[urgent]! ! Five-person sketch on campus

Characters: Lao Wang, secretary, four interviewers (1 Xiaofeng, a middle-aged woman who suspects that her husband is having an affair, two illiterate college students MM, three female college students Yi Shui who are unemployed due to honesty problems, and four Nizi from rural areas).

Props: a table, a new type of water dispenser (a broken kettle is covered with a paper box that says "new automatic water dispenser")

Opening:

Secretary: (holding a folder in his hand, looking at the door from time to time, very impatient) It is said that the goals of the new four modernizations in 2 1 century are to install switches for the sun, railings for the Yellow River, reverse gears for airplanes, and tiles for the Great Wall. No, as a secretary, you should also emancipate your mind, dress fashionably, be diligent in your hands and feet, and your salary will shrink. (Looking at his watch) What time is it? The stingy boss hasn't come yet, and the recruitment news has been sent out for a month. Today, four people finally came ... (suddenly heard a voice and stopped)

Lao Wang: Teenagers eat vegetables, dress up books at school, dig mud in the countryside, once sent soldiers back to the factory, jumped ship and reopened. Today, who shoulders the heavy responsibility? (talking and walking, shirtless, wearing a suit and tie)

Secretary: This is early experience. There are four applicants today. They are all waiting in line outside. I have told them to introduce themselves for 3 to 5 minutes, and then you will ask questions (with a smile on your face).

Lao Wang: OK, let's get started (adjutant shelf)

Secretary: Please welcome number one.

Xiaofeng: I have been waiting outside for a long time. I heard that there is only one assistant manager missing today. I must behave well (take a deep breath). I'm really nervous (dragging my clothes in). Hello, manager, I am Xiaofeng No.1, and I have lived in Mudanjiang for 33 years. I have a high school education. I am conscientious, hardworking and experienced. I hope to give me the opportunity to work for your company and create a better tomorrow.

Lao Wang: You used to work in that enterprise?

Xiaofeng: I got married at home after graduating from high school (bowing my head)

Lao Wang: Then why do you suddenly want to work again?

Xiaofeng: I want to be financially independent, because I suspect my husband is having an affair now (nervous, rubbing hands)

Lao Wang: Oh, (looking very interested) Do you have any basis?

Xiaofeng: Men have symptoms when they have an affair-the company works overtime every day, never touches housework, turns off their mobile phones when they get home, deletes them after sending text messages, snores loudly when sleeping, and often wears underwear backwards. If all three are doubtful, four can be diagnosed. (Xiao Feng's expression is high, the secretary smiles, and Lao Wang realizes something. )

Lao Wang: So what if you are diagnosed? Women should obey, and men are the sky (with a proud expression).

Xiaofeng: Now the society is different, and I also realize that marriage has followed the trend. Haven't you heard this passage? Marriage is called network access, bigamy is called double-number card, extramarital affairs is called call transfer, lovers are called mobile network access, divorce is called cancellation number, downtime is called to stop the protection of mobile phone number, remarriage is called re-registration, the woman remarries, and the man remarries is called replacement card ... (More and more, when I heard Lao Wang's cough stop, I noticed that I was carried away and regretted it. Lao Wang motioned to the secretary)

Secretary: OK, go back and wait for the notice. Next (summer)

Lao Wang: (Looking at Xiao Feng and talking to himself) Although I have never practiced martial arts since I was a child, I think I am a character. I didn't expect big brother still not to patronize. The teenager has a crush on the object, and he dreams of marrying a woman. He is most afraid of meeting in the street. The child calls me uncle (sighs).

MM (dressed in fashion, walking up in high spirits) Hello, manager (winking at Lao Wang) I just graduated from college. I love life and respect leaders. Today, I want to apply for the position of assistant manager (smile). Grab my hair and smile)

Lao Wang: What's your major? (Kind attitude, looking MM up and down)

MM: I slept for a row in class, and I was addicted to anti-terrorism. The legend is tireless. Text messages were sent to those who owed money, those who smoked and rubbed hemp, those who didn't drink two bottles of white wine, and those who skipped classes in groups. Long live college life. (Raise your hand and make a fist) Ask for a major, and all of the above will do.

Lao Wang: Yeah. Does this mean that you know nothing about English 4 or English 2?

MM: That's not right. What we are advocating now is quality education. In 2008 China Olympic Games, I couldn't speak English. That's not feasible. Even when taking the bus, the conductor shouted (voice changed) that in order to support the Olympic Games, our car group launched an English popularization activity. It's obviously an English grade certificate. If it is lower than level 4, please change to another car.

Lao Wang: You didn't get off?

I didn't want to get off, but I was driven away. (Expression of disapproval) Ability is much more important than certificate now. To test your English, read this three times in a row. Take out a piece of paper, the secretary shows it to the audience and gives it to Lao Wang. )

Lao Wang: peace _ _ war _ _-find peace _ war _ find peace _ war _ find (the secretary laughs badly, and Lao Wang realizes that he has been cheated and stares at MM). I've never seen a college student as incompetent as you, so I held back (staring away).

