "Fa Zhu Yuan Lin" written by a Taoist priest in the Tang Dynasty: someone plowed the field and was killed by a snake. His wife said to people, "For example, a bird stays in a big tree at dusk, stays still, waits for getting up early in the morning, flies separately, looks for food and water, gets along day and night, leaves without a chance, and so on." Thus came the phrase "husband and wife live in the same forest", which was used to describe the reunion and separation of husband and wife.

What's the next sentence? Most people will think of "flying apart in the face of disaster"! This sentence is actually not an old saying, but was adapted from some recorded documents by later generations.

This sentence is often quoted in some ancient documents. For example, in the second compromise of "Feng Yulan" in the Yuan Dynasty, anonymous wrote: "Hey, it's husband and wife who share the same forest bird, and when the disaster comes, they fly separately. Madam, I can only save my own life, not you. " There is also a record in the Ming Dynasty's "Glory and Dedication": "Life is like a bird in a forest, and it will fly separately when it comes to time." It can be seen that this "old saying" is still quite useful.

The old saying that "husband and wife are birds in the same forest, but they have to fly separately in case of disaster" can spread widely, and it does reflect the true face of husband and wife who have shared weal and woe through the ages. At a critical moment, people with shallow feelings and weak sense of justice will abandon their husbands or wives mercilessly, directly exposing the darkest side of human nature.

"When the disaster comes, we will fly separately."

And such similar things happen from time to time, not only in ancient times, but also in this sunny and gloomy world. Then the question is, why "fly separately" in the case of a "major disaster" and not "fly" when a "minor disaster" comes? This involves how much pressure people need to face when facing different situations, which will eventually lead to different results.

1. "Little trouble is coming"

When grandpa was still alive, grandma would always pour out bad words about him, saying that he had a big temper, was demanding and talked too much. He has been together all his life and has done nothing. I often see the two of them quarreling like a broken mind, and sometimes they complain and blame each other for putting an extra spoonful of salt in cooking. Grandpa's voice is so loud that the neighbors can hear it clearly. Every time the ending is that grandma takes a step back and says "OK, OK", and grandpa gradually becomes silent.

The two men quarreled for three days and five days, which made me wonder how they had lived such a lifetime. Grandpa dragged on for several years, but he died of illness. However, before Grandpa was buried, Grandma suddenly fell ill again. Grandma usually looks in good health, but she never got up this time.

So, my grandparents went together. They have lived together all their lives, and they have lived in a noisy environment all their lives. They have also encountered various challenges brought by life, such as the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, low salary and difficulties in raising children, but they have all survived and never left, and they really grow old together.

2. "When disaster strikes"

These may all be the hardships brought by life, which are obstacles and tests for couples. But what if life puts the hardest things in front of you?

A bosom friend once told the story of his neighbor being knocked down by a group of people in Zhihu. At first, he was afraid, thinking that his neighbor's husband and wife relationship had been very good, thinking that he would be a creditor or an enemy, but the real situation was unexpected. The neighbor's hostess found out that the cancer was terminal, and time was running out. Their son just turned 18. He wants his father to do his best to treat him, and he doesn't want to lose his mother.

But what happened? The father not only ignored his sick wife, but also filed for divorce, and the mother and son were kicked out. Relatives and friends at home couldn't stand it, so there was a scene of knocking at the door before. Finally, the police and the property were dispatched to dissuade them. The man kept shouting "See you in court" inside.

Many people are saying that after more than ten years of husband-and-wife life, the wife has worked hard for the whole family, and how cold and desperate she should be in the end. In fact, you can't blame the man. It's his choice. He is facing a "catastrophe". We can't morally kidnap others to make any decisions. Next, from a psychological point of view, let's analyze why the husband and wife "fly separately in the face of disaster."

3. Why do couples "fly separately in the face of disaster"?

Psychologically, this ability to bear emotional pain or pressure is called emotional threshold, which is what we call psychological endurance, and it is adaptability, endurance, endurance and victory against adversity. At present, there is no way to measure the emotional threshold, because there are differences between individuals, and the same thing may produce different results if it happens to different people or at different time periods.

Ignore the differences between individuals, from the pressure superposition, pressure source, time dimension.

When grandma faces daily contradictions and quarrels, her pressure comes from grandpa, and this daily pressure is trivial and relatively small. This kind of pressure is short-lived in the time dimension and only exists in the present, so even if it leaves an impression, it will not reach the point of divorce.

Bigger contradictions, such as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, such as raising children, will be longer in time dimension, but grandma will turn this pressure into motivation and put it on the children, so that the pressure that grandma bears can't actually make her feel that when Laoyan flies away, her patience is enough to resist these pressures.

Besides, on the neighbor's husband's side, his stress comes from his wife's cancer, which is a serious illness, and the economic pressure he has to bear can be regarded as an "astronomical figure" for ordinary families. And even if saved, it will only prolong life, and time is running out. From his point of view, he will live alone with his son in the future, and even prepare a wedding room for him when he is old. The economic pressure is really great.

In addition to financial resources, from the time dimension, follow-up treatment needs long-term care and a lot of manpower and energy. Indeed, for men who seldom do housework, the pressure of taking care of patients for a long time will be great.

For grandma, maintaining the current living condition is a short-term and executable goal; For the neighbor's husband, it is a long-term and distant goal to treat and restore life to its original appearance. Even because it is impossible to predict what will happen next, it is likely that the pay is inversely proportional to the return. In contrast, people who can't bear such psychological pressure will choose the side that is beneficial to them.

Therefore, sometimes, it is not "disaster comes from the mouth", which is the darkest side of human nature, but that this person has made the best choice for himself after combining various pressures and people's psychological endurance. If you choose not to treat, you have chosen a more relaxed life you want in the future; And choosing treatment, the wife is more important than money, even if it means losing everything, it is to live a happier life, there is no right or wrong.

"Pakistan will fly separately until dawn."

As we said before, "husband and wife are birds in the same forest, and when disaster strikes, they fly separately." This is a sentence adapted by later generations. What is the real second sentence?

There is a cloud in Feng Menglong's "Warning Records" in the Ming Dynasty: "When it comes to husband and wife, although they are tied with a red line around their waist, they are actually glued to each other. As the saying goes, husband and wife fly to dawn with the forest birds. " Husband and wife are birds in the same forest, flying until dawn, that is to say, husband and wife are birds in the same forest, flying until dawn.

Although the statement is slightly different, it still means that all roads lead to the same goal. In the end, the mutual affection between husband and wife is still not as good as their own vital interests. When their own interests are damaged, they will choose to separate. In short, they just can't "suffer" or "suffer" as they think. Compared with the previous "Fly Alone in Disaster", I think "Fly Alone to Dawn" is more in line with the marriage and husband-wife relationship of contemporary young people.

In the past, there were some trivial frictions and contradictions between husband and wife, most of which were tolerated, and some big problems caused the marriage to be in jeopardy. Nowadays, women's social status is gradually rising, and there is no taboo for divorce. On the contrary, many couples pay more attention to the weight of feelings and experience great storms together. On the contrary, because many a mickle makes a mickle, it became the last straw to crush the camel.

1. withstood the test of "catastrophe" but failed in "minor catastrophe"

I once received a private letter from a reader, and she told me about the regret that happened to her, which deeply moved me. This reader has been divorced once, so he is very cautious when he is involved in a new relationship again. The other party is also divorced and has a young daughter. In this way, the two broken hearts gradually moved closer and warmed each other.

However, before getting married, my boyfriend was found to be seriously ill and needed to have an operation quickly, otherwise his life would be in danger. Women don't think about anything else, just want to take good care of him and make him get better soon. While her boyfriend was in hospital, the woman asked him for more than a month's leave. She is too busy taking care of him and his daughter to drink.

Seeing the busy efforts of women, my boyfriend was very moved and decided that they must get married and spend the rest of their lives together. However, after leaving the hospital, the first thing my boyfriend did was not to get a license or get married, but to transfer the only property under his name to his daughter's name, and then put forward the AA system for married life.

Women are very angry. She felt that she had done her best, but in the end her boyfriend was wary of herself. At the same time, it also means that if her boyfriend has a relapse, she can't afford to treat him, and the house can't handle it by herself. To this end, the woman had a big fight, and the romantic love, which was finally known as "a friend in need", ended in failure.

Compared with life, the house and salary card are nothing. It can even be said that they have crossed the most difficult hurdle of life and death. Why can't they cross these "little things"?

I have to mention the emotional threshold again here. Do you think their feelings will be particularly strong after they have experienced something important, such as where you are going? No, when there is such a strong sense of psychological gap, women's psychological endurance will become fragile and feel that they have withstood the most severe test, so these should not be a problem. But I can't stand these details. Even when we are together, there will be barriers in our hearts.

2. "A levee of a thousand miles, collapsed in the ant nest"

There used to be a popular saying on the Internet: Details are really important. I will like you because of a detail, and I will give you up because of a detail. Women are mostly detailed animals, often moved by details, but also collapse in details.

In Settle Down, Zhu Shanshan became the most popular female character, even more popular than the heroine Fang Siken. When Zhu Shanshan proposed to Ji, a blind date, she asked many seemingly meaningless questions: "Do you eat coriander? Do you like soy milk sweet or salty? Are underwear and socks washed together or separately? How many degrees does the air conditioner turn on in summer? "

Their answers were almost completely opposite, and they finally broke up. This reason for breaking up seems unique, but it is very realistic. It asks countless small but ubiquitous questions in life, which will exist every minute after you get married. And if couples often quarrel because of subtle differences everywhere, then marriage will be very hard, so the decision made by Sparkling has been supported by many female netizens.

Love is accumulated bit by bit in details, so is not love, and so is disappointment. Women will judge whether this marriage is necessary in the details of their relationship. This is the difference between women in the past and women now. Women will no longer focus on trivial contradictions in life, but pay more attention to the quality of marriage and getting along.

The embankment of a thousand miles, collapsed in the ant nest, which is why, nowadays, although many couples survived bankruptcy and serious illness, they were defeated in trivial matters. Finally, when it was dawn, it was still "flying separately."

Written in the last words:

In the past, couples could share joys and sorrows, but they could not share joys and sorrows; Now, two people can suffer, but they can't share the joys and sorrows. As I said before, we can share weal and woe, but we can't be rich and strong.

Countless people have told us some truths and summed up some experiences with the roads they have traveled and the salt they have eaten. Indeed, many families are like this. This is an essential summary of many phenomena, straightforward and incisive.

But we can't say who is right or wrong. We can't kidnap anyone morally and make any decisions. We just have to choose different ones. Existence is reasonable. Everything is reasonable as long as you don't do anything that violates the law and discipline and harms the world. After all, this is the reality of society, and it is human nature to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages.

However, at the same time, you should understand that in a relationship, both husband and wife are mutual. You have the idea of "flying separately in the face of disaster" from the beginning, so don't blame the other party for abandoning you when you are in trouble. In addition, if there is no such person in a timely manner, there is no need to add icing on the cake.