MM: That's because you've never seen the world before. I am a top student. I have a classmate who won money for the first time, his eyes were red, his food was tasteless, his limbs were weak, his property was barren, his six relatives were hard to recognize, he was so angry that he was in debt in all directions, and he was mired in the mire for nine times, which was 100% disaster, haha (proud).

Lao Wang: I tell you, I traveled from south to north, ran over my leg on the train track, drank the water from the Yangtze River and the Yellow River, and kissed a fool. The east wind is blowing, and the gongs and drums are loud. Who am I afraid of in heaven and on earth? Don't argue with me about this (cut my clothes and tie). You can go back (close your eyes angrily, MM below).

Secretary: Next.

Num: (Foreign trade is plain, clothes are plain) Hello, manager. My name is Num. I found a job in the city. I have many years of work experience and am very serious and responsible. I hope I can have a chance to prove myself.

Lao Wang: (looking down at your resume) Your resume says that you were fired. Why?

Num: My hometown is poor and backward. There is a saying that dressing depends on spinning, getting rich depends on grabbing, getting married depends on thinking, communication depends on shouting, and public security depends on dogs. After graduating from college, I didn't choose to stay in the county, but went back to my hometown factory and wanted to contribute my strength. But in the company, I was dismissed because of hard work and poor investigation, and was accused of doing my duty, but my official position remained unchanged, just because I opposed buying inferior materials (very emotional, wiping my tears).

Lao Wang: Well (nodding), go back and wait for news. (Xiao politely) This man is very nice, but you can't use him, otherwise I'm afraid you can't escape the tax. Unfortunately (shaking his head and sighing)

Secretary: Next (no response), next (no response), next (high voice) (Nizi dressed up as a country girl, straightened her braids while walking in, and got a little saliva to stroke her short-tempered hair. Lala smiled in the corner, and Lao Wang was a little uncomfortable)

Lao Wang: Give me that glass of water (with an impatient face, legs crossed, fingers of the right hand kept bouncing on the table, and the secretary curled his mouth and went to the water cooler).

Connie: Ah, this office is really magnificent. Looking at the table and the ground, that's a bit strange. (Pointing at the water dispenser, Lao Wang suddenly remembered something. He stood up and blocked the water dispenser until the secretary came back to put down the water. Lao Wang took a sip)

Secretary: Please introduce yourself first.

Nizi: People call me Nizi. I come from Tunhe County, Henan Province. I haven't graduated from junior high school. I have been in the city for half a year. My job is constantly changing. When I saw the recruitment information, I was destined to meet you thousands of miles away. Hehe (laughs) I work hard. (The tone is Chen Jiao, arms crossed, swinging from side to side. ) If that assistant manager fooled me, the village would have a good face. I'm not married (bowing my head and fiddling with my hair)

Lao Wang: (I want to laugh, the secretary laughs) What do you think is your advantage? (sarcastic tone)

Steve: I think I can do it. Our village chief said that I was the most beautiful in our village and had been rubbed. My mother said that I would find a handsome husband in the future. I'm never picky about food. I eat while cooking. For better or worse, I'm full when the meal is ready. Father said I would please the boss (cross my hands and swing from side to side).

Lao Wang: Well, all right, I already know your conditions. Go back and wait for the notice.

Nizi: You must hire me, you must hire me. My mother made me aspire to be zero when I was a child, to make progress every day at the age of one, to have lofty ideals at the age of thirty, to be popular everywhere at the age of forty, to work hard at the age of fifty, to retire at the age of sixty, to play mahjong at the age of seventy, to bask in the sun at the age of eighty, and to lie in bed at the age of ninety with a hundred hanging on the wall. Didn't a celebrity say that a thief was ambitious?

Lao Wang: You are very interesting and simple.

Nizi: But I know everything.

Lao Wang: Oh? What is pride?

Nizi: Niubai

Lao Wang: What is modesty?

Nizi: Pretend.

Lao Wang: What is thrift?

Nizi: Choose.

Lao Wang (winking and nodding) What is dedication?

Nizi: Silly.

Lao Wang (stands up excitedly, and Steve is excited) What is cleverness?

Nizi: Invite me.

(Lao Wang Nizi reaches out and shakes hands at the same time) Finally found a bosom friend.

Secretary: You, you ... (pointing to them)

Lao Wang: (Sit down quickly and pretend to be calm) Just use her. From today, you will be the assistant manager.

Steve: Oh, not yet.

Secretary: But the manager, she …

Lao Wang: I'm the manager. If I say she can do it, he can't. If I say you can't, you can't. Hmm? (Wei Shi)

Nizi: I can't accept it (Lao Wang Nizi smiles at each other)

Lao Wang: Go and get her work clothes (Nizi is looking forward to it, but the work clothes are surprised).

Nizi: What is this?

Secretary: apron

Nizi: Huh? Is this what you use to make work clothes?

Lao Wang: I forgot to tell you, we are recruiting assistant manager of Dashan porridge shop, and there are three employees. I am the manager, he is an accountant and secretary, and you are the assistant manager. You have a lot of authority, and the rest of the right to work belongs to you, haha.

Nizi: It turns out that the most painful thing in this world is not to leave life and death, but to go into a big porridge shop by mistake. Oh, my God!